The Fog After the Fire: Dissociation in High-Achieving Leaders
- Updated: June 19, 2025
You don’t remember missing meetings—but you know you did.
Your business partner says you’re spacing out.
Your partner asks how your day was, and you stare like they’re speaking another language.
And your kids? They’ve stopped even trying to connect.
You’re not lazy.
You’re not flaky.
You’re likely dissociating—and you didn’t even realize it.
This is what happens when you’ve built a business from the ground up with no support, no safety net, and no roadmap.
You hustled on adrenaline.
You performed through pain.
But your nervous system never clocked out.
Now the fog’s rolling in.
And the ginkgo biloba, the planners, the caffeine—they’re not fixing it.
This post is for the high-achieving leader who’s starting to suspect that what they’re experiencing isn’t just burnout…
It’s something deeper.
Something your body has been trying to whisper for years:
“You disappeared to survive.
But now it’s time to come back.”
Your Guide to Coming Back Online
What Is Dissociation?
It’s not memory loss. It’s self-protection.
Dissociation is what your brain does when reality becomes too much.
It’s not dramatic. It’s quiet.
You don’t black out—you check out.
You’re in the meeting, but not really.
You’re at the dinner table, but you can’t track the conversation.
You open your laptop and stare at the screen like it’s a foreign object.
It’s not that you’re “too busy to think.”
It’s that your body went into survival mode a long time ago—and it hasn’t gotten the signal that it’s safe to come back.
When the stress is chronic—business pressure, emotional chaos, zero margin for error—your brain tries to protect you.
The hippocampus, the part responsible for memory, steps in like a bodyguard and says:
“Nope. Too much. We’re shelving this.”
You didn’t decide to go numb.
But you’ve been functioning that way for years.
And now? The cost is catching up to you—in your relationships, your energy, your leadership… and your memory.
This Isn’t Just Memory Loss—It’s Survival Mode
You’re not just “getting older.”
You’re not just “bad with names.”
You’re not lazy, disorganized, or unmotivated.
You’re dissociating.
Memory loss is when something slips your mind.
Dissociation is when your mind actively pulls the plug—because what’s coming in feels like too much.
This isn’t a vitamin B12 issue.
It’s a nervous system that’s been in overdrive for years.
You had to hold it together for the team, the clients, the family.
So your brain started shutting doors to conserve energy.
That’s why you can’t remember full weeks, major conversations, even important milestones.
It’s not a character flaw.
It’s a trauma pattern.
And now it’s bleeding into everything:
– Decision fatigue so intense you can’t even answer “What’s for dinner?”
– Guilt for zoning out mid-conversation
– Shame that you didn’t catch your kid’s tone, your partner’s concern, your own exhaustion
Your memory didn’t just fade.
It left the building because your life was on fire—and no one came to put it out.
Your Body Still Knows What Happened
Even if your mind tries to forget, your body remembers.
You might not recall the fight, the launch, the betrayal…
But your jaw does.
Your gut does.
Your back carries it like unpaid rent.
When you go through prolonged stress—especially the kind that comes from building something alone—your body keeps the score.
Not poetically. Literally.
Floods of adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine overload your system.
And your brain? It starts triaging what to keep and what to shut down.
As one of my X followers once said:
“Your nervous system doesn’t have the time to sort out what was good or bad. It just wipes the board.”
So yeah—maybe you can’t remember why you flinched when your partner raised their voice.
Or why you panicked before a call with your business partner.
Or why your stomach drops when a calendar alert pops up.
But your body does.
The memory didn’t vanish. It just took a different shape:
– Tight shoulders.
– Shallow breath.
– Sudden rage.
– Crippling fatigue.
These symptoms aren’t failures. They’re invitations—your body’s way of whispering:
“You’re carrying things you were never meant to carry alone.”
This isn’t about blaming your biology.
It’s about finally listening to it.
How to Reclaim the Memories You Didn’t Know You Buried
Let’s get one thing straight:
Memory reclamation is not some peaceful journal session where the clouds part and everything makes sense.
It’s more like a rude, uninvited relative showing up at dinner with a pot roast—while you’re already overwhelmed, behind on emails, and barely holding it together.
Memories don’t return on your schedule.
They come fast. Messy.
At red lights.
In staff meetings.
In the middle of sex.
They hit like a glitch in the matrix—and suddenly, you’re back in a room you forgot existed.
That’s not failure. That’s access.
But here’s the kicker: you cannot force this process while still living in pressure mode.
You can’t recall truth while trying to keep up the performance.
You can’t excavate your story while your calendar is on fire.
And you definitely can’t heal in the same emotional conditions that made you dissociate in the first place.
Here’s what actually supports this kind of reclamation work:
✅ Therapy that gets under the hood
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help reprocess traumatic memories so they don’t hijack your nervous system every time they show up.
TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) isn’t about memory retrieval directly—but it can help regulate depression and anxiety enough to create emotional space.
✅ Trauma-aware stillness
Meditation, prayer, breathwork—it’s not about vibes, it’s about slowing the system down long enough to let the body speak.
I use scripture. You can use silence. What matters is staying long enough to feel again.
✅ Journaling—but not performative
You don’t have to write a memoir. You can scribble half-thoughts, draw arrows between feelings and flashbacks, or just write: “Something happened. I don’t remember. But it mattered.”
✅ Physical movement
Trauma lives in the body. Walk. Stretch. Punch a bag.
Let your body finish cycles that it couldn’t complete when it froze.
✅ Creative access points
Draw. Doodle. Collage.
Sometimes your subconscious will reveal more in art than words ever could.
✅ Support from someone who sees the whole picture
Not just a coach. Not just a therapist.
Someone who understands that high-functioning leadership doesn’t mean emotional immunity.
You can be respected and unraveling.
You can lead and heal.
FAQ: “Is It Really Dissociation… or Am I Just Tired?”
❓“What if I’m just overworked—not dissociating?”
Maybe. But here’s the test:
Do you feel your life—or just perform through it?
Exhaustion fades with rest.
Dissociation sticks around even after the vacation.
If you’re constantly numb, emotionally absent, or disconnected from your own wins… it’s probably deeper.
→ Read: Emotional Intimacy Isn’t Just Sex or Oversharing—It’s a Learnable Skill
❓“Will EMDR or TMS just fix me?”
No. These are tools, not magic.
There is no silver bullet—not EMDR, not ayahuasca, not a 90-minute coaching intensive.
Healing takes pattern interruption plus integration.
And integration only happens when your lifestyle stops mirroring the trauma.
❓“Can I keep leading like this while healing?”
Only if you’re ready to change how you lead.
You can’t keep pushing through with the same emotional suppression and expect new clarity.
High-performing leadership without healing becomes high-functioning self-abandonment.
→ Read: The Dark Side of Stoicism—How Emotional Sobriety Makes You a Better Leader
❓“What if I can’t remember the worst parts? Am I still allowed to heal?”
Absolutely. Memory isn’t a prerequisite for legitimacy.
Your body is already telling the truth, even if your mind hasn’t caught up.
→ Read: You’re Not Lazy. You’re Depressed. And There’s a Way Out
Final Thoughts: This Isn’t the End—It’s the Signal
You didn’t choose to check out.
You adapted. You survived.
And now you’re waking up to the cost of staying gone.
Maybe your partner sees it before you do.
Maybe your business partner’s losing patience.
Maybe your kids don’t even bother anymore.
But here you are.
Reading this.
Not because you’re broken.
But because some part of you is ready to return.
You don’t have to unpack it all overnight.
But you do need to stop pretending your sharp mind and strong willpower can outrun what your nervous system never processed.
Because if you keep leading like nothing happened…
you’ll keep disappearing in plain sight.
If you’re ready to stop performing and start healing—for real—I’d be honored to support you.
💛 Work with me, Denise G. Lee – Together, we’ll untangle the deeper patterns holding you back and create clear, practical strategies that match you. No hype. No formulas. Just honest, personalized support.
👉 Explore working together
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And just in case no one’s reminded you lately:
Leadership isn’t about being perfect.
It’s about being present. Being willing.
Showing up with your scars, not just your strengths.
That’s what makes it powerful.
That’s what makes it real.
