Trust Yourself: Rebuild Self-Confidence and Belief in Your Abilities
Do you ever find yourself hesitating or actively avoiding crucial life decisions? Perhaps you have experienced the aftermath of choosing the opposite of what you know you should have done, leaving you feeling like a fool.
As an entrepreneur coach, I have talked with many clients over the years who have learned to distrust themselves after years of failure. Despite the setbacks and heartache, I have good news!
We can move past the doubt and learn to believe in our abilities. Yes, we can! In this article, we will discuss why we may have lost our self-confidence and how to rebuild it in a safe and positive way. This is an expansion of an earlier article I wrote about learning to be more honest with yourself and others.
Everybody Plays the Fool... Sometimes
Staying in a Toxic Work Environment for the “Benefits”
As I mentioned earlier, if you’re feeling unsure about yourself, your career, or your decisions, know that you’re not alone.
Many people, including myself, struggle with trusting our choices. I became especially aware of this during a stressful time that led to my hospitalization at a past corporate job. Here’s what happened:
I stayed at a harmful job because of the health benefits, even though the workplace was toxic. Looking back, it was a poor decision. I stayed because I was unhappy and it was taking a toll on me. It was ironic that I stayed at a job to pay for therapy to feel better, yet the job itself was making me need therapy. I also turned to alcohol to numb the pain.
I didn’t believe in myself or my ability to find a job that suited my interests and strengths.
Are you stuck in a situation that’s draining your energy, whether personally or professionally?
It’s normal to feel this way sometimes. But don’t worry—there are valid reasons for it. In the next section, we’ll explore why we often struggle to trust ourselves.
Three Reasons Why We Mistrust Ourselves
Reason #1: We Are Conditioned to People-Please and Receive Acceptance
This lack of self-trust is a common thread among many, and the reasons behind it are multifaceted. Often, we’ve been influenced by indecisive, insecure, and fearful role models in our lives – whether they be parents, relatives, mentors, or friends. These influencers inadvertently taught us to follow a life script that discourages independent thinking.
And guess what? If there are people around us who always find something wrong with what we do and keep telling us, it makes things even tougher. It can make us feel like we’re not good at anything and start doubting ourselves a lot.
Reason #2: We Use Lies As Protection
Behind the self-doubt to our confidence is a clear mix of self-deceit and lies. Now, you may asking, “Why do we lie to ourselves?”
Well, lies are a form of protection.
Lies are also a form of keeping things predictable and familiar.
When we don’t feel safe with others, and potentially ourselves, we will say things that prevent us from feeling the full brunt of the discomfort and pain.
Reality is too much to bear. So we tell ourselves it’s not bad, they didn’t really mean it, when the reality is this is bad, these people and situations are harmful. Unfortunately, the lies usually create more problems.
And worse, all that “protection” we place around us make it all the harder for the truth and emotionally healthy people to reach us. It takes time to be honest about our situation before more damage is done. Psychologist Robert Firestone calls this process “self-parenting,” where we internalize negative voices from our past and use them to criticize ourselves in the present.
Confidence is simple, yet it takes work to obtain it. In the next section, we will talk about how to trust yourself. But before we get there, here is the second reason why we mistrust ourselves at times.
Reason #3: Our Bodies Are Feeling “Out of Whack” or Dysregulated
Sometimes, our bodies can feel out of balance or “off.” This happens when our body’s systems aren’t working as smoothly as they should. For example, stress can throw off our internal balance, making it harder for us to think clearly and solve problems effectively.
When we’re under long-term stress, it affects our body’s natural processes. Stress triggers a response in our brain that can disrupt our hormones and energy levels. This can make us feel anxious, tired, or overwhelmed.
Research shows that chronic stress affects the part of our brain responsible for decision-making and memory. It can make it harder to focus, remember things, and manage our emotions. When our body is in a constant state of stress, it impacts how well we handle challenges and make decisions.
So, if you’re feeling “off” or out of sorts, it might be because your body is not functioning at its best due to stress. Understanding this can help you be more patient with yourself and seek ways to restore your balance and well-being.
How to Trust Yourself: 6 Tips That Will Help You
Learning to trust yourself is a crucial aspect of personal growth and recovery. Here are some steps and reflections that might help you on this journey:
1) Increase Your Self-awareness
Take a moment to think about the choices you’ve made and the things you’ve done in the past. This process will help you to discover yourself and the lessons that life has taught you.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Which decisions do you regret the most? Why?
- What happened as a result of those decisions? Did things turn out the way you expected, or was it different?
- What did you learn from those experiences?
2) Identify Your Past and Present Influences
Let’s take a closer look at the things that have influenced you and might be making it hard for you to trust yourself. These influences could be things that happened to you in the past, people who weren’t so positive around you, or maybe comments from others that made you doubt yourself.
It’s important to recognize these influences. Think about where your lack of self-trust might be coming from. Maybe something not-so-great happened before, or maybe someone made you feel like you couldn’t rely on yourself. It could even be those voices in your head that say you’re not good enough.
When someone is recovering from a pain-filled past, they go through changes that help them figure out what they really want and why. They also learn ways to not let other people’s negative thoughts bring them down and hurt how they feel about themselves.
When someone is recovering from a pain-filled past, they go through changes that help them figure out what they really want and why. They also learn ways to not let other people's negative thoughts bring them down and hurt how they feel about themselves.
3) Recite Positive Affirmations DAILY
Here’s a little trick that can brighten your day – positive affirmations. It’s like giving yourself a friendly pep talk. So, every day, remind yourself of the awesome things you’re good at. Tell yourself, “Hey, I’ve got strengths and capabilities that rock!”
And if those sneaky negative thoughts try to creep in – you know, the ones that say, “I always mess things up” – shut them down! Challenge those thoughts with something positive. Instead, say to yourself, “I’ve got this. I’m totally capable of making good decisions.”
Positive affirmations are like turning the volume up on the positive and drowning out the negative chatter.
A study published in the journal “Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience” found that self-affirmation activates brain circuits associated with self-related processing and reward, suggesting that it can have real, measurable effects on our mental state.
4) Create a Mindfulness and Stress Reduction Routine
First up, try adding some mindfulness stuff into your everyday routine. It’s like giving your brain a mini-vacation. Just take a few moments to be right where you are, and it can really chill out the stress.
Next, let’s tackle stress like a superhero. Learn some tricks to manage it so it doesn’t stick around and mess with your decision-making powers. We want you feeling cool, calm, and collected when it’s decision time!
A study published in the journal “Psychiatry Research” found that just eight weeks of mindfulness meditation can actually change the brain, increasing density in areas associated with learning, memory, emotion regulation, and empathy.
5) Surround Yourself with Supportive People
First, find those buddies who make you feel like a superhero. Build connections with folks who cheer you on and lift you up. And when you’re looking for advice, aim for the helpful kind, not the critical stuff. It’s like creating your own team of positivity to boost your self-trust.
Psychologist Shelly Gable’s research shows that how we respond to others’ good news can be even more important for relationship well-being than how we respond to bad news. She calls this “active constructive responding,” and it involves showing genuine enthusiasm when others share positive events.
6) Embrace Failure as a Learning Opportunity
We all make mistakes – it’s completely normal! Instead of feeling bad about them, see them as chances to learn something new. Figure out what went wrong, how you can improve next time, and keep moving forward with that new knowledge. Learning and growing are key!
Carol Dweck, a Stanford psychologist, has extensively researched the power of a “growth mindset” – the belief that abilities can be developed through effort and learning. She says, “The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times in their lives”.
When we are open about learning from our mistakes, it has a positive ripple effect. As leaders and business owners, we help reduce workplace stress because our team members feel comfortable admitting their failures, setbacks, and challenges. This openness makes our workplace safer and more supportive. Plus, there are more benefits of embracing failure. Here’s how:
- Better Collaboration: Team members are more willing to share ideas and feedback, knowing that mistakes are seen as opportunities for growth rather than points of criticism.
- Increased Creativity: When the fear of failure is reduced, people are more likely to think outside the box and take innovative risks.
- Stronger Problem-Solving: Learning from past errors equips us with valuable insights and strategies, leading to more effective solutions in the future.
- Enhanced Employee Engagement: Feeling supported and valued boosts morale and motivation, leading to higher job satisfaction and productivity.
- Personal Growth: Individuals develop resilience and self-confidence as they learn to navigate challenges and improve their skills.
- Improved Leadership: Leaders who model this growth mindset set a positive example and inspire their teams to embrace learning and development.
I hope this helps you understand that you win when you learn, regardless of whether things turn out the way you hoped. In the next section, I will share my final thoughts.
Don't stress over failure; hug it tight. It's like a secret passageway to success, and trust me, there's a sneakily important lesson hidden in there too!
Final Thoughts
Working through past pain can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Remember to be gentle with yourself during this process. When you catch yourself having self-defeating thoughts, know that it’s a sign you’re moving in the right direction. Each step forward, even if it feels small, is progress.Your healing journey will lead you to what you need and require at present, so be patient with yourself.
If you require help, do not hesitate to get in touch with me. Learn more about these issues by listening to this episode from my entrepreneur podcast.
