How to Build Trust and Spot Red Flags in Professional Relationships
As a healing and leadership coach, I know that building trust is really important in professional relationships. Trust is the base of successful businesses, and without it, you might run into dishonest people who can hurt your business.
In this article, we’ll explore how to build trust, why trust takes time, and how to strengthen trust with others. Also, I’ll share a personal story to show why it’s crucial to spot warning signs and build trust in your work relationships. First, let’s talk about why trust is so important.
Why Trust Matters in Business
In business, trust is everything. Here’s why it matters:
Trust Boosts Performance: Areas with more family-owned businesses, known for being more trustworthy, often see better overall economic results. For example, a 10% increase in family businesses can lead to a 4% to 8% rise in business performance across the region.
Trust is Valuable: Trust is a key asset for leaders. It helps employees reach their full potential, which is essential for a successful organization.
Trust Builds Customer Loyalty: When customers trust a business, they’re more likely to buy and stay loyal over time. This loyalty is crucial for long-term growth.
Trust Strengthens Relationships: Trust helps form and maintain strong relationships with investors, suppliers, and other partners. It makes long-lasting business connections more likely.
Trust Drives Satisfaction: Customers who feel valued and satisfied are more likely to trust and support the business, leading to success.
Trust Enhances Reputation: Acting ethically and with integrity builds trust and improves a company’s reputation, leading to more opportunities and partnerships.
In short, trust isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s crucial for business success. Building and keeping trust should be a top priority for any business aiming to succeed in the long run.
So, you might think everyone understands the value of trust, but that’s not always the case! In the next section, I’ll share how a total stranger on LinkedIn completely messed up the trust factor with me.
A Creepy LinkedIn Interaction
Have you ever had an experience with someone, online or in the real world, that just creeped you out and made you feel icky, but you didn’t quite know why? Well, let me tell you about a recent conversation I had on LinkedIn.
LinkedIn can be great or terrible, depending on how you see it or use it. It is also notorious for spam. Anywho, like many of you, I get my fair share of solicitations. But this one creeped me out. It was from a stranger who invited me to participate in her event after complimenting one of my recent articles.
This is what the person wrote:
“I loved your post about dealing with rejection. Let’s connect more meaningfully. I am planning some virtual panels for my women in business groups in the fall, and I think your perspective would be amazing. Would you like to schedule a video chat to get better acquainted? I have a full book of clients at the moment, and I would love to have you as a potential referral if I can’t help someone immediately, if it’s a good fit.”
This just feels too creepy
It was creepy to me on multiple levels:
- Vague details about the event.
- Enticing me with new potential clients with no promise.
- Posturing how busy she was but had the time to contact a stranger for potential referrals (huh?).
After looking at her website and seeing that there was no information about her or her past events, I decided to pass on this ‘exciting’ opportunity.
It was so creepy that I even had to write about it on X. Feel free to join the conversation by clicking on the image post below. Next, I want to talk about why it may be hard for some of you to recognize when someone is acting deceptively.
Have you ever had an experience with someone (online or in the real world) that just creeped you out, made you feel icky, but you just didn’t know quite why?
— Denise G. Lee (@DeniseGLee) July 25, 2024
Before I answer that question, let me tell you a quick story about a recent conversation I had on LinkedIn.
You know…
Why It’s Hard to Spot Manipulation if You Grew Up with It
For many of us who grew up in places where people used charming or tricky language, it can be hard to tell when something feels off. Here’s why:
Familiar Patterns: If you grew up with manipulation, it might feel normal to you. You may not notice when someone is trying to do the same thing because you’ve seen it so often.
Subtle Manipulation: Manipulative language can be very subtle. It often includes nice words or promises that sound good but are meant to influence you. If you’re used to this, you might not catch on right away.
Conflicting Feelings: Growing up with manipulation can mix up what seems normal and what doesn’t. You might confuse honest interactions with those meant to control or deceive you.
Emotional Conditioning: Hearing manipulative language a lot can change how you react. Your past experiences might affect how you trust your own feelings and respond to certain types of communication.
Difficulty Trusting: If you’ve been manipulated before, you might doubt your own judgment or question others’ intentions. This can make it hard to see when someone is being manipulative.
Guilt and Self-Doubt: Spotting manipulation might make you feel guilty or unsure, especially if you’re used to being blamed for problems. This can make it harder to clearly see and deal with manipulative behavior.
Understanding these issues can help you become more aware of your feelings and better at spotting manipulation. Don’t feel bad if your ‘creepy radar’ isn’t working perfectly. Next, I’ll share how to tell when someone isn’t being honest.
How to Spot When Someone Isn’t Being Honest
Understanding these warning signs can help you avoid similar problems. It can also prevent you from making communication mistakes that could lead to mistrust.
But wait, there’s more! Here are some other signs that someone you’re interacting with online or in person might not be trustworthy.
Make it a vow to yourself that you won't EVER ignore what your gut is telling you.
— Denise G. Lee (@DeniseGLee) July 25, 2024
Those feelings that:
-something ain't right
-you don't feel safe
-this feels to good to be true
BELIEVE IT
It is your body alerting your mind that what you see/hear/feel is not right..
Other Signs of Untrustworthiness
When interacting with a stranger, whether online or in person, it’s important to be cautious. Here are some key signs that someone might not be trustworthy:
Overly Flattering:
They shower you with compliments that seem too good to be true, like calling you “the best” at everything or saying you’re incredibly talented without any real reason. It might feel nice at first, but this excessive flattery could be a way to manipulate you or quickly gain your trust. For example, if someone praises your work excessively and tries to be overly friendly, they might be trying to get you to overlook their true intentions.
Pressure Tactics:
They push you to make decisions or commitments quickly, not giving you enough time to think things over. For instance, they might insist that you sign a contract immediately or agree to a deal without letting you review all the details. This rushed behavior can be a way to prevent you from carefully considering your options and realizing potential issues.
Unusual Requests:
They ask for personal or sensitive information too soon, such as your home address, financial details, or passwords, without a clear reason. For example, if someone you don’t know well asks for your bank details in a casual conversation, it’s a red flag.
Unprofessional Communication:
They communicate with you using poor grammar, spelling mistakes, or overly casual language in situations where you expect professionalism. For example, if someone sends you an important business email with many spelling errors and slang, it can be a sign that they’re not serious or are trying to manipulate you in some way.
Too Good to Be True:
They make promises that seem too good to be true, like offering huge rewards or benefits with little effort or investment on your part. This is often seen in scams, like pig slaughtering scams, where the scammer builds a relationship with you to eventually ask for money or sensitive data. They might promise you a big financial return for a small investment or an amazing opportunity that sounds too perfect.
Lack of Transparency:
They don’t provide clear contact information or avoid direct communication channels, making it hard for you to verify who they are. For example, if someone only communicates through vague emails or messages and avoids giving you their phone number or a clear address, it can be a sign they’re hiding something or not being honest.
Overly Persistent:
They keep reaching out despite your clear signals that you’re not interested, which can be a red flag. I have one former virtual assistant I used to work with who still sends me messages even though I haven’t spoken to them in over two years and never reply. People like this can’t or won’t accept rejection, so they’ll wear you down with persistent messages. I call this love bombing—the professional edition.
By being aware of these signs, you can better protect yourself from potential scams or dishonest interactions and ensure you build genuine and trustworthy relationships.
Trust takes time to build, especially if you’ve been hurt by untrustworthy people before. Next, let’s look at a study that explains why we trust some people but not others.
Why Building Trust Takes Time
Building trust is not an overnight process. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships on March 15, 2018, it takes time to develop trust and close friendships. Here are some key findings from the study:
Time and Building Friendships
- Hours Together: The more time you spend with someone, the closer you become. Studies show it takes about 60 hours to move from being just acquaintances to casual friends, 80-100 hours to become friends, and over 200 hours to become close or best friends.
- Leisure Activities: Doing fun activities together helps build stronger friendships. These shared experiences create bonding moments that are important for deepening your relationship.
The Role of Communication:
- Everyday Talk: The quality of your conversations affects how close you become with someone. Meaningful talks, joking, and sharing feelings help friendships grow. On the other hand, small talk or everyday chit-chat doesn’t make as much of a difference.
- Self-Disclosure: Sharing personal stories and experiences is key to building trust and closeness. This usually starts with light conversation and becomes deeper about a month after meeting.
Constraints and Challenges:
- Cognitive and Temporal Constraints: You can only maintain a certain number of friendships. If you have many friends, you might not have enough time to deepen each relationship.
- Closed Systems: Friendships formed in places like workplaces or schools, where you have less choice about who you spend time with, might not be as strong as those made in more voluntary social settings.
Evolutionary Perspective and Strategic Investment:
- Communicate Bond Belong (CBB) Theory: The CBB theory suggests that people invest their time and energy in relationships that meet their long-term needs for belonging. Spending time together, especially doing enjoyable things, helps build future emotional and social rewards.
- Friendship Development Stages: Friendships usually grow from acquaintances to casual friends, then to friends, and finally to close or best friends. Each stage needs a lot of time and repeated interactions.
Practical Implications:
- Prioritizing Time for Friends: With busy lives, especially for working adults and parents, it’s important to make time for friends. Many people don’t spend enough time with friends, which can slow down the development of close relationships.
- Rapid Assessments and Niche Formation: People quickly judge each other’s likability, leading to groups of similar friends. This quick decision-making is important for forming deeper friendships.
Next, let’s talk about how you can build trust in new work relationships. I’ll share examples from my own experience to make each tip clearer.
How to Build Trust in Professional Relationships
Be Authentic: Show who you really are and what you truly want. People can tell when you’re genuine and are more likely to trust you.
Example: I once gained a client’s trust by being honest about what my services could offer. This honesty led to a lasting relationship.
Clear Communication: Make sure to explain your plans clearly and provide all the details. Avoid being vague.
Example: When suggesting a new project, I always share a clear plan, including the steps, timelines, and what we aim to achieve. This helps build trust.
Honesty and Integrity: Don’t promise what you can’t deliver. It’s better to promise less and do more.
Example: I once let a client know I might miss a deadline because of unexpected issues. They appreciated my honesty, and we set a new deadline together.
Consistency: Be reliable and steady over time. Showing you’re dependable helps build trust.
Example: By always keeping in touch with clients and not missing client sessions, I’ve earned a reputation for reliability, which has built trust.
I hope these tips were helpful. The image below summarizes my thoughts on building trust with others. Next, I’ll share my final thoughts.
Final thoughts
Recognizing warning signs and building trust are important for any business owner. By being genuine, communicating clearly, staying honest, and being consistent, you can create strong, reliable professional relationships. If someone doesn’t show these qualities early on, it’s best to move on.
Have you noticed any warning signs in your business relationships? How do you build trust with others? Share your experiences and thoughts with me here.
If you want more tips on creating trustworthy business relationships, reach out to me, and we can discuss how I can help you reach your business goals. Also, listen to my podcast for more tips on healthy communication tips.
