How to Accept Constructive Criticism Without Feeling Crushed
- Updated: April 8, 2025
So here’s a real question—are you able to take constructive criticism without spiraling?
I’ll be honest: I used to run from feedback like it carried the plague. With a fragile sense of self and a fear of being exposed, I shut down or got defensive anytime someone tried to “help.” But the truth is, avoiding criticism didn’t protect me—it kept me stuck. And worse, it cost me both business and personal opportunities.
As a healing and leadership coach, I know how vital feedback is for growth—especially when you’re building something meaningful. But I also know it’s not always easy to receive, especially if you’ve been hurt before or are still working through self-doubt.
Not all feedback is worth taking. But when the right person says the right thing—even if it stings—it can become the catalyst for your next level of growth. This article will help you tell the difference, regulate your response, and learn how to take in constructive criticism without feeling crushed.
Let’s start with a story that proves I’ve been right where you are.
The depth of our emotional growth depends on our ability to genuinely and vulnerably connect with others.
I like you Denise, but I didn’t like….
Earlier this year, I received a mind-blowing review of my podcast from a potential guest. This individual provided valuable constructive criticism regarding certain aspects of my podcast via email.
The message included:
- his thoughts on my approach to discussing emotions
- pointing out an audio glitch in one of my episodes
- differences in our spiritual beliefs
It has taken considerable internal growth for me to reach a place where I understand the following:
- Constructive criticism, regardless of its nature, is a valuable gift. He could have chosen to ignore my flaws, leaving me blissfully unaware.
- I won’t evolve as a practitioner, healer, and podcaster if I remain isolated. Improvement requires external perspectives.
- Criticisms need not be personal attacks on my imperfections as a human being.
Emotional growth requires vulnerability
Why Constructive Criticism Feels Like a Threat (Even When It’s Helpful)
In my previous article about feedback, I emphasized the need for your discernment abilities to determine whether the feedback was worthwhile. Please read it.
This article’s attention shifts to feelings of fear, insecurity, and other negative emotions that prevent us from taking useful input from people. Let’s start with the reason why accepting criticism is challenging.
Your Brain on Feedback: From Cave Bears to Comment Sections
We, Homo sapiens, have been wandering the planet for the past 300,000 years. We are not too far away biochemically from our cousin, Lucy.
During this time, animals like the cave bear, interglacial rhinoceros, heavy-bodied Asian antelope, Eurasian hippopotamus, and Woolly rhinoceros coexisted.
Below is an image of a Eurasian hippopotamus that weighed 3,500–4,200 kilograms (7,700–9,300 lb) and had an average height of 165-175 cm.
Can you imagine navigating the world as a hunter/gatherer armed only with a club to shield yourself from huge animals like this?
When Feedback Feels Personal: Rewriting the Script
It was of utmost importance to have the necessary equipment in order to respond adequately and efficiently to incoming threats such as wild animals.
As a result, our ancestors trusted in the resourcefulness of the amygdala, located in the brain, which quickly sprang into action to ensure that they were constantly aware of any potential danger that could arise. This helped them survive in dangerous times. It was, and still is, our helpful friend.
However, our defense system hasn’t evolved much since then.
Despite our bigger brains, we are still primed to respond by fleeing or fighting back, or even trying to become invisible (freezing).
Now you have the power to choose how you respond to threats, you can evolve beyond your natural, yet primate-like instincts. The following steps will share you to do it.
Feel It, Face It: How to Hold Your Emotions Without Letting Them Take Over
The Criticism Isn’t the Problem—Your Nervous System Is
Even if the criticism is helpful, we do not like it for various reasons. It threatens our identity, violating our sense of safety and security.
Going back to my experience with a podcast guest, I did not want to receive comments. I already felt insecure about myself and how I was growing my podcast.
However, I reminded myself that his advice was not a direct assault on my identity as a podcaster and healing practitioner.
How do you handle criticism? Are you objective and receptive to feedback?
Being objective may be difficult if you were heavily criticized as a child. All you can do is time-travel back to the place where you felt upset, afraid, and alone.
The only message you remember was, “You are not worthy, and here’s why”. So when people provide you feedback, all you can do is remember those bitter, pain-filled experiences. Now is your time to confront those experiences head on and remind yourself of the truth.
Want Real Growth? Start by Getting Honest With Yourself
As a business owner, it’s important to know that everyone has times when they feel unsure or make mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and that’s okay. When things don’t go the way you hoped, it’s normal to feel a little embarrassed or upset. But it’s really important to face those feelings and learn from them.
For example, let’s say you’re launching a new product, and even though you planned carefully, it doesn’t sell as well as you expected. Instead of getting stuck feeling disappointed or like you failed, it’s better to accept what happened and use it as a chance to get better.
By facing the situation and making changes, you can keep moving forward with strength and determination, just like in the song “Everybody Plays the Fool” by The Main Ingredient.
If you want to grow emotionally and do things differently in the next experience, you must accept both our feelings and reality at the same time.
When You Don’t Want to Feel: How We Fight the Very Emotions That Heal Us
Let’s be real about something: while we need our feelings to connect with our experiences, they can still suck!
And if we were raised in a pain-filled family, we may have tried to avoid those feelings like the plague.
Or maybe we only stuck to tried and true emotions like disgust, frustration, or anger? That limited range of emotions could have caused us health problems such as insomnia, migraines, or inflammatory-related issues.
When Our Feelings Lie: The Danger of Alternative Emotional Realities
Perhaps you were in touch with all of your feelings but only stuck to narratives where you could comfortably live in blissful ignorance. Maybe you bought into the idea of “alternate facts.”
You had your own version that kept you blissfully ignorant of current reality. However, if you want to grow emotionally and do things differently in the next experience, you must accept both our feelings and reality at the same time.
During moments of fear we can embrace our feelings, reminds ourself that abundance is available to us, and accept that any criticism as an opportunity to grow and improve, both professionally and personally.
How to Face Your Feelings Without Getting Stuck
When you experience something scary or difficult, it’s important to acknowledge and accept your feelings while also recognizing the facts.
Take Rachel, for instance. She pitches to clients frequently and experiences anxiety during those meetings, even with new clients. Her hands become sweaty, and her heart races.
Despite having years of experience as a competent copywriter, Rachel still feels like a novice. She can’t afford to shut down her agency, as her team members and family rely on her financially.
In moments of fear, Rachel does the following:
- Embraces her feelings
- Reminds herself that current or future clients are plentiful and that there’s a demand for her services
- Accepts any criticism as an opportunity to grow and improve, both professionally and personally
By doing so, Rachel learns and strengthens both her technical and soft skills, making her a better copywriter each step of the way.
Final thoughts
Constructive criticism isn’t always easy to swallow—but it’s one of the most powerful catalysts for growth when you learn how to stay grounded.
The real work is knowing the difference between harmful judgment and helpful insight—and having the emotional regulation to pause, listen, and discern.
If feedback tends to send you into a spiral—or if your old insecurities keep hijacking your ability to grow—I’d love to hear from you.
🟡 Write to me personally here: https://calendly.com/d/djp-p4c-3t8
Or if you’re ready to go deeper and want tailored support to grow your leadership and business with emotional clarity…
🟡 Book a consult with me here: https://info.deniseglee.com/business-coach-inquiry
And if now’s not the time to reach out, take your next step by listening to the related podcast episode below. Healing starts with honesty—and you’re already doing the brave thing by being here.
