How Trauma Shapes Personality: Are You a Fake Introvert or Extrovert?
- Updated: March 12, 2025
Can we talk about personality for a second? Specifically, I want to know if you consider yourself introverted or extroverted.
While you might have taken the Myers-Briggs or another personality test, I’m here to tell you that you may actually be a fake introvert or even a fake extrovert—what I sometimes call a faux-introvert or faux-extrovert. And yes, this is important information to know because how you interact with others will explain the quality and depth of your personal and professional relationships.
As a healing and leadership coach, I have seen many people ruin relationships because they were behaving inauthentically—out of alignment with their own values, goals, and ambitions. In this article, we’re going to break down introversion vs. extroversion and explain how trauma can reshape someone’s personality, often leading them to believe they are something they’re not.
First, let’s talk about the original definition of introversion and extroversion.
If you were raised in a pain-filled environment, your personality and life outlook may be less about your personality and more as a survival adaptation.
Origin of Introversion and Extroversion
Back in 1921, psychologist Carl Jung introduced the idea that people relate to the world based on their psyche—or in simpler terms, how their mind processes experiences. In his book Dreams, he described two personality types:
• Introverts focus inward, relying on their thoughts and emotions to guide them.
• Extroverts focus outward, drawing energy from people and the world around them.
Over time, this concept got boiled down to something even simpler: introverts recharge alone, while extroverts get their energy from socializing.
But what if that’s not the whole story?
What if your personality—how you act, how you see the world—isn’t actually your true self? What if it’s something you learned as a way to survive?
If you grew up in a stressful or unpredictable environment—where danger, criticism, or rejection was always lurking—you might have developed behaviors that weren’t about personality at all. They were about survival.
For example, you might think you’re an introvert because you prefer to keep to yourself. But what if being quiet was just a way to avoid conflict? Or maybe you see yourself as an extrovert, but deep down, your outgoing nature is just a cover for insecurity.
In the next section, we’ll take a deeper look at how trauma can shape personality—and why what you believe about yourself might not be the full picture.
Surviving by Adapting to Pain: A Lesson in Resilience
If you grew up in a painful or chaotic environment, your personality may not be a true reflection of who you really are. Instead, it might be a survival strategy—something you developed to protect yourself from emotional or physical harm.
For some people, this means becoming quiet and reserved to avoid conflict. For others, it means being loud and outgoing to distract from what’s happening inside. Either way, these behaviors aren’t necessarily natural—they’re protective shields. They help you navigate a world that once felt unsafe.
But what happens when the danger is gone? What if the way you’ve been acting for years—maybe even decades—isn’t who you truly are?
In the next section, I’ll share a bit of my own journey and introduce what I call faux-introversion and faux-extroversion—ways of being that are rooted in survival, not authenticity.
Your Greatest Performance Began in Your Childhood Home
The other day, I was talking with a client who insisted she was an introvert. But as I listened to her story, I saw something different. She had grown up with two alcoholic parents—an unpredictable, unstable environment.
She didn’t start out as an introvert. As a child, she was naturally fun, outgoing, and expressive. But in a home filled with chaos, she learned that being quiet and invisible was the safest option. Every time her parents drank, the atmosphere became volatile—cursing, shouting, objects flying. She realized that speaking up or drawing attention to herself would only invite more pain.
So she adapted. She became small. She blended in. And over time, she convinced herself that she was just “introverted.”
I can relate to this. For years, I did the opposite—I convinced myself that I was an extrovert.
How Trauma Creates a Flip Flop of Moods
For most of my life, I thought I was an extrovert. I talked fast, acted fast, and never stopped to think before reacting. I felt an overwhelming need to be seen—especially by men.
But when I started healing, everything changed.
Suddenly, I didn’t feel like talking all the time. I started overanalyzing my words, my actions, and how people might perceive me. Every little judgment or criticism—real or imagined—cut me deeply. I hesitated before speaking. I avoided certain people and situations.
Looking back, I see now that my flip-flopping between extroversion and introversion wasn’t me. It was trauma. It was a constant, unconscious attempt to protect myself—first by being seen, then by disappearing.
What I thought was my personality was actually just layers of pain, adaptation, and survival instincts.
Are You Representing Yourself—or Your Trauma?
Now, I want to ask you—how sure are you that the way you present yourself is really you?
Have you ever thought that maybe your personality—the way you interact with people, the way you handle stress, the way you move through the world—is actually a reaction to past wounds?
Maybe you hesitate to share your thoughts, not because you’re naturally quiet, but because you’ve been conditioned to fear rejection.
Maybe you force yourself to be the life of the party, not because you love socializing, but because deep down, you fear being alone.
In the next section, we’ll break down the faux introvert and faux extrovert—two personalities that aren’t rooted in authenticity, but in survival.
Because the real question isn’t, “Am I an introvert or extrovert?”
It’s, “Who am I when I feel safe?”
Surviving in a stressful environment requires incredible perception skills. You need to constantly read the room, sense changes in energy, and be quick to adapt, even to the intolerable conditions.
The Faux Introvert Personality
If you’re a faux-introvert, you didn’t start out that way. You learned to fear speaking up. Maybe as a kid, your words were met with silence, a sharp glare, or worse—yelling, hitting, punishment. Over time, you figured out that sharing your thoughts wasn’t worth the trouble. Safer to keep them locked away.
Therapist Claudia Black, in her book It’ll Never Happen to Me, talks about how kids adjust their behavior to survive in emotionally unsafe homes. One of the roles she describes is the “placater.”
She explains:
“At school, placater kids act just like they do at home. They’re sensitive and friendly, which makes them popular. Being a placater feels safe because they don’t have to show their real feelings. If they did, they’d have to face the truth and the pain that comes with it.“
Sound familiar? Faux-introverts learn early that blending in is the safest bet. They don’t rock the boat. They adapt to the moods, personalities, and expectations of those around them. But in doing so, they silence themselves. They trade authenticity for security.
Instead of raising the alarm when something feels wrong, they pull back—first physically, then mentally. They retreat into their heads, into books, into carefully controlled routines. But deep down, they’re not truly introverts. They’re just people who learned that being seen and heard wasn’t safe.
The Inward Escape: Finding Safety Within
Growing up, you may have felt ignored, dismissed, or even mocked for your thoughts and feelings. So, over time, you found safer spaces—reading, scrolling through social media, solo hobbies. These things felt predictable, unlike the messy, unpredictable emotions of other people.
If you were raised in an emotionally toxic or chaotic environment, you may have spent years—maybe even decades—convincing yourself that you were just a natural introvert. That being alone was simply who you are.
No, love—that’s a trauma response.
True introverts enjoy solitude, but they don’t need it to feel safe. They don’t shut down when it’s time to interact. They don’t feel panicked at the thought of expressing themselves.
It takes time to heal from old emotional wounds. But here’s the truth: conversation becomes easier when you feel safe. When you feel loved, understood, and appreciated, speaking up doesn’t feel like a risk—it feels natural.
Signs of the Faux Introvert
Maybe you are a natural introvert.
But maybe—just maybe—you’ve been using introversion as armor.
Here are some signs that what you call introversion might actually be self-protection in disguise:
- Slow to speak. Not because you’re naturally reflective, but because you fear judgment, misunderstanding, or appearing weak.
- Paralyzed by decisions. You hesitate—not out of careful thought, but out of fear of making the wrong choice. You search for risk-free solutions and end up stuck in procrastination.
- Under-stimulated. You avoid new experiences—not because you don’t enjoy them, but because predictability feels safer.
- Obsessed with control. You demand perfection and absolute certainty—not because you love structure, but because deep down, you fear loss, failure, or rejection.
But here’s the truth: Life isn’t predictable. People aren’t predictable.
Real healing begins when you learn to navigate connection without fear—when you stop hiding behind “introversion” and start embracing who you truly are.
If the world is a big stage, an abused child may be seen as an incredible actor. They can easily switch between emotions, laughing or crying whenever the need arises. They can quickly change their personality to fit any situation.
The Extrovert Mask: Was It Really Me?
For years, I proudly called myself an extrovert. I took personality tests and checked off every box that screamed, “Do you love being the life of the party?” Confirmation bias made sure I saw exactly what I wanted to see.
But now, after years of healing, I see things differently.
The truth? During my most chaotic years—when addiction had a grip on me—I wasn’t being an extrovert because it was who I was. I was running on fear, overstimulation, and a desperate need to escape myself. The last thing I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts, so I filled every moment with noise, people, and attention.
It wasn’t personality. It was survival.
Life of the Party or Convenient Scapegoat?
So, what’s a faux extrovert? Let’s break it down.
In It’ll Never Happen to Me, Claudia Black describes a role she calls the Acting Out Child—the family troublemaker, the one who keeps everyone distracted from the real problem.
She explains that when there’s a child in the family constantly in trouble—failing school, drinking too young, acting out—it gives parents an easy way to avoid looking at their own dysfunction. Instead of admitting that dad is an alcoholic or mom is emotionally unavailable, they focus all their attention on “fixing” the problem child.
Here’s a simplified version of what she says:
When there’s a kid causing trouble, parents might prefer to focus on them instead of admitting their own struggles. These kids often start drinking, using drugs, getting into fights, or engaging in risky behavior early. Many end up in trouble—with the law, in mental health facilities, or other institutions at some point in their lives.
Sound familiar?
When you’re deep in addiction—whether it’s alcohol, sex, drugs, or something else—it doesn’t just numb you. It makes it easier for the people around you to stay in denial. As long as you’re the problem, they don’t have to face their own.
And that’s how the cycle repeats—generation after generation.
So, Are You a Faux Extrovert?
Next, we’ll dive into the signs of a faux extrovert—someone who isn’t naturally outgoing but learned to be loud, visible, and socially “on” to survive. Because being the center of attention isn’t always about fun. Sometimes, it’s just another way to hide.
Signs of the Faux Extrovert
Just like the faux introvert, a faux extrovert may believe their outgoing nature is part of their personality—but in reality, it’s a survival strategy developed in response to trauma and chronic stress.
If you relate to the traits below, take a moment to reflect: Is this truly who you are, or is it how you learned to protect yourself?
1. Quick to Speak, Slow to Think
You talk fast, jump into conversations, and fill silences with words—not because you love talking, but because pausing feels dangerous. Deep down, you fear being perceived as weak, unprepared, or not in control.
2. Always in Motion, Never Slowing Down
You keep yourself constantly busy, tackling challenge after challenge. Slowing down feels unbearable, almost like something bad will happen if you stop. You may even call yourself “revolutionary,” always chasing big, risky moves—because the stillness brings discomfort you’d rather not face.
3. Addicted to Overstimulation
You crave excitement, unpredictability, and high-energy environments. Whether it’s socializing, work, or even relationships, you need constant motion to feel alive. The truth? This is often a response to fearing loss, rejection, or boredom—or avoiding deeper emotional wounds.
Is This Really You—Or Your Trauma Talking?
This is a lot to take in. Trust me, I get it. I didn’t want to believe it at first either.
But the truth is, many of us make major life decisions based on outdated survival mechanisms.
That means you may be oversharing, overcommitting, or pushing yourself into high-energy situations—not because they bring you joy, but because they help you avoid facing parts of your past that feel too painful to confront.
Take a moment. Reflect. Is your extroversion a genuine part of you, or is it a mask you’ve worn for so long, you forgot it was a mask?
Next up: Below is an image summarizing the faux introvert vs. faux extrovert. Then, I’ll share my final thoughts on how to break free from survival-based behaviors and step into your true self.
Final Thoughts
Recognizing how trauma shapes personality—and uncovering the signs of faux introversion and faux extroversion—can be a turning point in your healing journey.
If your childhood forced you to adapt in ways that don’t truly reflect who you are, know this: you are not broken, and you are not alone.
Self-awareness is the first step, and by reading this, you’ve already taken it. Now, the next step is seeking guidance, support, and real conversations about what’s next.
I’d Love to Hear from You
I invite you to write me. Whether you have a personal insight, a question, or just want to share your thoughts after reading this article, I’d love to connect. Send me a message and let’s talk.
And if you’re ready to go deeper, here’s how I can support you:
- Work with me as your healing and leadership coach. Together, we’ll explore how your past has shaped you and create a path toward healing and growth.
- Take my Life Script Questionnaire to gain insight into how your past influences your present.
- Listen to my podcast episode ”#391 – Are You a Pseudo Introvert or Extrovert?” for a deeper dive into this topic.
- Check out my conversation with Dr. Claudia Black, where we talk about healing after trauma.
It’s never too late to rediscover who you truly are and build relationships that feel real, fulfilling, and aligned with your authentic self.
