Overcoming Social Anxiety: Tips for Introverted Business Owners
Hey there, fellow anxiety warriors and business owners! I’m Denise G Lee, a healing and leadership coach passionate about helping people like us thrive in the business world, especially when it comes to tackling social anxiety.
Social anxiety isn’t just about being shy or introverted. It’s a real, often debilitating condition that can make even the thought of networking feel like you’re about to jump out of a plane without a parachute.
But don’t worry! I’m not here to tell you to “just get over it” or “fake it till you make it.” Instead, I’m going to share some practical, anxiety-friendly strategies to help you overcome social anxiety in networking situations and build meaningful connections without feeling like you need a month-long vacation afterward.
First, let’s talk about why we network, even when it’s the last thing we want to do.
Why Networking Matters
Let’s face it: for those of us with social anxiety, networking can feel like a necessary evil. But here’s why it’s so important, especially for leaders and business owners:
- Opportunities knock: Networking opens doors to new partnerships, clients, and collaborations. You never know who you might meet or what opportunities might arise from a simple conversation (even if that conversation makes your palms sweat).
- Knowledge is power: By connecting with others in your industry, you can stay up-to-date on trends, learn from others’ experiences, and gain valuable insights. And yes, you can do this even if your anxiety is telling you that everyone else knows more than you do.
- Support system: Building a network means creating a support system of like-minded professionals who can offer advice, encouragement, and maybe even a virtual hug when things get tough.
- Visibility: As a business owner or leader, being visible in your industry can help establish your credibility and attract new opportunities. I know, I know – the idea of being “visible” might make you want to become invisible, but we’ll work on that!
- Personal growth: Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone can lead to personal and professional growth, helping you become a more confident and effective leader. And trust me, every small step counts when you’re dealing with social anxiety.
The Science Behind Social Anxiety in Networking
When we’re faced with a networking event, our brain’s amygdala (the part responsible for processing emotions) can go into overdrive.
Alright, imagine you’re in the boxing ring, and you’re up against two tough opponents: Fear and Anxiety. Fear is the big one who always tries to throw knockout punches, and Anxiety is the fast one that keeps jabbing you over and over.
Now, when you step into a networking event, it’s like your brain is suddenly the referee. The amygdala, which is in charge of emotions, rings the bell and calls for action. It sends out a signal that says, “Uh-oh, danger!” This gets your fight-or-flight response fired up and floods your body with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. That’s why you start sweating, your heart races, and you feel like you might pass out.
For those of us with social anxiety, the fight is even more intense. Our amygdala’s on overdrive, constantly scanning the crowd like a security guard on high alert. It thinks every conversation is a potential threat, turning an average networking event into a full-on, high-stakes boxing match.
But here’s the good news: once we understand what’s happening in our brains, we can learn some knockout moves of our own to handle the Anxiety and Fear duo. So, let’s talk about strategies to help us stay in the ring and come out on top – and maybe even enjoy it a little. (Yes, you read that right, enjoy it!)
Remember, you're not there to impress everyone or become best friends with the whole room. Your goal is simply to make a few meaningful connections.
Strategies for Overcoming Social Anxiety in Networking
Now that we understand why social anxiety happens, let’s talk about how to deal with it. Here are some anxiety-friendly strategies to help you network like a pro (or at least fake it convincingly):
1. Reframe Your Mindset
Instead of thinking of networking as a scary, high-pressure situation where everyone is judging you (spoiler alert: they’re not), try reframing it as an opportunity to have interesting conversations and learn from others. Remember, you’re not there to impress everyone or become best friends with the whole room. Your goal is simply to make a few meaningful connections.
Pro tip: Before an event, set a realistic goal for yourself. Maybe it’s having two good conversations or exchanging contact info with one person. Having a clear, achievable goal can help reduce anxiety and give you a sense of accomplishment. And if you only manage one conversation? That’s still a win!
2. Prepare, But Don’t Over-Prepare
When you’re dealing with social anxiety, it’s tempting to try to prepare for every possible scenario. But be careful not to over-prepare, as this can actually increase anxiety. Instead, have a few conversation starters in your back pocket, but allow room for natural, organic interactions.
Some easy conversation starters:
- “What brought you to this event?”
- “What’s the most interesting project you’re working on right now?”
- “I love your [insert item of clothing or accessory]. Where did you get it?”
Remember, you don’t need to have a script for every possible interaction. Sometimes, a simple “Hi, I’m [Your Name]” is all you need to start a conversation.
3. Enjoy the Power of One-on-One Conversations
Large group conversations can be overwhelming for those with social anxiety. Instead, focus on having meaningful one-on-one conversations. These allow you to engage more deeply and can feel less intimidating than trying to contribute to a group discussion.
Expert quote: Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, author of “How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety,” says, “One-on-one conversations are the sweet spot for people with social anxiety. They allow for deeper connection and less pressure than group interactions.”
Take the pressure off yourself by focusing on being genuinely interested in others. Ask questions, listen actively, and show curiosity about the people you meet. Not only does this take the spotlight off you (which can be a relief when you're dealing with social anxiety), but it also helps you make more meaningful connections.
4. Use the “Quiet Networking” Approach
Remember, networking doesn’t always have to mean working a room full of strangers.
Here are some “quiet networking” strategies that can be just as effective and much less anxiety-inducing:
- Online networking: Engage in industry forums, LinkedIn groups, or Twitter chats related to your field. This allows you to network from the comfort of your own home, where you can take breaks when needed.
- Small group events: Look for more intimate networking opportunities, like small workshops or mastermind groups. These can feel less overwhelming than large conferences or mixers.
- Volunteer: Offer your skills to a cause you care about. This can lead to meaningful connections with like-minded individuals, and having a task to focus on can help ease social anxiety.
5. Practice Self-Care Before and After Events
Networking can be incredibly draining when you’re dealing with social anxiety, so it’s important to take care of yourself. Before an event, give yourself some quiet time to recharge and prepare mentally. After the event, plan some downtime to recover and process.
Pro tip: Create a pre-networking ritual that helps you feel calm and centered. This could be a quick meditation, listening to your favorite pump-up song, or doing some deep breathing exercises. And don’t forget to reward yourself after the event for pushing through your anxiety!
6. Focus on Being Interested, Not Interesting
Take the pressure off yourself by focusing on being genuinely interested in others. Ask questions, listen actively, and show curiosity about the people you meet. Not only does this take the spotlight off you (which can be a relief when you’re dealing with social anxiety), but it also helps you make more meaningful connections.
7. Use Your Anxiety Superpowers
Believe it or not, dealing with social anxiety can give you some unique strengths that can actually make you great at networking. For example:
- Empathy: People with social anxiety often have a heightened awareness of others’ emotions, which can help you connect on a deeper level.
- Preparation: Your tendency to think through scenarios in advance can help you come up with thoughtful questions and talking points.
- Listening skills: When you’re anxious about speaking, you often become an excellent listener, which is a valuable skill in networking.
8. Create a Networking Buddy System
Find a friend or colleague who also experiences social anxiety and attend events together. Having a familiar face around can help you feel more comfortable and give you someone to check in with throughout the event. Plus, you can help each other set goals and celebrate small victories.
9. Practice, Practice, Practice
Like any skill, networking gets easier with practice, even when you’re dealing with social anxiety. Start small by attending low-pressure events or practicing with friends and family. As you become more comfortable, you can gradually work your way up to larger networking situations.
Expert quote: Dr. Karyn Hall, author of “The Emotionally Sensitive Person,” says, “Exposure is key to overcoming social anxiety. Each time you face your fear and survive, you build confidence and resilience.”
10. Leverage Technology
Use technology to your advantage. Many networking events now offer apps or online platforms where you can connect with attendees before or after the event. This can help you prepare for in-person conversations or follow up afterward, which can be less anxiety-inducing than face-to-face interactions.
11. Give Yourself Permission to Take Breaks
Remember, it’s okay to step away from the event if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Find a quiet corner, step outside for some fresh air, or even take a quick bathroom break to regroup. Quality connections are more important than quantity, so if you need to take frequent breaks to manage your anxiety, that’s totally fine.
12. Follow Up Meaningfully
After the event, follow up with the people you connected with. This is where those of us with social anxiety often shine – in thoughtful, one-on-one communication. Send a personalized email or LinkedIn message referencing something specific from your conversation. This allows you to continue building relationships in a less anxiety-provoking way.
Before an event, spend some time visualizing yourself successfully navigating the networking situation. Imagine yourself feeling calm, confident, and engaging in positive interactions.
Advanced Strategies for Managing Social Anxiety in Networking
As you become more comfortable with basic networking strategies, you might want to try some more advanced techniques:
1. Cognitive Restructuring
This technique involves identifying and challenging the negative thoughts that fuel your social anxiety. For example, if you find yourself thinking, “Everyone here is judging me,” try to reframe it as, “Most people are probably focused on themselves, not on judging me.”
2. Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques
Practicing mindfulness can help you stay present in the moment instead of getting caught up in anxiety-fueled thoughts. Try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique: Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
3. Gradual Exposure Therapy
Work with a therapist to create a hierarchy of anxiety-provoking networking situations, starting with the least anxiety-inducing and working your way up. This can help you build confidence gradually.
4. Role-Playing Scenarios
Practice common networking scenarios with a friend or coach. This can help you feel more prepared and less anxious in real situations.
5. Visualization Techniques
Before an event, spend some time visualizing yourself successfully navigating the networking situation. Imagine yourself feeling calm, confident, and engaging in positive interactions.
These tips are summarized in the image below. Next, let’s discuss how you can make networking work for you!
Creating a Networking Plan That Works for You
Everyone experiences social anxiety differently, so it’s important to create a networking plan that fits your needs and challenges. Here’s a simple guide to help you make your plan:
- Identify your triggers: What parts of networking make you anxious? Is it starting conversations? Big crowds? Not knowing anyone?
- Set realistic goals: Think about what you feel comfortable with right now. Set small, achievable goals and build up to bigger ones over time.
- Choose your strategies: From the tips we’ve talked about, which ones work best for you? Pick a few to start with.
- Create a support system: Who can help and encourage you? This could be friends, family, a therapist, or a coach.
- Plan for self-care: How will you take care of yourself before, during, and after networking events?
- Track your progress: Keep a journal to note what worked and what didn’t after each networking event.
- Reassess and adjust: As you get better at networking, keep checking your plan and make changes if needed.
Overcoming social anxiety in networking situations is a journey, not a destination. It's okay to feel nervous or uncomfortable sometimes – that's totally normal! The key is to find strategies that work for you and to keep pushing yourself gently out of your comfort zone.
Real-Life Success Stories
Let’s look at some real-life examples of people who’ve overcome social anxiety in networking:
Sarah, Tech Entrepreneur: “I used to have panic attacks before networking events. Now, I focus on having just two meaningful conversations at each event. It takes the pressure off and allows me to engage more deeply with people without getting overwhelmed.”
Mark, Marketing Consultant: “I started a small monthly meetup for other business owners with social anxiety. It’s been a great way to network in a more comfortable, low-key setting where everyone understands the challenges we’re facing.”
Jenna, Freelance Writer: “I’ve found that online networking works best for me. I still get anxious, but it’s more manageable than in-person events. I’m active in several writing groups on Facebook and LinkedIn, and I’ve gotten most of my clients through these connections.”
Final Thoughts
Remember, overcoming social anxiety in networking situations is a journey, not a destination. It’s okay to feel nervous or uncomfortable sometimes – that’s totally normal! The key is to find strategies that work for you and to keep pushing yourself gently out of your comfort zone.
As someone who’s dealt with social anxiety myself, I know how challenging networking can be. But I also know how rewarding it can be when you make those meaningful connections, despite your anxiety. So, take a deep breath, use these strategies, and go out there and network like the awesome, anxiety-battling warrior you are!
If you’re looking for more support in overcoming social anxiety in networking or other leadership challenges, I’d love to work with you. As a healing and leadership coach, I specialize in helping people with social anxiety thrive in the business world.
And hey, if you want to hear more about this topic (and maybe a few of my questionable jokes), check out my podcast . Trust me, it’s way more fun than actually networking!
Remember, your journey with social anxiety is unique, and it’s okay to take things at your own pace. Embrace your strengths, work with your challenges, and watch your network (and your confidence) grow!
