Maintaining Personal Boundaries: Why They Matter More Than Ever
- Updated: April 9, 2025
Hello, friends! As a healing and leadership coach, I have spent many years helping people understand their feelings and relationships. One of the most important lessons I teach is the need to maintain personal boundaries. These boundaries are not just lines we draw to keep others away; they are essential for our happiness, mental health, and success.
We live in a world where we often look up to public figures, like artists, leaders, and celebrities. While it’s perfectly normal to admire someone for their talent or achievements, things can get tricky when that admiration turns into obsession. This can hurt not only the person being admired but also the admirer.
In this article, we will look at real-life stories from rising stars like Chappell Roan and Gracie Abrams. We will also talk about why some people become obsessed and what causes that behavior. I will share my own experiences with fans who didn’t always show respect. By the end of this article, you will understand how setting and keeping boundaries can help you live a happier and more balanced life.
First, let’s talk about the important reason why you need to have boundaries with people both online and in the real world.
What Are Boundaries?
According to Beyond Boundaries by Dr. John Townsend, boundaries fall into two categories: defining and protective.
Defining Boundaries
Defining boundaries show the world who you are—your values, priorities, and identity. These don’t shift just because you’re in a new environment or around people with different opinions. Think of them like your skin. It stays with you, even if you’re wearing different clothes depending on the situation.
For example, a defining boundary might be, “I don’t gossip about coworkers, even if it helps me fit in with the team.”That’s you standing firm in your integrity—even when you’re tempted to bend.
Protective Boundaries
Protective boundaries, on the other hand, are flexible and exist to guard your energy and safety. They can change based on who you’re dealing with or the situation you’re in. If defining boundaries are the “skin,” protective boundaries are the “clothing”—you adjust them as needed.
Here’s what that looks like in real life:
Let’s say a coworker constantly drops in to vent about their personal drama while you’re on deadline. You might say, “Hey, I want to support you, but I need to focus right now. Can we catch up later?” That’s a protective boundary. You’re not cutting them off forever—you’re choosing to protect your focus in the moment.
Or maybe you’re a team leader who doesn’t respond to messages after 6 p.m. because evenings are for rest and family. That’s a boundary protecting your health and home life. It’s not being cold; it’s being clear.
So let’s recap:
Defining boundaries tell the world who you are—your core values.
Protective boundaries help you stay sane and safe, especially in messy or unpredictable situations.
Both are vital. And if you don’t use them, you’ll find yourself pulled in ten directions—resentful, overworked, and burned out.
Now that you know what boundaries are, let’s talk about why they matter so much—especially if you lead, coach, or work closely with others.
The Importance of Maintaining Personal Boundaries
Let’s be honest: boundaries sound simple in theory—but they can feel messy in real life.
That’s because boundaries brush up against our deepest fears—rejection, abandonment, or being seen as “too much” or “too selfish.” And if you’ve ever been the responsible one, the peacemaker, or the person everyone leans on… you already know how hard it is to say no without guilt.
Why Boundaries Can Feel So Hard
Being admired, needed, or seen as “the dependable one” can feel validating—especially if you grew up having to earn love through performance or helpfulness.
Maybe you were the invisible sibling, the overachiever, or the fixer in a chaotic home. When you’re used to proving your worth, even unhealthy attention can feel better than being ignored. But over time, this leads to burnout, resentment, and distorted relationships.
When Love Becomes Enmeshment
One of my clients put it perfectly. His mother expected him to call her multiple times a week—even though he was juggling a demanding career, a marriage, and parenting his own kids. He said, “Denise, my mother just expects me to be the man in her life. And she’s too old to know better.”
You could hear the exhaustion in his voice. This wasn’t about a lack of love—it was about blurred roles. They had slipped into a dynamic that was once functional but now emotionally draining. That’s what happens when we don’t update our boundaries over time.
Quick side note: If you’re wrestling with this kind of parent-child tension, this article might help.
The Cost of Overgiving
Dr. John Townsend, co-author of Boundaries, says it best:
“A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins.”
It’s not selfish to draw a line. It’s self-responsible. Just like you’re told to secure your own oxygen mask first on an airplane, boundaries help you breathe—so you don’t collapse under the weight of everyone else’s needs.
Without boundaries, we start performing roles we never signed up for. We say yes when we want to say no. We give until we’re dry. And even when we know we’re over-functioning, it can feel too scary to stop.
But Here’s the Truth…
Personal boundaries aren’t about rejection. Let’s be clear—they’re about clarity.
They’re not some punishment tactic. They’re protection—plain and simple.
And don’t get it twisted: boundaries aren’t just about them. They’re about you—your peace, your energy, your emotional safety.
When you start using boundaries, some people might get uncomfortable. That’s okay. You’re not responsible for their reactions—you’re responsible for your well-being.
Now let’s get clear on one of the most misunderstood distinctions in boundary work: the difference between needing space and actually feeling unsafe.
The Difference Between Needing Space and Feeling Unsafe
Here’s a helpful distinction I’ve learned (and lived):
Needing space is a sign that you’re trying to recharge or stay focused.
Feeling unsafe is a signal that something deeper is off—there’s a breach of trust, consistency, or care.
In relationships—whether personal or professional—boundaries are not where you experiment. They’re where you anchor. If someone constantly leaves you second-guessing yourself, that’s not a growth edge. That’s your cue to enforce your boundaries, not test them.
What Healthy Boundaries Actually Do
Let’s talk about the real benefits of holding boundaries—not just theoretically, but in everyday life:
Better Mental Health
Boundaries reduce anxiety, resentment, and decision fatigue. They give your nervous system the message: You are safe, and you’re allowed to rest. Leaders especially benefit here—you can’t carry your team if you’re mentally collapsing inside.Increased Focus + Productivity
When you stop trying to manage other people’s emotions, you reclaim energy to focus on your own goals. Boundaries give your mind room to breathe—and that’s where clarity lives.Stronger Relationships
Boundaries actually make connection easier. When people know where you stand, they can trust you. And when you speak up about what’s okay (and what’s not), the right people stay and grow with you.Deeper Trust + Respect at Work
Leaders who uphold boundaries model something powerful: self-respect that doesn’t require performance. This invites others to do the same, creating a work culture rooted in clarity, not people-pleasing.Authenticity Without Burnout
When you honor your limits, you get to lead and love from your true self—not a version of you shaped by pressure, guilt, or over-functioning.
I hope that reframes boundaries as something beautiful—not just protective, but restorative. Now let’s look at how this plays out in real life…
It’s okay to stand up for ourselves and our space, even when others might not understand or respect our limits. Setting these boundaries is essential for our well-being.
Real-Life Examples of Maintaining Personal Boundaries
Even with all their fame, rising stars like Chappell Roan and Gracie Abrams are learning the same hard lessons many of us are: being visible doesn’t mean being available to everyone at all times.
Chappell Roan: The Cost of Sudden Attention
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When Chappell Roan’s debut album The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess blew up, so did the public’s interest in her. At first, she enjoyed the love. But the closer people tried to get—physically and emotionally—the more she realized that fame comes with its own set of emotional boundary challenges.
In interviews, she’s talked about the jarring experience of fans bypassing normal interaction and going straight to physical touch. “Sometimes people lead with physical touching rather than a hello,” she shared. That sentence alone is powerful. It speaks to how fame doesn’t cancel out the need for personal space or emotional safety. If anything, it amplifies the need for stronger boundaries.
Roan’s honesty reminds us: just because people admire you doesn’t mean they get unlimited access to you.
Gracie Abrams: Protecting Presence While Touring
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Gracie Abrams, another young artist quickly rising in the music world, echoed similar concerns. While touring for The Secret of Us, she shared how the excitement of fans sometimes crossed the line—especially when people touched her without consent. “It’s been jarring,” she admitted, “when people lead with physical touching rather than a hello.”
Gracie’s experience highlights how difficult it can be to balance approachability with boundaries—especially when your brand is built on being emotionally open. But what she shows us is this: you can be warm and still say, “That’s not okay.”
My Own Boundary Wake-Up Call
We just talked about how public figures like Chappell Roan and Gracie Abrams navigate boundaries in the spotlight. Now let me take you behind the scenes of my own experience—one that nearly swallowed me whole.
A few years ago, I had a brief (and intense) chapter as an amateur political pundit. I wrote under a pseudonym and quickly built a sizable following on X (formerly Twitter). My content was sharp, satirical, and sometimes controversial. It didn’t take long before I was interacting with celebrities and diving headfirst into culture war debates.
At first, the attention felt exciting. Addictive, even. But here’s what they don’t tell you about growing an audience: without boundaries, it can twist you into someone you no longer recognize.
Without clear boundaries, you can end up sacrificing your peace just to keep other people entertained.
What It Cost Me to Stay Visible Without Boundaries
Here’s what I lived through when I had no personal boundaries:
Pressure to take sides. I was constantly pushed to speak on issues I didn’t feel ready—or qualified—to address.
False accusations. Trolls weaponized my own humor against me, twisting it into something hateful or bigoted.
Performing a persona. I started filtering every post through what I thought my audience wanted, not what I truly believed.
Defending the indefensible. I felt pressure to justify people’s bad behavior simply because they aligned with my “side.”
Waves of online harassment. One targeted smear campaign even tried to destroy my personal business.
Eventually, I had to ask myself a hard question: What is this attention costing me?
So I stepped away. Quietly. Permanently.
That decision saved me. But it also taught me that boundaries aren’t just for emotional safety—they’re for identity preservation. Without them, you don’t just burn out. You disappear.
Boundaries aren’t about punishment. They’re about clarity, consistency, and protecting your peace.
Many people confuse boundaries with coldness. But a real boundary isn’t about cutting people off—it’s about making space for what truly matters. It’s about staying rooted in your values, even when others want you to perform.
Now let’s shift the focus to you. Whether you’re leading a team, building a business, or simply trying to stay sane in a noisy world—here’s how you can set and keep your own boundaries without guilt.
How to Maintain Personal Boundaries
Now that we understand the importance of maintaining personal boundaries, let’s discuss some practical strategies you can use in your life or business:
- Know Your Limits: Take some time to think about what your boundaries are. What are you comfortable with, and what makes you uncomfortable? Knowing your limits is the first step in asserting them.
Communicate Clearly: Once you know your boundaries, communicate them to others. Use “I” statements to express your needs, such as “I need some time to myself” or “I prefer to communicate by email instead of phone calls.” Clear communication helps others understand your needs.
Be Assertive: It’s essential to be assertive when someone crosses your boundaries. This doesn’t mean being rude or aggressive; it simply means standing up for yourself calmly and respectfully. You might say, “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I prefer to keep our interactions more professional.”
Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care in your daily routine. Taking care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally allows you to maintain your boundaries effectively. Make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
Stay Consistent: Consistency is key when it comes to maintaining boundaries. If you let others cross your limits once, they may feel it’s okay to do so again. Be firm in upholding your boundaries, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Seek Support: If you find it challenging to maintain your boundaries, consider seeking support from a coach or therapist. They can help you explore your feelings and develop strategies to assert yourself more effectively.
The image below sums up my best tips. Next, I will share my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
Maintaining personal boundaries isn’t just about protecting your energy—it’s about staying honest with yourself. Boundaries help you stay anchored in your values, protect your peace, and show up in your life and work without resentment or burnout.
Remember: saying no isn’t selfish. It’s clarity. It’s care. And it’s often the first step toward the life you actually want to live.
If you’re navigating your own boundary shifts, I’d love to hear about it. Send me a message here.
And if you’re ready for personal support, learn how we can work together.
Thank you for reading! Be sure to check out my podcast where I talk all things emotional wellness, leadership, and grounded living. Let’s keep healing, growing, and leading—together.
