From Fibs to Fallout: How Lies Harm Us and Our Future Success
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Have you ever told a lie that didn’t seem like a big deal at first, but then it caused a lot of trouble? Lying is like quicksand—it’s easy to get stuck and hard to get out. As a life coach for business owners, I’ve seen how honesty is really important in everything you do. I know it can be scary to tell the truth when you’re not sure what will happen. But don’t worry—I’m here to help.
In this article, we’ll talk about how lying can make it tough for us to succeed. But that’s not all; we’ll also talk about simple ways you can be more honest and genuine in your everyday life, whether you’re at home or at work.
Have you ever lied about something that didn't seem right to anyone, not even to yourself?
Lies coming back to haunt you
This is the part where I get to share some not-so-flattering things about myself.
In the beginning of my coaching practice, I wanted to build my business – fast! And didn’t matter if you did not know my story or weren’t serious about changing your life, just the fact that you liked me and wanted to give me your money, that was all that mattered.
So, I would go to these business networking events and overly flatter everyone I met. I said, “Oh yes! I think your business idea seems great,” even though in my mind I didn’t believe in it. “Oh, yes! I would love to partner with you.” I’d say that just in the hopes I could use them for more contacts. And how many times did those little lies actually help me?
Zilch.
Zero.
Nada.
You see, every time you think you are going to benefit from a lie, it always comes back to haunt you.
Most of them never became my clients, and those who did convert into clients were a major pain in the you-know-what.
Can you relate? If not, I’ve got some other ways of how lying holds hurts us personally and professionally. In addition, I’ll give you some quick ideas to turn it around.
3 Ways Lies Harm Us and How to Turn Things Around
Reason #1 – Trust and Relationship Damage
“Who are you looking at?”
A client once shared that his wife asked him this whenever he glanced at his phone. It was common question, rooted in her lingering pain from his past infidelity. She discovered he’d been exchanging explicit photos with someone else, which he initially denied. Ouch.
Trust is crucial for any relationship—be it with partners, family, or colleagues. Research by DePaulo and Kashy (1998) shows that lying damages trust and satisfaction in relationships.
Lying can hurt your business relationships too
Lies don’t just cause problems in relationships with loved ones; they can also make it tough to get along with your coworkers. Imagine if you said you finished a project when you didn’t, and then your team found out. It would make them feel like they couldn’t trust you, and it could make it harder for everyone to work together smoothly.
SOLVED: Resolving Trust and Relationship Damage
It takes years to build trust and seconds to lose it. So, restoring relationships damaged by lies or deceit requires time and lots of patience. Allow the other person to exhale and share their feelings. Below are some things to do that will help restore trust in a relationship.
- Allow others to speak without interruption about their fears and concerns.
- Refuse to justify your actions.
- Be patient and understand that trust needs time to be rebuilt.
Now is the time to foster open communication and honesty with one another. Remember, building trust takes time and effort, but it’s essential for healthy relationships, both at home and at work. Next, let’s talk about how lies can damage your mental health.
Notice when you're not being truthful and try to tell the truth, even if it's hard to break habits of stretching the truth. Pay attention to your body's signals like sweaty hands, a fast-beating heart, or a funny feeling in your stomach. These signs can help you stop yourself from being dishonest.
Reason #2 -Damage to Your Mental Health
Keeping lies going is hard and can make us feel conflicted inside, especially if we’re good at tricking people. When we grow up with strict adults, we might learn to tell little lies to avoid getting in trouble. But as we get older, this habit can make us feel bad and mess up our relationships and happiness.
Research and psychologist Leon Festinger noticed back in 1957 that this internal struggle makes us stressed, anxious, and sad. When we tell lots of lies about ourselves and others, it gets confusing and blurs what’s real and what’s not.
And when we can’t think well, it prevents us from working well with others. Here is a story about former journalist Jo Franklin. Franklin got into trouble because she lied so much that it messed up her job opportunities and eventually destroyed her mental health and relationships with her children.
Effect on Self-Esteem
Telling lies can make you feel bad about yourself because you start to doubt if you can trust what you say. This can make you feel like you’re not worth much. Roy F. Baumeister and other researchers in 2002 found out that feeling guilty and embarrassed are common results of lying. When you go against what you believe just to look good, it makes these bad feelings even worse.
SOLVED: Damage to Your Mental Health
Notice when you’re not being truthful and try to tell the truth, even if it’s hard to break habits of stretching the truth. Pay attention to your body’s signals like sweaty hands, a fast-beating heart, or a funny feeling in your stomach. These signs can help you stop yourself from being dishonest.
Being honest and true to yourself is really important. When you make a mistake or say something that’s not true, admit it and try to fix it if you can. This shows that you’re growing up and learning from your experiences.
Consider the impact of your actions and stick to your values. Think about the people who look up to you as a source of inspiration. If necessary, seek guidance from a coach or an accountability partner who will ensure you're responsible for your actions.
Reason #3 - Social Repercussions
Lying can make people not trust or like you, and we’ve seen it happen in many areas. Here are just a few examples of celebrities who tarnished their reputation because of lies and deceit:
- Lance Armstrong: Famous cyclist who won many races, but later it was revealed he had been using drugs to cheat.
- Bill Cosby: Beloved comedian and actor, but he was found guilty of drugging and assaulting women.
- Tiger Woods: Once the golden boy of golfing, he cheated on his wife with multiple women, which hurt a lot of people’s feelings and damaged many of his endorsement deals.
- Jussie Smollett: Actor on the TV show “Empire,” but he was accused of faking a hate crime against himself.
Ethical Considerations and Long-Term Consequences:
Lying not only damages your reputation but can also have serious legal consequences. For instance, Sam Bankman-Fried, the beloved crypto king, will spend the next ten years (or more) exchanging fish mackerel for favors in a low-security prison. This is a setback not just for investors of Alameda Research but also for those trying to boost the credibility of cryptocurrency.
SOLVED: Social Repercussions
Consider the impact of your actions and stick to your values. Think about the people who look up to you as a source of inspiration. If necessary, seek guidance from a coach or an accountability partner who will ensure you’re responsible for your actions. Depending on your industry, you may also require a third-party, like an accountant, to prevent actions that could lead to trouble later.
The image below shows my top tips to help you face your fears and avoid lying. Later, I’ll share my final thoughts.
Final thoughts
Lying might have seemed like a good idea when we were kids, but as adults, it can cause a lot of problems. Being honest isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it in the end. By being truthful and authentic, we can build stronger relationships and feel better about ourselves.
If you want help learning how to be more honest and authentic, I’m here for you as a life coach. Together, we can work on building better relationships and finding success in both your personal and professional life.
Click here if you are interesting in working with me in a private program or check out my other life and business coaching courses.
And don’t forget to check out my entrepreneur podcast, where I talk more about honesty, authenticity, and personal growth. Your journey to a happier, more fulfilling life starts now!
