The Power of Words: How Language Shapes and Influences Mindset
- Updated: November 3, 2024
You might have heard that you are the sum of the three closest people around you. Well, I want to build on that and say that you are the sum of your most pervasive thoughts. The only question is whether those thoughts are helping or hurting you.
As a healing and leadership coach, I want to ensure that you understand the power of your inner dialogue so that you can direct it towards positive and productive activities. In this article, we will discuss how the power of your words can impact your mindset.
First, let’s take a trip down memory lane and examine your experiences from childhood. They may have created values and beliefs that run counter to your goals and ambitions.
Messages From Childhood Spilling into Adulthood
Have you ever caught yourself sounding just like your parents, even if you swore you’d never act that way? It hit me not too long ago on a simple errand run to Home Depot. My son tagged along as I loaded up on mulch for the yard. A straightforward task, right? Well, let’s just say that taking a young child to a hardware store is like herding cats, and the distraction level was through the roof.
When I got back and started unloading, my husband asked how it went. Without thinking, I replied, “He did some good things.” My husband raised an eyebrow. He knows how I get when I’m juggling heavy lifting and parenting. He asked, “Only some things?” I laughed and brushed it off, saying, “What do you expect from a kid in a hardware store?”
Looking back, I realized this moment was lightyears away from how I used to react. In the past, when I felt that familiar frustration bubbling up, I’d hear my dad’s voice—criticism wrapped in silence or sarcasm. Growing up, he’d often say (or imply) that kids were more hassle than help, a notion I internalized as: “Kids are useless.” I can feel that line trying to creep into my own parenting sometimes, especially in those tense moments.
Now, I’m catching myself and asking, “What do I really want to teach my son?” How we talk to our kids, even in passing, stacks up over time. The subtle messages we send, without meaning to, shape our relationships. It’s something I’m actively working on, trying to change old habits so my son hears something different than what I grew up with.
Fallback Words
It’s so easy to fall back on the voices of the past, isn’t it? The way my dad treated me, the words he used—they shaped me in ways I didn’t fully understand until I had my own child. When he was abrupt or dismissive, my young mind interpreted it as, “I’m in the way. I’m not valuable.” Those early messages don’t just disappear with age; they morph and resurface in moments of stress or frustration, especially around loved ones.
Think about it: how often do you react based on old scripts, the things your parents or caregivers once said or did? We pick up these patterns, sometimes unwittingly, and they slip out, often when we’re exhausted, annoyed, or just not on our A-game.
What about you? Are these messages from the past impacting your present relationships?
“You’re Not Good Enough!”
Let’s go deeper. Has anyone ever told you, directly or indirectly, that you weren’t good enough? Or maybe they didn’t have to say it out loud. As humans, we’re great at picking up on unspoken cues, and over time, those cues can feel like truths. Reflecting on my own childhood, I realize I spent years trying to prove I was “good enough,” even though no amount of striving ever seemed to cut it. That message can haunt you, shaping how you see yourself in every role: friend, partner, boss, parent.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many of us have these old tapes running on repeat. I’ve met people who hold back because of that echo in the back of their minds—“You’re not enough.” They don’t chase their goals or show up fully in relationships because deep down, they’re braced for the next wave of disappointment.
The good news? You can change the script. I am specially talking about your life script. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. You can shift the narrative, amplifying words of encouragement and possibility. And once you start to replace the old voices with new, positive messages, the shift in your life can be incredible. I discussed this in the social media post below. Click the link to join the conversation.
In the next section, we’ll talk about how the words we tell ourselves and the people we surround ourselves with shape our self-perception and relationships.
"You're not good enough!"
— Denise Lee (@DeniseGLee) August 30, 2023
Has anyone told you that indirectly or in some cases, straight to your face?
Depending on who, how and why - those simple words can feel like a sucker punch to the gut.
And as humans, unless you challenge negative or harmful thoughts - you will think…
The Words You Tell Yourself
Let’s get real for a moment: the voice in your head is one of the most powerful influences in your life. It shapes how you see yourself, how you interact with others, and ultimately, how you navigate the world. That internal monologue is constantly creating your reality. So, what’s it telling you?
Are you cheering yourself on, or are you constantly criticizing yourself? If your self-talk leans negative, it’s likely you’re unintentionally reinforcing patterns that limit you and hold you back. When you tell yourself things like, “I’m just not cut out for this,” or “Why bother trying—I’ll probably fail anyway,” you’re not just voicing frustrations; you’re setting the stage for future decisions. You’re more likely to hold back, self-sabotage, or settle for less.
Words have power. Tremendous power.
And they’re either helping or hindering you. Every time you indulge negative self-talk, you’re making it a little harder to believe in your abilities, and you may find yourself shrinking back from the challenges and growth you deserve.
But here’s the good news: you can change the narrative. When you notice those limiting thoughts, stop and ask, “Is this true? Is this helpful?” Over time, you can replace “I can’t” with “I’m learning” or “I’m growing.” These small shifts aren’t about being unrealistic—they’re about creating a more supportive environment in your mind, one that gives you space to try, fail, and grow.
And it’s not just what you tell yourself. It’s what you let in from the outside, too. Your internal dialogue is influenced by everything you consume—from what you read and listen to, to the conversations you have, to the media you’re soaking up. Just like food nourishes (or drains) your body, what you consume mentally feeds your mindset.
In the next section, we’ll look at how to recognize these external influences and filter out what doesn’t serve your growth.
Your past and present experiences shape who you are. How you view and digest those experiences impacts your ability to thrive or merely survive in life.
Not So Innocent Song Lyrics
Let me ask you something: have you ever come across a song, movie, or book that suddenly brought up memories of old pain or confusion? Something that struck a chord because it echoed emotions you’ve since worked hard to leave behind? This happened to me recently.
One Sunday, on the way to church with my family, my husband thought it’d be fun to turn on the Kidz Bop station—a station where kids sing popular songs with “cleaned-up” lyrics. Sounds harmless, right? I thought so, too, until I actually paid attention to the lyrics.
There was a song in Spanish playing, and though the beat was upbeat, the words hit me differently: “I can’t imagine life without you!” “My world is turning upside down!” “Your love is everything to me!” And I thought, What in the world? Here were kids, singing lyrics that sounded like a love addict’s or codependent’s anthem! Meanwhile, my husband and son were bopping along, blissfully unaware.
I couldn’t shake it. I felt an immediate flashback to my own younger years, tuning in to sad love songs that felt like my emotional lifeline:
- Toni Braxton’s “Another Sad Love Song”
- Jewel’s “Foolish Games”
- The Cardigans’ “Lovefool”
Back then, those songs were the soundtrack of my life—a life where love felt unattainable and heartbreak seemed inevitable. Listening to those lyrics now, I can see how they reinforced my own feelings of hopelessness about love and connection. They seemed like harmless entertainment, but they were planting seeds of negativity and dependency in my mind.
After two minutes of listening to the Kidz Bop song, I couldn’t take it anymore. I switched to the GROOVE station on SiriusXM, and “Car Wash” by Rose Royce came on. Suddenly, we were all singing along to something positive and fun, no drama or heartbreak in sight. That little switch completely changed the energy in the car.
Moral of the story: Great emotional health requires intuition and effort.
Be Mindful of What You’re Absorbing
It’s easy to consume content without questioning it. We scroll, we listen, we watch. But when it comes to emotional health, intentionality is everything. If you’re listening to songs that romanticize unrequited love or binge-watching shows filled with toxicity, that’s going to seep into how you think about relationships. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a good movie or a catchy tune, but just be aware of how it’s affecting your thoughts and beliefs.
In healthy relationships—with yourself and others—mindset is key. Joy, resilience, and self-respect don’t grow in a mental environment filled with despair and self-doubt. If you want fulfilling connections and a positive self-view, then every part of your life—songs, movies, friendships—needs to support that goal.
So here’s the question: are you feeding your mind with what helps you or hurts you? It’s worth considering because nothing is truly “innocent.” Every piece of content you take in either strengthens your mental well-being or weakens it.
Now, let’s put it all together and talk about some actionable steps you can be aware of the power of your words and have a healthier mindset.
Practical Tips to a Healthier Mindset
If you’re ready to take control of your internal dialogue and start creating a more positive mindset, here are a few tips to help you begin:
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Catch and Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Start by paying attention to your thoughts, especially in stressful situations. Notice when negative beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never get this right” pop up. Instead of accepting these thoughts as truth, challenge them. Ask yourself: Is this really accurate? What evidence do I have for and against this thought? Often, simply questioning these thoughts can weaken their hold. -
Reframe with Positive Statements
Once you’ve caught a negative thought, replace it with something constructive. Instead of “I’ll never be able to do this,” try “I’m learning and getting better with practice.” Choose statements that feel realistic and encouraging. Over time, these reframes will start to feel natural, and you’ll notice a shift in how you approach challenges. -
Create a “Supportive Self-Talk” List
Make a list of statements you can turn to when self-doubt or negativity creeps in. These can be affirmations or reminders of past achievements. For example, “I have overcome difficult situations before, and I can do it again,” or “I am enough, as I am.” Keep this list somewhere accessible, like in a journal or a note on your phone, so you can refer to it whenever needed. -
Be Intentional with What You Consume
Take inventory of the media you regularly consume—music, TV, social media. Ask yourself, Does this uplift me or bring me down? Does it reinforce negative beliefs or inspire positive ones? Start cutting back on content that leaves you feeling drained or less than. Choose songs, shows, and even social media accounts that motivate, educate, and bring joy. Remember, what you consume plays a role in shaping your thoughts and, ultimately, your self-worth. -
Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
The people in your life are just as impactful as the media you consume. Spend time with friends, mentors, and loved ones who uplift you and believe in your potential. If someone in your life tends to be critical or dismissive, consider setting boundaries to protect your mental well-being. Positive relationships provide a support system that reinforces healthy self-beliefs. -
Practice Gratitude Daily
Developing a habit of gratitude can help shift your focus from limitations to possibilities. Every day, jot down at least one thing you’re grateful for, no matter how small. This practice helps train your mind to look for the good, which can counterbalance negative self-talk and strengthen your overall mindset.
Remember: Changing your self-talk and media habits doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual process of rewiring old patterns and building new, healthier habits. The important thing is to stay consistent and give yourself grace along the way.
The image below sums up these tips. In the next section, I’ll share some final thoughts on cultivating a mindset that empowers you, one that helps you build healthy, joyful relationships with yourself and others.
Final thoughts
When it comes to developing a positive mindset, it’s important to be intentional about it. It’s not simply about thinking positive thoughts and hoping for the best. Instead, it requires intentionally examining the various factors that influence your life and being deliberate about how you approach them.
If you’ve experienced harmful messages or trauma in your childhood, it’s especially important to take the time to heal and explore the root causes of those experiences. This level of introspection and honesty can be challenging, but it’s a necessary step in cultivating a healthy mindset.
Remember, you don’t have to go through this process alone. If you need help or support, don’t hesitate to reach out to me. Together, we can work towards developing a more positive and resilient mindset.
If you’re looking for additional resources and information on this topic, I encourage you to check out my podcast. In one of the episodes, we delve deeper into the power of words and how they can impact our mindset and overall well-being. Click here or press the play button below to listen in and learn more.
