Building Emotional Resilience Before Ending an Unhappy Marriage
Building emotional strength before leaving an unhappy marriage is a key step in preparing for such a big life change. As a healing and leadership coach, I know how important it is to stay emotionally strong when you’re facing tough challenges, both personally and professionally. You’re not just helping others achieve success—you also need to make sure you stay afloat mentally and financially. One tricky area to navigate is divorce. In this article, I’ll share simple steps to help you build emotional strength before deciding to leave an unhappy marriage.
Before we dive in, I encourage you to check out this article I wrote on things to consider before filing for divorce. It covers areas that will affect how you emotionally process leaving your partner. Now, let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work. First, let’s talk about why discussing leaving an unhappy marriage is important, especially for you as a leader or entrepreneur.
Why This Issue Matters to Leaders and Business Owners
Running a business can be stressful, and tough choices can affect both your work and personal life. When your marriage is having problems—or ends—it can really hurt your ability to lead well and keep your business going strong.
Here’s the truth: building emotional strength isn’t just a personal win; it’s a leadership essential. With a stronger emotional foundation, you can:
- Make clearer, more confident decisions.
- Handle challenges with greater resilience.
- Stay focused and productive, even during tough times.
- Manage stress and emotions more effectively.
- Lead by example, inspiring your team with balance and strength.
Most of us neglect the emotional side of divorce, thinking it’s something we can address later. We often tell ourselves there’s too much money to make, too many business deals to close. We believe that with enough time and space, it will all work itself out. However, avoiding mental health challenges can lead to serious consequences. A prime example of this is the story of Kate and Andy Spade.
Kate and Andy Spade
For some reason, we don’t often talk about the emotional struggles business owners go through while growing their companies. A clear example of this is the story of the Spade family. Kate Spade, the name behind the popular handbags and accessories, seemed to be the perfect success story on 5th Avenue.
However, during their professional peak, Kate and Andy Spade faced personal challenges. The couple had been living separately for 10 months before Kate’s death by suicide in 2018, during which she battled depression and anxiety. Despite their separation, they remained business partners and had strategically sold their stake in the Kate Spade brand in two phases: 56% to Neiman Marcus in 1999 and the remaining stake in 2006.
The brand continued to thrive after their departure, with Coach acquiring it for $2.4 billion in 2017. This acquisition demonstrated the enduring value and appeal of the Kate Spade brand, even as its founders grappled with personal struggles behind the scenes.
The Emotional Impact Of Divorce
Now, let’s talk about divorce.
I’ve spoken with many people who’ve been through it, and there’s one thing most of them never saw coming: the emotional fallout of ending a marriage.
Here’s what I mean.
While TikTok might glorify “Divorce Parties” and newfound freedom, the reality often looks much messier once the papers are signed. Sure, there’s relief for some—an end to years (or decades) of conflict and pain. But for many others, it’s the crushing realization of finality, wondering how it all fell apart.
Let’s be real—nobody walks down the aisle planning for divorce.
And when it happens, you’re left to redefine yourself, navigating a rollercoaster of emotions while trying to rebuild your life. If you’re also running a business, the pressure to keep things afloat can feel overwhelming. I talked about that in the social media post below. Click the link below to join in the conversation.
But here’s the thing: facing these challenges head-on can make you stronger—not just as a person, but as a leader. With the right tools and mindset, you can heal, grow, and keep leading through the toughest transitions. We will get to those steps on how to do that in the following section.
Divorce is messy—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!
— Denise G. Lee (@DeniseGLee) January 8, 2025
It’s not just about hiring a lawyer, signing papers, finding a new place to live, or tossing your ex’s belongings into a box and putting it outside. It’s so much more than that.
Divorce brings up intense emotions, like:…
10 Steps to Build Emotional Strength Before Leaving an Unhappy Marriage
1. Acknowledge and Process Your Emotions
The first step in building emotional strength is recognizing and accepting your feelings about your marriage and the possibility of divorce. Don’t let anyone downplay or exaggerate what you’re going through. Whether this is your first, second, or even third end to a serious relationship, you need time to pause, unpack, and reflect on what’s happening inside you.
Be cautious of people who want you to copy how they processed their divorce. Everyone is different, and your journey should honor your unique experience.
Allow yourself to feel emotions like sadness, anger, or fear without judgment. It’s okay—and completely normal—to have strong, even upsetting feelings, even when you know ending the marriage is the right choice. There will likely be moments when certain sights, sounds, or smells trigger memories of your partner. Let yourself grieve through those moments. The time you spent with them, for better or worse, helped shape the person you are today.
Consider keeping a journal to privately express your thoughts and feelings. As you write, resist the urge to tidy it up or turn it into something you think it should be. Let it be a safe space to unload and release everything you’re carrying.
2. Practice Self-Care
When you’re juggling the demands of running a business while ending an unhappy marriage, self-care can easily fall to the bottom of your to-do list. You might even convince yourself that ending the marriage is self-care in itself. Don’t let yourself fall into that trap.
Taking care of your physical and mental health is important during this challenging time. Engage in activities that promote well-being, such as:
- Regular exercise
- Healthy eating habits
- Getting enough sleep
- Meditation or mindfulness practices
- Engaging in hobbies or activities you enjoy
Remember, self-care is not selfish. You can’t tackle your to-do list if you’re running on empty. If needed, let the people around you know that you’ll be blocking off chunks of time to reset and recharge. Self-care isn’t optional—it’s a necessity for building emotional strength..
3. Seek Support
The strong, resilient leaders I’ve worked with often have a habit of not wanting to emotionally burden others. They only reach out when they’re completely overwhelmed. But here’s the advice I’ve shared with them, and now with you: showing your humanity during times of stress doesn’t weaken your inner strength—it amplifies it.
Don’t try to face the challenge of leaving an unhappy marriage alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, a coach like me, or a therapist for support. Sharing your feelings and concerns can give you clarity, perspective, and a reminder that you’re not alone in this journey.
4. Set Realistic Expectations
Just like building your business took time to grow, you need to be patient with yourself as you forge a new path as a single person. Don’t expect feelings like bitterness, jealousy, or malice toward your ex to disappear the moment you sign the divorce decree. It doesn’t work that way.
I think of one client who needed two full years to process the end of her marriage and how it reshaped her view of herself and her ex-husband. She wanted to be done in six months, but it wasn’t realistic. There was so much to unpack—realizing the ways she and her ex were immature, and recognizing how she’d been enmeshed in a toxic, codependent relationship. That kind of healing takes time.
Building emotional strength, even when leaving an unhappy marriage, is a process that requires patience and effort. Be kind to yourself and set realistic goals for your personal growth. Understand that there will be good days and bad days—and that’s perfectly okay.
5. Develop Coping Strategies
Have you ever tried to board an airplane with nothing but the clothes on your back? Unless you’re a secret spy or fleeing a war zone, most of us need a few essentials to get us where we’re going.
Leaving an unhappy marriage is like traveling to unknown territory. Even if you have a general idea of where you’re headed and how to navigate, having some tools along the way can make the journey smoother.
This is where learning to create a new emotional normal comes in. When you’re facing new and unfamiliar situations, it’s crucial to develop and practice healthy coping strategies to handle stress and tough emotions. Some effective techniques include:
- Deep breathing exercises
- Progressive muscle relaxation
- Positive self-talk
- Mindfulness meditation
These tools can help you manage your emotions and reduce anxiety during challenging times.
6. Focus on Personal Growth
Even if your marriage was unhappy and you’re relieved to be moving on, it’s easy to forget or neglect the things that once made you feel like you. Trying to deny, avoid, minimize, or exaggerate past hurts comes at a high cost: losing your sense of self apart from the relationship. Now is the time to get your groove back!
Use this time to invest in your personal growth. Consider taking classes, learning new skills, or exploring interests you may have set aside during your marriage. These things can boost your self-confidence and give you a renewed sense of purpose.
I know a man who rediscovered his love for the guitar after his divorce. His ex-wife wasn’t a fan of his playing, so his old Yamaha APX600 Acoustic-Electric Guitar had been collecting dust in a closet for years. After moving out, he found it again and picked it up. Getting back to jam sessions didn’t just help relieve stress—it reignited his passion and reminded him of who he really was.
7. Practice Forgiveness
Forgiveness is hard—both for yourself and your partner. As humans, we can do messy, sloppy, and sometimes insensitive things to each other.
Even when leaving an unhappy marriage, there were likely many mistakes made, some of which may never have been acknowledged. Years, maybe even decades, of unresolved issues can build up.
Choosing to forgive doesn’t mean you’re avoiding, condoning, or ignoring what happened. It doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing hurtful behavior either. Forgiveness is about letting go of resentment and anger that might be holding you back.
Remember, forgiveness isn’t a one-time decision—it’s a process. It can take time, and that’s perfectly normal. Be patient with yourself.
Don’t forget to extend forgiveness to yourself. We’re often our harshest critics, but recognizing your own humanity is essential to healing. Forgiveness is about freeing yourself from the weight of the past, giving you space to move forward without being chained to old hurts.
It’s one of the most powerful tools in building emotional strength.
8. Visualize Your Future
This should be one of the most exciting parts of your journey as you decide to leave an unhappy marriage. All the things you thought you couldn’t, shouldn’t, or dared not do because of the constraints of the relationship are now free for you to explore. Embrace this newfound freedom and use it to your advantage!
Take time to imagine and plan for your future beyond your current situation. Got some money saved and you’re thinking about a little self-care with a “nip and tuck”? Go for it! Want to finally check off those travel destinations from your bucket list? Get it! Whatever your next step looks like, picture all the details—the how, where, and what—but especially the why. Why does this matter to you right now, at this stage of your life?
This can help you stay motivated and focused on your personal goals, rather than dwelling on the challenges of your marriage.
9. Establish Boundaries
Boundaries can be incredibly difficult, especially if you were emotionally and financially enmeshed with your former partner. I remember working with Terry (a pseudonym), who used to excessively dote on her husband emotionally. Even though she had friends and a full schedule of activities, she still felt responsible for supporting him emotionally, even after their divorce. She even went as far as trying to send him a care package post-divorce. Terry needed to understand that her ex-husband required space to redefine himself as a man without her involvement.
Learning to set healthy boundaries in your relationships—especially with your ex—can help preserve your emotional well-being and reduce conflict as you navigate this challenging time.
10. Engage in Spiritual Practices
Adding spiritual practices to your daily life can bring peace, direction, and a sense of purpose during hard times. Whether you’re going through something difficult, like ending an unhappy marriage, or just trying to stay steady, these practices can help you feel more balanced.
For some, it might be as simple as taking a few quiet moments in the morning to pray for peace and clarity. Others might prefer meditation to clear their minds and create space for thinking. Spending time outside—whether by walking, sitting by water, or just breathing in fresh air—can also help you feel more calm and connected. These moments remind you that there’s something bigger than the stress you’re dealing with.
For me, starting my day with reflection and prayer helps me stay focused and grounded. It’s not just about finding peace—it sets the tone for how I approach the rest of my day. Taking time for your spirit helps build emotional strength and keeps you focused on what really matters.
The image below sums up my tips. Next, let’s discuss examples of business owners learning to adapt to a new normal after ending unhappy marriages.
Examples of Building Emotional Strength
Here are some real-life examples of how individuals have built emotional strength before leaving an unhappy marriage:
- Payton, a business owner, started attending weekly therapy sessions to process her emotions and develop coping strategies. She also joined a support group for people considering divorce, which helped her feel less alone in her struggles.
- John, a corporate executive, began practicing mindfulness meditation daily to manage his stress and anxiety. He also took up running as a form of self-care and found that it improved his mood and energy levels.
- Lisa, a non-profit leader, focused on personal growth by enrolling in a leadership development course. This helped her build confidence and gain clarity about her future goals, both personally and professionally.
hope these examples have motivated and inspired you to see how your life can be transformed into something positive after leaving an unhappy marriage. Next, I will share my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
Building emotional strength before leaving an unhappy marriage is a challenging but essential process. Remember that healing is a journey, and it’s okay to take small steps toward your goals. By focusing on self-care, seeking support, and engaging in spiritual practices, you can build the emotional strength needed to navigate this difficult transition and emerge stronger on the other side.
Question: What have you been doing that has helped improve your inner resiliency and confidence after leaving an unhappy union? Let me know your thoughts using this link.
If you’re struggling with building emotional strength or considering leaving an unhappy marriage, I invite you to work with me, Denise G Lee. As a healing and leadership coach, I can provide personalized guidance and support to help you navigate this challenging time and emerge stronger and more resilient.
I also encourage you to listen to an episode of my podcast, where I discuss various topics related to personal growth, leadership, and emotional well-being. These resources can provide additional insights and inspiration as you work on building your emotional strength.
Remember, you have the power to create positive change in your life, and with the right support and tools, you can build the emotional strength needed to face any challenge that comes your way.
