Emotional Numbness: Understanding and Overcoming Disconnect
As a life coach specializing in trauma and addictions, I often discuss sensitive subjects. If you clicked on an article titled “Emotional Numbness: Simple Ways to Reconnect Back To Reality,” then I want to start off by saying thank you. Thank you for giving yourself the permission to desire more than feeling stiff, alone, and fearful.
Too many of us who have experienced chronic stress and/or traumatic life events have gone to our graves without recognizing that something is off with us. We don’t feel connected to anyone, including ourselves. In this article, we will explore what emotional numbness is, how we cope with it, and how to finally heal.
When you suppress, deny, evade, or avoid painful feelings, in the process, you are damaging all of your brain parts because you're trying to force your prefrontal cortex to deny reality.
What is emotional numbness?
If you grew up in a really chaotic home with people who had lots of problems, you might start feeling emotionally numb. It’s like your mind’s way of protecting you from all the overwhelming emotions by kind of shutting them off. Imagine it as putting up a safety wall around your feelings to avoid getting hurt by all the chaos. And this protection process comes at a very high cost.
Our brains protecting us, no matter what.
While numbing yourself helps you deal with tough times for a while, in the long run, it can make it harder for you to fully feel and understand your emotions, affecting how you handle things.
Below is a simplified image of the brain. You have four main parts of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, limbic system, diencephalon, and brainstem. Each part of your brain does different things.
Four parts of your brain
- The prefrontal cortex is in charge of thinking, imagination, understanding space within context, and time.
- The limbic system is in charge of emotions, memories, and creating connections with other humans.
- Your diencephalon is responsible for keeping your important immune system processes working. For example, it releases melatonin in your brain when it becomes dark to prompt you to rest. And it snaps into action when ghrelin (released in the stomach) alerts us it is time to eat.
- Lastly, the brainstem is literally your auxiliary system, which tries to keep the “lights on” and is responsible for maintaining basic life support functions like heart rate and breathing.
How the brain is damaged through suppressing painful feelings
So, you might be reading this and go, “How does any of this have to do with emotional numbness?”
Great question! When you suppress, deny, evade, or avoid painful feelings, in the process, you are damaging all of your brain parts because you’re trying to force your prefrontal cortex to deny reality.
Your brain is forced to work overtime to keep itself in a fantasy land where certain ideas are accepted while everything else is denied.
Many of us who are emotionally numb seek some form of relief from this constant internal struggle. In the next section, we will talk about what how some of us cope with feeling constantly emotionally numb.
What does emotionally numbness look like?
*names changed to protect privacy*
To the outside world, Amanda was competent and had it all. In addition to running a successful business and appearing to have a happy home life with her husband and three children, she was melting inside. To cope with the constant pressures and demands, she cut herself in non-visible places.
It wasn’t until her oldest daughter Sammy noticed a series of scars around her thighs that anyone realized there were cracks. Sammy asked, “Mommy… is it normal to have so many bruises around your scars as an adult?” Right there and then, instead of providing a quick response, Amanda ran to the closet, closed the door, and cried.
Cutting and self-harm are preferred activities for those who are emotionally numb. However, there are other signs that someone is emotionally numb. In the next section, we will talk about other signs.
Other Signs of Feeling Disconnected
Feeling numb can lead to various behaviors as we try to feel something real. Here are some examples:
Getting MANY tattoos: Covering every inch of the body with tattoos, especially over bony areas, is another way individuals seek to escape their emotional pain. I will never forget watching a video of Paris Jackson, the daughter of famed pop star Michael Jackson, applying a tattoo to her ankle. If you don’t know, that area of the skin is thin and much more painful to tattoo than other areas. Nevertheless, she was able to hold a conversation while needling ink onto her skin without displaying any pain or discomfort.
Dangerous Sports: Engaging in extreme or risky sports provides a strong feeling and an adrenaline rush, offering a way to feel alive when daily life feels numb.
Taking Illegal/Inappropriate Drugs: Using drugs becomes a means to escape from emotional numbness and explore different states of mind.
Risky Relationships: Choosing relationships filled with ups and downs can bring chaos and intense emotions, countering the numbness someone might be feeling.
Over/Under-eating: Consuming too little or too much food is a common response. Some may even engage in contests to see how much food they can vomit after a big meal.
This list isn’t designed to make you or someone you know who is dealing with issues sad or uncomfortable. It is designed to let you know that trauma survivors try to cope with their intense emotions using whatever tools are available. However, there are better ways to heal. In the next section, we will discuss how you or someone you know can heal from being emotionally numb.
Ways to Heal from Emotional Numbness
Therapy and Counseling:
Seeking therapy provides a safe space to explore and understand the root causes of dissociation. A mental health professional can offer guidance and tools for emotional healing.
Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques:
Practices like mindfulness and grounding techniques help reconnect with the present moment. Breathing exercises, meditation, and focusing on sensory experiences can bring awareness back to reality.
Expressive Arts Therapy:
Engaging in expressive arts, like art or music therapy, allows non-verbal expression of emotions, aiding in processing and releasing pent-up feelings.
Journaling:
Emotional numbness has a tendency of distorting time. We can stop that by recording events in the past, which helps us stay connecting with our emotions and thoughts.
Self-Reflection and Self-Compassion:
Reflecting on personal experiences with self-compassion is crucial. Acknowledge that coping mechanisms, like dissociation, were developed as survival strategies. Also, this is the time to ask yourself if your personality is truly authentic or a trauma response.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries:
Lots of us who felt violated don’t feel safe with anyone, including ourselves. Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial for emotional well-being. Boundaries will help you to recognize your right to safety and help you from being trapped in uncomfortable relationships and situations with dangerous people.
Connect with Supportive Communities:
Surrounding oneself with supportive friends or joining communities with shared experiences can provide understanding and validation, reducing feelings of isolation.
Physical Exercise/Massage:
Traumatized people often feel disconnected from their bodies. Engaging in regular physical activity contributes to overall well-being. Not only does releases endorphins, promoting a positive emotional state, it helps you to feel a sense of control our body by knowing its abilities and limitations.
Educational Resources:
Reading books or articles on healing from trauma and dissociation provides insights and coping strategies, contributing to a better understanding of the healing journey. My blog has many posts on various mental health issues.
A summary of healing tools is shown in the image below. Next, I will share my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
As a life coach, I am super supportive of people finding the right type of support based on their stage of healing. If you are in the beginning journey of your healing, a therapist is your best bet.
I highly recommend Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and somatic body healing work to help you feel safe in your own skin. Once that initial work is done, then you can move into relating better with yourself and others using life coaching.
If you are in that stage where you want more help, don’t hesitate to contact me. This episode from my podcast goes more into EMDR healing work.
