5 Signs You’re Ignoring Your Emotional Needs
Hey there, beautiful souls! It’s Denise G Lee, your healing and leadership coach. Today, I’m talking about something super important: recognizing when you’re ignoring your emotional needs. This one’s personal for me, and trust me, it’s a game-changer—not just in your personal life, but also for your leadership and business.
So, why should leaders and business owners care? Well, ignoring your emotional needs is like running a marathon in flip-flops. It might work for a while, but sooner or later, you’re going to crash hard. Your emotional well-being is the foundation of everything—decision-making, creativity, and connecting with others. If you’re not in tune with your emotions, it’s like trying to navigate without a compass. You’ll get lost, and your team might follow suit.
Here’s the thing, though: learning to forgive yourself for neglecting your emotions is key. It’s not about beating yourself up. It’s about recognizing what’s happening and making a change. Your future self (and your team) will thank you.
So, let’s get ready to dive into emotional needs! I’ll be your guide, full of bad jokes and questionable dance moves. Let’s go!
Why Recognizing Your Emotional Needs Matter for Leaders and Business Owners
Now, you might be thinking, “That’s all well and good, Denise, but what does this have to do with my business?” Well, let me tell you—ignoring your emotional needs as a leader or business owner is like trying to steer a ship while blindfolded. You might keep things moving for a while, but sooner or later, you’re going to crash into something you never saw coming.
Emotional intelligence isn’t just some feel-good concept—it’s a real, research-backed skill that makes you a better leader.
Research by Isabel Coronado-Maldonadoa and María-Dolores Benítez-Márquezb found that:
- Emotional intelligence is strongly linked to how effective a leader is.
- It can help improve leadership performance, even when accounting for things like intelligence and personality.
- Being good with emotions and social skills is essential for leading well.
- Emotional abilities play a big role in team performance and handling conflicts.
So what does that look like in practice? Let’s discuss how next.
Additional Benefits of Tuning into Emotional Needs
When you’re in tune with your own emotional needs, you’re in a better position to:
Make clearer decisions
Our emotions play a big role in how we think and judge situations. By understanding and addressing your feelings, you can make more thoughtful, balanced choices instead of reacting impulsively.
Build stronger relationships
When you understand your own emotions, it’s easier to relate to others. You can connect with people on a deeper level, which helps create trust and teamwork in both your personal and professional life.
Handle stress better
Being aware of your emotional needs means you can recognize when you’re getting overwhelmed and take action before burnout sets in. You’ll be able to use self-care strategies to keep your mental and emotional health in check.
When we recognize and address our emotional needs, we create new pathways that support emotional health and resilience.
Inspire and motivate others
When you lead with emotional awareness, you create a work environment where people feel heard, supported, and encouraged. That kind of atmosphere motivates everyone to give their best.
Navigate conflicts effectively
Emotional intelligence is key when it comes to handling disagreements. It helps you stay calm, listen actively, and find solutions that work for everyone involved.
And here’s the important part: learning to forgive yourself for neglecting your emotions in the past is a huge step toward becoming a stronger, more emotionally intelligent leader. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about recognizing your emotions, being aware of them, and making better choices moving forward. This is how you grow, not just as a leader, but as a person.
The Science Behind Emotional Needs
Before we jump into the signs, let’s geek out for a moment on the science behind emotional needs. Our brains are wired for connection and emotional regulation. When we ignore our emotional needs, it’s like trying to run a high-performance computer on a potato battery – it just doesn’t compute!
When we ignore our emotional needs, we’re doing more than just pushing aside uncomfortable feelings—we’re rewiring our brains in ways that make it harder to process and regulate emotions later on.
Dr. Daniel Siegel, a clinical professor of psychiatry, puts it simply: “The mind uses the brain to create itself.” This means that our emotional experiences quite literally shape the structure and function of our brain. When we neglect our emotions, we’re training our minds to be less aware, less resilient, and ultimately less capable of meeting life’s challenges.
Neuroscience backs this up. Scientists from Dublin, Ireland studied 37 patients with major depressive disorder. Their research shows that emotional neglect—especially in childhood—changes the brain’s architecture, particularly in areas tied to emotional processing, stress regulation, and memory. For example:
- Hippocampus: A crucial region for memory and emotional regulation, often found to shrink by 4–6% in adults who endured childhood emotional neglect.
- Prefrontal Cortex and Orbitofrontal Cortex: These areas, key to decision-making and emotional control, also show reduced volume.
- Amygdala and Striatum: Involved in fear, reward, and emotional learning, these regions are altered as well, leading to heightened stress sensitivity and diminished emotional flexibility.
These changes aren’t just “in your head”—they’re tangible, measurable alterations in your brain’s gray matter. And they have long-term consequences: poor stress management, difficulty regulating emotions, struggles with memory, and even impaired cognitive functioning.
But here’s the most sobering takeaway: these changes can happen even if we’re outwardly “functioning” in our day-to-day lives. The habit of brushing aside emotions—whether out of fear, shame, or simple lack of awareness—can create patterns of disconnection that limit our potential for healing, growth, and genuine connection.
The Healing Brain
Here’s the good news: Just like the brain can adjust to neglect, it can also rewire with intentional care. By practicing emotional awareness, mindfulness, and compassion, we can rebuild. Healing starts when we stop ignoring the signals our emotions are sending and choose to listen, learn, and respond with grace.
Our brains are incredibly adaptable. This means we can unlearn harmful ideas from the past. When we recognize and address our emotional needs, we create new pathways that support emotional health and resilience. Think of it like giving your brain a spa day—except instead of cucumbers on your eyes, you’re nurturing your emotional well-being.
Now that we’ve covered the science, let’s look at the five signs you might be ignoring your emotional needs. Recognizing them is the first step in forgiving yourself and making positive changes.
Sign #1: You Feel Constantly Overwhelmed or Drained
Picture this: you’re like a smartphone that’s always at 1% battery, desperately searching for an outlet. Sound familiar? If you’re constantly feeling overwhelmed or drained, even after a good night’s sleep, it might be a sign that you’re ignoring your emotional needs.
What It Looks Like:
- You’re exhausted even after restful nights
- Minor challenges feel like climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops
- You find yourself saying, “I just can’t even” more often than you’d like to admit
Why It Happens:
Emotional suppression is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater – it takes a lot of energy! When we ignore our emotional needs, we’re essentially running a marathon without refueling. Our emotional tank runs dry, leaving us feeling drained and overwhelmed.
Dr. Brené Brown, research professor and author, puts it this way: “Exhaustion is not a badge of honor. We cannot serve from an empty vessel.” Preach, Brené!
Action Step:
Try this: set a “feelings alarm” on your phone. When it goes off, take a moment to ask yourself, “What’s one thing I need right now?” It could be a break, a deep breath, or even just acknowledging that you’re feeling overwhelmed. It’s like giving your emotions a little high-five – small, but significant.
Remember, learning to forgive yourself for past neglect is part of the process. You’re not failing; you’re learning and growing.
Sign #2: You Struggle to Identify What You're Feeling
Imagine your emotions are like a box of assorted chocolates, but you’ve lost the little map that tells you what’s inside each one. If you often find yourself saying, “I don’t know how I feel,” or avoiding emotional conversations altogether, you might be struggling with emotional identification.
What It Looks Like:
- You say “I’m fine” more often than a character in a soap opera
- Emotional conversations make you want to hide under the nearest rock
- You have a easier time choosing what to watch on Netflix than identifying your feelings
Why It Happens:
Over time, dismissing your emotions can disconnect you from them. It’s like putting your feelings on “mute” for so long that you forget how to turn the volume back up.
Dr. Marc Brackett, founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, explains: “Emotional intelligence is not about being nice all the time. It’s about being honest about how you feel.”
Action Step:
Start a simple journaling practice. Each night, write down three emotions you felt that day and what triggered them. It’s like creating a personal emotional dictionary. Over time, this builds emotional awareness and helps you learn to forgive yourself for past emotional neglect.
Pro tip: If you’re struggling to name emotions, check out the “Feelings Wheel” online. It’s like a color wheel, but for feelings!
Sign #3: You're Always Putting Others First
Are you the person who always says “yes” to helping others, even when your own to-do list is longer than a CVS receipt? If you constantly put others’ needs before your own, it might be a sign you’re ignoring your emotional needs.
What It Looks Like:
- Your calendar looks like a game of Tetris, with no blank spaces
- You’ve perfected the art of the fake smile while saying, “No problem, I’d love to help!”
- The word “no” feels like a foreign language
Why It Happens:
People-pleasing or guilt may drive this pattern, leaving you emotionally drained. It’s like being a superhero without ever taking off your cape – eventually, you’re going to get tangled up in it.
Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, therapist and author, says, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” Mic drop, Nedra!
Action Step:
Practice saying “Let me get back to you” instead of committing right away. This gives you time to assess your true capacity and emotional needs. It’s like giving yourself a time-out, but in a good way.
Remember, learning to forgive yourself for past people-pleasing is part of setting healthy boundaries. You’re not being selfish; you’re being self-aware.
Sign #4: You Rely on Distractions to Cope
If your go-to move when feelings arise is to bury yourself in work, social media, or mindless scrolling, you might be using distractions to avoid your emotions. It’s like playing emotional whack-a-mole – you keep bopping those feelings down, but they just keep popping up!
What It Looks Like:
- Your screen time report makes you want to throw your phone into the nearest body of water
- You know more about celebrity drama than your own emotional state
- Silence feels more uncomfortable than wearing jeans to bed
Why It Happens:
Distractions feel safer than facing discomfort or pain. It’s like putting a Band-Aid on a broken arm – it might cover up the problem, but it’s not actually helping.
Dr. Gabor Maté, expert on addiction and trauma, explains: “The attempt to escape from pain, is what creates more pain.” Deep, right?
Action Step:
Set a timer for 10 minutes of intentional quiet time each day. Use this time to sit with your thoughts without judgment. It’s like giving your emotions a little spa day – let them bubble up and just observe them.
Learning to forgive yourself for past avoidance is part of the healing process. You’re not running away anymore; you’re bravely facing your emotions head-on.
Sign #5: You Feel Resentful or Unappreciated
If you find yourself with a constant case of the grumps, feeling unappreciated by everyone from your boss to your houseplant, it might be a sign you’re ignoring your emotional needs.What It Looks Like:
- You’ve perfected the art of the passive-aggressive sigh
- Your internal monologue sounds like a grumpy cat meme
- You feel like you’re doing everything for everyone, but no one notices
Why It Happens:
Neglecting your needs can lead to unmet expectations and resentment. It’s like constantly giving out pieces of your emotional pie without ever baking a new one – eventually, you’re left with nothing but crumbs and frustration.Dr. John Gottman, relationship expert, says, “Resentment is the cancer of relationships.” Yikes, but true!
Action Step:
Have an honest conversation with someone you trust. Share one thing you’ve been feeling and what you need moving forward. It’s like cleaning out your emotional closet – scary at first, but so refreshing once it’s done.
Remember, learning to forgive yourself for past resentment is part of the healing process. You’re not a bad person for having these feelings; you’re human. The image below sums up my signs and tips. Next, I will share my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
Alright, my emotional explorers, we’ve journeyed through the land of ignored feelings and come out the other side. Remember, recognizing these signs is just the beginning. The real magic happens when you start taking action to address your emotional needs.
Healing isn’t a destination; it’s a journey. And let me tell you, it’s a journey worth taking. By learning to forgive yourself for past emotional neglect and actively addressing your needs, you’re not just improving your own life – you’re becoming a better leader, partner, friend, and human being.
So, what’s next? Well, if you’re ready to dive deeper into this work, I’d love to be your guide. As a healing and leadership coach, I’m all about helping you unlock your emotional superpowers. Check out my courses page more resources and information on how we can work together.
And hey, if you’re loving this emotional rollercoaster, why not tune into my podcast? It’s like this article, but with more of my questionable jokes and occasional impromptu dance breaks (which, thankfully, you can’t see).
Lastly, I want to hear from you! What resonated with you in this article? What’s one emotional need you’ve been ignoring? Share your thoughts with me using this link. Your story matters, and who knows? It might just inspire someone else on their healing journey.
Remember, you’ve got this. And even when you don’t feel like you’ve got this, I’ve got you. Now go forth and feel those feelings, you emotional warrior, you!
