Understanding Learned Helplessness: Overcoming Self-Doubt & Limiting Beliefs
- Updated: November 5, 2024
Too often, we’re our own worst enemies, holding ourselves back before even stepping up to the plate. This mindset, known as learned helplessness, eats away at every area of our lives. It’s the voice saying, “You’re not enough,” whether you’re dreaming of a thriving business, a healthy relationship, or a family, but feel sure you’d mess it up.
As a healing and leadership coach, I see how much potential gets buried under layers of doubt. My goal here is to help you understand learned helplessness, identify where it shows up in your life, and, most importantly, begin the journey of unlearning it so you can start betting on yourself.
What is Learned Helplessness?
Let’s start with a little backstory. In the late 1960s, researchers Steven Maier and Martin Seligman observed something that forever changed psychology: learned helplessness. In their experiments, they subjected dogs to a series of inescapable shocks, leading the dogs to feel trapped and helpless. Later, when the researchers opened the cage doors to offer a way out, something unexpected happened—the dogs who’d never experienced shocks before quickly ran for freedom, while those who had endured the repeated shocks simply stayed put, paralyzed by their past trauma.
Even with the door wide open, these traumatized dogs whined and stayed still. They seemed too fearful to explore new options, a haunting reflection of how many of us respond to repeated hardships. Seligman and Maier’s work, documented in their groundbreaking 1976 paper, Learned Helplessness: Theory and Evidence, revealed how consistent, overwhelming challenges can foster a sense of helplessness—keeping us rooted in old fears and stopping us from even attempting change.
But here’s the thing: that was then, this is now. You have options, tools, and resources today that can shift your outlook. So let’s leave the metaphor of dogs and shocks behind and start thinking about how you respond to challenges, setbacks, and adversities. It’s time to realize that you can reclaim your power and create a new path forward.
Being Busy... Avoiding Our Pain
Over the past two years, I’ve delved deeply into the complexities of the human mind, especially how we process life after difficult experiences. What I’ve uncovered has been eye-opening.
Despite all our busyness and endless to-do lists, it can feel like we’re barely living at all. The impact of tough times often leaves us stuck in a strange loop—going through the motions but not making any meaningful progress.
Does that resonate with you? Are you unsure whether you’re simply exhausted, nearing burnout, or on the verge of giving up?
In the next section, we’ll explore the difference between exhaustion and learned helplessness. Regardless of whether you’re experiencing burnout or just trying to escape the grip of old, painful memories, know this: healing is possible. Working through past trauma or stressful experiences opens the door to real change. It helps us unfreeze from those painful moments and start pursuing what genuinely matters.
Burnout vs. Learned Helplessness: The Real Difference
If you’re feeling stuck and unsure whether it’s exhaustion or learned helplessness, let’s take a closer look at how they differ. Understanding these distinctions can help you figure out what’s really holding you back.
Learned Helplessness is a mindset where you feel powerless to change your circumstances, even when you have the ability to do so. It’s that sinking feeling you get when life throws challenges at you over and over, making you believe your actions won’t make a difference. You might find yourself just going through the motions, feeling unmotivated and resigned to your situation. You’ve been hurt before, so why try again, right?
Exhaustion, on the other hand, is about being deeply tired—physically and mentally. You might be working too hard, stressed out, or just not getting enough rest. When you’re exhausted, it shows up as low energy, difficulty concentrating, and feeling overwhelmed. You’re not just tired; you’re running on empty.
So, to sum it up:
Learned Helplessness | Exhaustion | |
| What it is: | A mindset where you feel powerless to change your circumstances, even when you can. | Deep physical and mental exhaustion. |
| Why it happens: | Repeated failure or adversity leaves you feeling as if your actions don’t matter. | Comes from excessive stress, overworking, or lack of rest. |
| How it shows up: | Passive, unmotivated, resigned. | Tired, low energy, difficulty concentrating, poor performance. |
Understanding these distinctions can guide you in tackling what’s truly holding you back. In either case, there’s a way forward, a way to reconnect with your inner strength.
Your healing journey isn’t about crossing off tasks or living up to others’ expectations; it’s about reclaiming our lives. In the next section, we’ll discuss ways to overcome learned helplessness and reclaim your personal power.
After a while, you may have learned that fighting was pointless. But that was then, and this is now. You have the tools to succeed, only if you want it now.
Take Back Your Power: Healing from the Past to Live a Life That Matters
Ready to make some real changes? Here are ten actionable steps to shake off learned helplessness and step into a life that’s truly yours:
To break free from helplessness and regain power, consider these ten simple steps:
1) Acknowledge the Impact
Tough experiences can leave scars, both emotional and psychological. As renowned psychologist Dr. Gabor Maté says, “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety; the opposite of addiction is connection.” Understanding the impact of your experiences is essential. By acknowledging your past, you can start to regain control over your present.
2) Be Mindful of Your Actions
Pay close attention to what you say and do. Are your actions aligned with your true desires? According to a study from Harvard University, being mindful can improve decision-making and reduce stress. Awareness is a powerful tool for change.
3) Break the Silence
It’s crucial to express your thoughts and feelings. Open communication can help you reclaim your voice. As author Brené Brown states, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.” Speaking up can lead to significant breakthroughs.
4) Confront Regrets
Reflect on actions or inactions that have caused you regret. Instead of letting these feelings weigh you down, use them as stepping stones for growth. The late author and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar once said, “Don’t let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality.” Learn from the past to make empowering choices for the future.
5) Challenge Old Fears
Past fears can often hold you back in the present. Psychologist Carl Jung suggested that “What you resist, persists.” Consciously challenge these fears by taking small steps toward new experiences. This can help you break free from their grip.
Remember, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Prioritize your well-being to be your best self. Invest time and energy in your recovery journey, whether through therapy, self-care, or some of form of personal development.
6) Embrace Change
Understand that change is not only possible but necessary for growth. As the philosopher Heraclitus said, “Change is the only constant in life.” Be open to exploring new possibilities, which can lead to exciting opportunities. Read this article for more help on embracing change and uncertainty.
7) Thaw from Trauma
Seek support from a trauma-informed counselor, coach, or therapist to process and release emotional weight. Trauma can leave you feeling frozen, but healing is possible. The National Center for PTSD emphasizes that “with the right treatment, many people recover from PTSD.” Don’t hesitate to seek help in thawing from those painful moments.
8) Focus on Meaningful Actions
Shift your focus from merely going through the motions to engaging in activities that genuinely matter to you. Studies show that pursuing meaningful activities enhances overall well-being. Take time to identify what brings you joy and fulfillment.
9) Invest in Your Emotional Health and Recovery
Healing is a journey that requires time and energy. Whether through therapy, self-care, or personal development, investing in your emotional health is crucial. Remember, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” Prioritize your well-being to be your best self. Invest time and energy in your recovery journey, whether through therapy, self-care, or some of form of personal development.
10) Reflect on Progress
Regularly assess your progress and celebrate small victories. Acknowledging positive changes reinforces your ability to shape your narrative. Author and entrepreneur Tony Robbins states, “Progress equals happiness.” Celebrate where you are on your journey.
Breaking free from helplessness is a process involving self-awareness, intentional choices, and a commitment to personal growth. It’s about embracing a life that aligns with your values and aspirations. So, give it some thought – you have the power to shape your own story.
I hope these tips helped. The image sums up my tips. Next, I will share with you my final thoughts.
Final thoughts
Many of us are not where we need to be in our lives because we are working overtime to validate feelings of incompetence and unimportance. All this does is affirm an already low self-worth. Learning to believe in yourself and your abilities is possible; it just takes effort on your part.
Remember, the fact that you are reading this says you want better for yourself. Don’t give up now. Use the steps I listed above and keep working on being the best version of yourself.
If you need more help, don’t hesitate to contact me. Also, dig deeper by listening to this episode from my podcast.
