How to Stop Intrusive Memories (Without Shutting Down)
- Updated: August 1, 2025
You’re not in therapy. You’re not journaling. You’re trying to lead—close a deal, finish a project, make a decision. And out of nowhere, your brain slams you with a memory you didn’t ask for.
That one moment. That voice. That smell. That flash of panic.
Intrusive memories don’t care that you’ve moved on. They don’t care that you’re in a meeting. They show up mid-sentence, mid-scroll, mid-task—and suddenly, you’re not fully here anymore.
This isn’t weakness.
It’s what happens when your past hasn’t finished speaking—and your nervous system is the messenger.
If you’ve ever felt hijacked by old pain while trying to hold it together…
If you’ve ever spiraled through something that “shouldn’t be a big deal”…
If you’ve ever looked around your life and thought, I’m doing all the right things—why do I still feel broken?
This is for you.
We’re going to walk through what intrusive memories really are, why they show up when they do, and how to face them with compassion—without shutting down, numbing out, or pretending they don’t hurt.
You’re not broken.
You’re remembering.
And that remembering can lead somewhere powerful—if you know how to walk through it.
What We’ll Walk Through Together
What Is an Intrusive Memory?
You’ve learned how to compartmentalize.
You’ve trained yourself to focus under pressure.
You show up for the meeting, give the keynote, write the check, finish the project.
But every now and then—maybe in the silence before bed, or between calendar alerts—something breaks through.
A flash of pain.
A buried moment.
A sentence someone said years ago—and suddenly you’re right back in it.
That’s an intrusive memory.
It’s not nostalgia. It’s not overthinking.
It’s your body and brain trying to offload what you’ve spent years outrunning.
And here’s the kicker: they often show up right after you slow down.
When the deadlines pass. When you finally exhale.
When your guard slips just long enough for your nervous system to whisper,
“Now can we deal with this?”
Intrusive memories are what surface when the emotional debt finally comes due—
not to punish you, but to be seen.
Do you know what happens when you stop trying to:
— Denise G. Lee (@DeniseGLee) July 29, 2024
Work
Have sex
People-please
Avoid
Deny
Suppress
Self-medicate
The pain away?
Simple: You have flashbacks of painful moments from the past.
And it doesn’t even have to occur where you expect, like therapy or counseling.
It can…
Flashbacks vs. Intrusive Memories: What’s the Difference?
If you’re high-functioning, chances are you’ve gotten good at minimizing what hurts.
You shake it off. Push through. Tell yourself it’s not that deep.
But when the memory hits, your body disagrees.
Let’s get clear on what’s actually happening—because knowing the difference can help you respond with more compassion (instead of shame or panic).
🧠 Intrusive Memory = A mental ambush
It shows up suddenly: a thought, image, or emotion that hijacks your attention.
You might be in the middle of a team meeting, replying to emails, or folding laundry—and boom, your chest tightens, your breath shortens, and you feel off.
But you still know where you are. You’re present.
Even if barely.
🌪️ Flashback = A full-body time warp
This isn’t just remembering—it’s reliving.
Your senses override the present. You might smell the old room. Hear the old voice. Feel the old shame.
And in those moments, your brain pulls you out of now—because it hasn’t fully registered that then is over.
⚖️ Why This Matters
You’re not overreacting.
You’re not being dramatic.
You’re navigating a system that was trained to protect you through overfunctioning—and now that same system is raising a red flag.
Knowing whether you’re being visited by a thought or pulled into a reliving experience helps you choose the right tool, not just the right tone.
And that clarity?
It’s not just a relief—it’s leadership.
When Do Intrusive Memories Happen?
Intrusive memories can show up at any time. They don’t wait for therapy or a safe space.
They tend to sneak up on you during the most ordinary, everyday moments—like when you’re:
Reading a book
Shopping at the store
Mowing the lawn
Taking care of your kids
Watching a TV show
The other day, I was building a Lego truck with my son. We were just quietly snapping pieces together when, out of nowhere, I got hit with back-to-back memories of being rejected and avoided. I choked back tears as I placed a smiling head on a worker’s body.
That’s the thing about intrusive memories: they don’t ask permission.
They don’t care what you’re doing or how peaceful your day seems.
And that unpredictability? It can be terrifying.
It makes you feel like you’re not in control—like the past is calling the shots.
But please hear me on this: you’re not broken.
Feeling overwhelmed, scared, or disoriented doesn’t mean you’ve failed at healing.
It means your brain is trying—clumsily but honestly—to process something important.
You are not alone in this.
Why Do Intrusive Memories Happen?
Picture this:
You’re sitting alone at the kitchen table. The house is quiet.
No fires to put out. No meetings. No noise.
And that’s when it hits.
A memory you didn’t ask for.
A moment you haven’t thought about in years.
And suddenly, your chest tightens and you’re back in the feelings you thought were buried.
This is what most people don’t understand about healing:
You don’t get haunted because you’re falling apart.
You get haunted because you’ve finally slowed down enough to feel.
Intrusive memories show up when your nervous system isn’t in fight mode anymore—
and for the first time, it has space to process what you never had time (or safety) to face.
It’s not sabotage.
It’s not weakness.
It’s your body saying, “Hey… I’m still carrying this. Can we deal with it now?”
Trauma doesn’t always hit you during the crisis.
Sometimes it waits.
It waits until the performance stops. Until you exhale.
Until you’ve proven how strong and successful and put-together you are.
And then—
The flash.
The smell.
The phrase.
The freeze.
This is the body remembering what the mind tried to outrun.
You don’t need to explain it with acronyms or chemical imbalances.
You just need to know this:
Intrusive memories happen when your system is safe enough to feel what used to be too dangerous.
That’s not regression.
That’s healing trying to begin.
What Intrusive Memories Feel Like — And Why They Hit So Hard
It can happen anywhere.
You’re standing in the kitchen, staring into the fridge.
You’re mid-scroll through email.
You’re on a Zoom call, nodding along—when suddenly, you’re not really here anymore.
It doesn’t look dramatic from the outside.
But inside, it’s chaos:
Your chest tightens.
Your thoughts race.
A memory you haven’t touched in years crashes in uninvited.
You’re not overreacting.
You’re not weak.
You’re not “making something out of nothing.”
This is what it feels like when a part of you—one that never got closure—comes back online.
And it doesn’t always make logical sense.
Sometimes the trigger seems random. Harmless.
But your nervous system isn’t operating on logic. It’s operating on felt memory.
Let’s walk through a few everyday examples:
🧠 Real-Life Intrusive Memory Triggers
You’re reading a book to your kid… and suddenly remember the shame your teacher used to make you feel every time you “got it wrong.”
Now, your voice wavers—and you feel seven years old again.You’re budgeting for your business… and a wave of panic rolls through your chest.
You’re not actually back in that financial crisis—but part of you is. And suddenly every decision feels loaded with fear.You’re walking your neighbor’s dog… and before you even cross the street, your body flinches.
Your brain knows you’re safe—but your body remembers a bite, a bark, a moment you never processed.
These aren’t overreactions.
They’re echoes of pain that got locked away until your system decided it was safe enough to let them out.
So if you’re feeling:
😠 Angry
😔 Sad
😨 Anxious
😵 Confused
…you’re not broken. You’re remembering.
And if those memories are looping or hijacking your ability to lead, think, or stay present—you don’t have to carry it alone.
I work with emotionally aware, high-functioning people who are ready to stop performing and start healing—for real.
If that’s you, let’s talk.
What to Do When Intrusive Memories Hit (Without Defaulting to Overfunctioning)
Let’s get real.
When the memory hits, your first instinct might be to:
Open another tab
Push through the discomfort
Shame yourself for still being affected
Intellectualize it away with a podcast or productivity hack
But none of that clears the charge.
You know this—because you’ve tried it.
Here’s a different path—one that honors your strength without asking you to collapse.
1️⃣ Call It What It Is
Say it out loud, in your mind, or on paper:
“That was an intrusive memory.”
Naming it doesn’t give it more power. It gives you more ground.
It separates the event from your identity.
2️⃣ Pause the Output
If you can, stop typing. Put down the phone. Take your hands off the wheel—literally or metaphorically.
You’re not broken. You’re in override.
Let your system recalibrate before you demand more from it.
3️⃣ Engage the Body—Not Just the Brain
Your default is to think.
But this isn’t a logic problem—it’s a body one.
Put your feet flat on the floor. Touch something with texture. Drop your shoulders. Let your breath widen.
Give your body proof that it’s now, not then.
4️⃣ Create a Small Containment Ritual
You don’t have to process everything right now. But you do need to honor it.
That might mean jotting a quick note:
“Memory of ______ hit me hard. I’ll return to it tonight when I’m grounded.”
That’s not avoidance. That’s leadership.
5️⃣ Choose a Grounding Action That Doesn’t Perform
Not everything needs to be productive or nourishing or meaningful.
Some things just need to anchor you back in now.
Fold laundry. Water a plant. Stand outside for two minutes.
Let your body catch up to the present moment—without needing to “optimize” it.
Intrusive memories aren’t glitches.
They’re emotional data trying to be filed.
Your work is not to out-think them—but to out-presence them.
And here’s the truth:
If these moments keep crashing through, it’s not because you’re regressing.
It’s because you’re finally strong enough to feel what used to break you.
What Not to Do When Intrusive Memories Hit
You don’t need a list of “bad habits.”
You need a mirror.
Because when intrusive memories strike, your old systems will kick in—and those systems used to keep you safe.
Until they didn’t.
Let’s name them so they don’t keep running the show:
❌ Don’t Power Through Like Nothing’s Happening
You’re not “just tired” or “a little foggy.”
You’re triggered.
Stop pretending the memory didn’t hit just because it’s inconvenient.
Overriding is not resilience. It’s delayed collapse.
❌ Don’t Default to “Fix-It” Mode
This isn’t a logic puzzle.
You don’t need a new app, book, or morning routine.
You need to feel what you’ve been filing away for years.
If you turn it into a task, you’ll miss the invitation.
❌ Don’t Use Shame to Regain Control
Thoughts like:
“I should be past this.”
“This is ridiculous—I’ve done the work.”
“I have no right to be struggling. Others had it worse.”
These aren’t just unkind.
They’re delay tactics—keeping you from being human.
❌ Don’t Isolate (Even Emotionally)
You might still show up to the call, lead the team, run the numbers.
But if you go emotionally offline, the disconnection starts to leak.
Not asking for support isn’t strength. It’s an old wound flexing.
❌ Don’t Make This a Solo Project
You’ve been soloing your survival long enough.
Let someone witness it without trying to solve it.
Let someone see it without needing to rescue you.
Yes, you’re capable.
But that doesn’t mean you’re meant to carry it alone.
🛑 Final Reminder:
Just because you’re skilled at suppressing doesn’t mean it’s sustainable.
This moment isn’t asking for performance.
It’s asking for presence.
Still Not Sure If This Applies to You?
❓What if I’ve done a ton of therapy—shouldn’t this be gone by now?
Therapy can teach you tools. But if your system is just now feeling safe enough to process older pain, that’s not failure—it’s progress.
Intrusive memories don’t mean you’re regressing. They mean you’re finally ready to feel.
Read: Therapy Isn’t Failing You—But It’s Not Enough for Leaders Who Want Real Change
❓Is this the same as PTSD?
Not necessarily. You can experience intrusive memories without having full-blown PTSD.
But if your past experiences involved fear, helplessness, or deep shame—it’s normal for your brain to re-surface them when you’re no longer in survival mode.
Read: PTSD Recovery for Entrepreneurs: 7 Grounding Strategies
❓Why does this only happen when I slow down?
Because the part of you that was powering through needed to stay busy to stay safe.
Stillness isn’t the problem. It’s the doorway. Your nervous system is using that space to bring up what you finally have capacity to process.
Read:
👉You’re Not Broken—You’re High-Functioning and Hurt
👉 Over Delivering Feels Noble – Until it Breaks You
❓What if this keeps happening during work?
You’re not broken—you’re overloaded.
If your memories are hijacking your leadership or decision-making, it’s not just a personal issue. It’s a signal that your emotional system needs integration—not suppression.
Read: The Fog After the Fire: Dissociation in High-Achieving Leaders
This Doesn’t End Here
You survived by becoming invulnerable.
But you’ll heal by becoming present.
That presence won’t come from another strategy, book, or system.
It will come when you finally stop bracing—and let someone walk with you through the parts you’ve tried to manage alone.
💛 You Don’t Have to Keep Carrying This Alone
If your memories are hijacking your focus, fracturing your leadership, or making you feel like a stranger in your own body—
this isn’t just emotional residue.
It’s a sign that healing is asking for your attention.
And I can help.
👉 Explore coaching with me — for leaders who are finally ready to stop performing and start healing.
🎧 Want to listen instead?
Check out my podcast for honest conversations on trauma, resilience, and emotional sobriety in business and life.
📬 Got thoughts about this piece?
Write me a note—I read every message.
