On most days, do you feel happy and able to see things objectively without fears and anxieties gnawing away at your confidence? Unfortunately, too many of us have an inner voice that is hellbent on destroying anything good for ourselves.

As a business and life coach, I want to help you live a happy and productive life. In this article, we’ll discuss the reasons behind unhelpful and unproductive thoughts so that you can finally be the real and authentic version of yourself.

Happiness in all the wrong places 

Have you ever noticed that most items at a grocery store have an expiration date? Unless you want to get sick, you must throw away or use a product by a certain date. Well, the same thing goes for some of our relationships.

You may be in a toxic relationship, despite the mental pain and strain. This can happen when either you or your partner emotionally abandons the relationship and stays together solely for business, financial reasons, children, or any other reason. 

Perhaps your love life is good, but you have disrespectful and unproductive team members, yet you keep them on the payroll because you think “the devil known is better than the unknown.” Yet each month, you dread talking with them about yet another performance-related issue.

Why is it hard to leave a soul-sucking situation?

The real question is: why do you rely on things that do not bring you real satisfaction? Why do you return to destructive patterns that consistently disappoint in the long run? You do this for two reasons.

1. It is all you know.

You have observed your parents, siblings, or other people of close influence for many years, and there has never been a contradictory example. 

The thought of challenging your life script (all the instructions that you inherited from family, friends, religion, etc.) may be too scary, so you let the misery swallow you alive. Besides, everyone you know is going through the same types of situations, so it must be “normal.” While your way of living life may be considered normal, it is neither healthy nor necessary.

2. Addiction to stress, drama and pain

Yes, you receive too many chemical hits from the reward of pain. Have you ever felt a surge of adrenaline when you received distressing news? Suddenly, you feel a jolt of energy as if you are able to run the Boston Marathon. 

Your body surges stress-related neurotransmitters like norepinephrine and is in a full sympathetic response. It is ready to go and fight those “sons of guns” or whoever is threatening you. Instead of fighting saber-toothed tigers like your ancestors, you are fighting for more loyal social media followers, more money, and increased prestige.

Moreover, when someone is boosting your sense of worth, it feels good and you don’t want it to stop. The problem is that you need more and more hits to feel good. In addiction parlance, this is called “tolerance” and you can never find complete satisfaction. This is sad but too many people are trapped under this spell.

If you’re reading this article and thinking, “Uh, Denise! Are you talking about my life?” then keep reading. Next, we will discuss how you can improve your mindset and live an emotionally healthy and authentic life.