When Criticism Hits Deeper Than It Should
- Updated: June 16, 2025
You’ve got a team. An assistant. A business that’s actually working.
You’re not trolling Reddit threads or clapping back in comments.
But somehow, you just got wind of a petty remark—a jab from a past client you barely remember.
And here you are. Fuming. Spinning.
Replaying the imaginary comeback you’ll never say.
You know it’s beneath you. You know your energy is better spent elsewhere.
But your chest is tight. Your jaw is clenched. And part of you wants blood—or at least a damn apology.
This isn’t about “how to handle online trolls.”
This is about why visibility still feels personal.
Why a single comment can unravel your peace—even when you’re the one holding the power now.
Let’s talk about that.
🔎 Visibility Feels Like Exposure
People assume success makes you bulletproof.
You’ve got the email list. The client roster. The speaking invites.
On paper, you’re no longer hustling for approval.
But here’s the truth no one talks about:
The more visible you become, the more exposed you feel.
Not because you’re weak.
But because your nervous system remembers the times when being seen meant being picked apart, punished, or abandoned.
That old survival script doesn’t disappear just because you’re leading now.
It mutates.
Instead of bracing for the teacher to call you out,
you’re bracing for the “constructive feedback” in a testimonial request.
Instead of worrying about being liked,
you’re worried about what that one follower screenshot and misinterpreted.
You can have all the power—and still feel triggered by a whisper of disapproval.
That’s not immaturity.
That’s unprocessed harm meeting present-day performance.
And until you name it, you’ll keep interpreting your reaction as a flaw…
when really, it’s a signal:
Your visibility is outpacing your nervous system’s readiness.
🧠 Not All Criticism Deserves a Response
Let’s start with this truth:
Silence isn’t weakness. It’s regulation.
Responding to everything just because you can isn’t leadership—it’s reactivity dressed up as vigilance.
You don’t owe your energy to every projection that finds its way to your inbox.
But discernment is hard when your body feels under attack.
So here’s a simple lens to check before you engage:
🧩 1. What’s the intent—connection or control?
Some feedback is a genuine attempt to engage.
But some? It’s bait.
Passive-aggressive jabs. Disguised insults. Backhanded “suggestions.”
If the tone feels like a performance, not a question—walk away.
You’re not obligated to enter every play someone scripts for you.
🔥 2. What’s your nervous system doing right now?
Before you craft that “measured response,” pause.
Are you actually grounded?
Or are you trying to win back control—prove your worth, reclaim your image, silence the discomfort?
If your chest is tight and your jaw is locked, it’s not time to respond.
It’s time to regulate.
⏳ 3. What will still matter in 3 weeks?
This is your executive filter.
Not every moment deserves escalation.
You’re building something lasting—don’t let your energy get hijacked by the petty.
If it’s not a legal issue, brand risk, or strategic concern?
Let them talk. You’ve got legacy to build.
You can be discerning without being dismissive.
You can hold your power without performing it.
The goal isn’t to appear unbothered.
It’s to actually be unbothered.
💥 When It Still Hurts (Even If You Know Better)
You’ve done the work.
You’ve read the books. Sat through the therapy. Built the damn business.
You know you’re not supposed to take it personally.
You know their projection doesn’t define you.
You know not every criticism is a threat.
And yet… your stomach drops.
Your mind replays the comment.
You imagine what they’re saying in some private group chat you’ll never see.
That’s not failure.
That’s a nervous system flare-up—a survival pattern flinching in the presence of exposure.
Because for many high performers, visibility isn’t just a growth metric.
It’s a reenactment.
Of being misjudged in childhood.
Of being picked apart in toxic workplaces.
Of speaking up and being punished for it.
Your body doesn’t know the difference between a client snub and a parent’s disapproval.
It just knows: “I’m being seen—and that has never felt safe.”
So here’s the work:
Instead of asking:
“Why am I still upset?”
Ask:
“What story is this poking at?”
Is it the story that you’re too much?
That you always get it wrong?
That if one person sees a flaw, it must be true?
Name the real trigger. Then respond to that—not the comment.
Because when you keep arguing with the symptom, you stay trapped in the cycle.
But when you address the wound, the comment becomes just that: a comment.
Not a mirror. Not a prophecy. Not a collapse.
🧘🏾♀️ Try This: Somatic Practice for Releasing Online Criticism
When your nervous system gets hijacked by someone’s comment, try this 90-second reset:
Name the feeling aloud.
“I feel dismissed.” “I feel judged.” “I feel exposed.”
Don’t intellectualize it—just name it.Put your hand on your chest or belly.
Feel the rise and fall. Breathe slowly into that space.Say to yourself:
“This is a moment of emotional heat.
I can feel it, hold it, and let it move through me.”Move.
Shake out your hands. Stretch your jaw. Roll your shoulders.
Let your body signal: This isn’t a trap. I can move through this.
Use this before any response—or as the response.
🙋🏾♀️ FAQ: But What If It’s Still Bothering Me?
Q: I know I shouldn’t care—but I do. How do I stop spiraling?
You’re not weak. You’re emotionally tender in a system that rewards toughness.
Instead of shaming your response, tend to it.
Ask: What does this part of me need to hear right now?
Often, the answer isn’t logic—it’s safety.
Q: Should I ever respond publicly?
If the situation threatens your safety, brand, or legal standing—yes.
But most of the time? You’re not correcting them—you’re chasing emotional closure.
And you won’t get it.
If you respond, do it from clarity, not contamination.
Q: What if it’s someone from my past?
That’s not about online feedback.
That’s about unfinished emotional business.
Criticism from old teachers, clients, or colleagues can feel like a reckoning.
But it’s not.
You’ve changed. Let your response reflect who you are now—not who they last knew.
🧭 Final Section: Let Them Talk. You’ve Got Work to Do.
Criticism will always come—especially when your voice cuts through the noise.
But not every comment deserves contemplation.
Not every projection deserves a response.
And not every misread deserves your inner collapse.
You don’t need to prove your heart is in the right place.
You don’t need to re-educate every confused stranger.
And you definitely don’t need to abandon your emotional peace to win the internet’s approval.
Let them talk.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them spin their stories.
You’ve got healing to protect. A business to run. A legacy to build.
That’s where your energy belongs.
Ready to Go Deeper?
If you’re tired of reacting—and ready to reclaim your peace without losing your power—I’d be honored to walk with you.
💛 Work with me, Denise G. Lee – Let’s untangle the triggers, the stories, and the survival patterns that keep you overthinking and under-responding.
👉 Explore working together
🎙️ Want more unfiltered support?
Check out my podcast for real conversations on emotional leadership, trauma, and showing up with truth in a public world.
👉 Introverted Entrepreneur – wherever you stream
💌 Want to respond to this post?
I’d love to hear what it stirred in you.
👉 Write me a note
And remember:
Being a leader doesn’t mean being unaffected.
It means learning when to pause, when to release,
and when to walk away with your power intact.
That’s not avoidance.
That’s mastery.
