What Is Platonic Love? The Deep Connection Beyond Romance
Despite all the fancy relationship advice floating around out there, it seems like a lot of folks are still scratching their heads, wondering how to really connect with others. As someone who’s spent a good chunk of time coaching folks through life’s ups and downs, I’ll let you in on a little secret: The most crucial relationship you can ever build isn’t a romantic one—it’s a solid, platonic bond.
In this piece, we’re gonna dive deep into how to foster and keep those platonic connections burning bright for years, maybe even decades.
But before we get into the nitty-gritty, let’s take a step back and talk about the different flavors of love out there.
The different types of love
English is pretty limited in its description of love. We commonly think of love only in a romantic context. However, in Greek, there are many different types of love.
Below is a table that explains the different types of love in Greek.
| Greek Word | Meaning |
| Philia | Affectionate love, also known as “brotherly love,” is “Philia”. It is the love you have for your close friends or family, where you care about them a lot but it’s not romantic. |
| Pragma | Enduring Love. This is the love that keeps long-term relationships strong, like in marriages or really close friendships. It’s about commitment, sharing life together, and wanting similar things in the future. |
| Storge | “Storge” is the love within families, especially between parents and children or between spouses. |
| Eros | “Eros” is a kind of love that involves passion, lust, and/or romance. An example of eros would be the love that is felt between lovers. Eros is sensual love there’s a lot of passion and attraction between partners. |
| Ludus | “Ludus” represents a playful and lighthearted kind of love without any series commitment. It comes from the Latin word for “play” or “game,” which perfectly explains when love is as a captivating game. |
| Mania | “Mania” is an obsessive love. This is when love becomes obsessive and intense, with lots of emotional ups and downs. |
| Philautia | “Philautia” is about loving yourself, accepting who you are, flaws and all. |
| Agape | “Agape” is the highest form of love, where you’re willing to sacrifice anything for someone else’s well-being, without expecting anything in return. |
In the next section, we will discuss the reasons why you will benefit from a non-romantic or platonic relationship.
Platonic love is the highest form of love we can experience. It is a love that transcends physical desires and cherishes the connection of two souls.
Why do you need platonic love?
Alright, so let’s talk about Philia love, or what we often call platonic friendship. It’s this beautiful bond built on mutual respect, trust, and a deep connection, all without any romantic or sexual feelings involved. But you know what? Some folks just don’t seem to get it. They’re so caught up in the idea of romantic love that they overlook the value of these friendships.
But here’s the thing: when you approach someone without any romantic or sexual agenda from the get-go, you set a solid foundation. It’s like seeing them for who they truly are, no strings attached. This approach helps sidestep any communication mishaps and ensures you’re nurturing a healthy relationship right from the start. Plus, having these platonic connections can really give you clarity and perspective when you’re figuring out how much you want to invest in the relationship.
Now, let’s dive into some of the hurdles you might face when trying to build these kinds of friendships.
Challenges in making a platonic friendship
You know, building a platonic friendship can be tough sometimes. Some folks out there just can’t seem to vibe with their own gender. It’s like women who can’t stand other women, or men who are always at odds with their fellow guys. And then there are those who never quite learned how to mesh well with their own gender in the first place.
The reasons behind it are kinda simple, but they’ve got some layers to ’em. Picture this: growing up with a same-sex parent who’s all about pushing you to your limits, criticizing your every move, and basically being a total control freak. It’s no wonder some people struggle to connect with others of their gender. Those boys and girls, unless shown a different path, might carry that competitive edge with them into adulthood.
How critical parents impact our view towards the opposite sex
Take, for instance, a woman who’s always been aggressive and always trying to one-up others. Chances are, she had a mom who was just as tough, if not tougher. Her childhood was probably a battleground where she learned to play the same game of intimidation her mom did. So, when she grows up, it’s second nature for her to be in constant competition with other women.
Now, think about a guy raised by a dad who was always tearing him down, making him feel like he had to be tough to be a man. That kid grows up believing that being a man means being ruthless to other guys. So, whether it’s at work or just hanging out, he’s always trying to outshine the other dudes.
The common thread here? People raised by a same-sex parent who’s controlling and demeaning end up locked in this intense competition with others of their gender. It’s like a pattern that just keeps on going.
Now, healing from that kind of upbringing? That’s no small feat. It’s tough to admit, let alone talk about. But hey, don’t beat yourself up over it. You were dealt a pretty rough hand. In the next section, we’ll dive into how you can build and keep platonic love in your life.
8 Tips for Nurturing and Sustaining Platonic Relationships
Here are some tips on how to cultivate and maintain platonic friendships:
1. Be clear about your intentions:
Unclear expectations can lead to arguments and misunderstandings.
When forming a new friendship, make it clear from the beginning what you are seeking from this platonic relationship. For example, are you interested in finding someone to play sports with or perhaps to wax poetic on philosophical or religious ideas? Be resolute about your interests and desired social activities.
2. Find common interests:
Shared interests provide a solid foundation for building a friendship and give you something to bond over. Look for activities, hobbies, or interests that you enjoy.
However, be selective about where you go to find new friends. For example, trying to find a soccer buddy at a wine-tasting event is possible, but not easy or recommended.
3. Be a good listener:
Once you find a potential new friend, actively listen to them and show genuine interest in their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Also, use time to discern of any signs that may signal they have poor emotional regulation or boundaries.
Being a good listener will also help you to practice empathy and validate their emotions. This is important as being supportive and understanding will strengthen your budding friendship.
4. Respect boundaries:
If you suffer from loneliness and depression, it is super tempting to want to be around someone constantly and rely on them for your emotional needs. However, it’s essential to respect each other’s personal boundaries and honor their need for personal space, privacy, and autonomy.
Avoid crossing boundaries or making assumptions about what they may or may not want. Practicing the art of asking considerate questions will help ensure that you don’t inadvertently offend your new friend.
Pay attention to how people behave. They are telling you how they value themselves and others.
5. Spend quality time together:
Being considerate of one another’s boundaries, make sure to regularly take time for your friends and engage in activities that you both enjoy. It could be anything from going for a walk, grabbing coffee, watching movies, or participating in a shared hobby.
Quality time strengthens the bond and allows you to create lasting memories.
6. Support each other:
Be supportive of your friend’s goals, dreams, and aspirations.
Celebrate their accomplishments and offer a helping hand when they need it. Most importantly, be genuine about it, as people can detect insincerity from afar. As a supportive friend, you can make a significant positive impact on someone’s life.
7. Be reliable and trustworthy:
Trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship, and your new platonic relationship must be built on honesty and reliability. This also includes following through on commitments, keeping their secrets (which don’t have legal or moral implications), and being there for them emotionally during challenging times.”
Also, no more frenemies. Now is the time for you to eliminate competition and envy in your interactions with friends.
8. Embrace diversity:
Be open to making friends with people from different backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives. This includes those with contrasting cultural, political, and religious beliefs. Embracing diversity enriches your own life and broadens your understanding of the world.
I hope these tips will help you as you cultivate and build new friendships. Finally, I will share with you my final thoughts regarding platonic love.
If you want to grow deep and meaningful relationships, it starts with understanding yourself, your background, and your needs from others.
Final thoughts about platonic love
Forming and nurturing platonic friendships takes time and effort from both parties involved. It’s about building a connection based on mutual respect, shared interests, and genuine care for each other’s well-being.
If you want to grow deep and meaningful relationships, it starts with understanding yourself, your background, and your needs from others.
Do not hesitate to work with me if you need assistance finding and cultivating platonic love.
Dig deeper: Click here to listen to this episode from my podcast about relationships or press the play button below.
