How to Live an Authentic Life (Even If You Feel Stuck)
- Updated: April 9, 2025
Do you ever feel like you’re living someone else’s life—smiling on the outside, but carrying a quiet dread underneath? Maybe it’s anxiety, people-pleasing, or just the pressure to be “good enough.” Whatever it is, that inner voice constantly questions your worth and makes it hard to feel like you.
As a healing and leadership coach, I’ve seen how deeply this disconnect affects our health, relationships, and purpose. In this article, we’ll explore why you stay stuck in patterns that don’t serve you—and how to finally break free so you can live with authenticity, clarity, and emotional peace.
Why an Authentic Life Matters for Leaders and Business Owners
In the world of leadership and business, it’s easy to get caught up in appearances—metrics, titles, income goals, and curated personal brands. But if you’re not living an authentic life, all of that success can start to feel hollow.
An authentic life means you’re making decisions based on your values, not just expectations. It means showing up with integrity, not performance. And that’s not just a “nice to have”—it’s essential.
“You can’t lead others from a place you haven’t gone yourself.”
— Brené Brown
Here’s why authenticity is a game-changer for leaders:
1. Authenticity builds trust
Whether you’re managing a team or serving clients, people can feel when you’re not being real. Leading from a place of truth invites others to do the same. It creates safety, loyalty, and long-term relationships—not just transactions.
2. It protects your mental and emotional health
When you’re living a double life—professional on the outside, disconnected or burned out on the inside—it takes a toll. Emotional exhaustion, imposter syndrome, and decision fatigue thrive in environments where authenticity is absent.
🔍 According to a 2023 Gallup report, only 24% of employees strongly agree that their leaders are transparent and authentic—yet those who do report significantly higher engagement, retention, and psychological safety.
3. It sharpens your focus
An authentic life helps you stop chasing shiny distractions. You become more clear about who you are, what you offer, and who you serve best. That clarity drives better decisions—and ultimately, better results.
4. It sets the tone for your entire culture
Your energy and example ripple through your business. If you’re disconnected from yourself, your team will be too. But when you operate from a grounded, honest place, you create a culture where others are empowered to do the same.
Living an authentic life isn’t just about feeling good—it’s about leading well. And that starts by making space for your real self to emerge.
Some of us are really afraid of disappointing.
— Denise Lee (@DeniseGLee) July 12, 2023
Disappointing others, yeah.
But the person we fear disappointing the most is ourselves.
So we delay.
Procrastinate.
Make excuses so lame that even we don’t really believe.
And I can’t blame you for the fear of disappointment.…
When Settling Becomes the Norm: Why We Stay Stuck
You can’t live an authentic life while staying in places that drain your energy and rob you of peace. Whether it’s a toxic relationship, an underperforming team, or a friendship that feels more like a transaction—settling always has a cost.
We like to think we’re being logical or loyal, but often we’re just afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of uncertainty. Afraid to ask, “What do I actually want?”
Think about it like this: most items at the grocery store have an expiration date. If you ignore the label and eat it anyway, you might get sick. The same principle applies to relationships, roles, and routines. Some of them have quietly expired, but we keep forcing them to stay on the shelf.
Maybe you’re still in a marriage or partnership that’s been emotionally dead for years, staying only because of finances or the kids. Or maybe your team includes someone who constantly underdelivers, but you keep telling yourself, “Well… at least I know what to expect.” Meanwhile, resentment builds.
So, why is it so hard to let go of what’s not working?
1. It’s All You Know
Many of us are following a life script we didn’t write.
You grew up watching parents or caregivers stay stuck in patterns that never got questioned—patterns shaped by survival, shame, or silence. Over time, those patterns become your normal. And when everyone around you shares that same “normal,” it doesn’t feel toxic… it just feels familiar.
But familiar doesn’t mean healthy. And it definitely doesn’t mean necessary.
2. You’re Addicted to Stress and Struggle
Yes—addicted. You might not be chasing alcohol or pills, but your nervous system has learned to crave chaos.
That jolt of adrenaline when someone disappoints you again? That spike of cortisol when you check your bank account? Those chemical hits become a loop. You feel alive, even if it’s miserable. And the more you feed the cycle, the more your tolerance builds.
Instead of sabertooth tigers, you’re fighting deadlines, likes, and unread emails. But your body doesn’t know the difference—it just stays on high alert, and peace starts to feel boring.
If you’re reading this thinking, “Denise, are you spying on me?”—just breathe. You’re not broken. You’re conditioned.
The good news? You can unlearn what was never yours to carry. And the first step to breaking free is realizing that settling isn’t noble—it’s expensive. Your time, your joy, and your authenticity are too valuable to waste.
Next, I’ll walk you through how to rebuild from the inside out so you can finally live an emotionally healthy and authentic life—not just one that looks good on the outside.
3 Steps to Reclaim an Authentic Life
Living an authentic life doesn’t start with branding or boundaries—it starts with how you treat yourself. Below are three transformative shifts that will help you stop performing and start showing up fully.
Step 1: Rewrite Your Inner Script
From a young age, we’re fed rules: what success looks like, who we should become, and what’s expected to be “good.” These scripts often come from well-meaning parents, teachers, or cultural messages—but they’re not always aligned with our truth.
When you follow a life script that betrays your spirit, you may find yourself battling:
Burnout and chronic fatigue
Anxiety and fear masked as ambition
Loneliness, even when surrounded by people
Depression or emotional numbness
Passive-aggressive resentment
You might cling to those beliefs because questioning them feels like unraveling your whole identity. But ignoring that misalignment costs you far more than facing it.
If you want to live an authentic life, ask yourself:
“Are my thoughts and choices serving my emotional, spiritual, and physical health—or are they just familiar?”
That one question can begin the undoing of decades of conditioning.
As you continue to invest in yourself, you will gain more clarity about your needs, and your needs will always direct you towards the path of authenticity.
Step 2: Believe in Yourself—Even in the Dark
When you’ve made mistakes—big ones—it’s easy to believe the lie that you don’t deserve a second chance. But recovery, growth, and healing aren’t reserved for the flawless. They’re for the honest.
I’ve lived this. I’ve been suicidal. I’ve made reckless decisions that could’ve cost me my freedom. I’ve been forced out of roles because of mental health struggles. And yet—I’m still here. Healing. Leading. Helping others do the same.
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to stop tearing yourself down. That internal cruelty? It’s not keeping you humble. It’s keeping you stuck.
As long as you are breathing, you still have the right to believe in yourself. That’s not delusion—it’s courage.
Step 3: Invest in Yourself Without Permission
Many high performers wait for a “milestone” before allowing themselves rest, pleasure, or help. I used to do it too. For years, I avoided massage therapy even though it could relieve my chronic neck pain—because I didn’t feel like I’d earned it.
That’s the trap of performance-based self-worth. It tells you that your needs are indulgent, your desires are distractions, and your pain must be endured.
It’s a lie.
Living an authentic life means meeting your needs as they arise—not once you’ve crossed some imaginary finish line. That includes asking for help.
Take my client Teresa (name changed). A lifelong people-pleaser, she downplayed serious symptoms and called 911 instead of asking her adult kids for support. The stroke was so severe that she couldn’t speak clearly for a year. When her kids asked why she didn’t call them, she admitted: “I didn’t want to be a burden.”
That’s not strength. That’s a trauma response.
🧠 Reminder: According to the American Stroke Association, stroke is the third leading cause of death in women. One in five women will have one.
Asking for help is not weakness—it’s wisdom. Your needs are not burdens. They are guideposts leading you toward a more honest and aligned way of living.
The image below sums up my steps. Next, I’ll share my final thoughts.
Final Thoughts
Every moment is a choice—stay stuck in patterns that betray your peace, or move toward a more authentic life where your needs, truth, and growth actually matter.
You can walk away from this article thinking:
“That’s nice, but nothing will change…”
Or you can ask yourself:
“What am I ready to release, so I can finally live like myself?”
Whatever you decide, make sure it comes from love, not fear.
If you’re ready to talk through what’s keeping you stuck—or want support reclaiming your voice and peace—I’d love to hear from you.
📬 Click here to write me and let’s take the next step together.
And if you want to dig deeper into the perfectionism trap, I recorded a podcast episode that unpacks how it keeps us disconnected from our real selves
🎧 [Click here to listen] or press play below.
And if you’re tired of doing this work alone, reach out. You don’t have to heal in isolation.
Let’s keep moving toward wholeness—together.
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