Romantic Relationship Archetypes: What they are and how they work
- Updated: June 28, 2024
Are you lucky or unlucky in love? Well, it all depends on your archetype or role. We all behave differently in each of our relationships with different people.
For example, in the boardroom, you may play a very decisive and opinionated role with others, but at home, you may prefer to be submissive and passive with your mate. These roles can either help create a powerful romantic connection or cause chaos that increases hopelessness, angst, and fear.
As an entrepreneur coach, I am invested in teaching you how messages from the past impact your present life. In this article, we will explore romantic relationship archetypes and show you how to find a role that makes sense for you.
Understanding Carl Jung's Archetypes and Their Impact on Relationships
Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, is well-known for his contributions to psychology, particularly his exploration of the concept of archetypes.
Archetypes are universal symbols and themes that are fundamental and present in the collective unconscious of all humans. Jung believed that these archetypes are inherited and play an essential role in shaping human behavior, thoughts, and emotions.
He discussed various concepts such as the collective unconscious, the shadow self, anima and animus, and dream analysis. For the purpose of this article, we will just focus on Jung’s perspective on how the shadow self can damage your interpersonal relationships.
Anima and Animus Energy
As humans, we are taught that doing good is necessary for feeling good, or we feel good to do good. Doing good is related to our intuitive nature, while feeling good connects to our instinctive nature.
A feminine woman uses her instinctive feelings and masculine energy (animus) to protect herself from harm and is naturally passive, patient, and vulnerable. A masculine man relies on his intuitive thinking and feminine energy (anima) to achieve his goals and is competitive, dominating, and controlling by nature.
To learn more about this concept, refer to the book “Invisible Partners” by John Sanford, which explores Carl Jung and his archetypes. Let’s also explore other ways in which a man and a woman can relate to each other in a romantic relationship.
Egosyntonic and Egodystonic
If you are grounded in your spiritual energy, you will do things that respect your feelings and thoughts. This is called egosyntonic. Unfortunately, due to maladaptive life scripts, you can actually sabotage yourself in all areas of your life, including your romantic life.
Now, let’s discuss maladaptive archetypes in relationships.
Maladaptive Romantic Relationship Archetypes
Wendy and Peter Pan
Did you know about the Peter Pan story? It is a fun and adventurous tale about a young boy who lives in the magical land of Neverland. Peter never wants to grow up and befriends the Lost Boys. Along the way, a young lady named Wendy joins them on their adventures. However, Wendy eventually realizes that Peter will never leave this unrealistic place.
Or will he?
Many women act like Wendy in this story, try to change their partner. The real question is, why? Wendy feels safe when she is able to yield power and control without resistance. She does things because she has suppressed her natural instinctual feelings in favor of her masculine intuitive thoughts.
As a result, she looks for a Peter or a man-boy who wants to be led instead of taking the lead in their relationship. Unfortunately, being authoritative comes at a high cost. Peter, seething with suppressed rage, is prone to passive-aggressive tendencies. He may “forget” important tasks, make snide and patronizing comments, or avoid or abruptly end serious conversations.
This type of arrangement never works longterm, and Peter often finds a new woman who won’t complain about his immaturity. To make matters worse, the masculine woman may become emotionally or physically ill while trying to take care of her partner and neglecting her own health. Additionally, the children think that dominating and controlling behaviour is “normal”.
You deserve a life partner, not a "project" that is behind schedule and over-budget.
— Denise Lee (@DeniseGLee) June 27, 2023
Accept or reject, but don’t tolerate an unsatisfactory relationship
I see too many women with masculine traits who try to control and parent their partners. It often starts with the phrase, “He is good, but he could improve in specific areas.” Then comes the nagging, complaining, and controlling behavior. Sometimes, the man complies, but other times he becomes passive-aggressive and sabotages his own plans because he doesn’t like taking orders.
Consequently, the woman becomes tired, resentful, and frustrated. However, she stays addicted to her controlling and manipulative behavior while the man becomes childish, hiding and sneaking around. That is no way to live.
Ladies, if he is not good enough, do not try to control him; find a better man. Immature men and women tend to act in strange yet predictable ways.
I have had too many conversations with very strong and powerful women talk about this issue:
— Denise Lee (@DeniseGLee) July 14, 2023
I cannot find a strong man.
And I get it.
If you are used to being in control.
Handling things
Holding it down.
Its pretty darn hard to let loose and let someone else take care of…
Gold Digger and Sugar Daddy
I’m ain’t saying she’s after money, But she doesn’t date guys who are broke…
We often praise these people in movies, songs, and on social media. They sit on private jets, drinking expensive champagne, while boasting about their latest adventures. These are the Gold Diggers who love the power, money, and fame that a Sugar Daddy can give them. Let’s take a closer look at this type of woman.
Gold Digger
It all started when she was a child. In the book “Fathers and Daughters” by Dr. David Appleton, he explains how women have three stages of emotional development: Eden (or early bliss), Adolescent Turbulence, and Separation. Some women never fully mature from the adolescent stage and constantly look for a man to extend their adolescence permanently.
They’re the “Gold Digger,” constantly looking to take advantage of immature or vulnerable men. Kanye West famously rapped about them in his song “Gold Digger.” A few of Rupert Murdoch’s and Donald Trump’s former wives also fit into this category.
Emotionally immature women just want to find a “Sugar Daddy” in their romantic relationships to absolve them of any financial responsibilities. They dress provocatively, wait outside sporting arenas, have sex with athletes or entertainers, and hang out with Wall Street executives and snort cocaine with them in nightclubs. There are many variants of these kinds of women.
From Refinement to Reality: Exposing a Gold Diggers Club
Once, I had the unfortunate experience of being involved in a private women’s group that claimed to be for personal development and refinement. However, after two months, I realized it was nothing more than a gold diggers club.
There was a young woman in the group who complained about something I couldn’t believe. She demanded that her dates arrange for her personal transportation using Uber Black, which is Uber’s luxury service. While I could understand if transportation was poor or unreliable, this was hardly the case for someone living in New York City, famously called the city that never sleeps.
Yet, this “Uber girl,” as I liked to call her, complained to me and others about how she couldn’t find a man who would agree to her unrealistic terms and conditions.
One day, she informed me and the other ladies in our group that she was sexually assaulted while on a date with a Wall Street executive. Her date agreed to pick and drop her off via Uber Black and made arrangements for them to eat at a Michelin-rated restaurant. During their outing, he drank heavily (by the way, men drink to knock out their intuitive thinking in order to access their instinctual feelings) and groped her during the evening.
I am not excusing this man’s behavior, but I want to illustrate a point. This Sugar Daddy wanted “payment” and he needed to lower his inhibitions in order to feel comfortable receiving it.
Both Sugar Daddies and Gold Diggers are in a constant state of wanting to obtain either sexual or financial gratification in their romantic relationships. Now, let’s talk about the traits of the Sugar Daddy.
I just spent a lot of time talking about women, let’s pivot and talk about archetypes for men.
Men in Maladaptive Romantic Relationships
Sugar Daddy
A Sugar Daddy is a man who thinks that if he has enough power and respect, he can control everything and everyone. Because of this, he works very hard to always get what he wants without any problems. He’s the type of man who won’t think twice about using scary words or actions to make sure everything happens the way he wants it to.
Take John, for instance, a successful executive who lavishes expensive gifts and fancy dinners on his younger girlfriend, Sarah. John expects Sarah to always be available when he wants, and he doesn’t hesitate to remind her of his financial support whenever she disagrees with him. If Sarah tries to assert herself or suggest her own plans, John might use his intimidating presence or financial leverage to ensure she falls in line. For him, maintaining control is crucial, even if it means using his power to dominate their relationship dynamics.
Cougars
Wealthy, powerful, opinionated, and controlling women with a strong drive for power are called “Cougars.” A classic example is the musician Madonna or actress Demi Moore. Their younger male companions, often referred to as gigolos, are similar to male Gold Diggers.
In romantic relationships, these dynamics play out as both Sugar Daddies and Cougars use their resources and influence to attract and maintain control over their partners, while Gold Diggers and gigolos seek financial and social benefits.
Priest and Nun
The world needs saving, and someone has to do it. Enter the priest or the nun. They feel mandated by a higher authority to feed the poor, fix global poverty, represent the disenfranchised, advocate for the needy, and perform a billion other tasks. These characters are too proud to label themselves as activists, civic leaders, and proud servants to the “greater good.”
In the beginning of your relationship, the nun or priest seems noble, humble, and dedicated. You can sit for hours as he or she pontificates about their cause.
However, your relationship problems start when you ask them to spend time with you. This means taking time away from their main mission. Expecting them to do anything else is a fatal flaw on your part. The fact of the matter is they are already in a covenant relationship with their career. The nun or priest cannot tolerate anything or anyone that interferes with their pious goals.
The high priest and nun of Washington, D.C. politics
Being married to politics is never a good idea. Enter George and Kellyanne Conway. Although Catholics, their bigger love and affection are for anything surrounding 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W., Washington, D.C. (the White House). They were so committed to their political endeavors that one chose to represent a controversial political candidate, and the other decided to create an organization designed to undermine their respective spouses’ political campaign efforts.
While they put on a brave face publicly, no one could deny it negatively impacted their marriage. Finally, they acrimoniously separated in the midst of their daughter’s appearance in a sexually-oriented publication. Their daughter Claudia Conway later appeared as a Playboy bunny.
Despite the destruction of their multi-decade union, they both are still heavily invested in politics.
Now, let’s pivot and talk about men specifically and how they can shift between archetypes in relationships.
Navigating Multiple Roles in Romantic Relationships
I am often asked if it is possible to occupy more than one maladaptive romantic role. The answer is yes. Elon Musk, also known as the High Priest of Mars occupation, can easily occupy the priestly role of technological pursuits and then become a Sugar Daddy with his next lover. Furthermore, gigolos and Peter men share commonalities, both desiring a strong and powerful woman to provide for their sexual and financial needs.
While these archetypes may have been exaggerated for comedic purposes, the fact of the matter is that both women and men who mismanage their spiritual energy make a mess out of everything, including their relationships.
Now that you know what is unhealthy, let’s talk about healthy roles masculine men and feminine women can play in relationships.
Adaptive Romantic Relationship Archetype
Feminine Woman and Masculine Man
In any project, there are leaders and followers. Too many cooks can mess up a dish, and this logic extends to romantic relationships.
If two people want to be leaders and compete to make all decisions, they will inevitably experience a breakdown of communication. If they decide to stay together, they may do so for financial or career purposes, and seek a respective alpha (dominant) or beta (submissive) lover on the side. One can look to Hillary and Bill Clinton and countless other examples.
I know this may be irritating to 3rd or 4th wave feminists, but the fact remains: men and women cannot jockey for power and avoid negative fallout. Women must decide whether they want to be feminine or masculine. A feminine woman happily defers decisions and leadership to a controlling, competitive, and conquering man.
Before you say, “Well, Denise, he is going to abuse me!” My answer is: “No, he won’t, if we were raised to listen and be attuned to your feelings. He will always take your feelings into account when making key decisions.”
Set the standard
A feminine woman does not need to test if her partner is worthy enough for her love. She sets her standards for the quality of the relationship and stays as long as she feels comfortable. In contrast, a masculine woman may use intimidation, threats, and manipulative behavior to subdue a man.
Special message for the lesbian and gay community
If you are gay or lesbian, this logic still applies. You must decide whether you want to exhibit masculine or feminine energy.
The image below summarizes the different types of relationship archetypes. Next, I will share my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
Add A Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.