How to Handle Jealousy and Envy from Loved Ones
- Updated: January 6, 2025
Is it fair to expect that we’d want to tell the people closest to us about the good things happening in our lives? But what if those people aren’t happy for us? What if they respond to our happiness with negativity, criticism, or even hostility?
As a healing and leadership coach, I know how frustrating this can be, both personally and professionally. It’s hard to be fully present in our lives if we don’t feel supported and respected for our achievements.
In this article, we’ll talk about jealousy and envy, understand why it happens, and explore ways to handle it when our loved ones struggle to celebrate our successes.
Firstly, envy and jealousy might not be exactly the same, but they both come from a common issue - fear.
Envy vs. Jealousy: Close, but Not Quite
Envy and jealousy are kind of alike but have different reasons. How do you deal with a loved one facing envy or jealousy? Why might loved ones feel envious or jealous of their own family? Shouldn’t loved ones want the best for each other? Let’s break it down.
Firstly, envy and jealousy might not be exactly the same, but they both come from a common issue – fear.
About Jealousy: “I’m afraid of losing you”
Jealousy is like that feeling when you’re afraid of losing someone’s attention or love to something or someone else. Let me give you some examples on a personal and professional level.
Personal Example:
Imagine you have a best friend, and you always have a great time together. Now, if your friend starts spending more time with someone else or a new hobby, you might feel jealous.
It’s not that you don’t want them to have other friends or interests, but there’s this worry that they might enjoy those things more than being with you. That fear of losing their attention or closeness is what we call jealousy.
Professional Example:
Now, let’s talk about work. Suppose you have a colleague at the office, and you both work well together. If your colleague starts teaming up with someone else for projects or spends more time collaborating with another team, you might feel a twinge of jealousy.
It’s not that you don’t want them to succeed or work with others, but there’s that worry that you might lose their partnership and support. The fear of losing that connection in the professional setting is similar to personal jealousy.
So, whether it’s in personal relationships or at work, jealousy often comes from this fear of losing the special connection you have with someone. It’s like saying, “I’m afraid of losing you, whether it’s to a friend, a hobby, or other work connections.”
Next, let’s talk about envy.
About Envy: “I want what you have”
Envy, in simple terms, is wanting what someone else has. For business owners, this might mean worrying that you won’t achieve success or acquire certain things because another business owner already has them.
Let’s break it down with examples:
Personal Example of Envy:
Imagine you have a small marketing agency, and a fellow business owner in the same industry gains recognition for a groundbreaking campaign. In the realm of envy, you might start feeling a bit uneasy, thinking, “I want that recognition too.”
It’s not about being unhappy for your colleague’s success, but rather a fear that there won’t be enough acknowledgment or opportunities left for your own business.
Professional Example of Envy:
Now, let’s shift to a professional context. Suppose you and a peer run similar businesses. If your peer secures a lucrative contract or receives acclaim for their innovative approach, envy might sneak in, causing you to think, “I want that success and acknowledgment in my business too.”
It’s not that you don’t value your peer’s achievements, but there’s a fear that there might be limited opportunities or recognition for the growth of your own business. (If you are feeling envious of someone else’s business success, this article may help you.)
Why Loved Ones Feel This Way
It can be surprising when loved ones feel envious or jealous. Shouldn’t they want the best for you? Often, it’s not about you at all; it’s about their own insecurities and fears.
Jealousy might come up because they’re afraid of losing their bond with you. They might feel like your successes or new relationships could pull you away from them.
Envy might surface if they feel like they’re falling behind in life compared to you. It’s not always malicious – sometimes it’s a reflection of their own struggles or desires.
If you care about maintaining a good relationship with this person minus all the negative vibes, read the next section where I’ll talk about some practical ways to deal with envious or jealous loved ones.
Seeing someone else in life succeed or have something they desire can bring up pain-filled emotions like anger, frustration, and bitterness. While our loved ones ideally want the best for each other, emotions can get complicated. These struggles often come from emotional challenges rather than a lack of love.
What to Do When Someone Is Jealous or Envious of You
Dealing with a jealous or envious parent can feel heavy, but you don’t have to carry the weight alone. While there’s no magic fix, these six steps can help you protect your peace and navigate the relationship:
1. Understand Where They’re Coming From
Jealousy and envy often come from fear or insecurity. For example, your parent might feel like they’ve fallen short or missed out on opportunities. When you recognize this, it’s easier to approach them with kindness instead of frustration.
2. Have an Honest Talk
Open up a calm, honest conversation. You could say, “I feel tension between us, and I want to understand your feelings better.” Then, listen without interrupting. It’s not about agreeing with them but about creating space for understanding.
3. Set Healthy Limits
Protecting your well-being is crucial. If certain topics, like your successes, spark conflict, gently steer the conversation elsewhere or limit how much you share. For example, if they criticize your accomplishments, you might say, “I see this upsets you, so let’s talk about something else.”
4. Encourage Them to Look Within
You can’t change someone else, but you can nudge them toward self-reflection. Ask questions like, “What do you feel is missing for you right now?” Sometimes, these questions can spark awareness about their own insecurities or unmet needs.
5. Get Outside Help if Needed
If things feel stuck, it’s okay to call in reinforcements. A family therapist or counselor can offer guidance and tools to improve communication. Therapy isn’t about “fixing” anyone—it’s about learning to move forward together.
6. Take Care of Yourself First
Don’t let their jealousy consume your energy. Spend time with people who lift you up and do things that bring you joy—whether that’s going for a walk, journaling, or just taking time to breathe. You matter too.
Remember, this is a process. Healing relationships takes time, patience, and, sometimes, outside support. By focusing on understanding and setting boundaries, you can navigate these tough dynamics without losing yourself in the process.The image sums up my suggestions. Next, I’ll share with you my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
We all want the best for ourselves, and it can be really annoying when someone is jealous or envious. Remember, you don’t have to make yourself small to make them feel big. Time to set clear rules and take care of yourself to avoid feeling bothered by their negativity.
If this keeps happening and it’s affecting your feelings a lot, I suggest joining a group like Co-dependents Anonymous or talking to a therapist/counselor for support.
If you need help getting better at talking with people who are sensitive, or if you want to improve your skills, I’m here for you.
Dig deeper on understanding our own feelings by listening to this episode from my podcast.
