The Importance of Leaders Building Strong Relationships
- Published:
- Updated: April 12, 2024
As a life coach for entrepreneurs, I want to help you enjoy your life to the fullest. In order to live a satisfying life, you must have great connections with others. Although relationships with others can be challenging, they are well worth it in terms of enhancing self-esteem and enjoying life.
In this article, we will discuss several ways that you can take to strengthen your relationships with others.
First, let’s talk about your outlook on life. It is essential to great relationships. In the next section, I will explain why.
How your outlook on life affects your mindset
The other day, one of my mutual followers wrote, “The world around us shifts when we change our mindset. How are you creating the world that you desire to see around you?” I really liked this message from Jovithe. Let us examine this message from a different angle.
The world around us shifts when we change our mindset.
— Jovithe (@Inner_Bonding) August 29, 2023
How are you creating the world that you desire to see around you?
If you suffer from anxiety or depression, this concept may seem a little strange: “How can the world shift when we change our mindset?”
Let’s look at it from another angle. If you were raised in a stressful and competitive home where you’re considered “good” only if you please your demonstrators (parents, friends, teachers…), it’s natural as an adult to think that the world is a dog-eat-dog world. There can only be one winner with a whole bunch of losers around you. And the winners get the best status symbols (cars, homes, schools, etc.). I guess I am talking about all the psychopaths on Wall Street and in Capitol Hill.
Anyway, constantly fighting to win might feel normal and exhausting at the same time. That’s why you may have had superficial or shallow relationships. The risk of looking “bad” may be too much to bear.
However, if you allow your mindset to shift and think “win-win,” you won’t see everyone around you as a competitor. Everyone can now be an ally – not a foe.
And in order to get the right people who are capable and supportive on your team, it is necessary for you to be vulnerable and honest. In the next section, we will discuss how you can be your true self with others.
Dare to be the real you
Are you allowing the real you to shine?
As a young adult, I had three or more personas: one for work, another for my lovers, and fragments of myself depending on who I had to interact with. I’ll never forget being in an Alcoholics Anonymous room one day after a meeting, and with tears in my eyes, I asked another person in recovery, “How can I be accepted if they knew I was a scumbag?”
Questions for you:
- Do you feel like you have something to hide?
- Is there a part of you that feels deeply ashamed and guilt-ridden?
Being an addict created some serious problems for myself and others. As a result, I thought I had to fragment myself into socially acceptable places. Ironically, my inauthenticity and pretentious behavior kept me from creating bonds with emotionally healthy and mature people.
If you want to have great relationships in all areas of your life, it will require you to drop the façade and allow yourself to show others the real and unvarnished side of you. And yes, this may be scary if you are surrounded by critical, suspicious, and negative people. Perhaps it is a sign for you to expand your social circle?
There is no way you can emotionally soar with healthy eagles while on the ground squawking around sad and defeated turkeys. Speaking about turkeys, in the next section, we will discuss whether you want to keep or discard your existing relationships.
Everyone says "be you" and you'll be just fine.
— Denise Lee (@DeniseGLee) August 30, 2023
But what if you never knew who "you" were?
Imagine having to constantly try to:
-please others
-work hard
-try harder
-never complain
How can you then be "you" if you don't know who you really are inside? pic.twitter.com/bluMKhcD9d
When to let it go
“I can’t give it up. Don’t you know how much time with them already?”
I have heard this too many times in my coaching practice. People are often afraid to make changes due to various reasons.
Perhaps they fear firing a poor performing team member, or they are hesitant to tell their children they plan to move out because they don’t want to stay married to their partner.
As adults, some people may dread cutting ties with a volatile and erratic family member because they were raised to believe that family sticks together no matter what. It can be challenging to break these patterns, but sometimes it is necessary for personal growth and well-being.
51% value rule
None of us is perfect, including myself. Therefore, searching for perfection where it does not exist is a fool’s errand. What we are seeking is 51% value.
No relationship is worth being treated poorly. If someone cannot show care or concern to you the majority of the time, it is a sign you must leave. The image below breaks down signs of an unhealthy relationship
In the next section, we will discuss a cardinal sin that prevents most people from having a healthy and productive relationship with others.
Don’t try to control people
“If I can just get them to do what I want, then my life would be easier.”
Have you ever thought that about someone? It doesn’t matter if it’s a lover, boss, family member, or client. If we can just get this person in line, then we will feel better. But would we really?
When I was growing up, my nickname was “Miss D,” and it wasn’t a term of endearment. I thought that I needed to control everyone and everything around me. The reason was simple: I felt completely out of control inside of myself.
My self-worth was non-existent. Worries and anxieties plagued me constantly, and I never got a moment to feel good about myself because I was filled with such inner hatred. So, the best thing I could do was attempt to control others. But you can only bully and threaten people so long before they ignore you and then abandon you.
The price for trying to control others
Question: Are you trying to control others?
If so, now is the time to identify which part of yourself needs healing.
While you cannot control outcomes or people, you can control your mindset. Health and happiness come when we don’t try to force people into roles they never agreed to or acknowledged.
So, instead of trying to control others, let’s grow emotionally by allowing people the freedom to be themselves, in the same way that you want to be accepted as you are. In the next and final section, I will share my final thoughts on this important topic.
Improving oneself is not easy. You may have some deep ingrained tendencies that need to be examined. Be patient with yourself throughout this experience.
Closing thoughts
Authentic relationships begin and start with you. That means you have to be brave enough to be unapologetically yourself. And yes, you need to be clear about your needs with others. In addition, it means some relationships (which may include family members) that don’t provide you at least 51% value should be terminated.
Improving oneself is not easy. You may have some deep ingrained tendencies that need to be examined. Be patient with yourself throughout this experience.
If you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out to me.
Dig deeper. Click here to listen to this podcast episode about having valuable relationships or press the play button below.
Written by Denise G. Lee
DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE
The information in this article is for informational purposes only. No material in this article or website is to be a substitute for professional medical and/or mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment.
Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before undertaking a new health care regimen, and never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you read from me or anyone else online.
Also, this article is not designed to diagnose or treat you or anyone with a suspected mental health illness. Please, if you need help, seek appropriate help from a lawyer, health care provider or law enforcement officer.
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