Before You File for Divorce: What You Need to Know
Before we get into the important topic of filing for divorce, let me introduce myself. My name is Denise G Lee, and I’m a healing and leadership coach. I help leaders and business owners deal with personal and work challenges.
Whether you run a business or lead a team, your personal life can greatly affect your work. That’s why I want to discuss a topic that might be on your mind: divorce.
This article is important because divorce is a major decision that can impact many areas of your life, including your business. This is why many people stay in unhappy marriages. Additionally, it’s a topic that requires careful consideration, especially if you’re in a leadership position. We’ll explore what you should know before filing for divorce, why this issue matters, and how to approach it with clarity.
First, let’s talk about how divorce may impact both your mental health and your life.
Understanding the Impact of Divorce
Divorce is more than just a legal process—it’s a major life change. For business owners and leaders, the stakes can be even higher. Your focus, energy, and resources are crucial to your business, and a divorce can pull you in many directions, making it hard to focus on what matters.
Divorce can also be emotionally draining, leading to stress and anxiety that can affect your ability to make decisions.
A study in BMC Public Health looked at how mental health problems affect divorce over 16 years. They found that when one partner in a couple has mental health issues, the couple is much more likely to get divorced compared to couples where neither partner has these problems.
This shows that mental health can have a big impact on how long marriages last. The study watched couples for a long time – 16 years – which means the effect of mental health on marriage isn’t just short-term, but can influence relationships for many years.
Impact on Decision Making
High stress, like the kind experienced during a divorce, can hurt how well you think and make decisions. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that long-term stress can shrink the part of the brain that helps with decision-making and controlling impulses.
This is why it’s important to understand the emotional and psychological sides of divorce as much as knowing the legal steps. That said, let’s discuss why deciding to end your marriage might be a good decision.
When Divorce Might Be a Good Decision
Mental Health
Sometimes, divorce is necessary for personal growth and well-being. For instance, if your marriage involves serious issues like emotional or physical abuse, addiction, or repeated cheating, divorce might be the healthiest choice. Read this article for more signs that you need to improve your mental health.
That being said, staying in such an emotionally volatile marriage can cause long-term emotional harm and prevent personal and professional growth. For business owners, being in a toxic marriage can also affect your work.
Work Productivity
Constant stress and conflict at home can drain your energy and focus, making it hard to manage your business well. According to the American Institute of Stress, relationship problems are a major cause of work stress, which can lead to lower productivity and more missed days. In fact, job stress is estimated to cost the US industry more than $300 billion in losses due to absenteeism, diminished productivity, and accidents.
In these situations, divorce might help you regain control of your life and refocus on your professional goals.
Time Created Too Many Differences
Divorce might also be a good choice if you and your partner have grown apart and no longer share the same values, goals, or interests. Staying together in such cases might lead to a stagnant and unfulfilling relationship. Also, breaking apart may help one or both partners heal from past unresolved traumas. Divorce can give both partners a chance to pursue a more satisfying life, both personally and professionally.
So, we’ve just talked about three reasons why divorce may be a good choice. Now, let’s discuss some reasons why getting divorced might not be such a great idea.
When Divorce Might Be a Bad Decision
On the flip side, there are times when divorce might not be the best choice. For example, if you’re thinking about divorce because of temporary feelings like anger or frustration, it’s important to take a step back and reconsider. Strong emotions can cloud your judgment and lead to decisions you might regret later.
If your marriage problems are due to miscommunication, unmet expectations, or lack of effort, these issues might be fixable through counseling or honest talks. In these cases, divorce could be a hasty decision that you might regret later.
Check out this article I wrote on how to talk better with your partner. You might also think about marriage counseling or therapy for at least six months to a year to help fix your relationship. Your problems probably started a long time ago, so it will take time and effort to make things better.
For business owners, rushing into divorce can also have serious financial effects. Dividing assets, especially if your business is involved, can be complicated and expensive. If you’re not careful, you could lose a significant part of your business or face financial instability.
Now, if you’ve read all of this and are still thinking, “I need to end this,” I understand. But let’s pump the brakes and consider the costs of this decision. In the next section, we’ll discuss the emotional costs that come with divorce.
Emotional Preparation: Are You Ready?
Before you file for divorce, it’s important to be ready for what’s coming. Divorce isn’t just about ending a marriage; it’s a big life change. This can bring up feelings like sadness, loss, anger, and even relief. These emotions might make it hard to think clearly and make good decisions.
In this section, we’ll discuss how to process your feelings, where to find support, and how to prepare for the reactions of those closest to you.
Assess Your Feelings
Take some time to reflect on your feelings and reasons for wanting a divorce. Are you sure it’s the right choice? Research from the National Center for Family & Marriage Research shows that about half of people who get divorced later regret it, saying they didn’t try hard enough to fix the marriage or didn’t consider the impact on their kids.
Have you tried all possible ways to fix things? It’s important to be sure about your decision before filing for divorce. Sometimes, what feels like a need for divorce might actually be a call for counseling or a different approach to solving marriage problems.
Seek Support
Think about talking to a therapist or counselor to help you handle your emotions. They can offer valuable advice as you go through this tough time. A professional can help you sort through your feelings and decide if divorce is truly the best option for you. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Prepare for Reactions
Consider how your spouse, family, and friends might react when you file for divorce. Being prepared for different responses can help you handle difficult conversations. Not everyone will understand or agree with your decision, and that’s okay. What matters is that you’re making the best choice for yourself and your future.
Financial Considerations: Setting the Stage for Stability
Divorce can have significant financial effects, so it’s essential to get your finances in order before you file for divorce. A study from the Institute for Family Studies found that divorce can cut a person’s wealth by 77% on average. For business owners, it can be even worse because business assets might need to be divided.
As a business owner or leader, your financial health is closely tied to your professional success. Understanding your financial situation is key to making informed decisions during the divorce process.
Gather Financial Documents
Collect all important financial documents, like tax returns, bank statements, investment accounts, and property deeds. This will help you understand your financial situation clearly. Keeping these documents organized will not only help you see where you stand but also help your lawyer provide the right advice.
Assess Joint Finances
Look at any shared accounts or debts you have with your spouse. Think about how these will be divided and make plans accordingly. You may want to close joint accounts or separate your finances to avoid problems during the divorce. Knowing your shared financial responsibilities will help you negotiate a fair deal.
Create a Budget
Make a budget for after the divorce to understand how your finances may change. This will help you make smart choices during the divorce process. A good budget will also give you a clearer idea of your financial future.
Now is the time to think about how your income, expenses, and lifestyle will be affected once you’re living on a single income. This is especially important for women.
For business owners and leaders, knowing the potential financial risks of divorce can help you take steps to protect your assets, like getting legal advice early and considering prenuptial or postnuptial agreements.
High-Cost Divorce Settlements: Learning from Real-Life Examples
Divorce can be an expensive process, especially for high-net-worth individuals or business owners. The average cost of a divorce in the U.S. is about $15,000 per person, including legal fees and court costs. But for wealthy people or those with business assets, it can easily cost millions. Understanding the potential financial impact is crucial for making informed decisions.
Let’s look at some high cost divorce examples.
Example 1: Jeff Bezos and MacKenzie Scott
One of the most well-known expensive divorces was between Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and his ex-wife, MacKenzie Scott. In their divorce, Scott received 25% of their Amazon stock, which was worth about $38 billion at the time. This settlement made Scott one of the wealthiest women in the world and highlighted the challenges that arise when large assets, like business shares, are involved.
For business owners, this example shows the importance of understanding your financial situation and how divorce can impact your business. It also points to the value of prenuptial or postnuptial agreements to protect business assets.
Example 2: Bill and Melinda Gates
The exact financial terms of Bill and Melinda Gates’ divorce settlement were not made public, but some sources estimate that Melinda French Gates may have received around $76 billion.
These cases show that divorce settlements can involve huge amounts of money, especially when there are long-term marriages and significant assets.
For business owners and leaders, knowing the potential financial risks of divorce can help you take steps to protect your assets, like getting legal advice early and considering prenuptial or postnuptial agreements.
Using just any lawyer won't work. I don’t care if they’re recommended by your Aunt Annie. Find a lawyer who has experience with divorces involving business owners and can give you specific advice on how to protect your business and personal assets.
Legal Preparation: Know Your Rights
Before filing for divorce, it’s important to understand the legal side of things. Consider things like the reasons for divorce, how long you need to live in the state before filing, and whether you’ll have a contested or uncontested divorce. This section will cover specific ideas to think about.
Learn about Divorce Laws
Find out about the divorce laws in your state. Every state has its own rules and steps for getting a divorce. Knowing these laws will help you understand your rights and what to expect. This is especially important if you own a business, as it might be seen as a shared asset that could be divided.
Talk to an Attorney
Think about meeting with a divorce lawyer to learn about your rights and options. Using just any lawyer won’t work. I don’t care if they’re recommended by your Aunt Annie. Find a lawyer who has experience with divorces involving business owners and can give you specific advice on how to protect your business and personal assets.
Understand Child Custody Laws
If you have children, learn about child custody laws in your state and consider how you want to handle custody arrangements before filing for divorce. Custody decisions can be one of the hardest parts of a divorce, so it’s important to think about what’s best for your children and how to work with your spouse to make this change as easy as possible for them.
If you’ve tried to fix your problems without success or if your partner wants to end things, here are some tips to help make the divorce process easier.
Practical Considerations: Navigating the Day-to-Day
There are several practical matters to think about before you file for divorce. These everyday concerns can greatly affect your quality of life during and after the divorce process.
Living Arrangements
Decide where you’ll live during and after the divorce. Will you stay in the family home, or do you need to find a new place? This choice can affect your money, your emotions, and your children’s stability. It’s important to think about what will work best for everyone.
Childcare Plans
If you have children, think about how their daily routines might change. Plan for childcare and school needs. Preparing in advance can help make the transition easier for both you and your children.
Work Considerations
Think about how the divorce might affect your business. You might need to take time off for court or meetings with lawyers. Balancing work and the demands of a divorce can be tough, so it’s a good idea to talk with your employer or team about what’s happening.
Communication and Co-Parenting: Putting Your Children First
If you have children, planning for effective communication and co-parenting is crucial. Your ability to co-parent effectively can greatly impact your children’s well-being during and after the divorce.
Develop a Co-Parenting Plan
Before filing for divorce, think about how you and your spouse will share parenting duties. Studies show that good co-parenting can lower the stress kids feel during a divorce, leading to better outcomes for both parents and children.
Consider making an initial parenting plan that outlines how you will share responsibilities, communicate about your children, and make decisions together. A good co-parenting plan can help reduce conflict and create stability for your children.
Focus on Your Children’s Needs
Put your children’s needs first. Plan how you will talk to them about the changes and support them through the process. Divorce is hard for everyone, but by focusing on your children’s needs, you can help them adjust more easily
Self-Care and Personal Growth: Moving Forward with Strength
Taking care of yourself is essential during this tough time. Divorce can be emotionally and physically draining, so it’s important to focus on self-care and personal growth.
Maintain Your Health
Put your physical and mental health first. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, and enough sleep can help you cope with stress. Taking care of your health will give you the energy and resilience you need to navigate the divorce process.
Set Personal Goals
Think about what you want your life to look like after divorce. This is where you learn to trust yourself. Setting personal and professional goals can give you a sense of direction. Whether it’s pursuing a new hobby, advancing your career, or focusing on your well-being, having goals will help you move forward with purpose and confidence.
Also, this is a great time to improve your work/life balance. Your divorce might be a wake-up call that you’ve invested too much energy in your business and not enough in your personal goals.
I hope the advice in this article has helped you prepare for life after divorce. The image below summarizes my tips. Next, I’ll share my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
Filing for divorce is a big decision that needs careful thought about your emotions, finances, legal matters, and practical issues. By preparing in these areas before you file, you can make the process smoother and set yourself up for a better life afterward. Remember, it’s okay to take your time with this decision and get professional help if you need it. Your future self will thank you for the careful planning you do now.
If you need support during this tough time, I’d be happy to help. As an executive life coach, I understand the unique challenges that leaders and business owners face during a divorce. Together, we can make a plan to manage both your personal and professional life.
Have you recently divorced or are you planning to divorce? I’d love to hear how it’s impacted your business. Feel free to share your experience with me using this link.
Also, check out my podcast, where I discuss topics like this and offer advice to help you succeed in all areas of your life.
