Dysfunctional Family Dynamics: How They Affect Your Business
Hey there, fellow business owners! If you’re reading this article, you’re probably knee-deep in the whirlwind of entrepreneurship. But hold on tight, because we’re about to take a detour into a topic that might just change the way you see things: dysfunctional family dynamics.
Now, as a healing and leadership coach specializing in supporting folks just like you, I’ve seen how our family backgrounds can cast a long shadow over our professional lives.
In this article, we’re peeling back the layers to explore the impact of dysfunctional family units, from those clingy, enmeshed families to the ones where emotional detachment is the name of the game.
Trust me, shining a light on these dynamics can unlock a whole new level of understanding, helping you break free from those pesky patterns that might be holding you back — both in your personal life and in the business world. First, let’s talk about the different types of dysfunctional family units.
Understanding a Dysfunctional Family Unit
Before we define dysfunction, I got a pop-culture question to ask you.
Do you have a favorite dysfunctional TV family?
Could it be:
- The Bundy family in the TV show ‘Married with Children’
- The Simpson family in the cartoon ‘The Simpsons’
- The Bluths from Arrested Development
- Roseanne, later rebranded as ‘The Conners’
For me, I really enjoyed watching ‘Malcolm in the Middle’. It was a moment where I could laugh at the antics of each person, and for a moment, I thought, ‘Now there is a dysfunctional family!’ Even the main character, Malcolm, tried to act like he was the only sane and normal person, but he had insecurities and fears that caused chaos in their family.
The point I am making is that there it is not necessarily one specific type of behavior that characterizes dysfunction. Each is confusing and weird all in their own unique way. Next, we will discuss the different types of dysfunctional family dynamics.
Different Types of Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
We’ve got seven main types of dysfunction. They are either:
- enmeshed/codependent,
- chaotic,
- perfectionist,
- abusive,
- neglectful, or
- overprotective.
It’s like a dysfunctional family buffet!
Now, to really drive the point home, in the next section I will paint what dysfunction looks like with some made-up family examples.
But before you read the list, understand these three big ideas:
Idea #1: There Is No One-Size-Fits-All Definition of a Dysfunctional Family
You see, dysfunctional family units come in all shapes and sizes, each with its own set of challenges. Take, for instance, the family with a member struggling with addiction. When they’re deep in the throes of their addiction, the family might slip into codependency mode, desperately trying to fix things. But when things calm down, it’s back to the neglectful routine.
Not every family fits neatly into just one dysfunctional category. Nope, sometimes you get a mishmash of dysfunction all wrapped up into one chaotic package.
Idea #2: There Is No Such Thing as a “Good” Dysfunction
Some folks might say there’s such a thing as a “good dysfunctional family.” They think that dealing with tough stuff can make you stronger or bring out special qualities. But let’s be real: the problems in dysfunctional families often come with a lot of pain. They can leave deep scars and make it hard for people to get along or feel okay.
Sure, going through tough times can sometimes help us grow. But usually, we need some outside help—like talking to someone or getting therapy—to get through it. Thinking that just suffering on our own will make us better ignores how hard and complicated life can be.
Idea #3: Family dysfunction is often intergenerational
Yup, crazy can and will invade a family causing intergenerational pain. Yep, your parents and their parents may have been playing out similar dysfunctional dramas in their own childhood homes. It’s like dysfunction passing down through the family tree, leaving a trail of chaos in its wake. Each family member doesn’t know how to be nice to one another because they haven’t learned how to communicate it via words or actions.
For example, a study by Kerr and Bowen (1988) highlights how unresolved issues from one generation can manifest in the behavior and relationships of subsequent generations, perpetuating a cycle of dysfunction. You learn more about the Bown Family Systems Theory here.
In the next section, we will talk about how each type of dysfunction behaves within a family unit.
Seven Types of Dysfunctional Family Units
Family dynamics can shape who we are in profound ways. In this exploration, we’ll dive into seven types of dysfunctional families, each with its own unique struggles. From the overbearing control of enmeshed families to the silence found in neglectful ones, these family structures can leave deep marks on our lives.
We’ll meet the Harrisons, the Bakers, the Carters, and others, seeing how their experiences reflect the challenges many face. Whether it’s a constant battle for approval, a lack of communication, or overwhelming pressure, these families highlight the many ways dysfunction can show up. Let’s uncover how these patterns affect us as we grow and navigate the world.
1. Enmeshed or Codependent Families
Imagine a family where one person, usually a parent, controls how everyone feels and acts. They avoid arguments to make everything seem peaceful, even if it means others can’t do what they want.
Getting out of this situation can be really hard, like trying to break free from invisible chains. People in these families always feel like they’re being pulled in different directions, trying to figure out what they really believe, what others want, and what they’ve been told in the past.
The Harrison Family
This is a great time to introduce to you the Harrisons. In their household, it’s all about Mom. She’s the glue that holds everything together, or so it seems.
Dad and the kids tiptoe around her, afraid to rock the boat. Conflict? Nah, they sweep that under the rug like it’s going out of style.
The Harrisons are all about maintaining that picture-perfect facade of harmony, even if it means sacrificing their own wants and needs.
Breaking free from this tangled web of control? Well, it’s like trying to wriggle out of a straightjacket.
Each family member finds themselves trapped in a never-ending tug-of-war between their own beliefs, what Mom says is right, and those pesky voices from the past that just won’t quit.
2. Disengaged or Detached Families
Meanwhile, there are some families that don’t talk much and keep their feelings to themselves. In these disengaged or detached families, the lack of communication makes people feel alone and as if they don’t have anyone to lean on.
When you grow up in a disengaged family, not having your family support can make you feel really down and start doubting yourself and what you can do.
The Barker Family
Now let’s swing by the Bakers’. It’s like they’re ships passing in the night over there. Mom’s busy with her career, Dad’s off doing who knows what, and the kids? Well, they might as well be living on different planets.
Communication? What’s that? In the Barker household, it’s all about flying solo. As the kids grow up, that lack of familial connection hits them like a ton of bricks.
With no one to lean on or support them, they start to doubt their own abilities and wonder if they’re just drifting aimlessly through life.
3. Chaotic Families
Picture a family marked by constant turmoil, influenced by substance abuse, mental health issues, or unstable relationships.
The Carter Family
That perfectly describes the Carter family. Hold onto your hats, folks, because it’s a rollercoaster ride over at their place.
Substance abuse? Check.
Mental health issues? You betcha.
Unstable relationships? Like you wouldn’t believe.
The kids in the Carter household grow up in a whirlwind of chaos and uncertainty. One day it’s all sunshine and rainbows, the next it’s like a storm cloud has settled over the house. Living in such instability, it’s no wonder they struggle with feelings of insecurity and uncertainty, even as they try to navigate their professional lives.
4. Perfectionist Families
While the chaotic family has no problem letting it all hang out, the perfectionist family is desperately trying to keep it all together. To everyone, they show smiles and perfection.
Perhaps even at home, it’s taboo for anyone to express anything but gratitude and happiness. Unfortunately, all that ‘perfection’ comes at the expense of their health and well-being.
The Johnson Family
Picture a household where success isn’t just celebrated—it’s expected. Meet the Johnsons, a family where achievement is everything. Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, both high-flyers in their careers, set the bar sky-high for their kids.
Now, take their daughter Sarah. From the get-go, she’s been on a mission to meet her parents’ towering expectations.
Top grades, check.
Extracurricular activities, check.
But no matter how hard she works, there’s always this nagging feeling that it’s not enough. It’s like she’s constantly chasing a finish line that keeps moving further away.
As Sarah grows up, the pressure starts to weigh her down. It’s like she’s suffocating under the weight of perfection.
She can’t even enjoy her successes because there’s always that voice in her head saying, “You could have done better.” It’s a never-ending cycle of striving for the unattainable, and Sarah’s stuck right in the middle of it.
For every go-getting, take-charge leader in a family, there are family members who are constantly being misused, disregarded, and dismissed for the crime of having a different agenda than theirs.
5. Abusive Families
The Martinez Family
Now, let’s shine a light on the Martinez family. The head of the family, Mr. Martinez, is successful. He has multiple businesses, a sizable net worth, and is the envy within his community.
But behind closed doors, it’s a whole different story. Mr. Martinez, with his explosive temper, turns their home into a war zone. Verbal attacks, physical violence—it’s like walking on eggshells every single day.
For every go-getting, take-charge leader in a family, there are family members who are constantly being misused, disregarded, and dismissed for the crime of having a different agenda than theirs.
Imagine being Maria, their youngest daughter. She’s grown up dodging her father’s anger, never knowing when the next blow-up will happen. It’s like living in a constant state of fear, never feeling safe in her own home.
And as Maria gets older, those scars run deeper.
Trust? Forget about it.
Healthy relationships? Yeah, right.
She’s carrying around this baggage from her childhood, and no matter how hard she tries to shake it off, it’s always there, weighing her down.
All she wants to do is work, work, and work, never understanding how workaholism is connected to her past painful experiences with her father.
6. Neglectful Families
At least in the abusive family, there is some attention—albeit hostile and negative—but what if you are ignored? And when you are brave enough to ask for attention, you are easily dismissed or brushed aside? This is what happens in a neglectful family. Certain family members are only allowed to be seen but not heard. In some cases, they are even told to make themselves invisible.
The Thomspon Family
Now, let’s take a peek into the Thompson household. Here, it’s not about explosions or shouting matches. It’s more like…silence. Mr. and Mrs. Thompson are there, physically at least, but emotionally? Not so much.
Enter Tim, their youngest son. He’s growing up feeling like he’s invisible, like nobody really sees him. His parents are too wrapped up in their own stuff to notice that he’s struggling. So, Tim learns to navigate the ups and downs of life all by himself.
But as he grows older, those feelings of neglect don’t just disappear. They stick around like a shadow, clouding Tim’s sense of self-worth. It’s like he’s always searching for something that he can’t quite find—a sense of belonging, a feeling of being truly seen and heard.
7. Overprotective Families
The overprotective family is like the opposite of the neglectful family. In this kind of family, you get a lot of attention, maybe too much sometimes!
Think about a family where parents are overly cautious and always trying to protect their kids. They wrap them in layers of protection, making sure they never even come close to anything risky or uncomfortable.
Every move the kids make is watched closely, every choice they make is questioned, and any possible danger is taken care of before it even happens. While the parents mean well and just want to keep their kids safe, their constant hovering can end up stifling their independence and ability to learn and grow.
The Smith Family
Let’s look at the Smith family, for example. Mr. and Mrs. Smith worry a lot about the dangers of the world outside. They carefully plan out every part of their child’s life, from who he hangs out with to what job he should have. Their son feels like he’s wrapped up in a protective bubble.
At first, it feels nice to be so looked after. But as he gets older, he starts to feel trapped and wants more freedom. He realizes that because his parents were so overprotective, he’s not ready to handle the tough parts of life.
So, regardless of whether your childhood family was chaotic, disengaged, perfectionist, enmeshed, overprotective, abusive, or neglectful, some level of damage was caused to your mind, body, or soul. In the next section, we will discuss how the past influences your present.
The pains of the past have a way of corroding the pleasures of the present if left untreated.
How the Past Influences Your Present
Did you have a chance to read through type of dysfunctional family unit? If so, which type or types units can you most connect with? Maybe you don’t identify with any of these types. If so, that is okay too! As we gain more clarity about ourselves, our perspective on the past will also shift in time.
Often times, I talk with clients and they say, ‘Hey Denise! My family wasn’t overtly chaotic, codependent, or neglectful. How can they be dysfunctional?’ There are some important things you need to know:
Beyond the Obvious: Understanding the Shades of Family Dysfunction
For example, when we think of abuse, we tend to think of the most extreme, egregious examples like being starved or hit; that is obvious. But nobody thinks of softer forms of abuse, like a child being seduced using guilt to act as a translator or being made to work a part-time job to pay the household bills.
Just because you think it was normal doesn’t mean it was normal
For us to survive as children in a dysfunctional environment, we tell ourselves all sorts of things to rationalize the inexcusable. I remember one client told me that it was ‘normal’ for her mother to pass out on the couch and be unresponsive after drinking binges on Friday nights. His family didn’t have the tools nor understanding of alcoholism, so they accepted that mom was always ‘tired.’
The point of this article is that no matter how you were raised or what you did or didn’t receive, your childhood impacted you in huge ways as an adult. The pains of the past have a way of corroding the pleasures of the present if left untreated.
The image below describes the different types of dysfunctional family units we discussed in this article. Next, I will share my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
When you are able to understand patterns from your past and see how they may lead you to have unhealthy thoughts, resulting in counterproductive behavior, you are more prepared to tackle your tasks with a positive attitude while still staying connected to your present reality.
Since there is so much nuance to this subject of dysfunctional family units, I cannot describe all the ways you can combat your old childhood programming. But I will say that a huge part of the work is being present with your feelings and understanding how your family has influenced you then and now.
If you are interested in learning more about how your family influenced you, I would encourage you to contact me. Dig deeper: here is a link to an episode from my podcast that may help you.
