Trauma on Personalities: Faux-Extroverts and Faux-Introverts
- Updated: December 5, 2024
Can we talk about personality for a second? Specifically, I want to know if you consider yourself introverted or extroverted.
While you might have taken the Myers-Briggs or other personality test, I’m here to tell you that you may be a faux-introvert or faux-extrovert. And yes, this is important information to know because how you interact with others will explain the quality and depth of your personal and professional relationships.
As an healing and leadership coach, I have seen many people ruin relationships because they were behaving inauthentically to their own values, goals, and ambitions. In this article, we are going to compare introversion from extroversion and then explain how trauma can transform one’s personality.
First, let’s talk about the original definition of introversion and extroversion.
If you were raised in a pain-filled environment, your personality and life outlook may be less about your personality and more as a survival adaptation.
Origin of Introversion and Extroversion
In 1921, psychologist and psychiatrist Carl Jung introduced the concept of a person relating to the world from the perspective of their psyche or mind. In his book Dreams, he defined introversion as an “attitude-type characterized by orientation in life through subjective psychic contents” and extraversion as “an attitude-type characterized by concentration of interest on the external object.”
Over the years, this simple idea has been simplified: introverts find their energy from within, whereas extroverts use interactions with others as a source of energy.
But are you really an introvert or extrovert?
This is all well and good, but what if you had to adapt and survive in a stressful environment where you had to be on constant high alert for dangers, seen and unseen? How would that impact one’s behavior?
It’s not uncommon for trauma to shape how we interact with others and ourselves. In fact, it can deeply affect our personalities. For example, you may think you are an introvert, but find yourself energized around others. On the other hand, you may consider yourself an extrovert, but discover that your outgoing nature masks deeper insecurities.
Surviving by Adapting to Pain: A Lesson in Resilience
If you were raised in an environment filled with pain, I would argue that your personality and how you view life might not be a true reflection of who you are. Instead, they could be survival mechanisms. In other words, you learned to act in ways that you thought would keep you safe—ways that helped you cope with the emotional or physical challenges you faced growing up.
This adaptation might look different for each person. Maybe you became quiet and reserved to avoid conflict, or maybe you became overly outgoing to deflect attention from the pain inside. But whatever the case, your behavior wasn’t necessarily a natural expression of yourself—it was a way to protect your heart, your mind, or your spirit.
In the next section, I’ll share a bit of my own journey and offer examples of what I call faux-introversion or faux-extroversion—ways of being that may not be your true self but were developed out of necessity to survive.
Your Greatest Performance Began in Your Childhood Home
The other day, I chatted with a client who told me that she was an introvert. However, based on her past (she was raised by two alcoholic parents), I knew she was a natural extrovert. For sure, our personality is influenced by many factors, but her childhood forced her to behave in a certain way that betrayed her fun personality.
She learned, as a child, to keep herself invisible to prevent being seen by her often hostile and violent parents. This was especially true during one of their drinking spells when they would curse, throw objects and threaten violent acts against herself and her younger siblings. I can relate to this because for many years, I also falsely identified myself as an extrovert.
How Trauma Creates a Flip Flop of Moods
For many years, I genuinely believed I was an extrovert. I was quick to speak but slow to think, responding impulsively without pausing to consider my words or actions. My reactions seemed to switch from one emotional extreme to another, and I often felt overwhelmed by a need to be seen, especially by men.
But as I began my journey of healing and restoration, I retreated inward. The emotional landscape I once navigated so impulsively became an intense space of sensitivity. I began to notice every perceived judgment or critique, however small, and it would shake me to my core. I hesitated to speak in certain situations or even engage with certain people because I feared my already fragile self-esteem would be shattered.
Looking back on this flip-flopping of moods, I realize now that much of what I thought was my personality wasn’t authentic at all. It was a facade—a reflection of the pain and unresolved trauma I carried. My outward behavior was simply a response to the inner turmoil I had not yet confronted.
Are You Representing Yourself—or Your Trauma?
Now, I want to ask you—how certain are you about the way you present yourself to others? Are you sure it reflects who you truly are?
You might be surprised to learn that your personality could be a reaction to past wounds, rather than an authentic expression of your true self. Perhaps you’ve learned to hold back your thoughts, out of fear of rejection or judgment. Or maybe you’ve adopted an outgoing persona to hide deep-rooted insecurities.
In the next section, we’ll explore the traits of the faux introvert and extrovert, examining how both can be rooted in trauma, rather than genuine self-expression.
Surviving in a stressful environment requires incredible perception skills. You need to constantly read the room, sense changes in energy, and be quick to adapt, even to the intolerable conditions.
The Faux Introvert Personality
If you’re a faux-introvert, you may have learned to fear sharing your thoughts due to past experiences of being ignored, hit, beaten, or yelled at for speaking your mind. As a result, you may have learned to keep your thoughts to yourself.
In her book “It’ll never happen to me,” Therapist Claudia Black talks about how kids change their behavior to deal with stress from adults. One role she talks about is the “placater.” Here’s what she says about them:
“At school, placater kids act just like they do at home. They’re sensitive and friendly, which makes them popular. Being a placater feels safe because they don’t have to show their real feelings. If they did, they’d have to face the truth and the pain that comes with it.“
Safety is key for faux-introverts who cannot risk anything that would put a spotlight on their problems. That requires not making waves and adapting to everyone’s personality. Unfortunately, this self-betrayal is a denial of one’s authentic nature. Instead of sounding the alarms and alerting others to danger, they scurry away first physically, then mentally.
The Inward Escape: Finding Safety Within
You may have felt ignored, dismissed, or invalidated when you were younger. So, reading books, scrolling through social media and doing solo activities feel easier than dealing with confused, sad, and depressed people. Plus, it is more predictable to find comfort within yourself than to reach out to unpredictable and emotionally distressed people.
Considering the fact that you may have dealt with an emotionally toxic environment years, if not for decades, you may have decided that you were a natural introvert. No, love—that is a trauma response.
It takes time to heal from those old emotional wounds because the fact of the matter is it is easy to talk with people once you feel safe, loved, understood, and appreciated. Next, let’s talk about other signs of the faux introvert.
Signs of the Faux Introvert
While you may indeed be a natural introvert and identify with some or all of the traits listed below, please note that the faux introvert also uses these traits to adapt to traumatic and chronically stressful situations.
- Slow to speak. Fearful of being perceived as weak or receiving negative feedback from others.
- Unable to act. Fearful that decisions are irreparable or beyond repair. Because they are looking for risk-free solutions they are susceptible to procrastination and being chronically late to important meetings/deadlines.
- Under-stimulated. This person desires little to no excitement.
- Demand absolute predictability and perfection. This is unrealistic because we live in an unpredictable world with unpredictable people and outcomes. This desire comes from fear or something being taken away or some denial of pleasure.
If the world is a big stage, an abused child may be seen as an incredible actor. They can easily switch between emotions, laughing or crying whenever the need arises. They can quickly change their personality to fit any situation.
The Faux Extrovert Personality
As mentioned earlier, for many years, I prided myself as an extrovert. With the aid of confirmation bias, I would happily check off the boxes in personality tests asking, “Do you enjoy being the life of the party?”
Years later, I can honestly say that after years of trauma and recovery work, the last thing I wanted was to be the center of attention. My behavior, especially during my most active years of sex addiction and alcoholism, was fueled by fear and overstimulation.
Life of the Party or Convenient Scapegoat?
So, what’s a faux extrovert? Well, let’s think about it in simpler terms using “It’ll Never Happen to Me.” Claudia Black talks about what she calls the “Acting Out Child.”
According to her, this child becomes a convenient distraction for the family to avoid dealing with how alcoholism is hurting them. Here’s why, summarizing Black’s words: “When there’s a troublesome kid in the family, parents might find it easier to focus on that child and their problems instead of facing the fact that dad or mom has a drinking problem. These are the kids who struggle in school, get pregnant young, start drinking early, use drugs, and behave in ways society doesn’t accept. Sometimes, they end up in places like jail, mental hospitals, or other institutions at some point in their lives.“
When we are so used to using drugs, alcohol, or compulsive (fill-in-the-blank), it can make it easier for the people around us to deny or avoid their own problems. Sadly, this often leads to ongoing family issues and pain that can last for generations.
Next, let’s talk about the signs of the faux extrovert.
Signs of the Faux Extrovert
Similar to the introvert, while you may indeed be a natural extrovert and identify with some or all of the traits listed below, the faux extrovert also uses these traits to adapt to traumatic and chronically stressful situations. Please note this distinction.
- Quick to speak. This person is quick to speak due to their fear of being perceived as weak or losing control.
- Unable to slow down. They are unable to slow down, fearing that delayed decisions will result in irreparable harm. They refer to themselves as “revolutionary” and constantly seek out costly challenges.
- Over-stimulated. The person’s desire for constant excitement is rooted in a fear of loss or the denial of pleasure, causing them to seek unpredictability and lack boundaries of what is considered normal. The person lives life by the seat of their pants.
Final Thoughts
In conclusion, understanding the impact of trauma on personalities, and the concept of faux-introverts and faux-extroverts, can be a pivotal step towards personal growth and healing.
Your childhood experiences, especially in a stressful or painful environment, might have shaped a personality that doesn’t truly reflect your authentic self.
If you resonate with the descriptions of faux-introverts or faux-extroverts and recognize elements of your own behavior in them, there is hope. The first step towards happiness is self-awareness, and you’ve already taken that by reading this article. The next step is seeking guidance and support.
You Deserve Support: These Resources Can Help
I invite you to consider working with me, Denise, as your healing and leadership coach. I specialize in helping individuals navigate the complexities of trauma and personal growth. Together, we can embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing.
Also, consider learning more about life scripts and take my Life Script Questionnaire.
If you want to give deeper into this topic, I encourage you to listen to my related entrepreneurial podcast episode, “#391 – Are you a Pseudo Introvert or Extrovert?” Also, check out this conversation between myself and Dr. Claudia Black about seeking healing after a traumatic past.
Remember, it’s never too late to embrace your true self and build more meaningful relationships. Your authentic self is waiting to shine!
