The Impact of Sexual Trauma on Women’s Health
Ever heard someone feeling ashamed, scared, and angry all at once? A client once told me, “Being close with my husband is too hard sometimes. If I could just focus on my business and skip sex, I’d be happy!”
We both knew she wasn’t being honest. But at that moment, that’s what she wanted: to ignore her sexual issues and focus solely on work. But as a healing and leadership coach, I knew her intimacy struggles weren’t just harming her marriage but also limiting her joy and stress relief.
Imagine a woman who went through several abortions, rape, and a stillborn birth. She faced many tough experiences related to sex but never got help. Do you feel the same way? Are you a woman who finds it hard to enjoy sex and closeness?
If that sounds like you, remember you’re not alone. In this article, let’s talk about why women sometimes struggle with sex and how they can make it better. We’ll also discuss how past bad experiences with sex can affect women later on. But first, let’s see why some women find it tough to feel close during sex.
10 Reasons Why Women Struggle with Sex
Here are some reasons why a woman may have trouble with sex:
Past Bad Experiences: If a woman has been through sexual abuse or trauma before, it can make it hard for her to feel comfortable with intimacy.
Mental Health Issues: Things like feeling sad all the time, worrying a lot, or not feeling good about oneself can make it tough to enjoy sex.
Relationship Problems: If there are problems in a relationship, like not talking well or feeling disconnected, it can affect how much a woman enjoys sex.
Hormone Changes: When hormone levels change, like during pregnancy or menopause, it can make a woman’s sex drive go up or down.
Health Conditions: Some medical issues, like diabetes or heart problems, can make sex less enjoyable or even painful.
Medications: Certain medicines, like ones for feeling sad or allergies, can have side effects that make sex less fun.
Vaginal Discomfort: Things like dryness or infections down there can make sex hurt, so a woman might avoid it.
Lack of Knowledge: Not knowing much about sex or how bodies work can lead to misunderstandings or thinking sex should be different.
Cultural Beliefs: Sometimes, what people believe about sex because of their culture or society can make it hard to talk about or enjoy.
Getting Older: As women get older, their bodies change, and that can affect how they feel about sex.
Dealing with a couple of problems can be tough, but if you’ve had a bad sexual experience before, it can make sex not just hurt but also really scary and uncomfortable. Now let’s talk about why those bad experiences can mess with how a woman feels about sex and her sexual health.
The Shame That Lingers On
When a woman has faced past sexual trauma, it’s more than just a memory—it’s a weight she carries, often in silence. Shame can grow around these experiences, making it feel almost impossible to separate them from her sense of self.
Every attempt at closeness might come with feelings of guilt, anxiety, or even self-blame. This shame isn’t just a mental burden; it can influence everything from her comfort with touch to her desire for intimacy. When someone feels this way, physical connection can feel like opening old wounds rather than bringing joy or closeness.
Some women may think they’re “broken” or not like others. They might compare themselves to people who seem to enjoy relationships without issues, which can deepen the feelings of isolation. But, it’s essential to know that these responses are natural, not failures. Shame often hides what really needs to be healed, keeping someone from facing their pain openly. Next, let’s specifically discuss how a woman’s emotional health can be affected by sexual trauma.
Women who went through sexual abuse often feel emotions like fear and shame. This makes it tough for them to feel good about themselves during sex. Studies show that these hard feelings from past trauma can show up during intimate times.
How Past Traumas Impact a Woman’s Sexual Health
I know many women in their 40s or older who’ve never had an orgasm during sex, even with their partner! Their bodies tighten up before they can reach climax. And sadly, that is not surprising.
When your body has been hurt through sexual abuse – even just being stared at in a harmful way by powerful people – it’s hard to let yourself be vulnerable. Part of taking care of yourself is getting back control, especially in intimate moments.
Dr. Lisa M. Diamond, a psychologist who studies human sexuality, conducted a study called “Sexual Fluidity Among Women.” She looked at many things that affect how women feel about sex. In her study, Dr. Diamond explored how past traumas, like sexual abuse, can make it difficult for someone to feel close to others romantically. She talked about how our minds and bodies work together during sex. Here are some ways a body is violated from past sexual abuse:
Overly strong emotions
Women who’ve experienced sexual abuse often feel strong emotions like fear and shame, making it hard for them to view themselves positively in sexual situations. The study showed how these tough feelings from past trauma can come up during intimate moments.
Hyper sensitive body
Survivors of sexual abuse might physically tense up or feel uncomfortable during sex as a way to protect themselves based on what they went through before. The study emphasized how crucial it is for survivors of sexual abuse to seek help in managing their emotions.
How Sexual Trauma Impacts Other Relationships
As humans, we need connections. They are vital for our overall health. But sexual trauma is like a bull in a china shop. It rips through all the things and people that help us stay steady and afloat in life. Our whole sense of normal is ruined, and we need to repair and renew not just our bodies but also our minds.
That’s why it’s important to understand that past sexual trauma can deeply affect not just romantic relationships and health but also friendships and family connections. When someone has experienced trauma, their feelings and behaviors can change in ways that impact those around them.
In this section, we will explore more examples of how these changes can show up in everyday life.
Romantic Relationships: Imagine a woman who has gone through sexual abuse. When she tries to be close with her partner, she might feel anxious or scared. This can make it hard for her to enjoy intimacy or even feel safe. Her partner might not understand why she pulls away, leading to confusion and hurt feelings on both sides.
Friendships: Trauma can also strain friendships. A woman who has experienced trauma may withdraw from her friends because she feels vulnerable. She might avoid social situations or cancel plans, leaving her friends worried and unsure of how to help. This distance can create misunderstandings and feelings of rejection.
Family Dynamics: Family relationships can also be affected. A woman dealing with trauma might struggle to express her emotions, leading to misunderstandings with family members. For instance, she may snap at a loved one over a small issue, not realizing that her frustration stems from her past experiences. This can lead to conflicts and emotional distance within the family.
6 Tips Improve Your Sexual Health
Healing from past sexual trauma can be challenging, but there are meaningful steps you can take to reclaim your sense of safety, self-worth, and well-being. The journey is unique for each person, yet the right tools and support can help you regain control over your life and empower you to feel stronger and more at peace.
Here are six foundational tips to help you improve your sexual health while honoring your healing process:
1. Talk to Someone
When you’re ready, it can help to share your feelings with someone you trust. This could be a friend, family member, or even a support group where you feel safe and understood. Also, consider talking with a professional about this issue.
Talking to a therapist or trauma informed coach like myself who knows about trauma can be a big step toward healing. They can listen to you without judgment and help you understand your feelings better. They might also teach you coping skills to manage difficult emotions.
2. Take Care of Yourself
Doing things that make you feel good can help you feel stronger. It could be simple stuff like going for a walk, doing a hobby you enjoy, or spending time in nature. Taking care of your body by eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercising can also make a big difference.
3. Learn About Trauma
Understanding how trauma affects you can help you feel more in control. It might help to read books or articles about trauma, or to attend workshops or support groups where you can learn from others who’ve been through similar experiences.
4. Set Boundaries
It’s important to remember that it’s okay to say no to things that make you uncomfortable. Setting boundaries means knowing your limits and sticking to them. This might mean avoiding certain situations or people, or speaking up when you feel like your boundaries are being crossed.
5. Relax
Find ways to relax can help soothe your mind and body. Simple relaxation techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or listening to calming music can help you feel calmer and more grounded.
6. Express Yourself
Finding healthy ways to express your feelings can be really freeing. You could try writing in a journal, drawing or painting, dancing, singing, or making music. Creative expression can help you process your emotions and find a sense of release.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to go at your own pace. You deserve to feel safe, supported, and empowered as you work through your healing journey. The image below summarizes these tips. Next, I will share some other thoughts to consider.
Other Thoughts and Ideas to Consider
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s important to recognize and accept your emotions, whether they’re sadness, anger, or confusion. Allow yourself to feel without judgment. Writing down your thoughts can help clarify what you’re experiencing and validate your feelings.
Prioritize Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and patience as you navigate your healing journey. Remind yourself that it’s okay to struggle and that your experiences do not define your worth. Affirmations like “I am enough” or “I deserve healing” can be powerful reminders.
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or grounding exercises, can help you stay present and manage anxiety. Simple practices like focusing on your breath or observing your surroundings can create moments of calm amidst emotional turbulence.
Communicate Your Needs: If you’re in a relationship, be open with your partner about your needs and boundaries. Honest communication can strengthen intimacy and help your partner understand how to support you. Let them know what makes you feel safe and what triggers discomfort.
Embrace Your Journey: Healing is not a straight line, and it’s okay to have setbacks. Recognize that progress may come in waves, and that’s completely normal. Celebrate each small step you take toward feeling more like yourself.
Connect with Nature: Spending time outdoors can be incredibly healing. Nature has a unique way of calming the mind and restoring balance. Whether it’s a walk in the park or sitting by a lake, let the beauty of the natural world nurture your spirit.
I hope this helps. Next, I will share my final thoughts.
Final thoughts
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. If you want more support, I’m here for you. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you want to work with me. As a healing and leadership coach, I can help you through your healing journey and find ways to feel better. And remember, you’re not alone in this.
Also, listen to this episode from my entrepreneur podcast between myself and certified sex therapist, Pauline Ryeland.
