You’re Being Emotionally Abused—and It’s Wrecking Your Business
- Updated: May 1, 2025
You’re Being Emotionally Abused—and It’s Wrecking Your Business
It doesn’t always look like yelling.
Or threats.
Or slamming doors.
Sometimes, emotional abuse looks like you explaining yourself over and over again.
Second-guessing your pricing.
Saying “yes” to things that make you feel sick.
Holding your breath through another team call, hoping no one pushes back.
If you’re a business owner, chances are you’ve already learned how to absorb conflict without flinching—because the abuse isn’t loud. It’s subtle. Draining. And disturbingly familiar.
And all this energy shows up in subtly, yet damaging ways.
From the way you tolerate manipulation because someone “means well.”
How you carry emotional labor for clients, coworkers, even your coach—because confrontation feels like betrayal.
And how you downplay your own discomfort to maintain the image of being “the strong one.”
This isn’t just happening in your relationships.
It’s showing up ALL in your leadership.
Strategies -scattered.
Calendar -clogged.
Inbox – filled with nonsense and noise.
So yeah, emotional abuse is costing you more than your peace.
It’s distorting your self-trust—and it won’t stop until you name it.
Your Roadmap to Clarity
How Emotional Abuse Shows Up in Your Business
Emotional abuse doesn’t just destroy relationships.
It distorts your leadership.
Rewires your boundaries.
Manipulates you into over-functioning until you’re exhausted, underpaid, and emotionally scrambled.
Here’s how it sneaks into your business:
You explain simple decisions like they’re on trial.
You justify your prices, your timelines, your no’s—over and over again—because you’re afraid someone will call you “difficult” or “unprofessional.”
You treat other people’s emotions like emergencies.
A team member’s bad mood? A client’s vague disappointment? You stop what you’re doing to smooth it over—even if it derails your whole day.
You hold space for people who wouldn’t return the favor.
You give benefit of the doubt. You take the high road. You tolerate behavior that violates your values—because you’d rather absorb discomfort than risk rejection.
You take responsibility for things that were never yours.
The missed deadline. The unclear expectations. The fact that someone didn’t read the onboarding doc. You apologize just to make the awkwardness go away.
You confuse “being accommodating” with being safe.
But you’re not safe. You’re tired. You’re being emotionally managed by people who’ve learned you’ll fold if they stall, sulk, or flatter you just right.
Too many of us realize that we were traumatized long after our abuser died or departed from our life.
— Denise Lee (@DeniseGLee) August 1, 2023
Our abuser gaslighted us so hard, we even thought the abuse was, "for our own good."
Signs You’re Being Worn Down—And How It’s Showing Up in Your Business
You may not realize it, but emotional abuse isn’t just wrecking your nervous system—it’s wrecking your ability to lead, decide, and build.
It doesn’t just make you feel bad.
It makes you second-guess, over-function, under-receive, and delay action.
Here’s how it shows up:
😴 Poor Sleep & Waking Exhausted
Ever wake up with headaches or jaw pain, even though you “slept”?
That’s not just bad posture. That’s your nervous system never getting a break. You’re working all day to stay composed—and reliving the emotional load all night.
➡️ In business: You show up tired, foggy, and too depleted to think strategically. You overwork to compensate for under-clarity.
📖 Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains, “The body keeps the score”—emotional trauma literally embeds itself in your viscera, disrupting sleep, digestion, and regulation.
😰 Anxiety, Paranoia & “Edge Energy”
When someone’s weaponized silence or sarcasm has rewired your instincts, you expect backlash even from calm people. You obsess over your Slack tone. You reread emails five times. You rehearse boundaries and then delete the message.
➡️ In business: You over-correct. You under-charge. You say nothing when you should speak. And you confuse anxiety with professionalism.
📊 A study from the Journal of Interpersonal Violence confirmed emotional abuse drives long-term anxiety, depression, and self-esteem erosion—even more than physical harm.
😶 Isolation & Disconnection
You don’t reach out. Not because you don’t need help—but because you’ve been trained to expect disappointment. Especially from people you “should” be close to.
➡️ In business: You don’t network. You don’t delegate. You don’t raise your hand for visibility. You retreat into over-functioning alone.
📚 Dr. John Cacioppo called loneliness “an iceberg”—what shows is just a sliver of the devastation underneath.
🧍🏾 Physical Stress Signals
Your body tenses when a certain name pops up in your inbox. You lose your appetite before Zoom calls. You sweat during client interactions that should feel neutral. That’s not just stress—it’s your sympathetic system preparing for war.
➡️ In business: You avoid hard conversations. You default to yes. You silently absorb chaos and call it “being a good leader.”
📌 According to the American Psychological Association, chronic emotional stress increases your risk for heart issues, immune system breakdowns, and chronic illness.
The signs aren’t just in your body.
They’re in your calendar. Your cashflow. Your client list.
This is what emotional abuse does: it trains you to tolerate what you should be confronting.
Next, let’s talk about what this kind of abuse looks like when it’s coming from someone else—and how to finally spot it before it ruins the next project, hire, or partnership.
How Emotional Abusers Manipulate You—and Your Business
Emotional abusers don’t always show up screaming.
Sometimes, they present as team members, clients, or even mentors who seem “just intense.”
But if you’re walking on eggshells in your own business—you’re not collaborating. You’re surviving.
Here’s what that looks like in real time:
😡 Humiliation Disguised as “Feedback”
“Your business would be further along if you had just listened to me.”
They don’t correct—they condescend. You’re subtly shamed for not already knowing what they’ve decided you should.
➡️ In business: You avoid offering ideas. You start filtering everything you say. You defer your own expertise to avoid being humiliated again.
📌 Constant Criticism Masquerading as “High Standards”
“This isn’t how it’s done. Were you even paying attention?”
There’s always something wrong. Your efforts are met with nitpicking or icy silence.
➡️ You start procrastinating or over-prepping. Not because you’re lazy—but because you expect to get torn apart.
🎭 Emotional Blackmail & Control
“If you don’t respond by tonight, I’ll have to tell them you’re unprofessional.”
Whether it’s guilt-tripping, fake concern, or veiled threats—abusers use your values against you.
➡️ You find yourself giving discounts, staying in toxic partnerships, or breaking your own boundaries to avoid seeming “difficult.”
📚 Dr. George Simon calls this “covert aggression”—manipulation so smooth, you second-guess your right to be upset.
🧊 Withholding & Emotional Distance
“You’re on your own for this one. Don’t ask me why—I’m just done.”
They pull back affection, support, or collaboration to punish you.
➡️ In business: You’re always guessing. You stay quiet instead of addressing what’s broken. And you end up over-functioning to “win them back.”
😤 Intimidation in Subtle (or Not-So-Subtle) Forms
“You better fix this, or I’ll make sure everyone knows what you’re really like.”
The threat might be passive-aggressive or explosive—but it works. You stay small.
➡️ You censor your leadership voice. You stop trusting your gut. You start avoiding confrontation altogether.
😔 Blame & Emotional Guilt-Tripping
“If you were a real friend/leader/spouse, you’d know what I needed.”
Everything becomes your fault. Their unmet needs, their rage, their shame.
➡️ You apologize for things you didn’t cause. You internalize chaos and call it “empathy.” You lose clarity.
🌪️ Emotional Instability as Leverage
Morning: “You’re amazing.”
Night: “You’re useless.”
You’re praised and punished on the same day. You never know which version of them is showing up.
➡️ You burn out managing someone else’s mood instead of running your business.
📵 Isolation by Pressure or Guilt
“Why do you need to talk to them? Don’t you trust me?”
They make you feel like loyalty means secrecy. That pulling back from them = betrayal.
➡️ You stop reaching out. You withdraw from peer support. And you become easier to control.
🔄 Gaslighting Disguised as “Perspective”
“You’re being dramatic. I’m not the problem—you are.”
They deny, deflect, and distort reality until you question your own memory.
➡️ You stop confronting red flags. You rewrite your boundaries. You hand over control to stay “reasonable.”
📖 Dr. Robin Stern says it best: “Gaslighting erodes your reality.” And in business? It erodes your discernment.
If you’ve dealt with any of this, it doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means someone has trained you to confuse emotional manipulation with “normal conflict.”
In the next section, I’ll show you how to start reclaiming your voice and protecting your business from this silent sabotage.
*just thinking out loud*
— Denise Lee (@DeniseGLee) August 8, 2023
So many of us who grew up in painful homes are comfortable with making excuses for toxic and inappropriate behavior of others because we are afraid of being alone.
And the rare times when we say NO, our abuser says they feel hurt and *offended*.
How to Handle Emotionally Abusive Behavior (Without Losing Yourself)
You don’t have to be cruel.
But you do have to be clear.
If you’ve recognized that emotional abuse is showing up in your business or relationships, here’s how to start reclaiming your energy and authority:
🚫 1. Stop explaining yourself to manipulative people.
If someone twists your words, uses guilt, or weaponizes your care, more context won’t save you. It just gives them more to manipulate. Say less. Mean more.
🔁 2. Expect pushback.
The moment you stop over-functioning, expect a reaction. Emotional abusers rely on your compliance. When it ends, so does their control. Let them be upset. You don’t owe them access to your nervous system.
🛡 3. Don’t engage the bait.
They may escalate. Guilt trip. Gaslight. Flatter. Pause before you respond. Disengage without justifying. That’s power.
✍️ 4. Document the pattern.
Keep receipts. Emails. Call notes. If this is a client, contractor, or business contact—protect your paper trail. If this is personal, protect your memory.
🔄 5. Rehearse one-liners that create space.
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I’ll need to think about that.”
“I’m not available for this conversation.”
No sarcasm. No venom. Just boundaried clarity.
🔄 6. Rebuild your internal GPS.
Spend time with people who don’t make you question your value. Go where your “no” is honored. Run your business like your peace matters—because it does.
Handling emotional abuse isn’t about “keeping the peace.”
It’s about ending the war you’ve been waging inside yourself just to stay likable.
In the final section, I’ll share some closing thoughts and invite you into deeper healing if you’re ready.
FAQ: Navigating Emotional Abuse and Boundaries
Q1: What if I can’t tell if it’s emotional abuse—or just my trauma response flaring up?
Sometimes the signs feel subtle. If you’re doubting your instincts, that doesn’t mean you’re wrong—it means you’ve been trained to second-guess yourself. 👉 Read more here.
Q2: Can I set boundaries without seeming mean or unprofessional?
Yes. Boundaries aren’t a rejection of others—they’re a return to self-respect. The more direct you become, the less resentful you have to be. 👉 Explore more here.
Q3: What if I’m afraid to walk away from a toxic client or collaborator?
It’s normal to feel fear before freedom. You’ve been trained to accommodate harm. But walking away doesn’t make you flaky—it makes you clear. 👉 Start here.
Final Thoughts
You’re not overreacting.
You’re not too sensitive.
And you’re definitely not imagining it.
You’ve just spent so long adjusting to dysfunction that emotional abuse started to feel like normal business friction.
But here’s the truth:
You can’t lead with clarity while surviving on scraps of safety.
You can’t grow your business while filtering your instincts through fear.
And you can’t keep calling it “diplomacy” when it’s really emotional erasure.
Please know that you don’t need to justify your no.
Yes, you don’t need to explain why something feels off.
You just need to trust that you’re not crazy for noticing what hurts.
And if you’re ready to finally stop abandoning yourself to preserve broken dynamics?
I’d be honored to walk with you.
👉 Write me a note – I’d love to hear your story.
🎧 Listen to my podcast for unfiltered insights on healing, boundaries, and real leadership.
💛 Work with me – Let’s dismantle the internal scripts keeping you stuck and reclaim your emotional authority.
You don’t need another reminder to be resilient.
You need space to be real—and safe enough to stay there.
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