How to Handle Jealousy and Envy from Loved Ones
Is it fair to expect that we’d want to tell the people closest to us about the good things happening in our lives? But what if those people aren’t happy for us? What if they respond to our happiness with negativity, criticism, or even hostility?
As a coach for business owners, I know how frustrating this can be, both personally and professionally. It’s hard to be fully present in our lives if we don’t feel supported and respected for our achievements.
In this article, we’ll talk about jealousy and envy, understand why it happens, and explore ways to handle it when our loved ones struggle to celebrate our successes.
Firstly, envy and jealousy might not be exactly the same, but they both come from a common issue - fear.
Envy and Jealousy…similar, but different
Envy and jealousy are kind of alike but have different reasons. How do you deal with a loved one facing envy or jealousy? Why might loved ones feel envious or jealous of their own family? Shouldn’t loved ones want the best for each other? Let’s break it down.
Firstly, envy and jealousy might not be exactly the same, but they both come from a common issue – fear.
About Jealously – I’m afraid of losing you
Jealousy is like that feeling when you’re afraid of losing someone’s attention or love to something or someone else. Let me give you some examples on a personal and professional level.
Personal Example:
Imagine you have a best friend, and you always have a great time together. Now, if your friend starts spending more time with someone else or a new hobby, you might feel jealous.
It’s not that you don’t want them to have other friends or interests, but there’s this worry that they might enjoy those things more than being with you. That fear of losing their attention or closeness is what we call jealousy.
Professional Example:
Now, let’s talk about work. Suppose you have a colleague at the office, and you both work well together. If your colleague starts teaming up with someone else for projects or spends more time collaborating with another team, you might feel a twinge of jealousy.
It’s not that you don’t want them to succeed or work with others, but there’s that worry that you might lose their partnership and support. The fear of losing that connection in the professional setting is similar to personal jealousy.
So, whether it’s in personal relationships or at work, jealousy often comes from this fear of losing the special connection you have with someone. It’s like saying, “I’m afraid of losing you, whether it’s to a friend, a hobby, or other work connections.”
Next, let’s talk about envy.
Envy – I want what you have
Envy, in simple terms, is wanting what someone else has. For business owners, this might mean worrying that you won’t achieve success or acquire certain things because another business owner already has them.
Now, let’s break it down with examples:
Personal example of envy
Imagine you have a small marketing agency, and a fellow business owner in the same industry gains recognition for a groundbreaking campaign. In the realm of envy, you might start feeling a bit uneasy, thinking, “I want that recognition too.”
It’s not about being unhappy for your colleague’s success, but rather a fear that there won’t be enough acknowledgment or opportunities left for your own business.
Professional example of envy
Now, let’s shift to a professional context. Suppose you and a peer run similar businesses. If your peer secures a lucrative contract or receives acclaim for their innovative approach, envy might sneak in, causing you to think, “I want that success and acknowledgment in my business too.”
It’s not that you don’t value your peer’s achievements, but there’s a fear that there might be limited opportunities or recognition for the growth of your own business. (If you are feeling envious of someone else’s business success, this article may help you.)
Now that we have talked about what envy and jealousy look like, let’s pivot and discuss the reasons why someone would be feeling that way.
Why would someone be jealous or envious?
So, why do people struggle with envy or jealousy? Couldn’t they just do the work and, in the meanwhile, be grateful for what they have? Oh! I wish it were that simple.
It’s really about their inner frustration – not your achievements.
There are a couple of things going on. First, they don’t believe they are capable or worthy of receiving what you have. And because of personal worries and fears, they never take the initiative to actually make changes in their lives and fulfill their inner desires.
Seeing someone else in life succeed or have something they desire can bring up pain-filled emotions like anger, frustration, and bitterness. While our loved ones ideally want the best for each other, emotions can get complicated. These struggles often come from emotional challenges rather than a lack of love.
If you care about maintaining a good relationship with this person minus all the negative vibes, read the next section where I’ll talk about some practical ways to deal with envious or jealous loved ones.
Seeing someone else in life succeed or have something they desire can bring up pain-filled emotions like anger, frustration, and bitterness. While our loved ones ideally want the best for each other, emotions can get complicated. These struggles often come from emotional challenges rather than a lack of love.
How to deal with someone who is jealous or envious of you
Dealing with someone who is jealous or envious of you might not have a specific solution, but these six simple steps can help you keep your peace of mind and maintain your relationship:
Understand the Root Cause: Know that jealousy and envy often come from your parent’s fears and insecurities. Recognizing this helps you approach the situation with understanding.
Open Communication: Talk openly with your parent. Share your feelings calmly and listen to their perspective. Understanding each other’s viewpoints is a crucial step towards finding a resolution.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your well-being. This might involve avoiding certain topics or taking breaks if conversations become emotionally overwhelming.
Encourage Self-Reflection: Suggest that your parent reflects on their insecurities and fears. Encouraging self-awareness can be a powerful tool for personal growth.
Seek Professional Help: If handling the situation becomes too challenging, consider involving a family therapist or counselor. Professional guidance can offer insights and strategies for both you and your parent.
Focus on Your Well-being: Prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. Surround yourself with supportive friends and engage in activities that bring you joy.
Remember, it’s a process that takes time. Patience, understanding, and, if necessary, professional assistance can contribute to healthier relationships with envious or jealous individuals. Next, I’ll share with you my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
We all want the best for ourselves, and it can be really annoying when someone is jealous or envious. Remember, you don’t have to make yourself small to make them feel big. Time to set clear rules and take care of yourself to avoid feeling bothered by their negativity.
If this keeps happening and it’s affecting your feelings a lot, I suggest joining a group like Co-dependents Anonymous or talking to a therapist/counselor for support.
If you need help getting better at talking with people who are sensitive, or if you want to improve your skills, I’m here for you.
Dig deeper on understanding our own feelings by listening to this episode from my podcast.
