The Importance of Healthy Relationships for Business Owners
I have a business partner and a lover, lots of acquaintances and things to do, but real friends – not so much.
As a life and business coach,, I hear this type of situation a lot. So many successful leaders have mastered the art of their business but are clueless on how to relate with others in a non-transactional way. If that is you, I’ve got some tips to help you. If that is you, I’ve got some tips to help you.
In this article, we are going to talk about why it is hard for some business owners to relate to others in a friendly, platonic way and how you can find new friends.
Why is it difficult to find or maintain healthy relationships?
Let’s get real for a moment. Navigating the ins and outs of relationships, whether romantic or not, can be tough, even for those who think their childhood was ‘normal.’
I can totally relate because, for the longest time, I let others decide if they wanted to stick around in my life. I was picked, you know? But once I started getting on their nerves or not doing everything they wanted, poof, I was out.
Sound familiar?
Trying to hold together a house of cards
I’ve talked to many business leaders who got caught up in messy relationships with folks acting a bit weird, you know, being all over the place or just thinking about themselves.
When everything settled or fell apart, they were left wondering, “What just happened?” It’s super hard to keep good relationships when everything’s as shaky as a house of cards.
Trying to help people who often face problems might mean you’re codependent on them, feeling okay with yourself as long as they were okay with you.
Or it could be “pathological altruism.” This is when you try to do good things, but it ends up causing unexpected problems. In the video below, Barbara Oakley, an Associate Professor of Engineering at Oakland University, discusses pathological altruism. It is definitely worth watching.
While it may seem like we’re the only ones experiencing the discomfort of creating and maintaining healthy relationships, I’m here to reassure you that you are not alone. Many people suffer silently, and few discuss it openly. And on top of that, you may have felt safe if you struggled to communicate your feelings with a past or present lover.
In the next section, we will explore eight common reasons why some of us find it challenging to connect and maintain healthy friendships.
Eight (8) reasons why it is hard to find healthy relationships
Below are some reasons why people who have faced traumatic or recurrent stressful situations find it difficult to make and keep healthy friendships.
1. Trust issues
Childhood trauma often involves a breach of trust, whether it’s through abuse, neglect, or other forms of mistreatment. Survivors may find it difficult to trust others, fearing that they might be betrayed or hurt again.
2. Low self-esteem
Trauma can negatively impact a person’s self-esteem and self-worth. Survivors may struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, or inadequacy, making it challenging for them to believe that others would want to be friends with them.
3. Social anxiety
Trauma can lead to the development of social anxiety or fear of social interactions. Survivors may worry about being judged, rejected, or criticized, making it hard for them to initiate or maintain friendships.
4. Difficulty expressing emotions
Childhood trauma can interfere with the development of emotional regulation skills. Survivors may find it challenging to express their emotions or connect with others on an emotional level, which is essential for building close relationships.
Now is the time to step into the safe zone where we are honest with ourselves so that we can be honest with others.
5. Attachment issues
Trauma can disrupt the formation of secure attachments in early childhood. As a result, survivors may struggle with forming healthy and secure connections with others later in life.
6. Boundary issues
Trauma can impact an individual’s ability to establish and maintain appropriate boundaries in relationships. Survivors may struggle with setting boundaries or recognizing when others are overstepping, leading to difficulties in forming healthy friendships.
7. Repetition of patterns
Some survivors may unknowingly repeat patterns of behavior learned during their traumatic experiences. This can result in difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy relationships, as they may unintentionally recreate dynamics from their past.
8. Isolation
Coping mechanisms developed during childhood trauma might include withdrawing from others or avoiding social situations. This isolation can persist into adulthood, making it difficult for survivors to engage with new people.
How we stay feeling alone for years, if not decades despite “looking” for new friendships?
Before I go into the part of the article where we talk solutions, I want to explain a little bit more about why so many of us have all the head knowledge about healthy friendships, but few of us don’t really have healthy friendships or connections. This is important so that you don’t find yourself repeating a death loop of pain and confusion.
Now is the time to step into the safe zone where we are honest with ourselves so that we can be honest with others. And one way we can be honest is to be honest about how the intentions of interactions online and the real world. Next, let’s discuss how some of us have settled for inauthentic online relationships.
Settling for fake online relationships
This is the part of the article where I get real about myself. For many years, to find comfort, I scrolled through social media posts of fellow childhood abuse survivors. You know, those posts that tell us we’re victims and that we should never forgive those who hurt us.
But if I were really honest, there’s was a small part of me that:
- did not know what makes a healthy relationship,
- could not spot when things are going south, or
- struggled to set and stick to personal boundaries.
(I mean, what are boundaries if we’re always doing what others want, just to avoid being rejected?)
Feeling uneasy about making decisions in our relationships is totally normal, especially if we grew up without seeing healthy communication in action.
You have the say on who comes in, who stays, and who fits into this season of your life.This isn't about cutting ties out of the blue. It's about growing up, being a responsible adult.
Its normal to not trust your feelings if you’ve been programmed to distrust them.
Yep, it’s normal!
Your “DON’T THINK” life script (check it out here) is still doing its thing from your childhood and will keep going until the end. But here’s the deal – you don’t have to stay stuck like this forever.
Back in the day, it was easy to get mixed up with anyone who gave us attention.
But now, we’ve got the power to decide if someone is worth our time. Or, we need to step up our emotional game and realize not everyone can play every role in our lives.
You have the say on who comes in, who stays, and who fits into this season of your life.This isn’t about cutting ties out of the blue. It’s about growing up, being a responsible adult.
Sure, it takes some effort. But believe me, it’s totally worth it. In the next section, we will talk about dropping all those fake friendships that are based on unhealed wounds and creating real, authentic friendships where you find people who want to uplift and support you.
6 tips on how you can meet new friends in the real world
If you are attempting to break away from the computer and connect with real people in the real world, here are six tips that will help you.
1. Practice Being Friendly in Public
For many of us who have experienced chronic stress, we might believe that nobody wants to talk to us. Not true! While some people may seem to have a permanent rain cloud over them, others genuinely enjoy friendly conversations. Be approachable by smiling and making eye contact with whoever passes you in public.
So, when you spot someone you’d like to get to know better, greet them with a smile. It’s akin to extending a warm welcome.
We’re not attempting to intrude into people’s lives; we’re simply testing the waters and gauging if they are approachable.
2. Initiate Conversation with Approachable People
If someone looks friendly, strike up a conversation! You can ask them simple questions, like how their day was, or comment on the weather or something happening around both of you.
A simple question like, “Hey, how was your day?” can open a door to share thoughts and stories. Then, based on their response, you can see whether there is an opening for more conversations.
3. Listen Actively
Too many of us are guilty of wanting to speak more than listening. But when we are so focused on getting our thoughts across, we miss the opportunity to learn more about the person and whether we want to pursue a relationship with them. While we may feel giddy and anxious to get our thoughts heard, remember the other person is also feeling that way too.
One way we can practice active listening is by repeating back what we heard from them and expanding on their ideas.
For example, if they said, “I really like going to Sci-Fi events,” you can respond saying, “Well, I am interested in that new flick by so and so” or “I am not into sci-fi, but I really love the idea of exploring new ideas from this X person.” Show that you are not using the person to pass the time but that you genuinely enjoy them and their company.
Relationships grow step by step, just like a flower grows from a seed. Take it slow, enjoy the process, and watch the connection bloom.
4. Be Yourself
It is tempting to want to appear as someone smart, sophisticated, worldly, or whatever… but the fact of the matter is that all of us are trying to feel important to someone for some reason.
The truth is, you are important! You have value! Nobody needs 4,000 clones of the same type of people running around. Healthy relationships can be based on people-pleasing. Eventually, someone will notice that you can’t or won’t share all the same interests as them. Be honest about your interests and passion and free yourself from the fear of not measuring up.
5. Invite to Activities
If you seem to be getting along well, take the next step and invite them to an activity. It could be as simple as grabbing a snack or going for a walk together. Make sure the activity is connected to something they spoke positively about. For example, if you mentioned going to a political protest rally and they roll their eyes, it’s a good indication that this is something they aren’t interested in doing with their free time.
6. Respect Boundaries
Even if you are getting along, sometimes the person doesn’t want to develop a healthy relationship with you, and it could be for some reason or no reason at all. They may say something cheesy like, “Oh, I need to feed my goldfish or walk my dog.” Instead of trying to push through and convince them you are worth their time, say okay, provide them with your contact information if they want it, and let it be.
Respecting boundaries is something that safe people do. We are giving them the freedom to choose how close or far they want to be in the friendship.
Remember, relationships grow step by step, just like a flower grows from a seed. Take it slow, enjoy the process, and watch the connection bloom. These tips are summarized in the image below. In the next section, I will share my final thoughts on creating platonic relationships.
Final Thoughts
Developing friendships is not an easy process, but it just takes some effort and patience on your end. With each person, you will learn more about yourself and the quality of relationships you want to have. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you need help.
What are your thoughts about starting platonic relationships? Let me know via X. We get better when we break free from the fear that “nobody gets us” or that we will be judged. You’re not going to get that noise from me, by the way.
