Discover the Joy: How to Find Happiness in Everyday Life
You want to grow emotionally, spiritually, and physically, but does it feel like something is blocking you? Well, the resistance may be coming from within you. As a life coach for entrepreneurs, I want to help you achieve clarity on how you view your life and your circumstances.
In this article, we will discuss 6 sneaky ways that you can ruin your joy. Note, none of these joy killers are ranked in any particular order.
Joy Killer #1: Envy
Envy is a liar and a thief. It is a liar because it causes you to overestimate the achievements of others while underestimating your capabilities and potential. Envy is a thief because it distracts you and drains your joy, resulting in missed opportunities.
Furthermore, when we feel envious, we are susceptible to comparing ourselves to others, and that is a recipe for disaster.
Constantly Comparing Ourselves
Constantly comparing ourselves to others, especially on social media, can make us feel not good enough and unhappy. When we compare, we often forget about the hard work and time others put in to achieve their own goals.
In a study conducted by Princeton researchers, they found that participants who engaged in self-comparisons experienced negative outcomes, such as feelings of inferiority and dissatisfaction.
Remember, everyone’s journey is unique, and focusing on our own progress is more important than comparing it to others.
Why ingratitude ruins our joy
When you are hyper-focused on others, you fail to appreciate the positive aspects of your own life, which can lead to a constant sense of dissatisfaction. In simpler terms, we become ungrateful. Learn to grow gratitude by acknowledging the good things, no matter how small, can help improve your overall happiness.
Ingratitude is particularly harmful because it leads us to the next joy killer, the false sense of entitlement.
Joy Killer #2: Entitlement
Have you ever wondered about the one thought that can really mess with our minds and disturb our inner calm? Even as someone who helps others as a life coach, I’m not immune to this thought: ‘I deserve this because…’
This idea of feeling entitled is quite common. You can see it all around you.
- Children grow up expecting to live as comfortably as their parents.
- New business owners believe their past job experience will automatically guarantee success in their new venture.
- Even the ads you see keep telling you that you deserve a new mobile phone, television or car!
Why do we feel entitled and how does it impact our sense of joy?
I’ll be honest, I’ve often felt like I deserved things more than I’d like to admit. Why do we think this way? We study hard, say the right things, and put in the time. We start to believe we’re owed something. But is that really true?
Many of us make ourselves miserable because we think someone or something owes us. We expect everything to happen exactly when we want it. Sadly, almost everything in life isn’t under our control except our thoughts.
To find peace again, we need to stop expecting everything we want to come to us. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t work hard—of course, we should. But we shouldn’t let our desires ruin our clarity and inner calm.
Another thing that quietly ruins our happiness is perfectionism. Let’s explore how we might develop a mindset where everything has to be perfect.
Joy Killer #3: Perfectionism
My former client Clyde (not real name) was raised in a sports performance-oriented environment. Both of his parents were natural athletes, and they drilled into Clyde and his brothers that their family must compete to win the game called life.
Despite having a height of 6’3″, Clyde had no interest in basketball or any other kind of sports. All he wanted was to go fishing on the weekends and spend time creating things with his hands, and so he decided to open a bike shop, rebelling from his parents.
However, his life script, “be perfect,” never stopped just because he chose not to become an athlete. My client spent countless hours making sure everything in his business was perfect at all times. If anyone said anything that could be interpreted as critical or negative, it would ruin his day completely.
Perfectionism is real punishment. Flaws, real or imagined, are a capital offense. This joy-killer can lead to a never-ending cycle of disappointment and self-criticism.
If you want to have a healthy mindset, you must celebrate your overall progress rather than the missteps that will naturally occur.
It really isn't about getting things right, it is feeling right about the things you do.
— Denise Lee (@DeniseGLee) August 7, 2023
Joy Killer #4: Future telling and mind reading
Can you see the future and know exactly what people will say or do? If you can, let me know. Or if you have psychic powers, I’ll help you get in touch with someone in show business.
Seriously though, many people try to judge others with very little information, thinking they can guess future actions based on what they see now.
While we can get an idea of someone’s character from their behavior, neither you nor I can predict the future. People are unpredictable. They can change their feelings about something or someone, including you, for many reasons.
We can’t and shouldn’t try to predict things we can’t control. The best we can do is focus on our own actions and keep ourselves in check. Jumping to the worst-case scenario steals our joy and clear thinking. It can also lead us into negativity and even make us sick.
This habit of trying to read minds and tell the future is closely linked to taking things personally.
Joy Killer #5: Personalization
Have you ever watched Seinfeld? It is one of my favorite 90s sitcom shows. There was one particular episode when the character George Costanza was breaking up with a girlfriend. During the conversation, the woman said, “It is not you, it’s me”. To which George responded that he was the cause of the breakup.
When we get in personalization, it robs us of our joy and clarity. We lose perspective and pile all the fault and blame on ourselves. In a relationship and so many other areas of life, we are just a part of a bigger picture. Personalization robs us of the ability to see how other factors might have impacted a situation.
Finally, I saved the worst for last. Next, we will talk about codependency or try take responsibility for another person’s feelings.
Joy Killer #6: People pleasing
Codependency or people-pleasing could be an article in itself, but for the purposes of brevity, I will focus on it with respect to joy. Note: if you are looking for a great book about codependency, I highly recommend “Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie.
Anyway, when we focus on the moods of others at the expense of our sanity, we become their permanent prisoner.
Vicki and A Sad Tale
Sadly, this reminds me of one of my father’s former girlfriends named Vicki (not real name). Based on Vicki’s behavior, you would have thought the sun rose and set on my father. Anything my father wanted, Vicki was there.
This went above and beyond spending quality time. Vicki paid for my father’s housing and the majority of the food while they were living together. Despite knowing that my father was using Vicki, she stayed because my father said he was “sad” about the ending of his marriage.
This arrangement between Vicki and my father lasted for nearly two years. I am shocked that it lasted more than two months.
When you are codependent, your self-worth and esteem are completely dependent on others. In Vicki’s case, her worth was dependent on the presence of a man, and it didn’t matter if the man used and abused her.
I hope these ideas have helped you see that trying to look outside of yourself for joy is a recipe for disaster. The image below summarizes my thoughts. Next, I will share my final thoughts on joy killers.
Final thoughts
Happiness is something we choose. Things like jealousy, feeling entitled, and taking things personally can make us see things in a negative way and reduce our happiness. To be truly happy, we need to notice when our view of things is getting clouded or skewed.
If you need help obtaining clarity or joy, consider working with me today!
Dig deeper: Want to learn more about this finding happiness? Listen to this episode from my podcast or press the play button below.
