The Grief Process: Moving Forward after Loss
Grief and trauma hit hard, affecting us deeply. As a life coach specializing in helping people through tough times like traumas and addictions, I believe it’s crucial to dig into these issues, especially when it comes to business owners.
In this article, let’s dive into the different aspects of grief, going beyond the usual talk of loss, and highlight why dealing with these challenges is vital in the world of business leadership and in life in general. This is an extension of an earlier article I wrote about grief process.
Trauma healing doesn't mean going back to 'normal'; it's about finding a new balance after the storm.
What Causes Grief?
When you lose something, not just losing someone you love but also losing hope, safety, security, and confidence it shatters your idea of normalcy. This loss often happens suddenly, during stressful or abusive moments.
It’s important to understand that trauma healing doesn’t mean going back to ‘normal’; it’s about finding a new balance after the storm. And it incudes working through various emotions through a process called grief. These happen in various stages.
Overview of the Grief Process
The original author of the idea of the stages of grief belongs to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a psychiatrist and author. She is best known for her work on the five stages of grief, outlined in her book “On Death and Dying,” published in 1969.
Kübler-Ross stated there are five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), but I see it as a more complicated process with at least 7 stages. Below is the explanation of the grief model, with my additions of resignation and shock.
The Grief Process Model
As you read through this, understand that each stage is not linear. You or someone who has experienced trauma may find themselves jumping back and forth from one stage to another.
Stimuli (i.e., sights, smells, words) can cause you to remember memories, evoking intense emotions and taking you from one place to another.
7-Stage Grief Model | ||
|---|---|---|
| What it is | What it looks like | |
Shock | Something surprising or really upsetting happens. | Emotionally, it can make you feel overwhelmed, confused, or even like you’re not feeling anything at all. Physically, your body might respond with things like a faster heartbeat, shaking, or feeling disoriented. |
Denial | At first, it might be hard to believe that something bad happened. | For example, if someone close passes away or leaves, you might refuse to believe they’re gone. Or you may deny the abuse even occurred. |
Anger | As the truth sinks in, you might feel really mad. | Anger can be directed at yourself, others, or the situation. For example, if you were in a car accident, you might be angry at the driver who caused it or even at yourself for being in that place at that time. |
Bargaining | You try to make deals or promises to change what happened. | You might think, “If only I had done something differently, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.” |
Resignation | Acceptance to either the reality or final outcome. | Resignation may be accompanied by a sense of giving up or surrendering, and it may lack the positive or adaptive aspects found in acceptance. |
Depression | If the resignation isn’t dealt with fully, it’s normal to feel very sad and hopeless. | You might withdraw from others and struggle to find joy. |
Acceptance | Finally, you start to accept the reality of what happened and seek healing. | It doesn’t mean you’re happy about it, but you begin to find a way to live with the new reality. For instance, after surviving a serious illness, you might accept that your health has changed, and now you focus on adapting and finding a new normal. |
How to Work Through the Grief Process
Navigating grief and trauma isn’t just a stroll down memory lane. Real healing means diving deep into those intense emotions. It’s about facing your grief head-on, not sweeping it under the rug.
So, why should business owners, just like you, tackle grief and trauma headfirst? Well, dodging it can lead to some noticeable consequences – things like depression, anxiety, and limitations.
When business leaders deal with lingering sadness, they might feel alone and upset, making it hard to control their feelings. These struggles can affect their work decisions, communication, and overall success.
Owners like yourself need to understand that their sadness doesn’t only affect them personally; it directly impacts their businesses. Ignoring emotional problems can make the workplace unpleasant, slow down new ideas, and make employees feel less motivated to work or even to staying in your team. Next, let’s talk about some real and applicable ways you can process the loss.
Practical Ways to Deal with Loss
Accept the Pain
- Allow yourself to feel the hurt. All of it. Accepting your pain is the first step to healing. This is where you allow yourself to feel the full range of feelings. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. These emotions are natural responses to loss.
Write About Your Feelings
- Keep a journal where you can express how the loss impacts you. Writing can help you process your emotions and gain clarity. And resist the temptation to want to edit or minimize certain events. Write it all down. Your journal should be a private space to explore your thoughts and feelings.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
- Find friends, family, or support groups who will listen and understand you and your pain. Sharing your thoughts with others is an important part of the healing process. Being with people who hold space for you can make a big difference. People want to minimize, deny, dismiss your feelings or offer quick fixes show limited emotional capacity and are incapable to comfort you in your time of loss.
Create New Routines and Goals
- Develop new routines that bring you comfort and stability. I think about one woman who always had Sunday morning coffee with the local bakery with her husband. After his death, she use her mornings to go hiking in her local park. In addition, set small, achievable goals to give yourself direction and purpose. This can help you rebuild a sense of normalcy and control.
Seek Professional Help
- Consider talking to a therapist, counselor or trauma-informed coach like myself who understands grief. Professional guidance can provide you with tools and strategies to cope effectively. Also, trauma therapy can offer a safe place to explore and understand your emotions.
Practice Self-Care
- Take care of your physical and emotional well-being. Eat well, exercise, and get enough rest. Engage in self-care activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, meditation, or nature walks.
Honor Your Loss
- Find ways to honor what you’ve lost. This could be through a memorial, a ritual, or creating something meaningful in their memory. Maybe you want to have a funeral with yourself about the loss of a person, place or even idea that you once held close to your heart. Honoring your loss can help you find a sense of peace and closure.
Recognizing and addressing grief is crucial for both personal well-being and professional success. By facing your emotions and taking steps to heal, you can create a healthier, more resilient life and business. Next, I will share my final thoughts.
The grieving process is all about learning how to regulate your body, feeling safe again, and learning how to keep yourself calm when things can trigger pain-filled memories. Please, if you are finding it a struggle to live life without feeling scared, seek the support you deserve from a licensed therapist or doctor who specializes in trauma.
Final Thoughts
Working through grief process is not a one-and-done event. I wish it could just be as simple as reading a book or taking a life coaching course or a single counseling session.
The grieving process is all about learning how to regulate your body, feeling safe again, and learning how to keep yourself calm when things can trigger pain-filled memories. Please, if you are finding it a struggle to live life without feeling scared, seek the support you deserve from a licensed therapist or doctor who specializes in trauma.
And if you need help building on those skills you learned in therapy, feel free to contact me.
Also, this episode from my podcast goes into more detail on how to find your new normal.
