Unqualified Life Coaches: The Hidden Harm of Performative Healing
- Updated: July 22, 2025
There’s something I’ve been hesitant to say out loud about unqualified life coaches — because once I say it, there’s no walking it back.
But here it is:
There are people making real money teaching trauma work they haven’t lived through — let alone healed from.
They host sleek podcasts. Lead glossy retreats. Offer “deep” mentorship inside $10K containers. And if you’re not paying close attention, it’s easy to assume they know what they’re doing.
But for those of us who’ve actually done the work — who’ve sat in the thick of recovery, grief, addiction, or abuse — their energy hits differently.
All performance, no presence.
All light, no weight.
All “divine feminine flow,” but no actual integrity.
And here’s the kicker: what they’re doing is completely legal. But that doesn’t make it moral.
You could sell a trauma “healing” program today with zero training or self-awareness — just don’t call yourself a therapist, or the lawsuits come flying. So why do we let coaches slide?
As a healing and leadership coach — which is really just a grounded way of saying I help people lead from a place of sobriety and wholeness — I take this seriously. And if you’re a leader, you should too.
I’ve written before about how this industry almost broke me, and I’ll say it again here: discernment isn’t cynicism — it’s protection.
We’ve got ground to cover — so let’s get into it.
Jump to What You Need to Know
🧭 Why Leaders Need To Know Before They Waste Their Time and Money
Just because something’s legal doesn’t mean it’s ethical.
And nowhere is that more obvious than in the coaching and healing space.
We’re watching a wave of people step into “leadership” — hosting retreats, running “trauma-informed” group programs, offering deep healing work — without ever healing themselves.
The harm isn’t always obvious at first. But it’s real. I’ve seen it up close: confused, ashamed clients limping away from high-ticket containers feeling spiritually bypassed, emotionally blamed, and more disconnected than when they started.
Why I’m Saying This Now — Personal Reflection
I held back for a long time. This space is cutthroat — and I know what happens when you pull back the curtain.
But I also know what it’s like to actually heal.
To sit with grief. To wrestle with addiction, trauma, shame — and not slap a pretty filter on top of it.
I didn’t walk through hell just to pretend I’m fine now.
I’m not here to perform healing. I’m here to live it — and protect the people trying to do the same.
That’s why I stay honest with myself. That’s why I share my story openly, even when it’s messy.
Because if you’re serious about real leadership — you can’t ignore this trend.
It affects how you’re seen. It affects how your clients trust you.
And it creates an emotional debt this industry keeps hiding under branding, buzzwords, and big promises.
This didn’t happen by accident. There’s a reason so many unhealed coaches are drawn to the spotlight — and it starts with how “leadership” becomes a mask when real healing is missing.
🎭 Why Unhealed Life Coaches Gravitate Toward Coaching Roles
There’s power in helping others — and power can feel intoxicating when you’ve spent years feeling powerless.
That’s what draws many unqualified coaches to the stage. For some, coaching becomes a form of redemption — a way to:
feel seen
matter
control something — anything — when life has felt chaotic or unhealed.
But without humility, honest self-examination, and real support, that platform becomes a coping mechanism — not a calling.
We see this dynamic in high-profile figures like Teal Swan (The Deep End pulled back that curtain), Gina DeVee (whose work often leans more into glamor than groundedness), or spiritual influencers like Sahara Rose. This isn’t about dragging names — it’s about naming the pattern.
These examples show how easy it is to master the language of healing without embodying the substance of it.
When money, status, or relevance become the goal — something gets lost. And what gets lost is the depth.
Here’s the twist: some, like Gina DeVee, even have formal training. She has a master’s in therapy. But somewhere along the way — maybe after moving to California, or soaking in the Bob Proctor-style world of high-ticket hype — the work shifted. Healing turned into selling empowerment like a lifestyle brand.
When Image Replaces Integrity
Again, this isn’t about one name. It’s about what happens when the coaching industry rewards image over integrity.
When staying visible becomes more important than staying honest.
When “high vibes” replace hard truths.
So when these leaders are challenged — not from hate, but from discernment — they don’t reflect.
They deflect.
That’s not leadership.
That’s avoidance, dressed up in affirmations and filtered captions.
And that’s exactly why real, premium coaching looks different — it holds the mirror instead of selling you a mask.
🧠 The Cost — and Psychology — Behind Unqualified Life Coaches
This isn’t just a vibe issue — it’s a pattern rooted in psychology.
In transactional analysis, we talk about life scripting — those invisible childhood messages like “Don’t feel,” “Be strong,” or “Don’t need anyone.”
Many unqualified life coaches are operating from unexamined scripts just like these.
Instead of healing their own wounds, they turn their pain into performance — and call it leadership.
What the science tells us is clear: unhealed trauma often drives people to seek control (disguised as authority), chase external validation, and cling to constant productivity or “serving” as a distraction from their own unresolved pain.
In short: they’re not leading to serve — they’re leading to soothe themselves.
And here’s where that personal mess becomes your mess: when they don’t do their own healing, your discomfort gets blamed on you.
I’ve worked with clients who came to me after being in these shiny containers.
They weren’t just disappointed — they were confused, ashamed, emotionally off-center.
Imagine being told things like:
- “You’re blocked.”
- “You’re not ready to receive.”‘
- “Your energy isn’t aligned.”
Translation? It’s your fault the transformation didn’t happen — not because the program lacked depth, but because you supposedly weren’t “vibrating high enough.”
That’s not trauma work. That’s spiritualized gaslighting.
How Language Gets Weaponized
When a leader doesn’t want to explain real, messy truths — about codependency, addiction, emotional abuse — they reach for catchphrases that sound profound but actually deflect.
So you’ll hear:
“Feminine energy”
“Alignment”
“Being activated”
“Quantum healing”
In the right hands, these ideas can be meaningful.
But in the wrong hands, they’re shields — ways to dodge accountability, keep things surface-level, and keep you paying for a promise that never lands.
When something feels off, instead of owning it, they say:
“That’s your projection.”
“You’re just triggered.”
That’s not empowerment.
That’s gaslighting with good branding.
And if you’ve ever felt that twist in your gut — you’re not wrong for noticing it.
Now, let’s break down the faces of these patterns — so you can spot them the next time they pop up in your feed.
🎡 Welcome to the Life Coaching Tilt-a-Whirl
Where the advice is vague, the vibes are high, and accountability is optional.
These next archetypes might sound playful — but don’t mistake them for harmless.
They’re exactly how bad coaching keeps people spinning for years, calling it “growth.”
I’ve named them. I’ve made them punchy. But the patterns? They’re real.
If you’ve ever felt dizzy trying to “heal” with one of these, you’re not alone — and you’re not crazy.
Ready? Let’s step behind the carnival curtain.
1. The Clarity Queen 👑
“You don’t need a plan — just get clear on your ‘why.’”
So you journal your ‘why’ twelve mornings straight. Now you’re painfully self-aware, spiritually raw… and still broke.
Diagnosis: Insight overload.
Damage: Direction without action. A real coach hands you strategy, not just self-reflection.
2. The Boundary Babe 🚫💋
“If it’s not a full-body yes, it’s a no.”
Cool — except now you’re ghosting your accountant, your kid’s teacher, and your own launch because nothing feels like a “yes” when you’re exhausted.
Diagnosis: Somatic avoidance dressed as self-care.
Damage: Fear masquerading as freedom. Real leadership sets boundaries and keeps commitments.
3. The Mirror Maven 🪞✨
“Everything is a mirror. That disrespectful client? That’s your inner child speaking.”
So when Karen ghosts you for eight weeks and demands a refund, that’s… your toddler asking for juice?
Diagnosis: Reflection fatigue.
Damage: Endless self-blame. A true coach mirrors and teaches you how to set clean lines.
4. The Vibe Inspector 🌈🔍
“Don’t act until your frequency is aligned.”
You were gonna send that invoice, but Mercury retrograded and your root chakra felt moody.
Diagnosis: Chronic energetic procrastination.
Damage: Perfect aura, unpaid bills. A real coach pushes you to move through resistance, not worship it.
5. The Love & Light Launcher 💕🚀
“You don’t need a strategy—just lead from your heart!”
You pour your soul into a 12-week program. Four people watch your IG Live. Two are bots.
Diagnosis: Strategy allergy.
Damage: Burnout with a side of resentment. Real coaching weaves heart with plan.
6. The Flow Fairy 🧚♀️📅
“You don’t need structure. Just follow your flow.”
You “flow” into three naps, a reorganized pantry, and a 1 a.m. tax panic.
Diagnosis: Weaponized fluidity.
Damage: Ethereal calendar. Earthbound stress. True coaching grounds your gifts in real scaffolding.
7. The Trauma Tourist 🧘♀️🌀
“Let’s sit with that and breathe.”
Nine sessions later, you have a curated meditation playlist… but the wound’s still raw.
Diagnosis: Spiritual codependence.
Damage: Babysitting dressed up as depth. A qualified coach holds space — and moves you through it.
🎡 BONUS RIDE: The Integration Oracle
“You’re not stuck. You’re just integrating.”
Translation: You’re spiraling, but here’s a pretty word to dodge the hard conversation.
Diagnosis: Euphemism overload.
Damage: Gaslit into stillness — with gratitude. The real work interrupts the spiral, not blesses it.
All jokes aside, this is allll happening online. Right now.
And if you’re thinking, “Wait… I’m on this Ferris wheel right now,” don’t worry—I got you. If you’re wondering what real coaching actually looks like — the kind that doesn’t leave you on this Tilt-a-Whirl — I break that down [here].
In the next section, let’s talk about what to do next.
🛑 What To Do If You’re in an Harmful Coaching Space
If you’re listening to someone and something feels off — trust that.
Not every discomfort is “resistance.” Sometimes it’s your nervous system waving a flag: Wake up. Something’s wrong.
🪞 If You’re a Coach Who Wants to Help — For Real
Maybe you’ve been in a program that blamed you for not “ascending fast enough.” Let’s be clear: that wasn’t your fault.
You weren’t broken — you were just in the wrong room.
And if you’re now the one with the mic — holding space, teaching, guiding — but deep down you know there’s healing you skipped?
This is your moment to pause.
Not out of guilt. Not to throw it all away.
But to do it differently.
Do the work. Quietly. Consistently. Without rushing to package it.
Your transformation doesn’t need a funnel — it needs a foundation.
The world doesn’t need more “branded breakthroughs.”
It needs more leaders with emotional sobriety, clean boundaries, and the guts to say, “I’m still becoming.”
🧭 If You’re a Client Wondering What’s Happening
Here’s what I want you to remember:
You’re not broken.
Your discomfort might be your intuition waking up.
Trust your body. If your nervous system feels unsafe during “coaching,” that’s not sabotage — that’s wisdom.
Stop second-guessing your unease.
If someone refuses questions, dodges depth, or keeps deflecting — walk.
Emotional intimacy isn’t found in a checklist. It’s not earned through perfection or productivity. And it won’t come from coaches who monetize shame while bypassing their own.
You have permission to leave.
You don’t owe loyalty to anyone just because they sound spiritual or sold you a “breakthrough.”
🔑 Lead From Your Scars — Not the Script
I’m not here to cancel anyone.
I’m here to protect people like you — people who want to heal, lead, and grow without getting swept into spiritualized hype or branding-over-substance coaching.
Healing isn’t flashy.
It’s slow. Sacred. Sometimes inconvenient.
It doesn’t always photograph well — but it does transform you.
If you feel called to lead — lead from your scars, not your wounds.
You don’t need a fancy title or a certificate to guide well.
But you do need to be anchored in truth — your own first.
Because at the end of the day, integrity isn’t optional when other people’s healing is in your hands.
If you’re ready to stay anchored, here’s how we can keep walking this out together:
🎧 Listen to the podcast — for honest conversations on healing, leadership, and emotional sobriety.
📩 Write me a note — if something in this piece hit home and you want to talk it through.
🤝 Work with me — when you’re ready to deepen your leadership and healing journey for real.
You’re not alone in this — and you never have to fake your way through it again.
