Feminine vs. Masculine Energy: The Real Cost of Leading Like a Man
- Updated: April 28, 2025
You’ve probably heard the phrase “lead like a man” tossed around like it’s a compliment. But what if I told you that adopting masculine energy without balance could be the very thing sabotaging your well-being, creativity, and leadership?
As a healing and leadership coach, I’ve watched countless women burn out—not because they weren’t capable, but because they were trained to override their feminine instincts to succeed in systems designed for men.
This article isn’t about bashing masculine energy. It’s about waking up to the real cost of abandoning your feminine essence to fit into a mold that was never built for you.
We’re going to break down the difference between feminine and masculine energy, explore how imbalance affects women in leadership, and—most importantly—help you reclaim your own version of power.
Ready to unlearn the hype and step into something deeper? Let’s go.
What We’re Covering (And Why It Might Hit Close to Home)
What Is Feminine vs. Masculine Energy?
Psychologist Carl Jung believed that every person carries both masculine and feminine energies within them. He called these inner forces the Anima (the feminine energy within a man) and the Animus (the masculine energy within a woman). In simple terms, a man may have the body of a man, but there’s a part of his inner world—his soul, if you will—that holds feminine qualities. The same goes for women; while she may have a woman’s body, there’s a masculine energy woven into her inner being.
Interestingly, Jung’s wife, Emma, dove deeper into these ideas in her book Anima and Animus, where she explored these concepts in more detail. If you’re curious about a more modern take, check out Invisible Partners by John A. Sanford. It’s a fascinating read that breaks it down in an easy-to-understand way.
Energies Are Shaped And Are Neither Good or Bad
Now, here’s where it gets personal: your feminine and masculine energies aren’t static. They shift and flow throughout your life, influenced by your biochemistry (think hormones, brain chemistry, etc.) and your early life experiences—especially what you observed and absorbed from family, friends, and society growing up. This process is often called scripting because, in many ways, it’s like life handed you a script about how to behave, think, and feel based on what you saw.
But here’s the thing that trips people up: these energies aren’t rigid definitions of what it means to be “feminine” or “masculine.” They’re not boxes you have to fit into. Feminine energy isn’t just soft and nurturing, and masculine energy isn’t just about being strong and assertive. Both are equally powerful, and they show up in unique ways for everyone.
For example, a man might have dominant feminine energy—not because he’s “less of a man,” but because his creativity, emotional depth, and intuitive thinking shine through. On the flip side, a woman might lead with strong masculine energy, thriving in leadership roles, strategic thinking, or bold decision-making. Neither is better or worse.
And here’s the most important part: these energies aren’t “good” or “bad.” They aren’t inherently helpful or harmful. What matters is balance. When your energies are out of sync—when you lean too heavily on one and neglect the other—it can lead to unhelpful patterns in your relationships, work, and even how you see yourself.
So, how do we create that balance?
Let’s start by unpacking feminine energy and what it really looks like in everyday life.
Signs You're Operating in Feminine Energy
When we talk about feminine energy, we’re not talking about gender roles or stereotypes. It’s an energy that exists in everyone, regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman. Feminine energy is about being open, receptive, and connected to your inner world. It’s the part of you that allows yourself to feel deeply, to pause, and to receive rather than constantly doing or achieving.
At its core, feminine energy is passive, not in the sense of being weak or indifferent, but in the sense of allowing things to unfold naturally. It’s about having the patience to sit with your feelings, experiences, and even discomfort without rushing to fix or control them. It’s also about being vulnerable, which means having the courage to be honest about your emotions, needs, and desires without fear of judgment.
This energy helps you tune into your instincts—those gut feelings and natural reactions that aren’t filtered through overthinking or logic. Instead of analyzing every detail, feminine energy allows you to trust what you feel in your body and heart. It’s about being present with your experiences and giving yourself permission to seek pleasure, not just in big, life-changing ways, but in simple, everyday moments—like enjoying a good meal, soaking in the warmth of the sun, or laughing with a friend.
Another key part of feminine energy is the desire to be cared for and cherished. This isn’t about dependence; it’s about recognizing that being seen, valued, and nurtured by others is a healthy, natural need. Feminine energy says, “I am worthy of love, attention, and tenderness,” and it’s okay to receive those things without feeling guilty or like you have to earn them.
At its best, feminine energy allows you to be:
- Loving and open-hearted
- Creative and expressive
- Receptive to new ideas, experiences, and relationships
- Free-flowing, adaptable, and in tune with life’s natural rhythms
- Graceful in how you move through challenges
- Gentle with yourself and others
- Playful, finding joy in the little things
- Holistic, seeing the bigger picture and how everything connects
- Heart-centered, leading with compassion and empathy
Whether you identify more with nurturing qualities or a deep connection to nature, this energy can show up in many forms. Some women embody it as an earth-mother figure—grounded, nurturing, and life-giving.
The beauty of feminine energy is that it doesn’t demand perfection. It invites you to simply be—to feel, to receive, and to trust that you are enough, exactly as you are.
Signs You're Operating in Masculine Energy
Just like feminine energy, masculine energy lives in all of us, regardless of gender. It’s not about being “manly” or fitting into traditional ideas of masculinity. Instead, it’s an energy that’s all about action, structure, and direction. Where feminine energy is receptive and flowing, masculine energy is about moving forward with purpose.
At its core, masculine energy is competitive, focused, and driven by the desire to conquer challenges—not just in the sense of winning, but in overcoming obstacles, setting goals, and achieving them. It’s the energy that pushes you to take risks, to act even when you’re afraid, and to stand up for what you believe in.
Masculine energy helps you act on your intuition. While feminine energy helps you feel and receive those intuitive hits, masculine energy gives you the courage to do something about them. It’s also protective—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. It’s the part of you that wants to safeguard what you love, whether that’s your family, your values, your dreams, or even your own sense of self.
A natural part of masculine energy is the desire for respect. This isn’t about ego or dominance; it’s about wanting to be recognized for your contributions, your efforts, and your abilities. Respect is to masculine energy what love is to feminine energy—they’re both vital, just in different ways.
Masculine energy tends to give rather than receive. It’s direct, clear, and often goal-oriented. Some key traits include:
- Legalistic—focused on rules, principles, and structure
- Linear—thinking in straight lines, step-by-step toward a goal
- Disciplined—committed, consistent, and self-controlled
- Providing—offering resources, support, and solutions
- Protecting—standing guard over what matters most
- Active—always moving, building, doing
- Stoic—calm under pressure, steady in the face of challenges
- Direct—clear, concise, and straightforward in communication
- Systems-oriented—thriving in organized, logical frameworks
- Head-centered—focused on logic, facts, and rational thought
- Proactive—taking initiative, anticipating needs, and planning ahead
Masculine energy is what helps you set boundaries, create order out of chaos, and take charge when needed. It’s the driving force behind leadership, problem-solving, and the ability to stay focused under pressure.
But just like anything in life, balance is key. Too much masculine energy without the softening influence of feminine energy can lead to burnout, rigid thinking, or emotional disconnection. In the next section, we’ll explore what happens when there’s an imbalance—whether you’re leaning too heavily into masculine or feminine energy—and how that affects your emotional and relational well-being.
Masculine Energy Origins: Culture, Trauma & Survival Mode
First, let me be real about my own energy.
I was raised to be a very masculine woman, so I am well acquainted with the idea of competing, controlling, and conquering. These were the three Cs I lived by.
Over the years, I have read and listened to some really heartfelt messages from women who tell me, “Denise, I am told that I need to achieve. To be ambitious and do good, but my behavior is intimidating to others. What should I do?” I get it. Society is confusing. They tell you to be strong, powerful, vocal, hardworking, tenacious, and opinionated.
However, being strong, powerful, and vocal can cause you to irritate, intimidate, and frustrate others with insecurities. The fact of the matter is, nobody likes an intimidating person. To make matters worse, being overly aggressive is hazardous to one’s health.
Health impacts to being an overtly masculine woman
I've read and listened to some really heart-felt messages from ladies lately.
— Denise Lee (@DeniseGLee) August 12, 2023
They tell me, "Denise - I am told that I need to achieve. To be ambitious and to do good, but my behavior is intimidating to others. What do I do?"
Love.
I feel it.
Let's talk about it for a minute.…
Why Feminine Energy Isn’t Weak—It’s Wise
Did you read about masculine energy and think, “I’m glad I’m not controlling and dominating”? You may be someone who goes with the flow. I bet you may have enjoyed movies like YaYa Sisterhood or Eat, Pray, Love and have a lotus flower tattoo.
Although you’re more laid back, there are still risks to being too feminine. While you may not be as forceful as a masculine woman, you should still be careful about how much energy you’re putting out into the world.
Emotional doormat
Have you seen a woman who seems hesitant to say anything that could be considered critical? For example, her partner/spouse has a habit that irritates her, but because she is too concerned with “not rocking the boat,” the only person she talks to about it is everyone but her significant other.
Or what about the woman who is trying her best to grow her business? She does a great job of helping her clients but unfortunately undercharges her prices and frequently works unpaid because she is afraid of “losing business.”
These are signs of an emotional doormat. This poor woman internalizes all of her discomfort because she doesn’t want anyone to feel upset. Unfortunately, this approach causes her to suffer emotionally and physically because she fails to communicate her feelings with others.
The overtly feminine woman just believes that eventually, other people will recognize their behavior and sense her discomfort. Unfortunately, this never happens. If anything, the overtly feminine woman is teaching the people around her to misuse her trust and affection.
Listen, if you don’t stand up for yourself, inevitably, people will take advantage of you.
Procrastinator/Avoidant
There is hope if you are an overtly masculine or feminine woman! In the next section, you will learn some tools that can help you if you identify with either category.
How to Rebalance: Reclaiming Your Feminine Core
Finding the right balance between your feminine and masculine energy isn’t about becoming someone new—it’s about shedding what doesn’t serve you and embracing what truly feels authentic. Let’s break it down.
If You’re Overly Masculine
Drop the Act.
Stop acting like you’ve got something to prove. That “tough guy” energy—whether it’s literal or metaphorical—is exhausting. You’re not fooling anyone, least of all yourself. Pushing people around, trying to control everything, and muscling your way through life doesn’t make you strong. It makes you tired, frustrated, and disconnected. Real power isn’t about forcing your will—it’s about knowing when to lead and when to let go.
Rethink How You Communicate.
Maybe you picked up your communication style from your parents, and while they might’ve had good intentions, their way doesn’t necessarily work for you. Take a step back and ask: Am I speaking to connect or to compete?Your words can either build bridges or walls. It’s time to rewire how you express yourself—not to win, but to be heard and understood.
Figure Out Who You Really Are.
Ask yourself: Do I want to be a masculine woman who gets things done, or a feminine woman who feels at peace?You can be both, but if your life feels like one big checklist of accomplishments with no joy in between, something’s off. You might be surprised at how much lighter you feel when you stop trying to do all the time and start allowing yourself to be.
Permission to Rest—Granted.
Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Rest isn’t weakness—it’s a strategy. It clears your mind, helps you focus, and gives you the emotional bandwidth to show up fully in every area of your life. You can be powerful without burning yourself out. In fact, real power requires rest.
A Quick Personal Note:
As I write this, I’m tapping into my masculine energy—focused, direct, and clear. But most of the time, I lean into my feminine energy. I’m receptive when I listen to my clients, curious when I connect with new ideas, and playful with my son. I also lean into the leadership of my husband, not because I can’t lead, but because I don’t always have to. Balance isn’t about rigid rules; it’s about flexibility. You get to decide how you show up in your relationships and your life.
Western culture often paints femininity as weakness. It glorifies hustle, grind, and the constant need to achieve. But here’s the truth: feminine energy isn’t the problem. The imbalance is. Masculine energy is great in a crisis, but if you’re stuck in “go mode” 24/7, it will drain you—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
If You’re Overly Feminine
Now, on the flip side…
I get it. You believe that if you just keep the vibes good, think positively, and stay patient, everything you want will magically fall into place. But here’s the thing—it doesn’t. You’re not manifesting your dream life; you’re waiting around while it passes you by. And deep down, you know it. That nervous, edgy feeling? That’s frustration bubbling under the surface because you see people with half your talent getting results while you’re still hoping.
It’s time to shift gears:
Build Your Backbone.
If something bothers you, say it. No one’s a mind reader. Holding it in doesn’t make you graceful; it makes you resentful. Speaking up doesn’t mean being rude—it means being real. Honest communication clears the air, strengthens relationships, and helps you feel seen and heard.
Take Control of Your Life.
Maybe you grew up watching a parent stay small—avoiding conflict, blending into the background. But that doesn’t have to be your story. If you have goals, own them. Stop waiting for the perfect moment or for someone to rescue you. Ask for help when you need it, find accountability, and get moving. Life rewards action, not just intention.
Heal Your Old Wounds.
If you’ve been stuck in people-pleasing mode, constantly putting others’ needs before your own, it’s time to ask why. What are you afraid will happen if you say no or put yourself first? Often, the need to be “nice” or agreeable is rooted in old hurts—places where you didn’t feel safe, loved, or enough. It’s okay to go back, feel those feelings, and let them go. Healing isn’t about blaming the past; it’s about freeing your future.
My tips for balancing your feminine and masculine energies are listed in the image below. Next, I’ll share my final thoughts.
Your Energy Questions, Answered
Still wondering how feminine and masculine energy really work—and what’s been quietly shaping your behavior all along? These are the questions I get asked the most by clients who are tired of pretending, pushing, or performing. Click below to see what’s really going on beneath the surface.
Is masculine energy bad for women?
Masculine energy itself isn’t bad. The real harm happens when women are forced to operate from it all the time, disconnecting from their natural rhythms, intuition, and emotional vitality.
How can I tell if I'm stuck in masculine energy?
Signs include chronic control, suppressing emotions, overachieving to prove worth, pushing through burnout, and prioritizing performance over presence. You may feel exhausted but unable to slow down.
What’s the difference between feminine power and weakness?
Feminine power is rooted in presence, receptivity, and intuition. It’s not passive—it’s potent in a different way than masculine energy. Weakness comes from disconnection, not softness.
Can I still lead from a feminine place?
Absolutely. Feminine leadership centers emotional intelligence, relational awareness, and steady intuition. You don’t have to sacrifice strength to lead with softness.
Where do I start if I want to reclaim my feminine energy?
Start by slowing down. Practice tuning into your emotions without judgment. Reconnect with creativity, stillness, and self-trust. Healing your relationship with rest, intuition, and vulnerability is key.
💭 Final Thoughts: Reclaiming Wholeness Isn’t a Trend—It’s a Return
Let’s be honest—this isn’t just about “balance.” It’s about remembering what parts of you have been muted to survive in spaces that never honored your fullness.
You don’t need to “choose a side.” You need to choose yourself.
Masculine energy without softness becomes control.
Feminine energy without structure becomes chaos.
But together? They create power with presence. Direction with depth. Strategy with soul.
And that’s the kind of leadership this world desperately needs.
So if you’ve been stuck in hustle, burnout, or emotional numbness, maybe it’s time to stop asking how to “do more”—and start asking:
What energy am I leading from? And what energy am I neglecting?
You don’t have to figure this out alone. I’ve walked this road. I can walk it with you.
You don’t have to pick a side. You have to come home to yourself.
So—are you done performing for a system that never fully sees you? Are you ready to build a rhythm of leadership that includes your softness, your instincts, your boundaries, and your brilliance?
If you’re tired of pretending, performing, or powering through—I’m here for you.
💛 Work with me, Denise G. Lee – Together, we’ll untangle the deeper patterns holding you back and create clear, practical strategies that match you. No hype. No formulas. Just honest, personalized support.
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🎙️ Want more real talk like this?
Listen to my podcast for unfiltered conversations on emotional growth, leadership, and the truth about healing in business and life.
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💌 Got thoughts or questions about this article?
I’d love to hear from you.
👉 Write me a note
And just in case no one’s reminded you lately:
Leadership isn’t about being perfect.
It’s about being present. Being willing.
Showing up with your scars, not just your strengths.
That’s what makes it powerful.
That’s what makes it real.
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