Perfectionism and Addiction: The Hidden Connection
It was my client’s first session with Rob (not his real name). I asked why he needed my assistance. “I worked hard and played harder,” Rob responded. He was addicted to perfectionism and always wanted to please others, no matter what.
Owning a startup in the fintech world, Rob had no limits to his efforts to make his clients happy. Unfortunately, one client’s interpretation of “fun” involved completely self-destructive activities. For example, after work, he would join this client at parties where Rob would snort lines of coke in between slipping $20 bills into strippers’ thongs. Financially, he was doing great, but he was spiraling into chaos.
As an entrepreneur coach, I’ve seen how hardworking, dedicated, and perfectionistic people can easily fall into addiction. In this article, we’ll explore how perfectionism and addiction are connected. We will close with some ways to help you manage your expectations and achieve a healthier work-life balance.
The relentless pursuit of perfection can breed a vicious cycle of anxiety and dread, where even trifling errors loom large, burdening mental well-being and stifling creativity.
Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist
And as a recovering addict and perfectionist myself, I know having realistic expectation of myself and others is easier said than done.
Imagine this: on my way to an event, I was talking to my husband about annoying tech problems. In the past, those issues would ruin my whole day. But this time, I didn’t let it bother me. I just said, “It’s okay, these things happen. It’ll be fine.”
But deep down, I realized something important. I always expected everything to be perfect all the time. In the past, this feeling made me try to escape my problems by becoming unproductively angry, drinking alcohol, or distracting myself with trivial matters.
Do you ever feel like running away from your problems and toward a drug of choice when things get tough?
We all have moments when things feel overwhelming. The reasons vary from person to person, as well as the magnitude and extent of the events. But at the root, there is fear. Maybe you’re scared of seeming not good enough, or you really want to control how things turn out.
Running a business can be really hard sometimes. The client you were counting on picks someone else. Your new employee, who seemed so promising, turns out to be unreliable. And there’s this pressure to make everything perfect, not just at work, but in every part of your life.
When these problems pile up, it can feel like too much to handle. And sometimes, to cope, people turn to things like drugs, alcohol, or other unhealthy habits. But before we talk more about addiction, let’s look closely at what it means to be a perfectionist.
What is Perfectionism Exactly?
We live in a world that measures us by our productivity. The more successes we achieve, the more we can puff out our chests and feel like champions. Is it any surprise, then, that people are proud to call themselves Type A perfectionists? I see people write that they are perfectionists all day every day; in fact, you can even take a quiz to see what kind of perfectionist you are.
When you are a perfectionist, you have a rigid standard based on non-negotiable beliefs on how things and people should work at all times. It’s as if you are in a controlled test environment where everything should happen at certain dates, times, and sequences.
And the reason why you may feel this way is that it provides a sense of control and stability. Also, having other people modeling perfectionism doesn’t help either.
But this relentless pursuit of perfection can breed a vicious cycle of anxiety and dread, where even trifling errors loom large, burdening mental well-being and stifling creativity.
The Cure Became the Curse: How Anxiety Leads to Addiction
As I mentioned earlier, perfectionism is often synonymous with self-flagellation and an aversion to imperfection. When things can’t or won’t go the way you want, there has to be a pressure release from the feelings of frustration and worry.
Successful leaders like Elon Musk have admitted to using substances like alcohol or drugs to numb their senses, seeking respite from reality’s harsh glare. Others succumb to binge-eating or reckless spending, seeking solace in ephemeral distractions from the relentless pursuit of perfection.
Research shows that being a perfectionist, having low self-esteem, and feeling stressed can lead to addiction. Knowing this connection, business owners like yourself can take steps to handle perfectionism better. Instead of being solely focused on success at all costs, you can balance your goals with maintaining good mental health. Let’s dive into some specific studies that validate the link between perfectionism and addiction.
Studies that compare the link between perfectionism and addiction
A study in the Journal of Addictive Behaviors found that perfectionism is linked to addiction. People who are perfectionists are more likely to turn to addictive behaviors when they feel stressed or inadequate (Smith et al., 2018).
Another study from the University of Toronto found that always trying to be perfect can make addiction more likely over time. This means that constantly striving for perfection might increase the chances of becoming addicted to something (Kuo et al., 2020).
Are you finding yourself taking yourself and your work way too personally? Are your team members or loved ones saying that your perfectionism is a bit overboard? If so, here are five simple steps to overcome perfectionism.
Five Tips Help You Overcome Perfectionism
To overcome the challenges of perfectionism and addiction, here are some simple solutions:
Know the Cost of Perfectionism:
Know that aiming for perfection can push you to do amazing things, but it can also stress you out and make you scared of making mistakes.
If you spend hours trying to make a presentation flawless, you might miss deadlines or feel exhausted. Instead, consider how much time you could save by aiming for a good presentation rather than a perfect one.
Think about how trying to be perfect all the time can waste your time, money, and energy. For example, reflect on how your need for perfection affects your relationships. If you constantly criticize your partner for minor mistakes, it can create tension. Acknowledging that everyone has flaws can help you appreciate their efforts more.
Seek Healthy Ways to Cope with Stress:
When things don’t go the way you hoped, it’s easy to turn to unhealthy habits like drinking too much alcohol or spending too much money. Instead, try to find healthier ways to deal with your feelings. You could go for a walk, practice meditation, or talk to someone you trust. These activities can help you feel better without causing more problems.
Build Self-Compassion:
Be nice to yourself and remember that everyone makes mistakes sometimes. When you make a mistake at work, instead of berating yourself, say something supportive like, “It’s okay; everyone makes mistakes. I can learn from this.”
Treat yourself with the same kindness you would give to a friend who’s going through a tough time. And if you don’t achieve a goal, treat yourself to something enjoyable, like a favorite snack or a movie night. This reinforces the idea that your worth isn’t tied to your achievements.
Break Free from Rigid Thinking:
Try not to think in black-and-white terms. People raised by rigid, perfectionist parents tend to normalize the false belief that anything less than perfection is unacceptable. If you think, “If I can’t do this perfectly, I won’t do it at all,” try to reframe it to, “I can do my best and still be satisfied with the outcome.”It’s okay to not be perfect all the time. Learn from your mistakes and see them as opportunities to grow.
Get really good at accepting the fact that everyone, including you, experiences learning curves. Unless you are connected with tons of successful people and have a trust fund, you had to learn how to hustle to get what you want. Take that energy and apply it to other parts of your life. Each experience teaches you to be patient and enjoy the learning process.
Seek Support:
Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you’re struggling. Whether it’s talking to a therapist or trauma-informed coach like myself, joining a support group, or just reaching out to a friend, getting support can make a big difference. Stop doing this all alone. That is what fuels addiction.
Schedule regular check-ins with a friend or therapist to discuss your feelings about perfectionism. They can offer perspective and encouragement, helping you to see that it’s okay to not be perfect.
The image below summarizes my tips. Next, I will share my final thoughts.
Final thoughts
It’s really important for business owners to see how trying to be perfect can lead to addiction trying too hard to be perfect can make business owners feel a lot of pressure. Drop the desire for perfectionism and exchange it for excellence and compassion. Nothing and nobody can get it right all day, every day. When we adjust our expectations, we will be less likely to feel frustrated and stressed.
Also, self compassion is key to improve your mental health. Being nice to yourself when you make mistakes and asking for help when you need it can help you stop harmful habits and be happier. If you’re having trouble with being perfect and addiction, know that you don’t have to deal with this issue alone.
Let’s figure out better ways to deal with this together. Reach out to me if you need help. Also, listen to episode from my entrepreneurial podcast where we talk about stuff like this. We can learn to accept imperfections and do well.
