Why High-Functioning Leaders Crave Chaos — And How to Stop It
How did you get here?
That’s not sarcasm — it’s the question you ask yourself at 2AM when the deal goes sideways, the phone lights up with the same drama you swore you’d never repeat, or your partner rolls over because they’re tired of competing with your next crisis.
You didn’t build your success on accident. You built it by pushing limits, breaking things that needed breaking, staying two steps ahead of disaster. “Break Fast and Keep Moving” — maybe you still have it taped above your desk. And it worked — until it didn’t.
At some point, the chaos you called “ambition” starts to feel less like a springboard and more like a noose.
If you’re tired of outrunning your own mess — this is for you.
Let’s talk about why you really chase the thrill, what it’s costing you now, and how to stop — if you’re ready to be honest.
Your Chaos Escape Plan
💣 The Signs You’ve Been Risky for a While (And You Know It)
Nobody wakes up one morning and suddenly craves chaos — it’s a pattern. One you’ve perfected for years, maybe decades. Here’s how it shows up when you’re the leader who secretly needs the mess:
🔥 Stirring What Should Stay Still
You poke the bear on purpose. You pick a fight with a rival company online — not because it’s smart PR but because you want to feel righteous. You posture about your moral stand while the rest of your team braces for the backlash you’ll secretly enjoy managing.
💥 Flirting With Trouble
You circle people, projects, or deals you know are poison. You make bids on acquisitions you can’t afford, just to flex. You let the wrong person get too close at the country club because the thrill feels better than boredom — and the fallout keeps you busy.
🧨 Overcommitting by Design
You say yes to new ventures, clients, big promises you know you don’t have bandwidth for. You call it “stretching capacity.” Really, it’s a guarantee you’ll stay in crisis mode — and everyone will admire you for fixing problems you invented.
📉 Spin Control Fails
You used to spin the chaos so well nobody noticed. Now it’s leaking: unpaid invoices, bad press, late-night calls your social media manager can’t clean up. You tell yourself it’s a one-off. Deep down, you know the clock’s ticking.
🔻 The Thrill Feels Heavy Now
At first, the chaos felt like proof you were alive — quick pivots, adrenaline deals, “advanced mitigation planning.” Now it’s just exhaustion. The pills don’t calm it. The dread in your chest doesn’t lift. Even your inner circle’s tired of your fires.
If you’re reading this and nodding, you don’t need to wonder if you’re “on the edge.” You’re already there.
🗯️ Why You Really Crave Chaos (It’s Not What You Think)
You might think this is just about being reckless, rebellious, or “wired different.” It’s deeper than that — and science backs it up.
You might think this is just about being reckless, wild, or having “too much ambition.” It’s deeper than that. And if you’ve read my piece on Adult ODD and Self-Sabotage, you already know this: sometimes you’re not fighting reality — you’re fighting ghosts from your childhood.
1️⃣ Oppositionality: Grown-Up Rebellion in a Business Suit
One of the biggest hidden drivers? Adult oppositionality — yes, it’s a thing.
It shows up when your nervous system still thinks the only way to feel powerful is to say NO — to the rules, to the help, to the stability you secretly crave.
Like I break down in my full piece:
Oppositionality isn’t just “being difficult.” It’s that part of you yelling “You’re not the boss of me!” — except now, the “boss” is your partner, your coach, your team, or even your own goals. You sabotage deals, ghost support, or break what works — just to prove you’re still in charge.
Clinically, it echoes what psychologists call Oppositional Defiant Disorder — usually linked to kids. But many high-functioning adults run the same rebellious script: testing limits, picking hidden fights, doing the opposite of what would help.
➡️ Read more context: Cleveland Clinic on ODD
2️⃣ Displaced Shame → Risk-Seeking
If oppositionality is the spark, shame is the gasoline.
Research shows shame that stays buried doesn’t just sit quietly — it leaks sideways as risk.
Why? Because it’s easier to spin chaos than feel worthless.
➡️ Solid study: Shame and Risk-Taking Behavior
3️⃣ The Adrenaline Trap (Sensation Seeking)
Your brain loves a hit of novelty and danger. That dopamine drip keeps you feeling alive when normal life feels dead. It’s not just “bad impulse control” — it’s a known personality trait called sensation seeking.
➡️ Classic research: Sensation Seeking Overview
My Story
This isn’t theory for me. I lived it. I burned through years of corporate chaos — half-drunk, running on resentment, swinging between high control and high sabotage. The truth?
The chaos didn’t come from nowhere.
It came from unhealed wounds: incest, rape, betrayal. The boardroom and the bottle were just new battlegrounds to keep from sitting in that pain.
Like I’ve said before: Oppositionality is how you fight a war that ended decades ago — and you’re the only one still bleeding.
So if you think you’re just “wired for risk,” think again.
You’re wired for survival — and your old rebellion script is writing checks your future can’t keep cashing.
If you’re reading this and you know the chaos has a grip on you — but you’re not ready to crack it open in a session yet — start smaller.
📬 My newsletter is for leaders who want the truth before they want the fix.
I’ll send you stories, real tools, and the kind of reminders that stop you from lying to yourself at 3AM.
👉 Join here if you’re ready for real talk.
↩️ How to Break the Pattern (If You’re Actually Ready)
You don’t need another night whispering, “I’ll do better tomorrow.” You already know that’s a lie. You’ve whispered it for years — between half-drunk confessions, half-baked apologies, and half-hearted promises to “slow down” when you close the next deal.
Here’s the truth:
You don’t fix chaos with willpower. You fix it by pulling your hands off the dynamite you planted in your own life.
Three moves — no illusions:
1️⃣ Name the Fear
What are you terrified calm will cost you? Power? Relevance? The love that only comes when you’re performing? Write it down. Say it out loud. Put a name to it — because you can’t heal what you pretend doesn’t exist.
2️⃣ Track the Pattern
Pick one area — work, money, sex, parenting — and name exactly where you stir the fire on purpose. Don’t dress it up as “strategy.” Call it what it is: sabotage, thrill, avoidance. Notice who you drag into it with you — your team, your partner, your clients.
3️⃣ Choose a Witness
Not an enabler. Not someone you can manipulate. Pick the one person who’s strong enough to hold you to your truth when you’d rather spin a story. If you don’t have that person — find one. That might be a therapist. It might be me. But it won’t be your drinking buddy.
Gut check:
This is not about “getting better at damage control.” It’s about dismantling the whole machine that keeps paying you in chaos. If that scares you — good. That means you’re finally close to real change.
⚡ No More Next Time. This Time, Change.
You don’t need another thrill. You don’t need a bigger mess to manage. You need an anchor.
If you’re tired of telling yourself the same tired lie — “I’ll do better tomorrow” — here’s the truth:
👉 I work with people who are ready to pull the pin before the bomb goes off.
No hype. No spin. No script you can outsmart.
💛 If you’re done performing for the chaos — let’s build the calm you can finally trust.
👉 Work with me — or come back when you’re ready to stop lying to yourself.
