Why Sobriety Isn’t Enough: Breaking Free from Feeling Stuck
As a healing and leadership coach — and someone in recovery from sex and alcohol addiction — I often meet people who’ve gotten sober but still feel stuck in their healing journey. This is something that isn’t really talked about. This goes beyond the idea of “white-knuckling,” a term in Alcoholics Anonymous big book for just going through the motions without real emotional change. Instead, this is about feelings of doubt, insecurity, and fear about presenting a version of yourself to others that doesn’t feel comfortable — to you or maybe to the people in your world.
That’s why in this article, I want to talk about that feeling of being “sober but stuck” and share some thoughts on how to move forward. We’ll also dive into the science of changing habits — even positive ones — and how to fully embrace your new life in recovery.
If you’re a leader or business owner, this is especially important. Those feelings of doubt, fear, and insecurity don’t just stay in your personal life — they affect how you show up in your work. They can cloud your decision-making, impact your relationships, and keep you from leading with confidence and clarity. Recognizing this isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that there’s more growth ahead.
Wow, that’s a lot of ground to cover. Ready to go? Excellent! Now, first, let’s talk about why these feelings can creep into the mind of a leader or business owner who is starting their sobriety journey.
The Hidden Struggles of Sobriety for Leaders
For leaders and business owners, dealing with emotional struggles in recovery isn’t just personal — it affects your professional life too. I know this firsthand. Before starting my own business, I managed multi-million dollar projects at FEMA and the Census Bureau. And on the surface, everything looked good — getting sober and enjoying the benefits like thinking clearly, fewer emotional outbursts, and showing up to work without a hangover. But there was a lot I didn’t notice.
The imposter syndrome was one of the first things to hit me. I spent so many years trying to con others — and myself — into believing I was okay when I wasn’t. That left me questioning my own reality and wondering if I even knew who I was without the chaos and the coping mechanisms I’d relied on. On top of that, people around me still treated me like the same old angry Denise — the one who was quick to snap or get defensive over any comment. My coworkers were used to that version of me, and their reactions made me want to numb the pain even more, leading me to unsafe situations and increasingly risky encounters.
The Work Doesn’t Stop with Sobriety
So while getting sober is a huge win, the work doesn’t stop there. I’ve seen personally how unresolved personal challenges can spill over into work, impacting performance and decision-making.
If you’re a business owner or leader of your organization, your behavior sets the tone not just for you but for your team members, customers, and clients as well.
If you’re feeling stuck, it’s a sign there’s more healing and growth to do. And that’s okay. The key is recognizing it and taking steps to keep moving forward — in both your personal life and your business. So let’s dive into the scientific reasons you might be feeling stuck in recovery.
The Science Behind Feeling Stuck in Recovery
Feeling stuck isn’t just emotional — there’s science behind it. Your brain and body go through huge adjustments when you stop using substances or engaging in addictive behaviors. Let’s break it down.
Your brain chemistry is recalibrating: When you’re addicted, your brain gets used to a steady hit of dopamine — the feel-good chemical. Once that’s gone, your dopamine levels drop, and your mood and energy levels go haywire. This chemical imbalance makes you feel restless, irritable, and stuck. Your brain is trying to find balance again, but it takes time.
Your neural pathways are rewiring: The brain loves habits. It builds strong pathways based on repeated behavior. Addiction carves deep pathways — but when you stop, your brain has to create new ones. Research shows it takes at least 90 days of sobriety for your brain to even start forming those new, healthier pathways. During this time, you might feel emotionally unstable or stuck because your brain is still adjusting.
Dopamine recovery is slow: Studies show that for some people, like methamphetamine users, it can take over a year for dopamine levels to return to normal. While not everyone’s recovery timeline is that long, it’s a reminder that patience is key. Healing your brain is a slow process, but it’s happening — even when you can’t feel it yet.
When you understand what’s happening in your brain, it gets a little easier to give yourself grace. Feeling stuck doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means your brain and body are still healing. Stay patient and keep going. You’re doing the work, and that work will pay off. Next, let’s explore the emotional side of feeling stuck despite being sober.
Emotional Reasons Why You Feel Stuck in Recovery
Unresolved emotional issues
A lot of people turn to substances or addictive behaviors because they’re trying to escape painful emotions. But when you get sober, those feelings don’t just disappear — they often come back even stronger. And if you don’t know how to deal with them, you can feel stuck. I know this firsthand. As an incest survivor, I had to face past sexual, physical, and verbal traumas that I had spent years trying to push down. In recovery, there was no more running — and that was terrifying.
Loss of identity
When addiction has been a big part of your life, it’s easy for it to become part of your identity. So when you take that away, it can leave you wondering, “Who am I without this?” For me, my addiction wasn’t just about substances — it was about constantly seeking attention and moving from one partner to another without real intimacy. That was a huge part of how I saw myself, and letting go of that behavior meant I had to figure out who I really was beyond those unhealthy patterns.
Unrealistic expectations
A lot of people think that once they get sober, everything in their life will magically fall into place — or that time alone will erase old wounds. But when that doesn’t happen — when problems still show up, relationships still feel strained, and emotions still get messy — it’s easy to feel discouraged.
On top of that, we may have family and friends telling us to just “get over the past” so they don’t have to deal with our tough feelings. And when you don’t — or can’t — process all of that, you end up creating standards for yourself and your recovery that may not actually support your long-term health and wellness.
So if you’re trying to stay sober without dealing with your feelings, it’s natural to feel stuck. I talked about this on social media — click the link below to join the conversation.
Sobriety is a huge step, but it’s not a cure-all. There’s still work to do — and that’s okay.
✨ "That stuff happened years ago. It doesn’t matter now. I grew from it." ✨
— Denise G. Lee (@DeniseGLee) February 21, 2025
I hear that all the time, and honestly? My first thought is: Sheesh… that’s a whole lot of normalized pain.
But I get it. Culture, family, friends—they all tell you to keep it moving. 🚶♀️➡️
But…
Lack of purpose
Addiction gives you something to focus on — even if it’s destructive. When that’s gone, it can leave a big void. Suddenly, you’re left wondering what to do with your time and energy. And if you haven’t found new goals or meaning, it’s easy to feel directionless.
Fear of change
Let’s be honest — even when we know a change is good for us, it can still feel scary. The familiar, even when it’s unhealthy, can feel safe because it’s what we know. Stepping into a new way of living means facing the unknown, and that fear can keep you stuck right where you are.
If any of this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone. Feeling stuck doesn’t mean you’re failing — it just means there’s more healing ahead. And with the right tools and support, you can absolutely keep moving forward.
7 Strategies to Overcome Feeling Stuck in Recovery
Recovery isn’t just about staying sober — it’s about building a life that feels meaningful and true to who you are. If you’re feeling stuck, know that it’s normal. Growth can feel uncomfortable, and sometimes we hit plateaus. But the good news is, you don’t have to stay there.
Here are some strategies that helped me move forward in my own journey — and I hope they help you too.
1. Embrace emotional growth
Learning how to identify and process your emotions in a healthy way is a game-changer. This might mean working with a therapist, writing in a journal, or practicing mindfulness. In my recovery, I went through trauma and anxiety therapy, post-traumatic stress disorder treatment, and cognitive-based therapy. It wasn’t easy, but facing my feelings head-on helped me heal in ways I never thought possible.
2. Develop a new identity
Sobriety is an important part of your story, but it’s not your whole identity. Take time to explore who you are beyond your addiction. What lights you up? What hobbies, interests, or skills do you want to develop? For me, starting my own business and becoming a healing and leadership coach helped me step into a new version of myself — one rooted in purpose and passion.
3. Set meaningful goals
When you’re working toward something that matters, it gives your recovery more direction. Start by setting small, achievable goals, and then work your way up to bigger, long-term dreams. Make sure these goals align with your values and the kind of life you want to build. Whether it’s improving your health, deepening relationships, or starting a creative project, meaningful goals keep you moving forward.
4. Practice self-compassion
Recovery is a journey, not a destination. You won’t get everything right all the time, and that’s okay. Be patient and kind with yourself when you struggle. Through my recovery process, I learned how to appreciate the best parts of myself and quiet the negative, critical thoughts that used to run my life. Treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one — with grace and encouragement.
5. Build a support network
You don’t have to do this alone. Surround yourself with people who understand your journey and want to see you succeed. It might be friends, family, recovery groups, or mentors. I invested in two mid-priced group business coaching programs, and they ended up being more than just business support — they helped me confront unresolved traumatic memories and build a community of people who truly had my back.
6. Engage in personal development
Keep growing and learning. Attend workshops, read self-help books, take courses, listen to podcasts (like mine!), or work with a coach. Personal development keeps you curious and open to change. I participated in various spiritual self-help programs, and they played a huge role in my recovery journey by helping me strengthen my mindset and deepen my faith.
7. Give back to others
One of the most powerful ways to stay connected to your recovery is by helping others on their journey. It gives you a sense of purpose and reminds you how far you’ve come. This is one of the reasons I became a healing and leadership coach — I wanted to support others the way people once supported me. Even if coaching isn’t your path, offering encouragement, sharing your story, or volunteering can make a huge impact.
If you’re feeling stuck, take a deep breath. You’re not failing — you’re growing. It takes time, patience, and a lot of love for yourself to keep moving forward. You’ve got this.
The image below sums up my tips. Next, I will share my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
Feeling stuck in recovery isn’t the end of your journey—it’s just a temporary pause. Think of it like watching your favorite show and hitting an episode that feels off. It’s frustrating, but often, it’s setting you up for something bigger and better.
Through my own recovery, I’ve learned that sobriety brings real connection and clarity. It’s helped me trust myself and believe in my own success. Remember, feeling stuck isn’t a life sentence—it’s more like a pop quiz to see what you’ve learned. And guess what? You already have the answers inside you.
If you’re ready to break through and grow, I’m here to help. As a healing and leadership coach who’s been through the trenches of addiction, I specialize in helping people get “unstuck” and step into their strength. Click here to learn more about working with me.
🎙️ Have you checked out my podcast? I share simple, practical tips on all things “life” in 30 minutes or less.
Lastly, I’d love to hear from you! What’s helped you through the stuck moments in your recovery? What are you learning about yourself? Share your thoughts—your story might be the encouragement someone else needs. 💛
