The Grief Process: How to Heal and Lead After Loss
- Updated: April 16, 2025
As a healing and leadership coach, I know grief isn’t just about death.
It’s about losing safety.
Identity.
Dreams.
The version of life you thought you could count on. And when that kind of loss hits, it doesn’t follow a script. The grief process is messy, looping, and deeply personal.
But healing is possible.
This isn’t about “getting over it”—it’s about finding your footing again, feeling your feelings without shame, and learning how to move forward with clarity and self-trust.
In this piece, I’ll walk you through the 7 stages of grief—what they actually feel like (not just what a textbook says), how they show up in real life, and why it’s okay to move through them at your own pace.
You’ll also get practical, down-to-earth ways to care for yourself while you heal, plus some hard-won reminders about what not to expect from others during this time.
Trauma healing doesn't mean going back to 'normal'; it's about finding a new balance after the storm.
What Really Causes Grief?
Grief doesn’t just come from death. It can hit when you lose a relationship, a role, your sense of safety, or the future you thought you were building.
These kinds of losses—especially the sudden, stressful, or abusive ones—can completely shatter your idea of “normal.” And when that happens, your nervous system scrambles for stability. You’re not just sad—you’re disoriented, unanchored, and unsure how to move forward.
Healing from that kind of rupture doesn’t mean going back to how things were. It means finding a new rhythm—one that honors what was lost while helping you feel safe again in your own body and mind. That’s where the grief process comes in.
Understanding the Grief Process
Psychiatrist and author Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the original five stages of grief in her 1969 book On Death and Dying: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But real-life grief is rarely that tidy.
From my experience—both personal and professional—there are at least seven distinct emotional stages people move through. These stages don’t follow a straight line. They loop, they repeat, and sometimes they all show up at once. That’s normal.
Below, I’ll walk you through each of these stages, including shock and resignation, which I believe deserve their own space in the conversation.
The 7 Stages of Grief (And Why They Don’t Follow a Straight Line)
Grief doesn’t move in a straight line. You don’t “graduate” from one stage to the next like a syllabus. Maybe you bounce around. Revisit the areas that don’t feel too painful. You spiral, then stabilize, then spiral again. And all of that is normal.
Sights, smells, anniversaries, even a random comment can pull you right back into grief’s grip. These aren’t setbacks—they’re reminders that your system is still tender and healing.
These stages don’t always arrive in order—and they rarely show up once. You may revisit them more than you’d like. Click through each one to see what it really looks and feels like.
7 Stages of Grief
🌀 Shock – When reality hits like a wave and your body scrambles to make sense of it.
That moment when everything crashes.
Emotionally, it can feel like numbness, confusion, or full-body panic. Physically, you might shake, dissociate, or feel disoriented—like your body is here but your mind is floating somewhere else.
🙅♀️ Denial – A mental buffer against the full weight of what’s happened.
“This can’t be happening.”
You might refuse to believe the loss is real—whether it’s a breakup, a betrayal, or something more subtle, like realizing someone was never who you thought they were. Denial often shows up as avoidance, over-functioning, or minimizing what happened.
😠 Anger – The heat of injustice, blame, or helplessness—turned outward or inward.
“This isn’t fair.”
You might feel rage at the person who hurt you, at yourself, at God, or at life itself. Anger is a sign your system knows something wrong happened—and it’s trying to protect you. Don’t rush past this stage; it has wisdom in it.
🤝 Bargaining – Trying to rewrite the past or strike a deal to make it all feel reversible.
“If I just do this… maybe it’ll all go back to how it was.”
You replay scenarios in your head. Try to cut emotional deals. Rewrite the past in a thousand different ways. It’s an attempt to gain control over something that feels uncontrollable.
😞 Resignation – The quiet, heavy slump that sounds like: “I guess this is just how it is.”
The heavy “I guess this is just how it is.”
Resignation often feels like a quiet giving up. Unlike healthy acceptance, this stage can bring a numb, detached surrender—where hope feels distant and everything seems muted.
🫥 Depression – A deep emotional shutdown, where everything feels dull, heavy, or hopeless.
The weight of it all lands.
You might feel hopeless, exhausted, or totally disconnected from joy. This is grief fully landing in your nervous system. It can feel isolating—but it’s a natural part of the process, not a sign you’re broken.
🌱 Acceptance – Not peace, but the beginning of a new normal you can live with.
A quiet turning point.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re “over it.” It means you begin to build a new kind of normal—one that makes space for your pain but isn’t ruled by it. This is where you start to reengage with life and find meaning on your own terms.
How to Work Through the Grief Process
Grief isn’t just sadness. It’s disorientation. It’s the shock of losing something or someone that anchored you—whether that’s a child, your health, a relationship, or even the business you poured yourself into. And yet, many leaders don’t give themselves permission to grieve. They keep going. They focus on strategy, productivity, and keeping up appearances, even when they’re quietly falling apart inside.
But here’s the truth: minimizing your grief doesn’t make it go away. It just pushes the pain underground—where it quietly drains your energy, fogs your thinking, and frays your relationships.
If you’re a business owner or leader, ignoring grief can show up in ways you don’t expect:
Struggling to make decisions
Snapping at your team or going silent
Feeling numb in meetings that used to energize you
Losing your creative spark or drive
Your grief doesn’t stay in one corner of your life. It shows up in your work, your leadership, and your relationships—whether you acknowledge it or not.
The good news? You don’t have to unpack it all at once. But you do have to stop pretending it doesn’t matter.
Let’s talk about some simple, grounded ways to begin working through your grief—without judgment or pressure to “bounce back.”
Practical Ways to Work Through Loss
Grief isn’t something you think your way out of. You feel your way through it. And while there’s no “fix,” there are steps that can help you move from emotional shutdown into healing, clarity, and self-trust—one moment at a time.
1. Let the Pain Happen
Stop bracing. Stop pretending it doesn’t hurt.
Whatever you lost—whether it’s a person, a dream, your health, or a sense of control—it mattered. And it’s okay that it hurts.
Feeling your pain isn’t weakness; it’s the first sign your nervous system is ready to heal.
2. Write What You Can’t Say Out Loud
Grief is messy, layered, and full of contradictions.
Journaling gives it a safe container. Don’t worry about grammar or being “mature.” Just write. Especially the things you’re scared to say.
This is your space to be raw, unfiltered, and real.
3. Stop Expecting Everyone to Get It
Surround yourself with people who can hold space—not fix, minimize, or rush you.
If someone tells you “everything happens for a reason” or tries to reframe your grief too soon, it’s okay to take some distance.
Not everyone is emotionally safe in times of loss. That doesn’t make you dramatic—it makes you aware.
The grieving process is all about learning how to regulate your body, feeling safe again, and learning how to keep yourself calm when things can trigger pain-filled memories. Please, if you are finding it a struggle to live life without feeling scared, seek the support you deserve from a licensed therapist or doctor who specializes in trauma.
4. Build New Rhythms
When your world shifts, your routines need to shift with it.
Create small rituals that feel grounding. Cook a meal. Walk at the same time every day. Start something gentle that gives your body and mind a sense of rhythm again. Over time, this becomes the scaffolding of your new life.
5. Ask for Real Help
You don’t have to do this alone—or turn healing into a solo project.
Grief deserves support. Whether it’s a trauma-informed therapist, a coach like me, or someone who knows this terrain, get the help you need. Especially if you’re a leader—your strength is not in going it alone, but in getting resourced.
6. Care for the Container (That’s You)
Your body is carrying this pain.
Feed it. Move it. Let it rest. Whether it’s a long shower, a short walk, or something that just makes you feel a little more human—do it.
Grief is exhausting. You’re allowed to treat yourself like someone who’s healing from something real. Because you are.
7. Honor What You Lost
You don’t have to “move on” to move forward.
Light a candle. Say a prayer. Create a ritual. Write a letter. Hold space for what once was—whether it’s a person, a phase of life, or even a belief you had to let go of. That honoring is part of your emotional integration.
Grief doesn’t just pass.
It reshapes you.
But with gentleness, intention, and support—you can find solid ground again. Not the same ground as before, but something new. Something steady. Something yours.
Sometimes, an image can say what words struggle to hold. This one sums up the journey we’ve walked through—and I’ll close with a few thoughts just for you.
Final Thoughts
Working through grief isn’t a weekend project.
It’s not something you read your way out of or fix with one breakthrough session.
Grief lives in the body. It shows up in your sleep, your breath, your nervous system’s fight-or-freeze response. Healing means slowly, gently learning to feel safe again—even when memories resurface or something small sends you spiraling.
If life feels too heavy right now, you’re not weak.
You’re carrying something big.
Please reach out to a licensed therapist or trauma-informed provider who can walk with you through the dark, not just cheer from the sidelines.
And if you’re rebuilding after that, and want help turning those therapy skills into real-world stability, I’d be honored to walk with you.
Here are a few ways we can stay connected:
- 🎙️ Listen to the podcast – for honest conversations about emotional healing, leadership, and sobriety
- 💌 Write me a note – if something in this piece hit home and you need to say it out loud
- 🤝 Explore working together – if you’re ready to go deeper into your healing journey and live with more clarity and calm
You’re not alone in this. And you don’t have to muscle your way through it anymore.
