A plant with some green leaves and the words how to embrace authenticity

The Power of Authenticity: Embracing Your True Self

Emotional Regulation / Mindset / Trauma Healing
Reading Time: 7 minutes

On most days, do you feel happy and able to see things objectively without fears and anxieties gnawing away at your confidence? Unfortunately, too many of us have an inner voice that is hellbent on destroying anything good for ourselves.

As a business and life coach, I want to help you live a happy and productive life. In this article, we’ll discuss the reasons behind unhelpful and unproductive thoughts so that you can finally be the real and authentic version of yourself.

Happiness in all the wrong places 

Authenticity is never found through settling

Have you ever noticed that most items at a grocery store have an expiration date? Unless you want to get sick, you must throw away or use a product by a certain date. Well, the same thing goes for some of our relationships.

You may be in a toxic relationship, despite the mental pain and strain. This can happen when either you or your partner emotionally abandons the relationship and stays together solely for business, financial reasons, children, or any other reason. 

Perhaps your love life is good, but you have disrespectful and unproductive team members, yet you keep them on the payroll because you think “the devil known is better than the unknown.” Yet each month, you dread talking with them about yet another performance-related issue.

Why is it hard to leave a soul-sucking situation?

The real question is: why do you rely on things that do not bring you real satisfaction? Why do you return to destructive patterns that consistently disappoint in the long run? You do this for two reasons.

1. It is all you know.

You have observed your parents, siblings, or other people of close influence for many years, and there has never been a contradictory example. 

The thought of challenging your life script (all the instructions that you inherited from family, friends, religion, etc.) may be too scary, so you let the misery swallow you alive. Besides, everyone you know is going through the same types of situations, so it must be “normal.” While your way of living life may be considered normal, it is neither healthy nor necessary.

2. Addiction to stress, drama and pain

Yes, you receive too many chemical hits from the reward of pain. Have you ever felt a surge of adrenaline when you received distressing news? Suddenly, you feel a jolt of energy as if you are able to run the Boston Marathon. 

Your body surges stress-related neurotransmitters like norepinephrine and is in a full sympathetic response. It is ready to go and fight those “sons of guns” or whoever is threatening you. Instead of fighting saber-toothed tigers like your ancestors, you are fighting for more loyal social media followers, more money, and increased prestige.

Moreover, when someone is boosting your sense of worth, it feels good and you don’t want it to stop. The problem is that you need more and more hits to feel good. In addiction parlance, this is called “tolerance” and you can never find complete satisfaction. This is sad but too many people are trapped under this spell.

If you’re reading this article and thinking, “Uh, Denise! Are you talking about my life?” then keep reading. Next, we will discuss how you can improve your mindset and live an emotionally healthy and authentic life.

How to find authenticity within you

Below are the steps you need if you want to be happy and live a life where you do not fear being honest with yourself and others.
 

Step one: Authenticity requires you change your inner dialogue

Healing and recovery from addictions, trauma, depression, and anxiety will force you to change your narrative. As mentioned earlier, since you were little, your role models (parents, close friends, family, educators, etc.) have been telling you a lot of rules:
 
  • What should be done.
  • How life should be lived.
  • What to expect if you do this or that. 
You may have tried so hard (heaven knows how dedicated you were) to live up to those rules. It was all a part of your life’s script.
 
But trying to accept rules that betray your soul will only lead to: 
  • Sickness 
  • Tiredness 
  • Anxiety 
  • Fear 
  • Loneliness 
  • Isolation 
  • Depression 
  • Aggression (yes, it includes you, Ms. or Mr. Passive-Aggressive).
 
Rather than confronting those erroneous beliefs, you double down hard on them because you do not want to think that your life was a giant mistake. I get that feeling because I lived it for decades myself.
 
But if you want healing, it will take bravery on your part. Ask yourself, “Is what I am thinking and how I am behaving working well for my spiritual, physical, and emotional health?” Just something to think about.

Step two: Authenticity requires that you believe in yourself even if you feel alone

As a recovering addict, I know BS when I hear it – especially when it reinforces the idea of hopelessness. Yes, some of us have really messed up. We may have lost our jobs, spouses, reputation, money, and even our homes because of addiction.

I am not even going to pretend that seeing the look of fear and disgust from a family member’s face doesn’t feel like a sucker punch to the gut. However, it’s important to remember that recovery is possible, and believing in ourselves is a crucial step in that journey. 

Even when if you feel alone, you have to stay strong and trust yourself. By doing so, you can eventually regain the trust and love of your family and friends.

You are reading this message from someone who:

  • had multiple unsuccessful suicide attempts
  • could have been jailed based on my risky sexual behavior
  • was forced out of a job in part due to my mental illness

No matter how far you have slid down, there is a ladder nearby to help you get back up. But every time you speak poorly about yourself, you are holding yourself back and making your life feel harder.

As long as you are breathing, you have a second chance. Believe in yourself and keep persevering. Recovery and healing are possible.

As you continue to invest in yourself, you will gain more clarity about your needs, and your needs will always direct you towards the path of authenticity.

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Step three: Authenticity requires investing in yourself

Too many of us are waiting for something to happen before we can be honest and real with others. It is as if we are waiting for permission from someone important. Perhaps you were raised in a performance-oriented environment where you were only acknowledged when we did or said something “good.” 
 
You may not think you deserve anything good unless you hit some milestone or goal. I get that line of thinking.
 
For many years, I suffered from shoulder and neck pain. I tried to cope with it using pills, ice packs and countless gadgets. However, I knew that massage therapy would help, but I didn’t think I deserved it because I wasn’t making “enough” money. The fact is, I could afford massage therapy, but I spun all sorts of tales in my mind because I was operating from a performance mindset. 
Perfectionism: The ultimate saboteur to authenticity. 

Let’s talk about perfection and why it prevents you from being the real and authentic version of you. When you are busy trying to be perfect and flawless, others will never allow you to be able to understand who you are and help you when you need it the most.

Teresa (not her real name) is a client of mine who always tried to be everything for everyone. As a people-pleaser, she never wanted to inconvenience anyone with her problems. Thus, when she woke up one day with sudden trouble seeing in her left eye and struggled to walk, but she didn’t want to “bother” her adult children who lived nearby. Instead, she called 911 and allowed strangers to rush her to the hospital. Unfortunately, Sandy’s stroke was so severe that she could barely speak for the first year in recovery. 

Sandy’s adult children couldn’t fathom why she couldn’t reach out to them in her hour of need. I wasn’t surprised. Sandy couldn’t bear the thought of being vulnerable and needing help.

Side bar note: Stroke is the third leading cause of death in women, and it kills more women than men. In fact, one in five women will have a stroke, according to the American Stroke Association.

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness
Do you need help, but are you afraid of showing your vulnerable side to others? This is hard if you have a history of your trust being misused. However, the only way you can heal is to invest in trustworthy people who demonstrate the ability to help you in your area of need. 
 
Caution: Please don’t expect perfection where none exists.
 
Everyone, including you, is imperfect and makes mistakes. Nevertheless, communicating your needs is the only way that you can resolve your emotional and physical pains. 
 
As you continue to invest in yourself, you will gain more clarity about your needs, and your needs will always direct you towards the path of authenticity.
A plant with some green leaves and the words how to embrace authenticity

Final thoughts on authenticity

You have a choice. You can read this article and say, “Well Denise, that’s all good but I don’t do anything different because…” or you can say, “Denise, I need to change x, y, or z in my life so that I can live a happy and authentic life.” Whatever you choose to do, make sure that it comes from a place of love, not fear.

Authenticity requires honesty about yourself and the quality of your life. If you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out to me.

Dig deeper: Click here to listen to this episode from my podcast about perfectionism or press the play button below.

Picture of Written by Denise G. Lee

Written by Denise G. Lee

Hey there! Since 2013, I’ve been a Healing and Leadership Coach helping leaders stop the chaos and start thriving. From trauma and anxiety to all the messy stuff life throws your way, I’m here to dish out a mix of psychology and real-talk with zero fluff. If you're ready to drop the excuses and lead with purpose, it's time to 'Heal, Grow, and Lead'—because, let’s be real, thriving isn't just for everyone else. It's your turn, too.

DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT PROVIDE MENTAL HEALTH ADVICE

The information in this article is for informational purposes only. No material in this article or website is to be a substitute for professional medical and/or mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before undertaking a new health care regimen, and never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you read from me or anyone else online.

Also, this article is not designed to diagnose or treat you or anyone with a suspected mental health illness. Please, if you need help, seek appropriate help from a lawyer, health care provider or law enforcement officer.

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