How to Stop Seeking Validation and Start Living Honestly
- Updated: May 6, 2025
You’re not just tired.
You’re exhausted—mentally, emotionally, spiritually—because you’re not just building a business. Trying to prove you matter while doing it.
You’ve done the courses and cleaned up the copy. You’ve launched the thing.
And yet—crickets, compliments that don’t convert, or worse… shallow applause that leaves you feeling even more unseen. It should be no shock why you energetically landed on a post titled, “How to Stop Seeking Validation and Start Living Honestly.“
So, what do you really want?
It’s not more visibility. It’s to be felt.
You want people to stop scanning your words and actually receive you.
You want to stop throwing everything on the line only to feel like the line keeps moving.
And here’s what no one told you:
Most business owners aren’t just selling. They’re performing. Hoping for approval. Bending themselves into someone palatable. Someone safe.
Until one day it hits—this isn’t working. Not just the strategy…
The self you built it on isn’t even yours.
What You’ll Find in This Truth-Telling Guide
What This Post About Is (and Isn’t)
This isn’t a guide on polishing your brand voice or managing your online image more effectively.
This is about finally pulling the plug on the internal performance you’ve been running for years.
It’s about the business owner who’s exhausted not just from building—but from begging. Begging silently for permission, applause, and some signal that they’re doing it “right.”
This post is for you if you’ve realized that being palatable is killing your presence.
If you’re done asking for approval and ready to ask yourself better questions—the kind that actually set you free.
Relation to Them: The Day I Said I Didn’t Know Myself
I remember the smell first—cheap Maxwell House coffee burning in a plastic machine that had no business brewing anything past 8 a.m.
The stale scent of donated furniture, the scratchy feel of that matted-down shag carpet under my knees, the yellow-brown water stain blooming in the ceiling tile above me.
That’s where I said it—quietly, honestly, like I was describing the weather:
“I don’t even know myself.”
It was my response to someone in Sexaholics Anonymous who told me radical honesty was the only path forward. Not strategy or self-improvement. And certainly not image management.
It was pure unadulterated honesty.
Over ten years later, I can still feel that moment in my body. Because it was the first time I stopped tweaking, fixing, or performing—and just told the truth.
I had built a life on performance, not presence.
So if you’re a business owner wondering why people aren’t “getting” you,
why your efforts land flat,
why you feel like the more polished you become, the more invisible you feel—
you’re not crazy. You’re just tired from pretending.
And this post? It’s here to give you language for that fatigue—and a way out.
Why We Seek Validation (Especially in Business)
Seeking validation isn’t a character flaw—it’s a survival reflex.
We are wired, from cave brain to corporate pitch deck, to need connection and acceptance.
To be banished from the tribe used to mean death. So we adapt. We shape-shift and read the room. Hopefully wishing that we earned safety if we say what they want to hear.
And maybe that worked… for cavemen.
But let me be blunt:
Business is not a tribal village. It’s a wilderness.
There’s no bonfire, no elder blessing, no warm nod of approval when you risk putting your soul out there.
Especially if you didn’t come from a family of entrepreneurs—
you’re doing something that contradicts generations of conditioning.
You’re not collecting a paycheck and playing it safe. You’re building something from scratch and daring to believe it matters. And that alone makes you a threat to every “play it safe” narrative you’ve ever absorbed.
So yeah—seeking validation makes sense.
But clinging to it in business?
That’s how you starve in the wild.
Because the irony is, the more you twist yourself into something palatable, the more invisible you become.
And the more invisible you become, the more desperate you feel.
And the more desperate you feel, the more likely you are to overgive, underprice, and slowly vanish into a version of yourself that doesn’t even feel like you anymore.
The Mental, Physical, and Spiritual Costs of Seeking Validation
Living for approval isn’t just tiring.
It’s corrosive.
When you build your life—or your business—on being liked, you start performing in ways that make you sick.
You override hunger. Ignore headaches. Dismiss gut instincts.
You call it ambition, but it’s anxiety with good branding.
Your mind? Fragmented. Always calculating how to be more “relatable,” more “valuable,” more something to someone.
You’re constantly rehearsing versions of yourself—editing your truth mid-sentence, smiling when you’re resentful, nodding when you’re screaming inside.
You become fluent in betraying your own nervous system.
And your body? She feels it.
The clenching jaw. The shallow breath. The gut pain you pretend is from coffee, not suppressed rage.
You’re always “on”—until your body turns off. That’s when the sleep stops. The libido dies. The spark vanishes.
You don’t just feel tired. You feel hollow.
Spiritually? You lose your anchor.
This is when stop hearing your intuition because you’ve tuned the dial to everyone else’s opinions.
Next, you pray but don’t feel connected. You meditate but stay anxious.
Because the god you’re trying to reach can’t find you through the mask you keep wearing.
Here’s the truth no one wants to say out loud:
Approval-seeking is slow suicide.
It drains your essence, distorts your purpose, and turns your business into a stage where you’re applauded for faking it well.
Killing the Desire for Validation to Birth the Real You
At some point, you have to let the crowd walk.
You have to let the metrics dip.
You have to let people misunderstand you—because keeping them comfortable has kept you fake.
This is the moment where most business owners stall.
They don’t want to be disliked. Instead, what keeps them stuck is a deep hunger to “arrive.” A magical world where all cheer while they evolve.
But real evolution isn’t a performance.
It’s a death.
And what’s dying?
The version of you that thought approval was a sign of alignment.
A part of you that built for applause instead of purpose.
And maybe, the one who mistook being seen for being loved.
Let’s be honest:
You can build a massive business that looks powerful from the outside—and still feel like a fraud inside.
Because no amount of visibility will quiet the ache that says, “This isn’t really me.”
The people you respect? The ones who made something timeless?
They weren’t digestible. They weren’t safe.
Lucille Ball was told she’d never carry a show. Tyler Perry was ridiculed for years before his plays sold out.
Sara Blakely ran her business alone with zero outside funding, hiding her product in a back room because no one took her seriously.
They didn’t chase approval. They built something worth remembering.
You don’t have to scream to be heard. But you do have to stop shrinking to be accepted.
Until you kill the need for validation, you will keep censoring the voice that could set you—and your audience—free.
Sneaky Ways You Seek Validation That Are Killing Your Business
Not all validation-seeking looks like desperation.
Some of it looks like “networking.”
Maybe it looks like overdelivering.
And it definitely looks like it when you are smiling through resentment and calling it “brand tone.”
Here’s how it shows up when you’re not paying attention:
Say “yes” to every opportunity—even ones that drain you—because you’re afraid if you say no, you’ll be forgotten.
Constantly tweaking your content to sound like the people who are “winning” instead of honoring what you really want to say.
Keep hiring coaches or buying courses not because you need help, but because deep down, you still think someone out there has the magic approval key you’re missing.
Constantly check your analytics daily—not to learn, but to prove you’re worthy of attention.
Pretend you’re not upset when someone steals your work, ignores your pitch, or ghosts your offer—because you think being unfazed is the “mature” response.
Secretly hope your “transparency posts” go viral—not to heal, but to finally be seen and validated for all you’ve been carrying alone.
It’s subtle. It’s seductive.
And it will strangle your business from the inside out.
Because the moment your worth is hooked to how well people respond,
you’ll betray yourself every time they don’t clap.
How to Stop Seeking Validation And Learn to Fully Reclaim You
Let’s get one thing straight: reclaiming yourself isn’t about “glowing up.”
It’s about gutting the false self you built to survive.
If you’re going to stop faking the funk and live honestly, it’s going to take radical self-confrontation.
This isn’t about optimizing your routine. It’s about pulling back the curtain and naming the patterns that made you forget who the hell you are.
Here’s where you start:
1. Learn to BE, then BE to Learn
Most people are chasing things they can’t name:
Approval. Recognition. Familiarity. Safety dressed up as success.
We perform. Post. Perfect.
But underneath the strategy is a scared child thinking, “Will this finally make them love me?”
You have to stop running.
Just be.
Be without numbing. Be without the next upgrade or waiting for someone to clap.
Because once you learn how to be still with yourself—without trying to earn your own damn presence—you begin to see what’s true and what’s noise.
2. Stop Being Someone’s Mini-Me
Let’s call it what it is:
Many of us became high-functioning clones.
You got the degree, married the person, had the kids, picked the house—because someone in your orbit told you that’s what good, lovable, successful people do.
And maybe you were their pride and joy for a moment.
But the cost?
You stopped hearing yourself.
I have a science degree I haven’t used in over a decade. Why? Because I thought approval came with replication.
What I got instead was a double shot of addiction—to lust and alcohol.
The truth is: you will never get the validation you’re craving by becoming someone else’s idea of enough.
So I’ll ask you:
Are you someone’s mini-me?
How’s that working out for you?
3. Start Asking the Right Questions
There’s no shortcut to self-ownership.
There’s no downloadable PDF for real presence.
What you need is a mirror—and the guts to look in it without flinching.
Start with these:
If you dropped dead today, how would you want to be remembered?
Are you living by your values—or someone else’s checklist?
Why are certain achievements important to you?
Are you leaving a legacy your future self would respect?
Don’t race through them.
Sit with them like a sacred fire. Let the truth smoke out what’s fake.
This is how you begin to reclaim the version of you that’s been buried under other people’s dreams.
FAQ: For the Brave and the Done-Performing
Q: Isn’t seeking validation just being human?
Yes. So is breathing. But when you build a business around needing to be liked, you stop leading—you start shape-shifting. Validation might be human, but addiction to it is how your voice dies quietly.
Q: How do I stop seeking approval when I still need clients to like me?
Let them respect you instead. You don’t need to be liked—you need to be trusted. That only happens when your voice stops sounding like everyone else’s. Clients can sense self-abandonment. Lead with integrity, not neediness.
Q: But what if being vulnerable online is part of how I build trust?
That depends. Are you telling the truth—or just curating the mess for engagement? Real vulnerability costs you something. It doesn’t beg for likes. It holds weight even when it lands quietly.
Q: I think I’ve built my whole brand on being palatable. Now what?
You rebuild. Quietly. Strategically. And most importantly—honestly. You don’t need a dramatic pivot post. Just stop lying. Little by little. You’ll feel the click when your voice stops performing and starts returning.
Final Thoughts on How to Stop Seeking Validation
Here’s the truth most business owners will never say out loud:
You can do everything “right”—build the funnel, write the posts, polish the offer—and still feel empty, bitter, and unseen.
Not because you’re doing it wrong…
But because you’re doing it performing.
Validation might get you applause.
But it will never give you peace.
Peace comes from knowing you’re no longer contorting to be chosen.
That you’re speaking with a voice that doesn’t need to be filtered.
That your business isn’t built on chasing—but on choosing.
If you’ve read this far, I already know something about you:
You’re done trying to earn your way into someone else’s version of enough.
You’re ready to stop seeking validation and start living honestly.
No more borrowed voices.
Death to idea of branding your trauma.
And finally, no more performing healing like its content.
You don’t need permission to be yourself.
But maybe you needed a reminder.
Here it is.
Let’s Keep Going
If you’re ready to stop performing and start healing—for real—I’d be honored to support you.
💛 Work with me, Denise G. Lee – This isn’ about becoming someone new. It’s about coming home to who you’ve always been—without the mask, without the hustle, without the ache for approval.
👉 Explore working together
🎙️ Want more real talk like this?
Listen to my podcast for unfiltered conversations on emotion growth, leadership, and the quiet, gritty courage it takes to live honestly.
👉 Introverted Entrepreneur – wherever you stream
💌 Got thoughts or questio about this article?
I’d love to hear from you—especially if this stirred something.
👉 Write me a note
And just in case no one’s reminded you lately:
You don’t need to be liked to be powerful.
You just need to be yours.
