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Peaceful Life: Obtain Inner Balance & Bid Farewell to Chaos!

Peaceful life? But what does that even look like, practically? For some of us, it means we need to be honest about our lack of inner balance and perpetual attraction to madness and chaos.

As a life coach for entrepreneurs, it’s my goal to help you cut out all the unnecessary things so that you can focus on things that help you professionally and personally.

In this article, we will discuss various forms of negative habits or behaviors that contribute to an unhealthy mental outlook.

A woman sitting on the grass with her back to us.

Why chaos is attractive?

There are many reasons why we are attracted to things that only bring us misery, procrastination, and fear. It is important to identify the things that are utterly insane and stop making excuses for them. Below are some of the reasons why we may feel like a dreary rain cloud is fixed over our heads.

An addiction to pain and drama

If you were raised in a chaotic home where pain and confusion were routine, dysfunction may seems normal. To be honest, in my childhood, there were rarely times when I didn’t hear my mother scream, yell, and in some cases, strip her clothes off and run around the house naked. It truly was the “little house of horrors.”

The alternative rock band Garbage wrote a song called, “I’m only happy when it rains.” It is a song about feeling content about misery and confusion. I could relate immensely to the lyrics.

Stress and confusion brought me comfort because scary and uncertain things felt normal in comparison to calm and predictability. That is why I worked in stressful jobs, attracted abusive lovers, and overworked in anything I did.

Helps avoid personal responsibility or unresolved issues 

My former client, Meghan (not her real name), always had emergencies whenever we scheduled to discuss her sexual addiction and abuse issues. Either she had to take care of her daughter (even though her husband makes himself available to help when needed), or she had some unexpected project that needed her attention (even if it didn’t). 

Meghan always had an excuse to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotional issues.

Can you relate to this type of behavior?

When everything is on fire, it is so easy to deflect from your personal responsibility or unresolved issues. 

Your family (mostly your childhood caretakers) support it

My heart goes out to all the helicopter moms and dads. They have had such a painful experience in their early childhood that they had to extend their emotional burden onto their kids and anyone else who dares question their authority. Consequently, they need messes (mainly yours) to be cleaned up.

In any case, a person who is controlling and authoritative only feels good about themselves or others when they can find problems that need to be solved. Unfortunately, you may mistake their obsessive need for control as care and concern.

If one or both parents seem enthusiastic yet condescending about your problems, it’s important to pay attention. You may have an enabling relatives who only enjoys your company when you are in the midst of pain and misery.

You don’t have to life in chaos. There is a better way to respond to unpredictable people and events. In the next section, learn how you can live a peaceful life.

We get to question the messages our parents told us. We don't have to live crazily just because they did. Through our own design, our lives can be both calming and peace-filled.

Steps to living a peaceful life

Remove yourself from the role of savior, persecutor or victim 

In 1968, psychiatrist Stephen B. Karpman (influenced by Eric Berne, founder of Transactional Analysis) created the Karpman Drama Triangle to explain what happens in most dramatic situations. Each role (prosecutor, victim and rescuer) is necessary in order to create and maintain chaos and instability in a relationship. 

Below is an explanation of each dramatic role.

A triangle with pictures of people in the middle and a person on top.
Karma Drama Triangle

Partly, Mostly the reason why we have drama in our lives is that we assign ourselves to one or many dramatic roles. If we want to be calmer, it requires surrendering the desire to feel as if nobody, including ourselves, is capable of self-care and personal responsibility.

Simplify your tasks

Too many of us make stuff insanely complicated. We have a way of taking a 20 minute task into a 2-day affair complete with flowcharts and spreadsheets and contingency plans. So, if you want to be calm and focused, you need to get rid of the things you don’t need and focus on what really matters.
Too many of us are guilty of working on things that are not urgent, ignoring the things which are important and multitasking along the way. Please, stop the madness!
Now is time to learn to:
  • Delegate tasks to your team members or hire a contractor.
  • Pre-plan your activities rather than manically working all day, every day
  • Master the Pareto Principle or 80/20 rule. This means examining which things in your life which are important and helping you or your goals. 

End procrastinating or avoidance

The reason why chaos and confusion reign is that we allow things to turn into epic disasters. We ignore team members who steal supplies or time and silence those who warn us of limited time or money for certain activities. Even worse, we criticize anyone who dares to provide us constructive feedback.
Beneath the resistance is a deep fear and even deeper lack of self-worth and confidence. We don’t want to get work done because we think we will mess it up. Unfortunately, avoidance and procrastination is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
To assist you, I have included the ‘Anti-Procrastination’ worksheet below. (My clients get this and many more worksheets by the way.) For each activity that you wish to avoid, list all the positive outcomes and their importance that you will receive from completing the activity.
A table with three different types of tasks.

Final thoughts

Living a peaceful life is possible.

The first to step is to recognize insane behaviors and work towards identifying things that bring you calm and tranquility. That means stopping the excuses and start creating a structure that will help maintain or create a self-care plan that works for you. However, it is equally important to be flexible along the way and not expect miracles, as change takes time.

By using the steps I mentioned above, you can ultimately create lasting and positive change in your life. And if you need help, don’t hesitate working with me.

Dig deeper: Listen to this podcast episode by clicking this link or press the play button below.

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