A yellow and white graphic with four tips to help you become more authentic.

The Authentic Life: 4 Tips on How You Can Be True to You

Question: Do you ever feel like you’re not being your true self?

Heaven knows I have felt this way. Maybe you’re going through the motions right now. On the surface, everything looks well. You are checking off all the boxes in the professional and personal arena, but something still feels off. If that is you right now, then you are in a safe place.

As a life coach for entrepreneurs, I am dedicated to helping you be the best version of yourself. In this article, we are going to talk about how you can be fully present and happier in each area of your life.

We will start by talking about the elephant in the room: How do I, Denise, handle saying things that may irritate, offend, or scare off people?

Saying the quiet part out loud

Every single workday, on I post/speak very unpopular stuff via my X social media account. Stuff that makes people shift uncomfortably as they read my words and want to scroll away. 

But here’s the thing: if I just posted popular stuff, I would die the slow, coward’s death of mediocrity. There is a quote that says, “A hero dies once, but a coward dies thousands of times.”

So many people are slowly dying now because they let their fears speak louder than their truth. I can’t do that anymore. I should know – my addiction caused me to accept the intolerable.  

Now, I find myself saying the quiet part aloud. I don’t do it for shock value but because it is what is in my heart. I am speaking so that I can keep my heart clean and work within my sense of values and purpose.

Question for you: Are you lying to yourself and others because you just want online popularity? If you are, then I ask you to wonder about the quality of relationships you have based on shallowness and superficiality.

If you are not offended and are serious about becoming the real you, continue reading as to how to boldly step into the real, authentic you. 

How you can become authentic in all areas of your life

So, you may be asking, “Denise, how do you avoid being shallow and become authentic?” That’s a great question! Here are some tips for being authentic:

  • First, get clear on who you are and what you want in life. 
  • Second, don’t adopt negative thoughts from others. 
  • Third, don’t try to do everything at once – take things one step at a time.
  • Fourth, accept that not everyone will like you or your work, no matter how hard you try to be gorgeous, stunning, and amazing.

Let’s dive into step one – gaining clarity about who you are and where you want to go in life.

Honesty is not always popular or common in our society, but I believe it to be essential. It can be difficult to be genuine in a world that often operates on deceit. Standing out as yourself may feel like a unique presence amidst the rest.

Tip 1: Get clear on you and your life

So many of us are operating off the life script of our caregivers, close friends, and mentors. However, every time we follow the steps of others without considering our skills, interests, temperament and values, we are slowly chipping away at the quality of our lives. 

No wonder so many of us self-medicate using substances like food, booze, or pills or waste thousands of dollars in meaningless “entertainment.”

Now is the time to get clear on you. 

If you need a refresh and reboot, here are some things to help you:

  • Think about your values and what is important to you.
  • Consider your strengths and weaknesses.
  • Identify your interests and passions.
  • Get inspiration from books, podcasts and courses, and people you admire.

Remember, it’s okay to reassess and make changes as you grow and evolve through each of these steps. Stay committed, and don’t be discouraged by setbacks. 

In the next section, we will talk about how to avoid having your mind contaminated by contrary thoughts and ideas.

Tip 2: Don’t adopt anyone’s mental trash

Are you letting trash fill up your mind? Have you ever met someone whose words completely contradict your core values and mission? 

I certainly have. 

In fact, it happened just to me the other day. Allow me to provide you with a brief account of what I recently heard from an individual consumed by anger and criticism.

Tsbd s$# ! AND 1iods and you should DLksd sf ckf!” 

Yes, you read that correctly. I was subjected to nonsensical garbage that doesn’t warrant repetition. It was pure gibberish.

Filter out the nonsense from your life

The truth is, you may be exposed to such nonsense throughout your day, every day. All in the pursuit of people-pleasing and driven by insecurities, you may be absorbing opinions from individuals who, despite having good intentions, lack the necessary qualifications to speak into your life.

You are listening to folks who are unaware of the intricacies of your business and lack the desire to comprehend your unique circumstances. Yet, they feel entitled to spew out senseless “sk3iun 1kskw” rubbish.

Learn to filter out the trash and focus only on accumulating treasures or things that will help shift the direction of your life positively. 

This process of narrowing who influences you will help you stay real and authentic because it is aligned with your values and passions.

Stay focused on your strengths and interests to support your passions. Not everyone who wants your attention will understand or care about you. It's important to prioritize and stay on track towards achieving your goals.

Tip 3: Stop trying to do everything, all at once

Many people try to be everywhere at once, seeking fame and all of the trappings that come with it. They strive to become social media stars, New York Times best-selling authors and make sure their kids are world-class athletes with potential for Ivy League universities. 

When things don’t happen quickly, they become angry and envious of those who have toiled away for years, if not decades, building upon their own fears and insecurities. 

If you can relate to this, here’s some advice: Stop trying to be everywhere. 

Part of the reason why you may not be seen as authentic is that you are trying to cast a wide net without having a central point of focus. 

Think about your favorite performer. They have a central focus, an area where they are best known for. Jennifer Lopez, for example, is an actress, singer, and dancer, but her dancing is what makes her shine. Find your own area and focus on it. 

Zoom in and calibrate your focus like a microscope, concentrating on one issue rather than multiple different specimens simultaneously.

In the next section, let’s talk about the most important way you can become more authentic: accepting that not everyone will like you or your agenda.

Your worth should not rely on others' opinions of your behavior. People can be inconsistent and may modify their viewpoints without warning or rationale.

Tip 4: Accept the fact some people aren’t going to like you or your stuff (no matter how hard you try to be sexy, beautiful and wonderful).

I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but your parents (if they have any sense) taught you that you are unique and gorgeous, and filled you with a sense of purpose and self-worth. You may have continued to hear this from well-meaning teachers, preachers, coaches, and mentors. However, despite their good intentions, something vital was left out. Not everyone has to like you or your opinions, and that’s understandable. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but some people may even resent you for speaking your truth, being inquisitive, and exploring what appears to be a “closed case.” To be genuine, you must accept that some people may not like what you have to say or do, so prepare yourself for that. If you want to be a happy person, there is no way around understanding this fact. If needed, remind yourself that your value comes from within. Repeat this thought 240+ times a day until it fully sinks in. The image below summarizes the four tips I mentioned above on how to become more authentic. In the next section, I will share my final thoughts.
A yellow and white graphic with four tips to help you become more authentic.

Final Thoughts

Being who you really are can be hard, but it’s worth it. You have to be brave and stand up for what you believe in, even when others disagree. Don’t worry about fitting in or pleasing everyone else. It’s better to be yourself and find your own way.

If you need help with this, don’t hesitate to contact me. My job is to support and encourage you as you discover who you are.

To learn more about being authentic, listen to this episode from my podcast. It has lots of great advice and ideas.