Maintaining Personal Boundaries: Why They Matter More Than Ever
- Updated: May 19, 2025
You don’t need to be famous to feel the pressure of being “on” for everyone. Whether you’re leading a team, raising a family, or running a business—your time, energy, and emotional bandwidth are limited. And if you’ve been praised for being the strong one, the available one, or the “easy to talk to” one… you’ve probably also been quietly drained by it.
This post is about the boundaries that keep you sane—not selfish. The kind that protect your peace, your identity, and your ability to keep showing up without disappearing into the role everyone expects you to play.
Here’s What We’ll Unpack
What Personal Boundaries Really Are
According to Beyond Boundaries by Dr. John Townsend, boundaries fall into two categories: defining and protective.
Defining Boundaries
Defining boundaries show the world who you are—your values, priorities, and identity. These don’t shift just because you’re in a new environment or around people with different opinions. Think of them like your skin. It stays with you, even if you’re wearing different clothes depending on the situation.
For example, a defining boundary might be, “I don’t gossip about coworkers, even if it helps me fit in with the team.”That’s you standing firm in your integrity—even when you’re tempted to bend.
Protective Boundaries
Protective boundaries, on the other hand, are flexible and exist to guard your energy and safety. They can change based on who you’re dealing with or the situation you’re in. If defining boundaries are the “skin,” protective boundaries are the “clothing”—you adjust them as needed.
Here’s what that looks like in real life:
Let’s say a coworker constantly drops in to vent about their personal drama while you’re on deadline. You might say, “Hey, I want to support you, but I need to focus right now. Can we catch up later?” That’s a protective boundary. You’re not cutting them off forever—you’re choosing to protect your focus in the moment.
Or maybe you’re a team leader who doesn’t respond to messages after 6 p.m. because evenings are for rest and family. That’s a boundary protecting your health and home life. It’s not being cold; it’s being clear.
So let’s recap:
Defining boundaries tell the world who you are—your core values.
Protective boundaries help you stay sane and safe, especially in messy or unpredictable situations.
Both are vital. And if you don’t use them, you’ll find yourself pulled in ten directions—resentful, overworked, and burned out.
Now that you know what boundaries are, let’s talk about why they matter so much—especially if you lead, coach, or work closely with others.
Why Boundaries Matter More Than Ever
Let’s be honest: boundaries sound simple in theory—but they can feel messy in real life.
That’s because boundaries brush up against our deepest fears—rejection, abandonment, or being seen as “too much” or “too selfish.” And if you’ve ever been the responsible one, the peacemaker, or the person everyone leans on… you already know how hard it is to say no without guilt.
Why Boundaries Can Feel So Hard
Being admired, needed, or seen as “the dependable one” can feel validating—especially if you grew up having to earn love through performance or helpfulness.
Maybe you were the invisible sibling, the overachiever, or the fixer in a chaotic home. When you’re used to proving your worth, even unhealthy attention can feel better than being ignored. But over time, this leads to burnout, resentment, and distorted relationships.
When Love Becomes Enmeshment
One of my clients put it perfectly. His mother expected him to call her multiple times a week—even though he was juggling a demanding career, a marriage, and parenting his own kids. He said, “Denise, my mother just expects me to be the man in her life. And she’s too old to know better.”
You could hear the exhaustion in his voice. This wasn’t about a lack of love—it was about blurred roles. They had slipped into a dynamic that was once functional but now emotionally draining. That’s what happens when we don’t update our boundaries over time.
Quick side note: If you’re wrestling with this kind of parent-child tension, this post might help.
The Cost of Overgiving
Dr. John Townsend, co-author of Boundaries, says it best:
“A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins.”
It’s not selfish to draw a line. It’s self-responsible. Just like you’re told to secure your own oxygen mask first on an airplane, boundaries help you breathe—so you don’t collapse under the weight of everyone else’s needs.
Without boundaries, we start performing roles we never signed up for. We say yes when we want to say no. We give until we’re dry. And even when we know we’re over-functioning, it can feel too scary to stop.
But Here’s the Truth…
Personal boundaries aren’t about rejection. Let’s be clear—they’re about clarity.
They’re not some punishment tactic. They’re protection—plain and simple.
And don’t get it twisted: boundaries aren’t just about them. They’re about you—your peace, your energy, your emotional safety.
When you start using boundaries, some people might get uncomfortable. That’s okay. You’re not responsible for their reactions—you’re responsible for your well-being.
Now let’s get clear on one of the most misunderstood distinctions in boundary work: the difference between needing space and actually feeling unsafe.
What Healthy Personal Boundaries Actually Change
Let’s stop treating boundaries like some abstract wellness concept. Here’s what they actually do in your real, messy, high-stakes life:
🧘🏾♀️ Regulate Your Nervous System
Boundaries tell your body: You’re not in danger anymore.
They quiet the inner alarm bells, reduce anxiety, and stop the cycle of overthinking every interaction. Without them, your system stays stuck in hypervigilance.
You’re not crazy—you’re overstimulated.
🔌 Help You Tell the Truth About Safety
Here’s something I had to learn the hard way:
Needing space doesn’t mean you’re cold. It means you’re trying to recharge or protect your focus.
But feeling unsafe? That’s different. That’s your body saying, “Something here isn’t right.”
Don’t confuse discomfort with growth. If you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, it’s not a lesson—it’s a signal.
Boundaries don’t just protect your time. They protect your clarity—especially around who and what deserves your energy.
🎯 Refocus Your Energy
When you’re not managing everyone else’s moods, you get your brain back.
That mental clutter clears, and suddenly you have energy to make real moves—not just survive the day.
Boundaries are the fastest route back to clarity.
🤝 Strengthen Relationships (Yes, Really)
People trust what’s consistent. When you’re clear about your limits, the right people don’t just stay—they respect you more.
The ones who guilt you? They were benefiting from your silence.
🏢 Change the Work Culture
If you’re in leadership, this is non-negotiable.
Holding boundaries models emotional self-respect—without ego, without drama.
It invites others to stop overgiving and start showing up as whole people, not performers.
🔥 Let You Lead Without Burning Out
Boundaries give you back your real self—not the version shaped by guilt, trauma, or expectations.
You get to stop contorting. You get to breathe.
Leadership without boundaries is martyrdom. You didn’t sign up for that.
It’s okay to stand up for ourselves and our space, even when others might not understand or respect our limits. Setting these boundaries is essential for our well-being.
Personal Boundaries in Real Life: Fame, Family & Fallout
Even with all their fame, rising stars like Chappell Roan and Gracie Abrams are learning the same hard lessons many of us are: being visible doesn’t mean being available to everyone at all times.
Chappell Roan: The Cost of Sudden Attention
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When Chappell Roan’s debut album The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess blew up, so did the public’s interest in her. At first, she enjoyed the love. But the closer people tried to get—physically and emotionally—the more she realized that fame comes with its own set of emotional boundary challenges.
In interviews, she’s talked about the jarring experience of fans bypassing normal interaction and going straight to physical touch. “Sometimes people lead with physical touching rather than a hello,” she shared. That sentence alone is powerful. It speaks to how fame doesn’t cancel out the need for personal space or emotional safety. If anything, it amplifies the need for stronger boundaries.
Roan’s honesty reminds us: just because people admire you doesn’t mean they get unlimited access to you.
Gracie Abrams: Protecting Presence While Touring
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Gracie Abrams, another young artist quickly rising in the music world, echoed similar concerns. While touring for The Secret of Us, she shared how the excitement of fans sometimes crossed the line—especially when people touched her without consent. “It’s been jarring,” she admitted, “when people lead with physical touching rather than a hello.”
Gracie’s experience highlights how difficult it can be to balance approachability with boundaries—especially when your brand is built on being emotionally open. But what she shows us is this: you can be warm and still say, “That’s not okay.”
My Own Boundary Wake-Up Call
We just talked about how public figures like Chappell Roan and Gracie Abrams navigate boundaries in the spotlight. Now let me take you behind the scenes of my own experience—one that nearly swallowed me whole.
A few years ago, I had a brief (and intense) chapter as an amateur political pundit. I wrote under a pseudonym and quickly built a sizable following on X (formerly Twitter). My content was sharp, satirical, and sometimes controversial. It didn’t take long before I was interacting with celebrities and diving headfirst into culture war debates.
At first, the attention felt exciting. Addictive, even. But here’s what they don’t tell you about growing an audience: without boundaries, it can twist you into someone you no longer recognize.
Without clear boundaries, you can end up sacrificing your peace just to keep other people entertained.
What It Cost Me to Stay Visible Without Boundaries
Here’s what I lived through when I had no personal boundaries:
Pressure to take sides. I was constantly pushed to speak on issues I didn’t feel ready—or qualified—to address.
False accusations. Trolls weaponized my own humor against me, twisting it into something hateful or bigoted.
Performing a persona. I started filtering every post through what I thought my audience wanted, not what I truly believed.
Defending the indefensible. I felt pressure to justify people’s bad behavior simply because they aligned with my “side.”
Waves of online harassment. One targeted smear campaign even tried to destroy my personal business.
Eventually, I had to ask myself a hard question: What is this attention costing me?
So I stepped away. Quietly. Permanently.
That decision saved me. But it also taught me that boundaries aren’t just for emotional safety—they’re for identity preservation. Without them, you don’t just burn out. You disappear.
Boundaries aren’t about punishment. They’re about clarity, consistency, and protecting your peace.
Many people confuse boundaries with coldness. But a real boundary isn’t about cutting people off—it’s about making space for what truly matters. It’s about staying rooted in your values, even when others want you to perform.
Now let’s shift the focus to you. Whether you’re leading a team, building a business, or simply trying to stay sane in a noisy world—here’s how you can set and keep your own boundaries without guilt.
How to Hold the Line (Without Spiraling)
Knowing your boundaries isn’t the hard part—it’s enforcing them when you’re tired, triggered, or afraid of backlash.
Here’s what boundary maintenance looks like in real life—not the textbook version:
🧭 Know Your Breaking Point
If you constantly feel drained, irritable, or invisible, that’s your body waving a red flag. Boundaries aren’t about being “nice”—they’re about noticing what depletes you and choosing to stop bleeding energy into things that don’t return respect.
Ask yourself: “Where do I keep saying yes while my gut screams no?”
🗣 Say What You Mean (Even If Your Voice Shakes)
You don’t need a script. You need self-respect.
Speak in plain language. You’re not responsible for managing someone else’s discomfort when you honor your truth.
Try: “I’m not available for that.” or “That doesn’t work for me.”
Not “I’m sorry, it’s just that…”
Not “I wish I could…”
Just truth. Clean and clear.
🚫 Don’t Mistake Silence for Maturity
Being “the bigger person” doesn’t mean swallowing your needs. If someone repeatedly crosses a line, address it—or step back. Boundaries without follow-through are just wishful thinking.
If they ignore your ‘no’—they’re showing you it was never a real question for them. Respond accordingly.
🧘🏽♀️ Protect the Asset (That’s You)
Self-care isn’t spa days and smoothies—it’s refusing to betray yourself for convenience.
Go to bed. Eat real food. Block the energy vampire. Turn off your phone. You are not required to be available just because someone wants access.
🧱 Repeat Until It’s Real
The people who benefitted from your lack of boundaries will be the most bothered when you start having them. Don’t let their reactions confuse you. Hold the line.
The most loving thing you can do for your future self is to stay consistent—even when it’s hard.
🤝 Get Reinforcement, Not Permission
You’re not weak for needing support. You’re wise for not doing it alone. A coach, therapist, or safe friend can help you strengthen your boundary muscle—especially when old patterns try to pull you back.
Final Truths on Personal Boundaries & Self-Respect
Boundaries aren’t walls—they’re clarity. They help you stay rooted in who you are, even when others want access to more than you’re willing or able to give.
If you’re navigating guilt, resistance, or backlash as you redefine what’s okay and what’s not—know this: it’s not rejection. It’s repair.
Boundaries let you show up from a place of honesty, not obligation. And that’s the beginning of real connection—not the end.
💛 Ready to stop people-pleasing and start protecting your peace?
I work with leaders, creatives, and high-achievers who are done performing—and ready to build a life and business rooted in clarity, emotional sobriety, and self-respect.
👉 Explore coaching with me
🎙️ Need more support unpacking boundaries and burnout?
My podcast is where we go deeper—with honest conversations about trauma, leadership, and the emotional cost of staying too available for too long.
👉 Listen to The Introverted Entrepreneur
💌 This hit home?
I’d love to hear how boundaries are showing up in your world—or where they’re missing.
👉 Send me a message
And remember:
You’re allowed to take up space.
To say no.
To protect your peace—even if it disappoints someone else.
