How to Live a Peaceful Life: Overcome Chaos & Find Inner Balance
- Updated: March 7, 2025
Peaceful life? But what does that even look like, practically? For some of us, it means we need to be honest about our lack of inner balance and perpetual attraction to madness and chaos.
As a healing and leadership coach, it’s my goal to help you cut out all the unnecessary things so that you can focus on things that help you professionally and personally.
In this article, we will discuss various forms of negative habits or behaviors that contribute to an unhealthy mental outlook.
Why Are We Drawn to Chaos?
There are many reasons why we are attracted to things that only bring us misery, procrastination, and fear. It is important to identify the things that are utterly insane and stop making excuses for them. Below are some of the reasons why we may feel like a dreary rain cloud is fixed over our heads.
An addiction to pain and drama
If you were raised in a chaotic home where pain and confusion were routine, dysfunction may seems normal. To be honest, in my childhood, there were rarely times when I didn’t hear my mother scream, yell, and in some cases, strip her clothes off and run around the house naked. It truly was the “little house of horrors.”
The alternative rock band Garbage wrote a song called, “I’m only happy when it rains.” It is a song about feeling content about misery and confusion. I could relate immensely to the lyrics.
Stress and confusion brought me comfort because scary and uncertain things felt normal in comparison to calm and predictability. That is why I worked in stressful jobs, attracted abusive lovers, and overworked in anything I did.
Helps avoid personal responsibility or unresolved issues
My former client, Meghan (not her real name), always had emergencies whenever we scheduled to discuss her sexual addiction and abuse issues. Either she had to take care of her daughter (even though her husband makes himself available to help when needed), or she had some unexpected project that needed her attention (even if it didn’t).
Meghan always had an excuse to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotional issues.
Can you relate to this type of behavior?
When everything is on fire, it is so easy to deflect from your personal responsibility or unresolved issues.
Your family (mostly your childhood caretakers) support it
My heart goes out to all the helicopter moms and dads. They have had such a painful experience in their early childhood that they had to extend their emotional burden onto their kids and anyone else who dares question their authority. Consequently, they need messes (mainly yours) to be cleaned up.
In any case, a person who is controlling and authoritative only feels good about themselves or others when they can find problems that need to be solved. Unfortunately, you may mistake their obsessive need for control as care and concern.
If one or both parents seem enthusiastic yet condescending about your problems, it’s important to pay attention. You may have an enabling relatives who only enjoys your company when you are in the midst of pain and misery.
You don’t have to life in chaos. There is a better way to respond to unpredictable people and events. In the next section, learn how you can live a peaceful life.
We get to question the messages our parents told us. We don't have to live crazily just because they did. Through our own design, our lives can be both calming and peace-filled.
Why Peace Feels Uncomfortable at First
You say you want peace. You crave a peaceful life free from stress, drama, and constant chaos. But when life finally slows down, and things start feeling stable, why does it feel… weird? Maybe even scary?
Here’s the truth: peace isn’t just about removing chaos—it’s about rewiring how you respond to life. If you’ve spent years dealing with stress, dysfunction, or high-pressure situations, then peace can feel unnatural at first. You might even find yourself creating problems just to feel “normal” again.
Let’s break it down.
1. Chaos Feels Predictable
Even if it’s miserable, chaos is familiar. You know how to function in stress mode. You know how to handle drama, put out fires, and push through exhaustion. But a peaceful life? That’s unknown territory. And let’s be real—the unknown is scary.
When things feel calm, your brain may start looking for danger—like something is about to go wrong. You might even create stress just to feel in control again.
2. Silence Forces You to Face Yourself
A peaceful life often comes with something that many people avoid—quiet. No distractions, no constant problem-solving, just you and your thoughts.
And if you’ve buried pain, regrets, or uncomfortable emotions under years of busyness, guess what happens? Those feelings start creeping back in. This is why some people fill every waking moment with noise—TV, social media, toxic relationships—anything to avoid being alone with their thoughts.
But here’s the thing: real peace isn’t just about quieting the outside world; it’s about finding peace inside yourself.
3. You May Feel Guilty for Choosing Peace
A peaceful life can feel like a betrayal if you grew up in dysfunction. If your parents, siblings, or friends thrive in chaos, you might feel like you’re abandoning them by choosing a different way of living.
You might hear voices in your head saying:
- “Who do you think you are to have an easy life?”
- “You should be struggling like everyone else.”
- “If you’re not constantly working or helping others, you’re selfish.”
These are lies. You don’t need to suffer to prove your worth. Choosing a peaceful life doesn’t mean you don’t care about others—it means you’re finally caring about yourself.
4. You’ve Been Rewarded for Overworking & Overgiving
If people have always praised you for being the “strong one,” the “problem solver,” or the “hard worker,” then slowing down can feel… wrong.
But here’s the truth: rest doesn’t make you lazy. Boundaries don’t make you selfish. Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care.
A peaceful life isn’t about doing nothing—it’s about doing what truly matters without sacrificing yourself in the process. In the next section, we will talk about how to do that.
Practical Steps to Create a Peaceful Life
Step Out of Drama: Let Go of the Savior, Victim & Persecutor Roles
Life can feel like a never-ending soap opera when you’re stuck in unhealthy patterns. You want a peaceful life, but somehow, drama keeps finding you.
In 1968, psychiatrist Stephen B. Karpman (influenced by Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis) introduced the Drama Triangle—a simple way to understand why people get trapped in toxic cycles.
Every chaotic situation needs three roles to survive:
- The Rescuer (Savior) – The one who swoops in to “save” others.
- The Victim – The one who feels powerless and helpless.
- The Persecutor (Bully) – The one who blames and criticizes.
Each person plays their part, keeping the cycle going. And guess what? It’s not random. It’s part of a life script—a set of unconscious beliefs and behaviors learned in childhood.
How Your Life Script Traps You in Drama
Think back to your early years. What messages did you absorb?
- “You have to take care of everyone else.” → You become the Rescuer
- “You’re weak and can’t do anything right.” → You settle into the Victim role
- “You have to be tough and call people out.” → You play the Persecutor
These roles repeat over and over in relationships, work, and daily life—unless you break the cycle and choose a new script.
Below is an explanation of each dramatic role.
One major reason we don’t have a peaceful life is that we unknowingly assign ourselves to dramatic roles. If we want to experience true calm, we must first let go of the belief that no one—including ourselves—is capable of self-care and personal responsibility. This also means recognizing when we are doing more harm than good, both to ourselves and others.
- Do you jump in to fix other people’s problems, even when they don’t ask? (Rescuer)
- Do you feel like life is unfair and nothing ever works out for you? (Victim)
- Do you criticize or blame others for their mistakes? (Persecutor)
The more you play these roles, the further you drift from a peaceful life. But here’s the good news: you can rewrite your script. And that starts with simplifying your life—clearing out the unnecessary chaos so you can finally focus on what truly matters.
Simplify Your Life: Focus on What Truly Matters
- Delegate tasks to your team members or hire a contractor.
- Pre-plan your activities rather than manically working all day, every day
- Master the Pareto Principle or 80/20 rule. This means examining which things in your life which are important and helping you or your goals.
Stop Procrastination & Face Challenges with Confidence
Final thoughts
Living a peaceful life is possible.
The first to step is to recognize insane behaviors and work towards identifying things that bring you calm and tranquility. That means stopping the excuses and start creating a structure that will help maintain or create a self-care plan that works for you. However, it is equally important to be flexible along the way and not expect miracles, as change takes time.
By using the steps I mentioned above, you can create real, lasting change in your life. And if you need guidance, I’d love to hear from you. Share your thoughts, struggles, or breakthroughs with me using [this link]—I personally read every response.
Dig deeper: Listen to this podcast episode by clicking this link or press the play button below.
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