How You Can Improve Your Mental Health
As a life coach for entrepreneurs, it’s my job to address the things nobody wants to talk about—the stuff that keeps us feeling anxious, insecure, and afraid.
One of the things we need to discuss in the pursuit of improved mental health is the obstacles that prevent us from feeling fully alive and free. And to be totally real, our biggest obstacle is the things we tell ourselves.
In this article, we are going to talk about recognizing common beliefs that limit us from happiness and the best that life can truly offer us.
Limiting beliefs that can destroy your mental health
Limiting Belief # 1: Believing you are stuck
Believing you are stuck can be like feeling trapped in a box. And there’s a couple of reasons for this belief. Let’s talk about each one.
Reason #1 on why you believe you are stuck: Childhood and early cultural experiences
Firstly, when we were little, people around us, like family or friends, put labels on us. They might have said things like, “You’re shy,” or “You’re not good at this.” These labels stick with us, and as we grow up, we might think, “Well, if everyone says I’m shy, then I must be stuck being shy forever.”
Life experiences, both good and bad, also play a role. Maybe you tried something once, and it didn’t go well. That memory can make you think, “I’m not good at this,” and it might stop you from trying again. On the flip side, if you were praised for something, you might think, “I can only do this well, and nothing else.”
Reason #2 on why you believe you are stuck: Habits
The second part of this limiting belief is our habits. We get used to doing things in a certain way, even if it’s not helping us. It becomes like a comfortable routine, even if it’s holding us back.
For some of us, we have a habit of thinking lowly of ourselves. I think about an old friend that could never accept being praised. She would say, ‘Oh, it wasn’t that great’ or ‘It was just lucky.’ My friend would say things that reinforced the idea that she wasn’t great or anything that happened was simply out of luck.
Next, let’s talk about how we can get out of this trap and believe that we are not stuck.
Breaking free from feeling stuck means opening up to new possibilities, learning from others, and realizing that there's more to life than the limited patterns we've been used to. It's about steering our thoughts and actions in a direction that leads to growth and a fuller experience of life.
Improve Your Mental Health Hack #1: Believe You Are Capable
Breaking free from the belief that you’re stuck is like teaching your brain new tricks, just like when you were learning to drive. Back then, you started with basic and simple maneuvers, right? You didn’t want to take big risks because, well, who wants to bang up their car or pay for speeding tickets?
Some of us might have even had a phase where we did some risky stuff, dinged up our cars a bunch, and got tired of the consequences. So, we either stopped driving altogether or let others do the driving while we relied on public transportation.
Moving past the past requires new and better tools
But here’s the thing: this isn’t just about driving. It’s about how our brain learns things. If we stick to the same limited way of doing things, it’s like driving in circles and never exploring new roads. To break free, we need to show our brain that there are different, safer, and more effective ways to navigate life.
Imagine if, instead of giving up on driving, you decided to learn from experts. They could teach you how to drive carefully, when to make moves to avoid danger, and how to assess risks. Similarly, in life, we can learn from people who’ve been through similar situations and have valuable insights.
So, breaking free from feeling stuck means opening up to new possibilities, learning from others, and realizing that there’s more to life than the limited patterns we’ve been used to. It’s about steering our thoughts and actions in a direction that leads to growth and a fuller experience of life.
Next, let’s talk about the idea that nobody (including me) understands you.
When we are isolated, we see everyone, including ourselves, from a narrow perspective. This makes us reluctant to seek help because of past experiences of being misunderstood and rejected.
Limiting Belief # 2: Thinking that nobody understands you
This idea that nobody understands you or your past is so real for me. Because of the shame and self-pity, I isolated myself from everyone. And because of that, I never shared my story. It was rare for me to meet another incest survivor or anyone else who had a history of sex addiction and other childhood sexual trauma.
I believed I was some type of freak. Nobody who was healthy could or would ever want to associate with me. And as a result, I isolated and sank deeper into depression.
However, if we want to get better, we need people who will inspire and encourage us to be our best. But, the truth is, these people might not always be the ones around us. That’s why we need to take the risk and meet new people.
Isolating is normal if you have been hurt, repeatedly.
The fact is, many people, including me, can relate to feelings of fear, inadequacy, shame, and bitterness. And we fear how people will react to us or our story. However, when we are isolated, we see everyone, including ourselves, from a narrow perspective. This makes us reluctant to seek help because of past experiences of being misunderstood and rejected.
But if we want to grow, we need to start with the idea that someone, anybody, can relate to us. And we do this by understanding that we all have a shared, collective experiences as humans. Let’s talk about how to combat the fear of people and isolation.
Improve Your Mental Health Hack #1: Understand you aren’t alone
To feel better, one simple way is to talk to people who understand you. Besides talking to a mental wellness professional, you can join social groups where you feel safe discussing your problems. These are one of many safe places where you can explore what healthy and authentic vulnerability looks like.
I found comfort in 12-step support groups (there are many, choose which one works for you) when I was starting my recovery journey. Meeting others who faced similar struggles helped me break free from the belief that nobody could understand me. It also eased my suspicious and paranoid feelings about myself and others.
Books to stop believing the lie that you are alone and unique
Another helpful thing is reading books from people who’ve been through tough times. Books like “The Grapes of Wrath” by John Steinbeck, “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor E. Frankl, or “The Kite Runner” by Khaled Hosseini share stories that can help you understand yourself and suffering in a mature and healing way. So, beyond professional help, connecting with others and reading these books might bring comfort and new perspectives to your life.
Limiting Belief # 3: Thinking negatively about yourself, others and in outcomes
“It’s not going to work out, so why bother?”
“I don’t even think they will understand or appreciate me.”
“Bad things always happen to me once I try.”
Have you ever said any of these things? It is this idea that nothing we can do can improve ourselves, our situation, or anyone around us. And we try to forecast outcomes based on a deeply skeptical and pessimistic viewpoint. And why would we think this way? Well, for a variety of reasons:
- Negativity was modeled to us by our parents, relatives, or role models.
- Nobody was allowed to question your viewpoints, or you were isolated from others.
- A series of life events just beat you down, and now you have some type of depression.
But if we really thought about it, is everything really being remedied? Yes, I know that there are some people who won’t, can’t, or shouldn’t come back, or perhaps, for a variety of reasons, we needed to leave certain relationships for commitments. And while we can’t control people and outcomes, we can control how we view people and outcomes.
When we think negatively, all we are doing is telling our subconscious mind to put into action things to confirm what we are feeling. And our cynical thoughts will attract people, things, and events to confirm the unspoken rules that we tell ourselves all day, every day.
And if you don’t challenge your negative thoughts, I promise you will live an unhappy and miserable life. Let’s now talk about how to stop thinking negatively.
By believing that things can work for you, not against you, you open yourself up to solutions and opportunities. It's a small but powerful step toward better mental health and a more positive outlook on life.
Improve Your Mental Health Hack #3: Believe that everything can work for you, not against you.
Sometimes we may feel like everything is working against us, making it hard to stay positive. But here’s a simple hack for better mental health: Change the way you look at things. Instead of thinking everything is against you, believe that things can actually work for you.
Let’s break it down:
Imagine you’re facing a challenging situation at work. Instead of thinking, “This is just going to make my day worse,” try thinking, “This challenge is an opportunity for me to learn and grow. I can handle it, and it can make me better at what I do.”
Or maybe you’re trying to improve a relationship, and it seems tough. Instead of thinking, “This is never going to get better,” try thinking, “I can find solutions and make things work. Every challenge is a chance to strengthen my relationships.”
Shifting your mindset to the limiting belief that it is hopeless to there are infinite possibilities
This mental shift is about believing in the positive possibilities. It doesn’t mean ignoring problems, but rather approaching them with a mindset that things can improve. It’s like turning a cloudy day into a sunny one just by changing your perspective.
For example, if you’re trying to learn a new skill and find it challenging, instead of saying, “I’ll never get the hang of this,” say, “I’m learning and improving every day. It might be tough now, but I can get better with practice.”
By believing that things can work for you, not against you, you open yourself up to solutions and opportunities. It’s a small but powerful step toward better mental health and a more positive outlook on life.
Let’s dig deeper into how our thoughts have power and discuss how limited information can not only hinder our possibilities but also affect our relationships.
Limiting Belief # 4: Making conclusions based on limited information
Sometimes we make up our minds about something with only a small amount of information. This can limit our understanding and lead to wrong conclusions. Let’s see how we can overcome this belief with a simple example:
Imagine you meet someone new, and they seem a bit quiet. If you think, “This person is not friendly because they’re quiet,” you’re making a conclusion based on limited information. They might be shy or having a bad day, and you’re not seeing the whole picture.
Improve your mental health by improving your perceptive
Now, consider if you approach it differently. Instead of jumping to conclusions, you might think, “This person seems quiet today. Maybe they’re shy or going through something. I’ll give them a chance, and we might become good friends.”
This change in thinking helps you avoid limiting your judgment to the small bit of information you have. It’s like opening a book and only reading the first page – you won’t understand the whole story.
In a broader sense, making conclusions with limited information can affect various aspects of our lives. For instance, if you’re trying a new activity and struggle at the beginning, thinking, “I’ll never be good at this,” limits your potential. Instead, you could say, “I’m new to this, and with practice, I can get better.”
Sometimes, we limit ourselves by thinking we know everything about our own reactions. But by being open and curious, you might discover new aspects of yourself, leading to personal growth and self-awareness.
Improve Your Mental Health Hack #4: Curious and open to learning new things
By understanding that limited information doesn’t tell the whole story, you free yourself from unnecessary restrictions. It’s about keeping an open mind and giving things, people, and situations a chance to unfold completely before reaching conclusions. Let’s talk about three ways you can do that.
Give Second Chances
Sometimes, things don’t go as planned, and we might want to give up. But here’s the hack: be open to giving second chances. Maybe a new hobby or a relationship didn’t start well, but with a curious and open attitude, you can let things unfold further. It could turn out to be a source of joy or fulfillment.
Learn from Mistakes:
We all make mistakes—it’s a part of life. Instead of being hard on yourself, be curious about what went wrong and open to learning from it. Every mistake is an opportunity to grow and improve. Embracing this mindset can turn setbacks into stepping stones toward a better version of yourself.
Stay Curious About Yourself:
Just as you explore the world around you, stay curious about your own thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, we limit ourselves by thinking we know everything about our own reactions. But by being open and curious, you might discover new aspects of yourself, leading to personal growth and self-awareness.
We have to stop limiting our possibilities based on preconceived notions as to how things should go and how people should act. Being curious and open to things being fluid will help us weather discomfort, disappointments, and delays with minimum stress.
The image below summarizes my thoughts. Next, I’ll share my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
Depression, anxiety, loneliness – these are things that often cloud our minds, disrupt our relationships, and, frankly, impact our lives negatively. The key to overcoming them lies in how we perceive ourselves and others.
If we pause and ask ourselves, “Is that really true?” we can break free and lead happier lives. Ultimately, it depends on our commitment to breaking free from old habits and patterns. This is a path only you can pave for yourself, and I trust you’ll take steps towards emotional growth.
If you need further assistance, don’t hesitate to reach out to me. Additionally, if you’re interested in learning more about improving your mental health, check out this episode from my podcast.
