How to Heal from Toxic Work Relationships & Lead with Confidence
Hi there! I’m Denise G. Lee, a Healing and Leadership Coach, and today we’re diving into a topic that resonates with many business owners and leaders: toxic work relationships.
If you’ve been in the trenches as a manager, team leader, or business owner, you know how draining these dynamics can be. They don’t just wear down the people involved; they ripple through the entire work culture, bringing down morale, productivity, and even profits.
In this article, we’ll unpack what toxic work relationships are, how to spot them, and—most importantly—how to heal from them so you can lead with confidence. If you’ve ever felt exhausted because of a colleague, associate, or even a client, this is for you. We’ll also explore the psychology behind toxic environments, share strategies for healing, and discuss ways to strengthen your leadership skills along the way. Let’s jump in!
First, let’s define what a toxic work relationship is.
What Is a Toxic Work Relationship?
Toxic work relationships are more than just the occasional eye roll during a meeting. They’re like that cloud that hangs over your office, creating stress, tension, and discomfort for everyone involved. You know the type: an associate who always seems to have a snarky comment ready, a client who loves to micromanage you into a frenzy, or a colleague who thinks “collaboration” means “I do all the work, and you take the credit.”
At first, the signs can be subtle—maybe a dismissive remark or a little passive-aggressive jab. But over time, these interactions can leave you feeling drained, stuck, and questioning your self-worth. Not exactly the work vibe you signed up for, right? But maybe you are not sure what happened was that bad. To be honest, it took me almost a decade to fully decode the depth of the dysfunction in my last corporate job.
Often, these situations didn’t happen in a vacuum. Most of us who experienced traumatic and difficult childhoods were exposed to family, associates, schooling, and others who made us comfortable with uncomfortable situations. As a result, we developed the life script of ‘don’t feel.’ I discussed this in the social media post below. Click the link to join the conversation.
Have you ever tried to convince yourself that it wasn’t that bad?
— Denise G. Lee (@DeniseGLee) October 16, 2024
Yesterday, I was chatting with Tiffany, the podcast host of "True Crime Connections," and we discussed why some victims stay in harmful situations, even when it's obvious they need to leave.
In that moment, I…
I hope you know understand what a toxic work relationship looks like. In the next section, we will discuss signs that you are in a bad work environment.
Signs You Were in a Bad Work Environment
If you’re reflecting on a past job and wondering if it was toxic, here are some clear signs to look out for:
Constant Stress and Anxiety
You may have felt a knot in your stomach every Sunday night, dreading the workweek ahead. Maybe you had trouble sleeping or experienced physical symptoms like headaches or muscle tension related to work stress.
Micromanagement Madness
Your boss might have hovered over your shoulder, questioning every decision you made. For example, they may have demanded to approve every email before you sent it or criticized your work methods without offering helpful feedback.
Gossip Central
The office might have felt like a rumor mill, with colleagues whispering about others’ personal lives or spreading unfounded stories about job security—especially when you sense something is wrong. For example, you might feel they’re up to no good every time they smile with a wide grin or avoid eye contact when you pass them in the hallway.
Credit Thieves
You may have had coworkers who regularly took credit for your ideas or hard work. For instance, they might have presented your project to upper management without even mentioning your contribution. I remember listening to a Global Leadership presentation from Jo Saxton, where she shared some painfully relatable experiences. She recalled being told her ideas were terrible, only for those same ideas to be used later in staff meetings as if they were someone else’s. You could tell she was still reeling from it—her voice pitched an octave higher as she recounted the details of that toxic work environment.
No Work-Life Balance
Your job might have expected you to be available 24/7, responding to emails late at night or working on weekends. This lack of boundaries likely left you feeling burnt out and unable to enjoy your personal time.
High Turnover
If you noticed that people were constantly leaving the company and new faces appeared frequently, this was likely a sign of a toxic environment. High employee turnover often indicates underlying issues in the workplace.
Lack of Growth Opportunities
Your boss might have repeatedly promised promotions or training that never materialized. This lack of investment in your professional development was a red flag.
Bullying or Harassment
You might have experienced or witnessed verbal abuse, offensive jokes, or intimidation. But bullying can also show up in more subtle ways. For example, you may have found yourself in a ‘mean girl’ situation, where two or more people purposely exclude you from projects or initiatives. Maybe you’re never invited to certain meetings that could help you advance. No matter how it shows up, these behaviors create a hostile work environment and should never be tolerated.
I hope this information helps. Recognizing these signs can help you avoid similar situations in the future and create a healthier work environment in your current role as a leader. Next, I will discuss the impact a toxic work environment has on the mind and body.
The Health Impact of Toxic Job
The emotional toll of toxic work relationships shouldn’t be underestimated. They can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and even burnout. Leaders who face toxic dynamics within their teams often experience decreased motivation and lower job satisfaction.
According to the American Psychological Association and other research, chronic workplace stress can affect your health by causing symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, and sleep disturbances. Over time, the emotional stress of navigating toxic work relationships can even weaken your immune system, making you more susceptible to illness.
Toxic environments also create a ripple effect. When one person (or a small group) throws a wrench into the works, it affects the entire team. Productivity plummets, communication gets shaky, and morale dives faster than a lead balloon. This is especially tricky for leaders who need their teams to work like a well-oiled machine for the business to thrive.
As leaders, it’s critical to recognize these patterns not only in others but also in ourselves. This is why it’s crucial to reflect on our own behaviors and learn to identify signs of toxicity before they escalate. The image below summarizes the signs of a toxic work environment. Next, I will share how you can heal from this kind of situation.
How to Heal from Toxic Work Relationships
Healing from toxic work relationships requires a mix of emotional intelligence, clear boundaries, and, in some cases, a willingness to step away from the situation entirely. Here’s how to start the healing process:
Acknowledge the Problem: The first step is to admit that the relationship is toxic. This can be difficult because many of us normalize unhealthy behaviors, especially in high-pressure work environments. If you’re constantly feeling anxious, unhappy, or defensive at work, that’s a sign something needs to change.
Set Boundaries: Boundaries are essential for protecting your emotional and mental health. If a co-worker or boss is toxic, be clear about what is and isn’t acceptable behavior. For example, if someone consistently interrupts you during meetings, you could say, “I’d appreciate it if we could wait until I finish before sharing thoughts.”
Develop Self-Awareness: Part of healing from a toxic work relationship is developing the ability to understand your own emotional responses. Why does a particular person’s behavior trigger you? What past experiences might be influencing how you react? By becoming more aware of your emotional patterns, you can respond to toxic situations from a place of strength rather than reactivity.
Seek Support: Healing isn’t something you have to do alone. Reach out to a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist to talk through your experiences. Sometimes, simply talking about what’s happening can bring relief and perspective.
Know When to Leave: In some cases, the only way to truly heal from a toxic work relationship is to leave the environment. This isn’t always an easy decision, especially if your livelihood is tied to the job. However, if the toxicity is affecting your well-being, it might be time to explore other opportunities.
The Impact of Changing Your Work Environment
Let’s explore what happens when you start addressing toxicity head-on and take steps toward change. The first, most immediate benefit is the emotional and psychological relief. Removing yourself from harmful interactions—or confronting them with new boundaries—immediately reduces stress levels. You’ll likely experience an improvement in sleep, mood, and overall mental well-being.
In the long term, changing toxic work dynamics also leads to better productivity and greater satisfaction in your work. When you’re no longer consumed by negative energy, you can focus on innovation, creativity, and achieving your professional goals.
Additionally, stepping out of toxic relationships gives you a newfound sense of empowerment. Leaders who make a point of cultivating positive, healthy work environments often see improved team collaboration, loyalty, and performance.
In the next section, I will discuss how you, as the leader, can ensure that your workplace is an enjoyable and pleasant place to be.
If someone on your team is spreading toxicity, don’t ignore it. Address the issue head-on and let them know their behavior isn’t okay.
How Leaders Can Build Healthier Work Relationships
As a leader, you set the tone for your organization. Even if you’ve escaped a toxic work environment, you might unknowingly bring some bad habits with you. Don’t be the leader who stirs up drama when stress levels are high! Here are some straightforward ways to foster healthier work relationships:
Model Healthy Communication:
Your team will mirror your behavior, so show them what respectful and clear communication looks like. Share your thoughts openly, listen actively, and be transparent about decisions. When team members see you communicating fairly, they’re more likely to do the same.
Encourage Feedback:
Make it safe and easy for your team to give feedback, both the good and the bad. Create an open-door policy where everyone knows their voice matters. This approach can help prevent small problems from growing into toxic situations. When employees feel comfortable speaking up, they’re more likely to tackle issues before they snowball.
Promote Work-Life Balance:
Burnout can fuel toxic work relationships, so encourage your team to maintain a healthy balance between work and personal life. Lead by example: take breaks, use your vacation days, and show that recharging is important. Remind your team that overworking isn’t a badge of honor—it’s a ticket to burnout.
Hold People Accountable:
If someone on your team is spreading toxicity, don’t ignore it. Address the issue head-on and let them know their behavior isn’t okay. Work together to find a better way forward. If they can’t or won’t change, it might be time to reassess their fit within the team.
As a leader, it’s crucial to spot these unhealthy dynamics and set clear boundaries. A positive work culture is possible, and it benefits not just you but everyone on your team.
Foster a Positive Environment:
Celebrate achievements, big and small. Recognize your team members’ contributions and create a culture of appreciation. When people feel valued, they’re more likely to be engaged and motivated.
Be Approachable:
Let your team know you’re there for them. Keep your door open—figuratively or literally! Encourage casual check-ins, and make sure they feel comfortable coming to you with concerns or ideas. A friendly environment fosters trust and helps build strong relationships.
By implementing these tips, you’ll create a workplace where everyone feels valued, supported, and ready to do their best work. Let’s make that happen!
I hope these tips helped! The image below sums them up. Next, I will share my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
Toxic work relationships can really weigh you down, affecting your mental health, confidence, and overall happiness. As a leader, it’s crucial to spot these unhealthy dynamics and set clear boundaries. A positive work culture is possible, and it benefits not just you but everyone on your team. Remember, healing from a toxic environment is a journey worth taking!
If you’re finding yourself in these tough situations and need some guidance on how to heal and move forward, I’m here to help. You don’t have to face this alone!
Let’s work together one-on-one to strengthen your leadership skills and build a healthier work environment. And if you want to dig deeper into these topics, check out my podcast! We talk about healing, leadership, and personal growth in a way that’s relatable and insightful.
Together, we can create a workplace where confidence and collaboration flourish!
