Cognitive Distortions: Recognize and Reframe Negative Thoughts
As a healing and leadership coach, I’ve seen firsthand how our thoughts can shape our reality. And when I say firsthand, I mean all the ways we can gaslight ourselves into believing we are not worthy of receiving anything good, now or in the future. We do that all by ourselves, keeping ourselves trapped in imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and procrastination, ultimately avoiding the very things that will help us grow, heal, and lead others.
I don’t want you stuck. That’s why we’re going to talk about cognitive distortions in this article. These are sneaky thought patterns that can twist our view of the world and ourselves. But I won’t stop there; you’ll learn practical ways to challenge them. Alright! Let’s go and get this done. But first, let’s discuss the obvious: why understanding your thoughts is important for success.
When we feel threatened, our instinct is to run away faster than ever. This reaction can lead us to make decisions that protect us, but they might also hold us back from taking healthy risks.
Why This Matters for Leaders and Business Owners
In the fast-paced world of business, clear thinking is essential. Leaders and business owners like yourself face countless decisions daily, and cognitive distortions can cloud judgment, leading to poor choices and missed opportunities. By recognizing and challenging these distortions, you can:
- Make better decisions
- Improve team dynamics
- Boost confidence and resilience
- Enhance problem-solving skills
- Create a more positive work environment
Dr. David Burns, a pioneer in cognitive behavioral therapy, emphasizes the importance of addressing these thought patterns: “It is not the actual events but your perceptions that result in changes in mood. When you are sad, your thoughts will represent a realistic interpretation of negative events. When you are depressed or anxious, your thoughts will always be illogical, distorted, unrealistic, or just plain wrong.”
Now let’s get all nerdy and talk about the science behind how we think.
The Science Behind Cognitive Distortions
Cognitive distortions come from how our brains process information. Factors in our nervous system, like how the amygdala (located in limbic section of our brain) tends to overreact to negative situations, can make us more cautious and hesitant.
In simpler terms, when we feel threatened, our instinct is to run away faster than ever. This reaction can lead us to make decisions that protect us, but they might also hold us back from taking healthy risks. Let’s break down how it all works.
Imagine your brain as a high-tech security system. When it detects a threat—like a growling dog or that unexpected pop quiz—it sends out alarms. The amygdala, the part of your brain responsible for those alarms, often goes into overdrive. It’s like that one friend who freaks out when they see a spider, yelling, ‘Get the spray!’ while the calmest person in your circle just picks it up and puts it outside.
At the same time, the prefrontal cortex, which helps us think strategically, might underreact. This can lead to biases sneaking in and messing with our decision-making. It’s like having a GPS that keeps recalculating, but instead of finding the best route, it gets distracted by shiny billboards along the way! Over time, our brains form neural pathways based on our experiences, reinforcing certain thought patterns. Some of these patterns are known as cognitive distortions because they twist reality to confirm past experiences.
Early business experiences, past failures, challenging childhood experiences and cultural influences can all shape how we approach decision-making. If you’ve ever skipped an opportunity because you remembered that one time you stumbled in front of an important client, you’re not alone!
Now, let’s dive into why we need to challenge some of the thoughts that pop into our heads. Because, let’s be honest, if we believed every negative thought, we’d all be convinced that the sky is falling every time we hear thunder!
The Importance of Challenging Cognitive Distortions
Recognizing and challenging cognitive distortions is crucial for several reasons:
- Improved Decision-Making: By seeing situations more clearly, you can make better choices for yourself and your business.
- Enhanced Relationships: Understanding these thought patterns can improve how you interact with colleagues, clients, and others.
- Increased Resilience: Challenging distortions builds mental toughness, helping you bounce back from setbacks.
- Better Problem-Solving: A clearer perspective leads to more creative and effective solutions.
- Reduced Stress: Reframing negative thoughts can lower anxiety and improve overall well-being.
Dr. Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive therapy, emphasizes the power of challenging these thoughts: “The way individuals perceive a situation is more important than the situation itself.”
I hope you see that it is important. Now, let’s discuss some common cognitive distortions and how to challenge them.
Common Cognitive Distortions
Here’s a list of some of the most common cognitive distortions. And let me tell you, it’s a doozy! To make it easier for you, I’ve put together a short table of contents, so you can jump right to the ones that catch your eye.
As you read through this list, I encourage you to be honest with yourself. We all grapple with our self-image and often want to appear as the healthiest, wealthiest, wisest, and sexiest versions of ourselves. But remember, we’re all human here—embracing our quirks is part of the fun!
Table of Contents
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
What it is: Seeing things in black and white, with no middle ground.
Example: “If I don’t get this project perfect, I’m a total failure.”
How to challenge it: Look for shades of gray. Ask yourself:
- Is there a middle ground?
- Can I find any positives in this situation?
- What would I tell a friend in this situation?
Reframe: “Even if this project isn’t perfect, I can learn from it and improve next time.”
2. Overgeneralization
What it is: Taking one negative event and applying it to all situations.
Example: “I messed up this presentation. I’ll never be good at public speaking.”
How to challenge it: Look for evidence that contradicts your belief. Ask:
- Have I ever succeeded in a similar situation?
- Is this really true all the time?
- What’s a more balanced view?
Reframe: “This presentation didn’t go as planned, but I’ve given successful talks before. I can learn from this experience.”
3. Mental Filter
What it is: Focusing only on the negatives while ignoring positives.
Example: “My team completed the project on time, but all I can think about is that one small mistake we made.”
How to challenge it: Actively look for positives. Try:
- Listing three good things about the situation
- Asking a trusted friend for their perspective
- Imagining how you’d view this if it happened to someone else
Reframe: “We completed a complex project on time, and the client is happy. The small mistake is a chance to improve our process.”
4. Discounting the Positive
What it is: Brushing off positive experiences as if they don’t count.
Example: “Sure, I got the contract, but anyone could have done it.”
How to challenge it: Give yourself credit. Ask:
- Would I discount this achievement if it happened to someone else?
- What would a supportive friend say about this?
- How can I celebrate this win?
Reframe: “I earned this promotion through hard work and skill. It’s okay to feel proud of my accomplishment.”
5. Jumping to Conclusions
What it is: Making negative assumptions without evidence.
Example: “The client didn’t smile at me this morning. I must be in trouble.”
How to challenge it: Gather evidence. Ask yourself:
- What facts support this conclusion?
- Are there other possible explanations?
- How can I check if this assumption is true?
Reframe: “There could be many reasons my boss didn’t smile. I’ll focus on my work and ask for feedback if I’m concerned.”
6. Magnification and Minimization
What it is: Blowing negative events out of proportion or shrinking positive ones.
Example: “I made one mistake in the report, and now the whole project is ruined.”
How to challenge it: Put things in perspective. Try:
- Rating the importance of the event on a scale of 1-10
- Asking how this will matter in a week, month, or year
- Considering the big picture
Reframe: “This mistake is fixable and doesn’t negate all the good work we’ve done on this project.”
7. Emotional Reasoning
What it is: Believing something is true because it feels true.
Example: “I feel overwhelmed, so I must be incompetent at my job.”
How to challenge it: Separate feelings from facts. Ask:
- What evidence supports this feeling?
- Are my emotions clouding my judgment?
- What would I think if I weren’t feeling this way?
Reframe: “Feeling overwhelmed is normal in a challenging job. It doesn’t mean I’m incompetent; it means I care about doing well.”
8. Should Statements
What it is: Using “should,” “must,” or “ought to” statements that set unrealistic expectations.
Example: “I should always know the answer to every question in meetings.”
How to challenge it: Question the rule. Ask:
- Who says I should do this?
- Is this expectation realistic?
- What would happen if I didn’t meet this “should”?
Reframe: “It’s okay not to have all the answers. I can always follow up later if needed.”
9. Labeling
What it is: Attaching a negative label to yourself or others based on one event.
Example: “I forgot to send that email. I’m such an idiot.”
How to challenge it: Be specific about behavior. Try:
- Describing the action without judgment
- Asking if you’d use this label for someone else
- Considering a more compassionate view
Reframe: “I made a mistake by forgetting the email. Everyone forgets things sometimes. I’ll set a reminder next time.”
10. Personalization
What it is: Taking responsibility for things outside your control.
Example: “The team missed the deadline. It’s all my fault.”
How to challenge it: Consider other factors. Ask:
- What other elements contributed to this outcome?
- Am I taking on more responsibility than is fair?
- How would I view this if it happened to a colleague?
Reframe: “Many factors contributed to missing the deadline. I’ll focus on what I can control and work with the team to improve our process.”
11. Fortune-telling
What it is: Predicting negative outcomes without evidence.
Example: “There’s no point in pitching to that prospect. They’ll never hire me.”
How to challenge it: Test your prediction. Try:
- Listing evidence for and against your prediction
- Asking what you’d tell a friend in this situation
- Taking small steps to challenge the prediction
Reframe: “I don’t know the outcome, but I’ll give it my best shot. Even if I don’t get this client, I’ll gain interview experience.”
12. Mind Reading
What it is: Assuming you know what others are thinking, usually negatively.
Example: “My associate didn’t say hi this morning. They must not like me.”
How to challenge it: Check your assumptions. Try:
- Asking the person directly
- Considering other explanations
- Reminding yourself that you can’t read minds
Reframe: “I don’t know why my associate didn’t say hi. They might be having a busy day. I’ll reach out and see how they’re doing.”
13. Catastrophizing
What it is: Imagining the worst possible outcome.
Example: “If I make a mistake in this presentation, I’ll lose my job and never work again.”
How to challenge it: Put things in perspective. Ask:
- What’s the most likely outcome?
- How have I handled similar situations before?
- What’s my plan if the worst does happen?
Reframe: “Even if I make a mistake, it’s unlikely to have such extreme consequences. I’ve prepared well and can handle challenges as they come.”
14. Overgeneralizing
What it is: Drawing broad conclusions from a single event.
Example: “I didn’t close that sale. I’m terrible at sales and should quit.”
How to challenge it: Look for exceptions. Try:
- Recalling past successes
- Asking if this applies to all areas of your life
- Considering what factors might have influenced this event
Reframe: “This sale didn’t work out, but I’ve closed deals before. I’ll review what happened and use it to improve my approach.”
15. Blaming
What it is: Holding others responsible for your emotions or actions.
Example: “My team’s poor performance is making me stressed and unhappy.”
How to challenge it: Take responsibility for your reactions. Ask:
- How am I contributing to this situation?
- What can I control here?
- How can I respond differently?
Reframe: “I’m feeling stressed about the team’s performance. I’ll focus on how I can support and motivate them better.”
I hope you found this list helpful. Next, let’s dig a bit deeper into how we can work against our reflexive responses to negative thinking.
When we grasp the power of words, they lose their ability to hurt us.
Think Better Using These Tips
For many years, I thought people were out to get me. Every comment felt like flattery meant to get me to do things just to seek their approval or attention. When people criticized me, it felt like another chip away at my already low self-worth. And don’t you dare say anything that made me feel anxious about anything—past, present, or future. That is a crappy way to live, by the way.
Healing required not just fixing my damaged nervous system but also understanding the words I told myself and the words I heard from others. When we grasp the power of words, they lose their ability to hurt us. In this section, you’ll learn some ways to stop your mind from racing to the worst-case scenario about yourself, your situation, and others.
Keep a Thought Journal
The best way to identify a cognitive distortion is by examining your thought patterns. Writing down your negative thoughts and the situations that bring them up is like giving your brain a workout. It’s not about venting—it’s about looking for patterns. Are you getting triggered by the same things? What’s the common thread? Once you notice these patterns, it’s easier to change how you react next time.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is just paying attention to what’s going on in your head without getting swept up in it. You’re not judging yourself for having negative thoughts, you’re just observing them, like you’re people-watching your own brain. When you become aware of your thoughts, you can catch them before they spiral into something bigger.
Use the ABCDE Model
This model helps break down how thoughts lead to emotions and actions, and how you can flip the script:
- A: Activating Event – What happened that triggered you? Maybe it was a tough conversation or a missed deadline.
- B: Belief – What story are you telling yourself about what happened? Is it, “I’m a failure,” or “Nothing ever goes right for me”?
- C: Consequences – How did those beliefs make you feel or act? Are you anxious, angry, avoiding things?
- D: Dispute – Time to challenge that belief. Ask yourself, “Is that really true? Am I jumping to conclusions?”
- E: Effect – After questioning the belief, how do you feel? Usually, you’ll find that the new perspective feels a lot lighter.
Seek Feedback
Sometimes we’re so caught up in our own heads that we need a second opinion. Ask someone you trust—whether it’s a friend, family member, or colleague—for their take on a situation. They might see something you’re missing or offer a helpful reality check.
Set Realistic Goals
Big goals can be overwhelming. Instead of getting stuck in “all-or-nothing” thinking, break down your tasks into smaller, manageable pieces. Tackling a goal step by step makes the whole process less intimidating, and before you know it, you’re halfway there.
Practice Self-Compassion
We can be our own worst critics, but think about how you’d treat a close friend if they came to you feeling down. You’d be kind and supportive, right? Now, flip that around and treat yourself with the same kindness. Give yourself a break when things don’t go perfectly—you’re human.
Use “What If” Questions
When you’re stuck in worst-case-scenario thinking, ask yourself, “What if things actually go well?” We’re so used to imagining disaster that we forget to consider the possibility of success. Try shifting your mindset to focus on what could go right instead of wrong.
Look for Evidence
Before you let a thought run wild, gather some evidence. It’s called a cognitive distortion because we take small bits of evidence and draw a broad conclusion. Let’s take a step back. Is what you’re thinking really based on facts, or is it just your imagination running away with you? Look for proof that either supports or contradicts your thoughts. Often, you’ll find your worries aren’t as grounded in reality as they seem.
Create a Balanced Thought
Once you’ve taken the time to gather evidence and challenge your negative thoughts, replace them with something more balanced. This isn’t about being overly positive; it’s about being realistic. If your first thought was, “I’ll never be good enough,” maybe the more balanced version is, “I’m still learning, and I’ve made progress.”
Celebrate Small Wins
Changing the way you think doesn’t happen overnight. So when you catch a negative thought and successfully challenge it, that’s a win! Don’t forget to celebrate these small victories—they all add up over time, and each one brings you closer to a healthier mindset.
By taking these steps, you’re learning to retrain your brain and handle challenges with more clarity and confidence. Plus, you’re giving yourself a break from that harsh inner critic. And let’s be real—who doesn’t need that?
Final Thoughts
Cognitive distortions are a normal part of human thinking, but they don’t have to control your life or your business. Here are some things to consider and actions you can take:
Recognize and Challenge: Start paying attention to your thought patterns. When you notice negative or distorted thoughts, challenge them. Ask yourself if they’re really true.
Practice Patience: Changing your thought patterns takes time. Be patient with yourself as you work on reframing negative thoughts. Small steps lead to big changes.
Focus on Growth: The effort you put into challenging cognitive distortions will lead to clearer thinking, better decision-making, and improved well-being.
Seek Support: If you’d like guidance on overcoming cognitive distortions and becoming a more effective leader, I’m here to help.
As a healing and leadership coach, I help clients develop strategies for clearer thinking and more empowered decision-making. Remember, your thoughts shape your reality. By challenging cognitive distortions, you’re taking a powerful step toward creating the life and business you truly want. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you need more help.
Have you caught yourself engaging in stinking thinking or making a mountain out of a molehill? What did you do? Share your experience using this link.
Tune In: Check out my podcast, where we dive deeper into these topics and explore practical strategies for personal and professional growth.
